33 Ways to Seduce Kim Kibum 2/2
Jonghyun spends the following weeks getting shit-faced on makgeolli and wondering where he went wrong. He replays every single encounter he’s had with Kibum in his head, but he’s unable to trace exactly what he’s done that's made the other boy so upset.
He respects Kibum’s request though and makes a concentrated effort to avoid the other boy, ducking out of sight whenever he sees him on campus. In return, Kibum pretends to be unaware of his existence, which doesn’t make Jonghyun feel any less soul-crushingly insignificant. After pooling so much of his time and energy into ways to make the other boy notice him, Kibum’s feigned ignorance leaves Jonghyun feeling wretchedly dejected, like the last kitten left in a cardboard box at a sidewalk give-away.
At first, his friends are quick to offer their sympathy and consolation. After a while though, most of them tire of his pervasive gloominess. Even Jinki, one of the nicest guys Jonghyun has ever met, kicks him out of their apartment for what he terms “aggressive moping.”
“Where am I supposed to go?” Jonghyun cries as he’s shooed out the door.
“I don’t know!” Jinki says. “Just not here. I can’t study with you sulking and singing torch songs all day!”
Normally, Jonghyun would head over to his sister’s, but since she’s abandoned him to go do field research on the native flora of New Zealand-fucking plants-he hops on the subway and makes his way across the river to pay an old friend a visit.
When Jinah opens the door, she takes one look at him and says, “Oh, sweetie. Come in. I have scotch.”
Jonghyun considers Jinah his first real girlfriend though technically he dated another girl before her. He doesn’t think that one really counts since she broke up with him a week after getting together because he had accidentally bitten her while making out (Jonghyun tried explaining to anyone who would listen that he had been startled by the appearance of her yappy Pomeranian, but that didn’t stop people from calling him Piranha Kim for the rest of high school). He and Jinah had dated for a little over half a year and then called it quits. The break-up was amicable though, and Jonghyun still considers her one of his closest friends.
Under her surveillance, he spends most of the afternoon getting progressively drunker and telling her the sad story of his failed courtship with Kibum.
“I don’t understand,” he grouses, folding his arms on the table and resting his head on top. “It was never this hard getting anyone else to date me,”
Jinah pats him on the back. “It was probably for the best. If he doesn’t want you then he doesn’t deserve you."
Jonghyun shoots her a wobbly smile. “Thanks. I knew I could count on you for comfort.” He scowls. “My other friends won’t even listen to me anymore. One of them, Minho-total dick, don’t know why I’m friends with him-even puts his fingers in his ears and starts reciting classical poetry if I even mention Kibum.”
She laughs and pours him another finger of scotch. “I don’t blame them. I remember what you’re like when you get really depressed. You can be pretty unbearable.”
“Well, if you’ve been rejected thirty-three times you’d be a little unbearable too,” he mutters.
Jinah shakes her head. “I knew you were obstinate, but I’m still impressed you didn’t quit earlier.”
“Hey,” Jonghyun hiccups, “you rejected me plenty of times too. And we still got together in the end, didn’t we?”
“I rejected you twice,” she corrects. “That’s hardly plenty.” She reaches over and strokes his hair. “I have no regrets about saying yes though. You were a good boyfriend, Jonghyun. One of the better ones I’ve had.”
He leans into her touch, letting himself be petted. “I’m curious,” he slurs, “what made you agree to go out with me in the end?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think it must have been the chocolate cupcakes,” she says.
Jonghyun jerks up, his face a mask of horror. “Noona, those cupcakes were awful.”
“Yes,” she agrees, nostalgic. “They looked like little turds.”
“That’s what made you decide to go out with me?” Jonghyun inquires in disbelief. “Shitty cupcakes?”
She slaps him lightly on the arm. “No, it was the speech you made when you gave them to me.”
“What did I say?” His memory bank is currently too flooded with alcohol for him to recall.
