Diagnosis
Fandom(s): SHINee
Characters: Jonghyun, Key, Onew, Taemin, Minho, other SM idols
Pairing(s): JongKey
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jonghyun's dying inside, and there's only one person that can heal his pain....
Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Smut, Fluff
Word count: ~3500
It hurt. Sometimes it was a dull ache that seemed to throb through his entire body, other times it was like the stab of a knife, knocking him breathless and rendering him momentarily devoid of any coherent thought.
*It’s a mysterious, no, it’s a strange thing*
*It might be a sickness*
It had been about two months since Key broke it off with Jonghyun, and the latter was quick to realize that the pain in his heart was not lessening by even a fraction. He was able to hide it well most of the time, but there were moments when he felt his façade visibly crack. The whole thing was incredibly stupid. “You know this can’t work. It will ruin our careers if anyone finds out. It’s better to stop this now before we become too far gone, it will hurt less in the long run…” Key’s words bounced around in the elder’s head, taunting him.
*I have no strength in my body, I can’t control it*
*These bad symptoms appeared after I met you*
The problem was, Jonghyun was already too far gone. He had BEEN too far gone since the moment he laid eyes on that flawless, gorgeous feline face. Since the moment he first kissed those soft, plump lips and felt the contours of the younger’s skin, memorizing every line and crevice. Memories of the way Key used to feel as he'd come undone beneath him were enough to make Jonghyun insane, constantly flashing before his eyes like a movie reel in his mind.
*I’m left alone on this black night*
*In my room that’s filled with thoughts of you*
The words just seemed to pour out of him, from a place he didn’t know he could tap into. He sat on the bed in his dorm room, guitar in hand, pen scurrying across the note pad beside him as he sang the song that was branded on his heart. When it was finished, he felt as if all of the energy he had had been sucked out of him. Lethargic, heartsick, empty. A knock on the door breaks his reverie. “Hey hyung, it’s me.” Taemin’s voice carries from the other side of the wall. Jonghyun shakes his head, trying to gather himself. “Yea Tae, come on in.”
*I can’t do anything, and I draw you out as I am in pain all day*
Taemin plops on the bed behind his hung with a smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop I just heard the song you were playing and DAMN, that’s deep dude. Really beautiful, you should play that for the party later!” Jonghyun plasters a fake smile on his face. “I dunno Tae, this one takes a lot out of me, not sure if I’ll make it through the song.” The maknae elbows him in the ribs playfully. “Aw come on, you have to they’ll love it! Definitely a showstopper. Pleeeeeease?” Taemin’s adorable pout is too much for Jong. He sighs deeply. “Alright, alright I’ll do my best.” “Yay! You won’t regret it. The girls are sure to be all over you after they hear that.” Taemin gives his hyung a wink and claps him on the back encouragingly. “Alright, I’m off to help Kibum with the preparations, see you later!” And with that, the younger is gone.
*Your indifferent face I can’t figure out*
*Makes my breath stop*
The last thing on Jonghyun’s mind is getting the attention of any girl, but he knows he would never have heard the end of it had he refused. Besides, performing has always been therapeutic for him, maybe it would help him cope to get those emotions off his chest. He sets his guitar on the bed and rises, figuring he might as well go see if he can lend a hand as well. Onew had gotten the brilliant idea of hosting a party at their dorm to celebrate the wrap-up of their 2nd Japan arena tour, as well as kick-off a much needed break in their schedules.
*Your cold eyes dig into my heart*
*cutting deeply through the center*
Key was busying himself about the kitchen, arranging food on plates with precision, and ordering Taemin about. Onew and Minho are in the living room, hanging decorations and re-arranging furniture. Jonghyun steels himself as he approaches Taemin and his now ex-boyfriend. “Anything I can help with?” Key looks up for a split second, then focuses his eyes back down to his work, barely acknowledging the other’s presence. He refuses to look Jonghyun in the eye as he replies, “Nope. We appear to have this under control. Go practice your song or something.” Taemin pipes up, “Oh yea, I was telling Kibum hyung about it, he’s really looking forward to it, aren’t you hyung?” “Sure thing," Key replies blandly, "now hurry up and hand me the ketchup, people will be here in less than an hour.”
*If I don’t cure this wound, I might die*
*I might go crazy, I don’t know what will happen*
Jonghyun heads dejectedly back to his room, lays on his bed and does his best to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest. "He won't even look at me.." The thought comes unbidden, and he is forced to hold back the tears that threaten to pour out in waves. He squints his eyes shut and forces himself to calm down and steady his breathing. Ever since the day it ended, Key has regarded him in this manner. Like he was a non-entity, not worthy of acknowledgment of any kind. Jonghyun used to think that he would get used to it, but how do you ever learn to accept the fact that the one who used to look at you as if you were the world, now won't even meet your gaze?