“You said something along the lines of, ‘I made these cupcakes for you, but don’t eat them because you might die. I still wanted to give them to you though because although they’re toxic, I nearly amputated myself with an egg beater making them. That’s how much I like you, Jinah. I nearly lost a thumb for you. Please let me your boyfriend.’” She giggles. “You still had flour on your face and there was a piece of eggshell in your hair, and although all my friends thought I was nuts, I knew I’d regret it if I didn’t say yes. You were the most honest boy I’d ever met. Most guys would have to down a few drinks before they have to courage to say the things you did." She gets up from the table. "Speaking of drinks.”
Jonghyun watches her as she heads over to the fridge, returning a moment later with two bottles his favorite brand of soju.
“Noona,” he says adoringly, “you’re the best. Why did we ever break up again?”
“Because you found out you were more interested in dicks,” she coos, cracking open the first bottle.
~*~
It’s the end of the semester and Jonghyun is down to Plan 33, the final plan. He doesn’t put it into action though. It’s been months since he’s last talked to Kibum, and he’s finally starting to feel like he's ready to throw in the towel. He’s coming to terms with the probability that maybe Kim Kibum is best left as he is, a riddle that’s beyond his means.
He would have eventually succeeded in moving on if a break-through didn’t come from the most unlikely of places.
It happens when Minho's boyfriend visits one afternoon. Jonghyun knows through Minho that Taemin got accepted early into the dance department of a fine arts university on the other side of Seoul. This means that Taemin is pretty free for the rest of his senior year of high school, so Minho invited him to come visit him on campus.
They find Taemin waiting for them as they’re wrapping up their morning classes. The younger boy lights up the moment he catches sight of Minho and Jonghyun coming out of the lecture hall, getting up to bow slightly to Jonghyun as they approach.
“Hi,” he says, smiling shyly. “It’s good to see you again, Jonghyun-hyung.”
“You too, Taemin,” Jonghyun says, smiling back.
Minho ruffles Taemin’s hair. “Don’t I get a greeting too?”
“Not until you buy me lunch,” Taemin rebuffs cheerfully, sounding like there’s nothing he’d rather be doing than exploiting his boyfriend for food.
Jonghyun resigns himself to being their third wheel and joins them for lunch at the cafeteria. Minho and Taemin aren’t excessively touchy-feely and they’re not exactly making cow eyes, but the way they look at each other, with such incandescent happiness, makes Jonghyun sort of want to hurl his lunch tray at both their heads.
Half-way through their meal, Minho excuses himself to go talk to a group of soccer pals sitting on the other side of the cafeteria. From the way he’s violently gesturing, Jonghyun determines that he’s probably discussing strategies for their next match of the season.
Without Minho to distract him, Taemin finally has a chance to take note of Jonghyun’s forlorn expression.
"Um, are you okay, hyung?"
"Hm?" Jonghyun glances up from his plate of curry. The other boy is eyeing him with a look of deep concern.
Jonghyun has never really had the chance to get to know Taemin. He likes the kid well enough, but he’s always identified him as Minho’s jailbait boyfriend and just left it at that. Also, Minho-despite being usually mild-mannered-is a little psychotically protective of Taemin. The two met in middle school but had to part ways when they went into separate high schools. Taemin apparently had a rough time with bullies at his. Though the issue eventually got resolved and Taemin seems no more worse for wear as a result, Minho is still a bit scary when it comes to safeguarding the younger boy. He once got red-carded for stomping a guy’s testicles with his cleats because the other player had the gall to pinch Taemin’s ass before the game. Jonghyun saw the whole thing with Jinki from the bleachers, and the memory of the incident still makes his balls want to crawl inside his body for safety.
"You look a little down," Taemin explains. "You're usually not this... subdued."
“It’s nothing,” Jonghyun says, shoving his food listlessly on his tray.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Taemin presses.
Jonghyun scoffs. “I really doubt you can help.”
“Maybe I can’t, but I can still listen,” Taemin offers gently.
The other boy seems far too nice to mock him, and even if he has nothing to offer to the conversation, it can’t hurt to talk to him.
So Jonghyun confesses, “Seeing you and Minho together is sort of like pouring salt into an old wound for me.”
“So it’s a relationship problem?” Taemin asks.
“More like a lack of a relationship problem.” Jonghyun sighs. “Have you ever liked someone, someone so out of your league that you just knew he would never ever like you back?”
“Yes,” Taemin’s response is so immediate that it startles Jonghyun. He sees the younger boy’s eyes wander across the cafeteria to where Minho is still gesticulating wildly about some soccer maneuver or another. “And if that’s what’s bothering you, I’d say you’re underestimating yourself.”
“Yeah, well if you knew the guy I was talking about. You wouldn’t think that,” says Jonghyun morosely.
“Now, I’m getting curious about this guy. Is he like the president’s son or something?”
“No, though he might as well be,” Jonghyun responds. “He’s this art student, second year. And not only is his family’s rich as fuck, everyone he’s ever dated in the past seems to be either loaded, famous, or both.”
“Wait.” Taemin’s brows crease together. “Are you talking about Key?”
Jonghyun's head snaps up. "Key? You mean Kim Kibum?"
Taemin is a little taken aback by Jonghyun’s sudden, sharp interest. "Yeah, all his friends call him Key though.” Recognition lights up his eyes. “Wait, you’re the gnome guy? Key’s mentioned you.”
Jonghyun can’t even bother being offended at the moniker because he’s too busy being in shock. “You're friends with Kim Kibum?" he asks, gawking at the other boy.
"Minho didn’t tell you?” Taemin seems surprised. “My mom and Key's mom were in the same year at university. I've known him since-well, forever. We haven't been able to keep in touch much this past year though since I’ve been busy with school.”
Jonghyun feels a strong compulsion to gouge Minho’s frog eyes out with his chopsticks, which is of course why the taller boy chooses that exact moment to return to their table. He frowns as he catches sight of Jonghyun’s apoplectic expression.
“Are you okay? You look like you’re going to have a stroke.”
"You,” Jonghyun spits, “are officially the worst friend in the history of humankind. You knew your boyfriend was friends with the guy I’ve been chasing for the better part of a year and you didn’t tell me?”
Minho shrugs, unapologetic. "Taemin was studying for the suneung. He didn't need you bothering him with your crazy plans."
Taemin interjects, “What do you mean crazy plans?”
Before Jonghyun can explain himself, Minho responds, “He came up with thirty-three different ways to seduce Kibum. Guess how many of them worked? Zero.”
"Wow, that's sort of sweet,” Taemin remarks. Then he adds hesitantly, "And also really, really creepy, hyung."
"For your information,” Jonghyun snaps, still simmering over Minho’s epic doucebaggery, “thirty-two of them didn’t work. I’m down to my last idea." He sighs. "But at this point, I've decided to give up.”
“Really? Why now?” Taemin asks.
“Well the last time I talked him, he basically told me to fuck off, and I’m pretty sure he hates me now.”
“Oh, really?” Taemin seems confused. “Because the last time I talked to him, he sounded sort of fond of you in a weird way.”
“Really?” Jonghyun should not be feeling hope blossoming anew inside his chest, but he can’t help himself. He should seriously consider putting himself in some kind of rehabilitation center. He sure there’s a clinic out there somewhere that caters to the needs of people whom Kibum has traumatized.
"Do you mind showing me your ideas?” Taemin asks, genuinely interested. “I’ve known Kibum for a long time. I might be able to help out.”
Figuring he has nothing to lose, Jonghyun reaches into the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out two crumpled sheets of paper. He doesn’t know why he still carries the thing around-sentiment, he supposes. The two pages have been folded and unfolded, erased and written over so many times that even Jonghyun has trouble reading some of his own handwriting.
“Wow.” The younger boy’s eyes grow larger and larger as he scans over the still legible portions of Jonghyun’s diagram. “How did you manage to find four pink alpacas?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy.”
"Um, not that these ideas aren’t creative,” Taemin says carefully, “but don’t you think they’re a little too over-the-top?"
"Have you seen the way he dresses?” Jonghyun fires back.
"Point taken. But you’ve got to take Kibum for more than what’s on the surface. He’s not really into these kind of grand romantic gestures anymore.”
“What do you mean anymore?” Jonghyun inquires, curiosity piqued.
“Well, if you look at all his exes it’s pretty obvious why.”