*The only medicine is you*
*I can't live if I lose you*
Jonghyun doesn't know when he dozed off, or for how long. The next thing he registers is Taemin's voice again, partially muffled by the door, and a loud knock as the younger announces that people are arriving and that Jonghyun should come out and greet everyone. Jonghyun scrambles to make himself presentable, throwing on a fresh shirt and straightening his hair in the mirror as best he can. He sighs and braces himself as his hand reaches for the door handle, slowly turning it and gently pushing it open.
*When I hear your name*
*It feels like there are thorns on it*
As Jonghyun enters the hallway and into the living area, he is greeted immediately by a wave of excited voices, welcoming him and offering words of congratulations. “Glad you finally joined us, hyung!” Minho approaches him, clapping him on the back encouragingly. The others present echo the sentiment, and soon the room is filled with the voices of SM idols and trainees alike, chatting, laughing, cheering. More approach Jonghyun and engage in small talk, the words and faces barely registering in his pre-occupied mind. He smiles, puts on the façade again that he has mastered so well, and tries his best to relax. “Hey, JJong!” Jessica pipes up from the couch. “Taeminnie told us you’ve been working on a new song, please play for us! I can’t take the suspense!” She flairs dramatically, collapsing into giggles.
*My heart feels electrified and numb*
*As if I swallowed rose thorns*
Jonghyun nods and forces a smile. “Of course, noona. Let me just go get my guitar.” He runs back to the room and grabs his favorite instrument from the bed. He eyes it lovingly, remembering the birthday that Key gave it to him. He forces the thought from his mind, knowing no good will come of it. Panic threatens to overcome him as he realizes that he is about to bare his naked soul to everyone in that room. But he takes solace in the fact that it will at least make him feel better. Smiles and claps greet him as he re-enters the party, taking a seat in the stool that Taemin places for him in the center of the room. Jonghyun’s eyes search for Key, finding his target conveniently placed on the couch directly in front of him. Key is being noticeably flirty and cuddly with the man next to him, a trainee whose name Jonghyun can’t quite seem to remember. Jonghyun strums the first chord and begins to sing, his stomach doing somersaults inside him.
*My heart, it’s pierced*
*Hold out your hand and embrace it*
Jonghyun fixates on Key as he sings, pouring his heart into the words:
“singihan ani mwonga isanghan iriya, hoksi byeongilji molla
on mome him jjuk ppajin chae ganuji mothae
i motdoen jeungsang neoreul mannan hue saenggyeosseo, ggaman bam na hollo nama
amu geotdo mothago neol geurimyeo jongil apa..”
The rest of the world disappears for Jonghyun, and there is only Key. Key must be starting to register the lyrics being sung, as he slowly looks up from his present company and locks eyes with Jonghyun. Key appears to regret this action, as Jonghyun watches the younger’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open as if he had just been punched in the stomach. Jonghyun just continues on, his eyes boring into Key’s, telling him every emotion he’s had since they've broken up. As quickly as ever, Key appears to gather himself, turns away and goes back to his conversation with the trainee, ignoring Jonghyun completely. And that’s when it happens. The dam breaks. Any scars on Jonghyun’s heart that had begun to heal were now gaping wounds again, the pain choking him in a vice-grip. A single tear falls from his eye, trailing down his cheek, and he stops playing. “I…I’m sorry guys, I just can’t do this…I can’t do this anymore…” He drops his guitar on the floor, covers his face, and runs to the haven of his room, slamming the door behind him.
*You pretend to give me a chance*
*As you come close then get far away*
Jonghyun falls face first onto his bed, letting the tears fall. Heavy sobs wrack his body and he buries his face in the pillow to muffle the sound. He knows this isn't how men are supposed to behave, but right now he couldn't care less. All Jonghyun feels is the agony, all of the pent-up emotions pouring out of him like a flood. He barely registers a knock on the door. "Hyung? Hyung...are you ok?" he faintly hears Taemin ask. "Just leave me alone, Tae, please." The following silence is both a relief and a burden, as Jonghyun feels the loneliness threaten to engulf him. He is far too busy being an emotional wreck to realize that someone has entered the room behind him, closing the door behind them with a soft click. The next thing he knows, that voice is there, asking, "Mind telling me what your problem is?"
*Like a doll, I get dragged around*
*But in front of you, my breath stops*
Jonghyun stops crying abruptly, lifting himself into a sitting position as he turns to face his tormentor, Key. He wipes the remaining tears away with the back of his hand, and looks up into the younger's eyes, his own betraying an array of emotions. "What is my problem? Did you seriously just ask that, Kibum?" Jonghyun stands up and starts moving toward Key. "My problem is YOU. My problem is that you tore my heart out, and now you act like I don't exist. I can't even BREATHE some days because of the pain you cause me, and you walk around like what we had never even happened. I can't just fucking forget and move on, because I LOVE YOU, Kibum. I always have. You can lie to yourself and everyone else all you want, but I know you feel the same way. Tell me I'm wrong." Key falters a moment, then seems to regain his cold facade. "Jonghyun, you're being ridiculous, and I really don't need this shit right now." Key turns to leave, but as he reaches for the doorknob, Jonghyun can see that his hand is beginning to shake. The tremble runs all the way up through his shoulders, and soon his whole upper body is quaking. When Key turns back around, that's when Jonghyun realizes that he is crying.