“Dammit, Taemin,” Minho swears, watching Jonghyun’s eyes getting progressively more crazed. “We were so close to getting him out of the woods too.”
“Shut up, Minho,” Jonghyun snaps. “You’re lucky I don’t stab all your soccer balls with a box cutter.” He turns back to Taemin and demands, “Tell me everything you know.”
“Look at this way,” he begins, “for their one month anniversary, Key’s first boyfriend gave him diamond cufflinks with both their initials engraved on them. Do you know what Key gave him in return?”
“Please, please don’t say his virginity,” Jonghyun begs.
“No,” Taemin says looking scandalized. “He made him a promise that as long as they were together, he wouldn’t look at anyone else.”
“Okay,” Jonghyun says slowly. “That’s not helpful at all.”
“What if I told you that two months later, Key caught him making out with their new PE teacher in a storage closet.”
Jonghyun’s mouth drops open. It’s hard to imagine anyone who would have the sheer audacity to cheat on Kibum, a person seems like he could cut you in half with the power of his scorn.
“The same thing happened with his other boyfriends,” Taemin adds.
“They all cheated on him?” Jonghyun is rapidly losing faith in the male species.
“No, let me finish.” Taemin ticks off his fingers. “I think next was Alexander. He used to take Key on these cruises all over the Mediterranean. And for his eighteenth birthday, he bought Key an island. But they ended up breaking up because his family was embezzling money into overseas accounts and he knew about it but didn’t tell Key.”
“Key owns an island?” Jonghyun is still hung up on that little detail.
Taemin shakes his head. “Not anymore. He made Alexander return it.”
Jonghyun doesn’t even know how one would go about getting a refund on an entire island.
“After that,” Taemin continues, “Key wanted to try dating someone less high-profile and ended up with Kwon. I think you’ll probably know him by his stage name, White Snake.”
How could Jonghyun not? He’d have to be living under a rock for the past couple of years not to know about White Snake and the rest of HiJinx. They were one of the few rap groups that had managed to emerge from the underground music scene into mainstream popularity.”
“Kwon was pretty sweet. He called Key his muse and wrote a lot of songs inspired by him. That song “Citadel?” Totally about Key.”
“Are you shitting me?” Jonghyun is going to need a crane to help him pick his jaw up off the floor. He isn’t too keen on rap but even he was singing the rapid-fire bridge of “Citadel” the year it came out. It blew up the airwaves, eventually getting banned because the government deemed the content too suggestive-which of course meant everyone listened to it. The lyrics were about getting past a lover’s defenses and getting hurt in the process-which in retrospect, how did Jonghyun not know it was about Kibum?
“Key liked it at first, but then HiJinx started becoming more and more popular, and he said Kwon would spend more time writing about their relationship than actually being a part of it. So they broke up, which turned out not too terribly for HiJinx because Kwon wrote “Heart’s Tempo” as a result and won them song of the year at Mnet. ”
“What happened afterward?” Jonghyun prods.
“That summer, Key went to Bangkok on vacation and that’s where he met Aroon. They hit it off right away, but that relationship was pretty much doomed the moment Aroon decided not to tell Key that his mother ran the entire nation. Key called it quits after the NIA came to his hotel in the middle of the night and interrogated him. A month after that, Key went to Australia for a semester to study English and ended up meeting Sam.
“The cowboy,” Jonghyun says sullenly.
“I think they’re just called ranchers nowadays,” Taemin corrects. ”Anyways, Sam was pretty down to earth despite the fact that his family owns about half the beef industry in Australia. He was also really quiet for a guy his size. He was huge.” He spreads his hands out, and Jonghyun has no idea if he’s indicating the breadth of Sam’s shoulders or exaggerating the length of his dick. He doesn’t ask for clarification since he has a feeling that neither will make him feel better about himself.
“So why did that relationship end?”
“Well, Key said that even though the sex was like riding a bear into a rodeo-“
“What does that even mean?” Jonghyun moans.
Taemin ignores him. “-Sam was the sort of guy who preferred giving Key a pony rather than talking about any of their problems. Eventually, Key got fed up with that and said he needed someone less emotionally repressed. And then,” Taemin says, with a wistful sigh, “he met Raoul”
Jonghyun knows he should be worried because even Minho is looking a bit starry-eyed.