*I can't figure out this fever*
*I can't cool it down*
"Kibum..." Jonghyun tentatively reaches out for him as the younger lets his back fall against the door, sliding down it onto the floor to hug his knees as he cries. "Key...Key, baby it's ok...Hey..." Jongyhun moves to sit next to Key and pulls him onto his lap. Key wraps his arms around the the older's neck and lays his head on his shoulder, crying into his shirt. "Jjongie...I'm sorry..baby, i'm so sorry.." Jonghyun rubs the back of Key's neck, whispering soothing words into his ear. "Bummie, talk to me, what's going on?" Key wipes his nose with his hand and tries to compose himself. "I..I'm sorry Jjongie. I thought it would be for the best. I hated having to hide all the time, being afraid of being found out and losing our dream job. I thought that if we broke it off and focused on the music, that we could move on and that it would be ok." He sniffled. "I was so wrong...every moment has been hell for me. I'm so sorry for being cold to you, I just knew that if I looked you in the eye or talked to you for too long, that I would lose my resolve." Key looked up into Jonghyun's eyes, his own wet and pleading. "I thought I was doing what would be best for you in the long run. I'm so sorry baby..I understand if you hate me..."
*Can you hear my heart that's about to burst for you?*
Jonghyun answers by lifting Key's face up gently by the chin, and leaning in to capture the younger's lips with his own. Jonghyun wastes no time and kisses Key passionately, desperately, as if it may be the last thing he ever does. Key seems startled for a moment as the intensity takes him off guard, then quickly returns the kiss with equal fervor, his hands gripping the back of the older’s neck. Jonghyun breaks away and presses his forehead to the younger’s, gazing heatedly into his lover’s eyes. “Even if I tried, I could never hate you. You should know that by now. I’m hopeless when it comes to you.” Key switches around in Jonghyun’s lap, pushing the older’s knees together and straddling him so that there chests are pressed together. Key makes no reply, instead caressing the other's cheek and resuming the kiss tenderly. The tenderness is fleeting, however, and soon Jonghyun can feel Key's other hand tangled in his hair, crushing their lips together with a needy forcefulness he didn't know the younger was capable of. The heat of it is too much, Jonghyun feels it spread throughout his body and threaten to scorch him from the inside out. Their tongues battle, breaths coming out in huffs as they devour each other, hands roaming everywhere, feeling and remembering.
*I've dried up like the desert, I'm hoping for a sweet rain that is you, to fall*
"Jong, baby I need you." Key whispers, breaking the kiss. "Aren't you worried the others might get suspicious?" Jonghyun asks with a smirk, gently stroking the back of the younger's neck. Key slowly stands up, removing his shirt to reveal the porcelain white skin beneath. " I don't know about you, but at this point I could care less what they think." He moves to the door and turns the lock, then slowly makes his way over to Jonghyun's bed and lies down on his back, propping himself up on his elbows and giving his lover a heated stare. Jonghyun doesn't need to ask for clarification as he stands and removes his own shirt, discarding it hastily on the floor. He crawls up his lover's body, eyes and fingers roaming all over the skin he has craved for so long. When they are once again face-to-face, Jonghyun rests his knees on either side of Key's hips and plants a soft kiss on his lips, then trailing down his jawline and along an inviting, slender neck. Key's breath hitches as Jonghyun traces the lines of his collarbones with his tongue, tasting the flesh as if he were starved for it. Their hips begin to move together in a slow grind, each being able to feel the other's need. Jonghyun's fingers skate along the line of Key's boxers, teasing and relishing the younger's shallow pants and breathy moans. Jonghyun slowly pulls down Key's pants and boxers, sliding them down over smooth, milky hips and thighs that are enough to make his mouth water. With a flood of emotions coming to the surface, Jonghyun slowly envelops Key's length in his mouth, licking and sucking fervently to elicit more of those delicious sounds from Key.