“Okay, humour me,” he says. “Who the hell is Raoul?”
Taemin snaps out of his reverie. "Key’s last boyfriend."
Oh yes, the tall, handsome one with the great teeth who may or may not have been related to Monegasque royalty. Jonghyun only knew so much about him because there were various Naver cafés dedicated to stalking him.
“They met at a benefit dinner for the arts and were together for about a year. Everything was fine at first. But towards the end the relationship Raoul started acting strangely.”
“What do mean by weird?”
“He kept taking Key to all these fancy dinners and exotic vacations and giving him orchards and vineyards all over Europe.”
Jonghyun scratches his head in confusion. “And that’s bad because...?”
“Well, the reason Key liked Raoul in the first place was because even though he had money-loads of it, he probably could have made a pool of money and swam in it like that Disney duck if he wanted to-he could also make a person feel special and important without having to spend a single cent.”
“Oh.” Jonghyun is starting to get an inkling on why he failed so hard with the other boy.
“I think all the stuff Raoul was doing at the end was because he felt guilty. He had fallen in love with one of Key's closest friends, who, on top of being one of his friends and a girl, was in love with him too. Nothing ever happened between them while Key and Raoul were together, but still, it's sucks to be dating someone who’s in love with someone else. ” Taemin takes a long sip of water as Jonghyun tries to take in everything he’s just been told. “So do you see your problem now?”
“I’m a complete nobody who can’t rap or afford a pony?” Jonghyun says dryly.
Taemin shoots Minho a look that seems to say, ‘Why is he so dumb?’ and Minho returns it with one of his own that says, ‘Beats me.’
The taller boy gets up from their table. “I’m going to go to the convenience store across the street and get some drinks. Taemin, you can deal with him. I’ve had more than enough of my share of his stupid this year.”
“I hope a car runs over your gangly ass,” Jonghyun hisses, but Minho pays him no mind and just walks away. He turns his attention back to Taemin. “Sorry, you were saying?”
“You know what Key said after he broke up with Raoul?” He makes sure the other boy is listening carefully. “He said that there aren’t enough honest people in the world. When you think about it, that’s the same problem he’s been having with all of his boyfriends.”
“Is that really what he said?” Because it must be some cosmic joke that the one quality Jonghyun has always been praised for is the one thing that Kibum’s been struggling to find in all of his past relationships.
“Yeah,” Taemin assures him, “that’s what he told me. Along with, ‘Fuck that bitch in the ass with a pineapple’ and ‘Bring me more wine.’ He was pretty hammered at the time.”
Jonghyun leans back in his chair, his mind whirling with all in the information he’s just been handed. “Thanks, Taemin,” he says gratefully. This conversation has been… enlightening. You’ve actually helped a lot.”
“No problem,” Taemin grins. “Oh, and there’s one more thing.” He takes out a pencil from his backpack and jots something down on Jonghyun’s wrinkled diagram before sliding it back over the table. “There. I think that should improve your chances drastically.”
Jonghyun stares at what Taemin has written. A wry smile makes itself across his face. “You know, you’re pretty wise for a kid your age.” He takes the two sheets of paper and tucks them back into his pocket. “And you’re also way too good for Minho. Sorry to rain on your parade, but he’s kind of a dick.”
“Sometimes he is,” Taemin says, his voice soft with affection, “but he’s the kind of guy you call first when you need to bury a body.”
“What?” Jonghyun says, thinking he’s misheard.
“Nothing. Oh look, he’s back. And you brought me banana milk!” he says delightedly as Minho returns clutching two of his favorite drinks in hand.
~*~
That evening, Jonghyun spends a long time staring at Taemin’s amendment to his diagram. The younger boy had crossed out the original Plan 33 and had written five words next to it. His advice is both easier and more difficult than Jonghyun’s idea, which requires the cooperation of an entire orchestra. He knows he's good at the sort of thing Taemin asks of him, but at the same time, he's never felt so daunted by such a simple request. This is Kibum he's dealing with, and the stakes feel far higher than they usually do.
Fuck it. He’d never know if he didn’t try would he?
~*~
Kibum always goes to this little café tucked in one of the winding alleyways on the fringes of campus on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Jonghyun finds him there sipping a cappuccino and flipping through the pages of a fashion magazine. He must have come from yoga class because there’s a mat rolled up against his chair. He’s also wearing lime green sweatpants and an electric pink hoodie. He’s a riot of color in an otherwise dim and subdued café.
Jonghyun fights down the bile in his throat as he walks up to the other boy and asks, “Kibum, can I talk to you?”
Kibum looks up at him, and Jonghyun can feel his heartbeat accelerating and sweat gathering in his palms. He forgot what it’s like being the focus of that intense gaze.
Surprise, recognition, and exasperation all flicker briefly across the other boy’s face. “I thought I told you-“
“-to go away and never come back,” Jonghyun finishes. “And I will, I promise. But just give me one last chance. Please.”
Kibum puts down his magazine and glares at Jonghyun. “What is it this time? Is another marching band going to come through the door? Did you get the other people in the café to prepare a flash mob? Are you going to pull a peacock out of your pants?”
“What? No.” Jonghyun’s not even sure if that’s an innuendo or not. “I just want to talk to you. That’s all.”
“Just talk.” Kibum’s making it sound like that’s the craziest idea he’s come up with yet.
Jonghyun’s eyes dart over to the other tables where the rest of the café’s patrons are doing a terrible job of pretending not to be eavesdropping on their conversation. He recognizes most of them as university students. “Um, can we go outside? There’s an awful lot of people here.”
“That’s never seemed to bother you before,” Kibum says, steely.
“Please,” Jonghyun begs
Kibum debates Jonghyun’s request for a moment. Then he stands up with a huff, grabbing his coffee and yoga mat, and heads towards the door.
Jonghyun follows him outside. It’s late autumn, and the cold is already so bad that he can feel it biting through the fingers of his wool gloves. He wonders how Kibum isn’t shivering without a jacket and if it would be inappropriate to offer his. He decides against it when Kibum crosses his arms and scowls.
“You wanted to talk. So talk.”
Jonghyun tries to center himself, to tap into that wellspring of courage inside him that will help him express himself in a thoughtful, cogent way.
Instead, his mouth fires off before his brain can get with the program, and he blurts out, “I like you.”
For a second, Kibum looks like he’s been completely blindsided. Then he recovers and snorts, lips curling into a sneer, “You like me? Really? Because you know, between the flowers and the singing and that time with the pink fucking alpacas, I really couldn’t tell.”
“I made-I made flow charts about you.” Jonghyun's voice is getting higher and breathier as his nerves put a stranglehold on his brain.
Kibum narrows his eyes. "What?"
"Here." Jonghyun hurriedly pulls out the diagram folded in his back pocket and hands it over. "I came up with thirty-three different ways to win you over, but thirty-two of them didn’t work. These past few months, I’ve been close to giving up on you.”
For a long moment, Kibum studies the two worn pieces of paper in silence. When he finally looks up, Jonghyun nearly takes a step back at the rage blazing in the other boy’s eyes. He’s absolutely furious.
“You did all that just to have sex with me?” Kibum looks like he’s on the verge of beating Jonghyun to death with his yoga mat.
“No, listen!” Jonghyun protests. “It’s not like that!"
“Then what is it like, Jonghyun?” he snarls. Jonghyun eyes the coffee he’s clutching, suddenly painfully aware that he has nothing to shield his groin with.
“Well, maybe it was like that at first, I mean you do wear some criminally tight pants-” he sees Kibum take a threatening step forward, and quickly rectifies his statement with, “-but then I started really liking you! Liking you not for your pants or the way you wear them but for you.” He’s aware that’s he’s blabbering but he can’t seem to stop the words from spewing out. “And that’s when I became really fucked because I started thinking about you all the time, and I have all these feelings about you and I didn't know what to do with them. Well, I would have known what to do with them if you were my boyfriend, but you decidedly were not. And even though everyone told me you wouldn’t even look at a person like me, I wanted you too badly to care and I thought if I tried hard enough, you’d come around and like me too. But I’ve tried just about everything and you still shot me down.”
Kibum no longer seems in immediate danger of a rage blackout, but he’s staring at Jonghyun with a tight, walled off expression on his face.
Jonghyun decides to go ahead and take the plunge. “I talked with your friend the other day, Taemin-nice guy, dating a total asshole- and he told me about your other boyfriends, how they all tried to giving you things and making you feel like the prettiest princess in all the land, but none of them were honest about themselves or the way they felt about you. So he gave me some advice and this is it. Plan 33.”
Jonghyun watches Kibum spare a glance down at the diagram, at the space where Taemin had penciled in: Tell him how you feel.
“I really like you, Kibum,” Jonghyun says, the words coming out of him in one breathless rush. “I like you not because you’re rich or popular, but because you’re this shining oasis of don’t-give-a-fuck at this school where everyone is trying so hard to be cool. I like how clever you are and how you’re always so witty and quick with comebacks even though I know how much it sucks to be on the receiving end of one. I like how you carry an instant camera with you everywhere you go and take pictures of random things. I once spent fifteen minutes staring at a door knob because of you. You make me look twice at the world around me, and now I see something beautiful in things that I used to think were just ordinary.” He curls his hands into fists-he’s shaking slightly-and continues. “I like the way you always close your eyes for a second when enter a café because that’s how much you love the smell of coffee, and I like the way you bite your lower lip when you’re trying to hold back a laugh. I like your paintings even though I don’t understand them. I like looking at them because they steal all the color from a room. I like that even though you’re so serious about your grades and work you still wear children’s socks with cartoon characters. And it’s a sad testament to how much I like you and how pathetic I am that you can make me smile just by changing your socks.
"I know that you’re probably thinking I’m a creepy stalker for noticing all these things about you, but thing is, Key,” Jonghyun doesn’t even notice he’s let the nickname slip through, he’s concentrating so hard on trying to convey the enormity of the emotions he’s feeling, “I can’t not notice you. It would be like trying not to notice a unicorn at a noraebang. And on top of all those things I listed, you just had to go and be really smoking hot. But you probably know that already.”
“Did you-did you just refer to me as a sexy unicorn?” Key asks in an incredulous tone.
“Maybe but that’s not what’s important. Look, I’m sorry I kept making everything such a big spectacle, and I’m sorry I didn’t even think to introduce myself that first time I flirted with you. Come to think of it, I don’t think either of us has ever properly introduced ourselves. But I wouldn’t have been able to anyway because sometimes when you look at me-when you really look at me and aren’t just side-eyeing me like, ‘Haha, Jonghyun’s being an idiot again.’” He takes a huge shuddering breath. "I have trouble just remembering how to say ‘hello.’”
He drops his gaze and stares at his feet, waiting for Kibum to declare judgment, to be punched in the face or--even worse--laughed at. Instead, he’s greeted with a deafening silent that stretches on inexorably and complete stillness.
Unable to take the suspense any longer or look the other boy in the face after such a spectacular bout of verbal diarrhea, Jonghyun surrenders to the panic welling up inside him.
“Okay, so thanks for listening. And now that you know all that, um, I’m just gonna go. Yep,” he says, turning on his heel, “I’m just gonna go crawl off in a corner somewhere and die.”
He takes a step, ready to bolt, but he’s stopped by a firm grip around the wrist. Kibum spins him back around. Jonghyun's hands dive immediately to protect his crotch, but Kibum takes one of them, laces their fingers together, and presses in close, until their foreheads are touching. It’s cold enough that their breaths come out as fog, curling in and around each other before disappearing into the air. Jonghyun’s a bit mesmerized by how close Kibum is. He could count his eyelashes if he wanted to.
When other boy finally does speak, it’s with a smile so radiant, it hurts Jonghyun’s soul to think that it could be for anyone other than him.
But it is for him.
"Hi,” he says, peering at Jonghyun through the dark fan of his lashes, a bit coy but still sincere. “I'm Key."
"Hello, Key,” he chokes out. “I'm Jonghyun.” And then, because he can’t resist, he adds, “Would you like to be my boyfriend? I promise you there won’t be anymore alpacas."
Key laughs, and it’s a bright, clean sound that cleaves right through the last of Jonghyun’s anxiety. "You know what? In that case, I think I would."
Then he leans in and Jonghyun doesn’t think, just reacts, hands sliding to the other boy’s hips as he gives in to the pull between them and lets their mouths slot into place. The kiss is a little awkward because Jonghyun can't stifle the smile that stretches across his face, vast and brilliant, like the sun sparkling on top of the ocean, and Kibum is smiling too, so when their mouths finally do meet, their teeth click gently together.
Jonghyun has spent so much time wondering how he could get the other boy to kiss him that he’s actually never thought about what it would be like when it did happen. He’s sort of glad he didn’t try to anticipate this though, because even an imagination as sprawling and inventive as his couldn’t come up with anything that could compare to the warm reality of Key’s arms wrapping around his neck and the way he tastes slightly sweet from all the sugar he puts in his coffee. Key’s kisses are careful and focused, like he wants to pour all his secrets into the seam of Jonghyun’s lips.
Dimly, Jonghyun hears the sound of clapping and camera phones going off in the background. He looks over and sees that most of the patrons of the café-and what looks like most of the wait staff too-are pressed up against the windows watching them. About half of their audience gives him the thumbs up or a celebratory, long distance fist-bump while the other half seems to be exchanging money.
“I heard there was quite a pool going on about whether or not I would finally give into you,” Key murmurs. He still has his arms around Jonghyun’s neck and his cheeks are a bit flushed from cold and kissing. In Jonghyun’s opinion, he’s never looked more ravishing. He should ditch the skinny jeans and wear this look everyday.
“Sorry.” He tightens his grip on the other boy’s waist. “I guess that means I’m the winner, huh?”
Key presses another kiss to his lips, and says, grinning. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
He leans in close and whispers:
“I bet on you.”
~*~
About a month later, when both of them are safely ensconced in the warmth of Key’s massive bed in his apartment overlooking the south side of the Han River, Jonghyun picks up the courage to ask, "Did you really sleep with the son of the CFO of Samsung?"
"What? No!" Kibum says, looking extremely put-off. "Is that what you heard? Geez, can't the gossips get anything right these days?"
Jonghyun hums in sympathy and strokes Key’s hair, glad that at least one rumor about him didn’t turn out to be true.
But then Key has to ruin it all and say:
"It was the son of the CEO of Hyundai. I have standards, you know."
~*~
Author's Notes:
- The Minho of this story is studying for a degree in traditional Korean music. A daegeum is a kind of bamboo flute, and Minho plays the gayageum, a zither-like instrument similar to the Japanse koto or Chinese gǔzhēng. It's one of my favorite non-perscussive Korean instruments, and we're lucky the real Minho doesn't play it because that would be the sexiest thing ever. It sounds like this, but you can also have fun with it and make it sound like this.
- Kim Jong Un is the leader of North Korea in case you didn't know.
- Virtual high-fives to all of you who understood that fan death joke.
- Of course, Key's favorite movie would be something made by Pixar.
- Makgeolli is Korean rice wine. It's not very strong, but if you're are not careful, man, it will fuck you up.
- The suneung is the test Korean high school seniors have to take to get into university. Since the school you go to has such a huge impact on your career in Korea, it was right of Minho not to let Jonghyun distract Taemin with his crazy.
- Taemin is referring to the Mnet music awards.
- The NIA is the National Intelligence Agency, similar in function to the CIA in America.
- A noraebang is a singing room/karaoke room.
- This story spawned out of an attempt to do a one-shot and untangle myself from all the ridiculous amount of feelings going on in my other woefully unfinished chaptered fic. As you can see, the feelings happened anyways. Also, short is quite relative because this ended up being over 9,000 word and LJ wouldn't allow me to post it all in one entry.
- Much thanks to kiku_cha8_8 who assured me I wasn't the only one who found this enterprise entertaining and provided me with the 20+ cups of chai tea I downed during the course of writing this.