*The only medicine is you*
Key's body begins to quake all over as his back arches involuntarily, a pleading whimper escaping his lips. "Jjongie, stop....please stop..." Jonghyun ceases his ministrations and looks up at his lover questioningly. "What's wrong?" Key giggles at the older's concerned expression. "Nothing, babe. I just don't want this to be over so soon. Come here," Key winks and smiles coyly, making a 'come hither' motion. Jonghyun makes his way back up slowly, kissing and licking a trail up over smooth abs, pert nipples, and an elongated throat. Jonghyun becomes filled with pure, unadulterated joy as he watches his lover fall apart at his touches. He takes a moment to look down into Key's eyes, and it is in that moment that he realizes just how much he missed this. This feeling, this connection, the intimacy of it all. The need to claim Key overwhelms him, to ensure that he is his once again. Key's eyes reflect the same desire, and Jonghyun finds himself quickly relieved of his pants and boxers. Jonghyun settles himself between the younger's thighs, relishing the skin-on-skin contact. Key wraps his long legs around the elder's waist, skating his fingers over his back as he playfully nips Jonghyun's bottom lip.
*I can't live if I lose you*
Key pulls away for a moment and leans over to rummage through the nightstand, finding what he needs quickly. Soon, slick fingers are caressing Jonghyun's length, coating it and teasing with slight pressure. When Key is satisfied, he pulls away and Jonghyun releases a low groan, moving to align himself with the younger's entrance. Jonghyun leans down to gently kiss the soft lips beneath him, then pulling back and smiling at the breathless look on that gorgeous face. "You ready, baby?" he asks, concern furrowing his brow. Key braces his hands on broad shoulders and smiles reassuringly. "Yes, hurry Jjongie, I need to feel you." Jonghyun couldn't waste any more time if he had wanted to, his entire body screaming at him to take what is rightfully his. He pushes in slowly, savoring the feeling of Key's tight warmth around him and the sensual moans slipping from his lover's lips. Once he feels the younger start to relax, he pushes all the way in and back out, building a slow, torturous pace. He feels Key dig his nails into his shoulder blades as the younger begins to push his hips upward in time with Jonghyun's thrusts. "Faster baby...please go faster..." Key whimpers as his breathing becomes more labored.
*I can't live if I lose you*
Jonghyun gladly does as he is told, planting his arms on either side of Key's shoulders as he plunges into him, the slow build of pleasure constantly increasing. It feels so good, Key clenching so tightly around him, his fingers gripping onto him for dear life, breathing hotly onto his neck. The moans, the pants, the choked cries, all of it better than he remembered and slowly threatening to push him over the edge. "God, Kibum....you are perfect, baby. I love you.." Jonghyun breathes. Key moves his hand up to rub the back on Jonghyun's neck, playing with the soft hair there. Jonghyun doesn't miss the small tear that rolls down Key's cheek as he responds, "I love you too, Jonghy--ahh!" He cries out suddenly, his legs tightening around Jonghyun's waist and his body trembling. "Right there, Jjongie, please do that again.." The elder happily complies, bending Key nearly in half to accomplish his goal. Soon enough, Key is a ball of emotion and sensation, teetering so close to the edge. Jonghyun reaches down between them and strokes Key gently, gripping firmly and building speed. "Shit..baby...God....ahhh!" The words tumble from Key's throat with a groan as he releases, the sensation of his climax sending Jonghyun into bliss right behind him.
They stay like that for a moment, staring at each other as they register what just happened. Jongyhun flashes Key a winning smile and plants a quick kiss on his lips as he moves to lay beside his love. Key snuggles up to Jonghyun's chest as they wrap arms around each other, bathing in the afterglow. After a few moments, Jonghyun speaks up, "Well, I guess we'd better get back to the party before things get really awkward." Key covers his mouth with his hand to suppress a giggle. Jongyhun kisses the top of his lover's forehead, and asks the question that is eating at him. "So...what happens now?"
Kibum sighs, then gives Jonghyun an encouraging smile. "Don't worry baby, I'll never do that to you again. I don't know what we'll do for the long haul, but we'll just take it one day at a time, ok?" Key rises from the bed to re-dress and Jonghyun follows suit. Once they are as presentable as they can get, Key turns to Jonghyun and winks. Jonghyun slips an arm around Key's waist and pulls him close.
He leans down and whispers, "As long as I have you, that's all I'll ever need...."
Characters: Jonghyun, Key, Onew, Taemin, Minho, other SM idols
Pairing(s): JongKey
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jonghyun's dying inside, and there's only one person that can heal his pain....
Genre: Slight Angst, Romance, Smut, Fluff
Word count: ~3500
It hurt. Sometimes it was a dull ache that seemed to throb through his entire body, other times it was like the stab of a knife, knocking him breathless and rendering him momentarily devoid of any coherent thought.
*It’s a mysterious, no, it’s a strange thing*
*It might be a sickness*
It had been about two months since Key broke it off with Jonghyun, and the latter was quick to realize that the pain in his heart was not lessening by even a fraction. He was able to hide it well most of the time, but there were moments when he felt his façade visibly crack. The whole thing was incredibly stupid. “You know this can’t work. It will ruin our careers if anyone finds out. It’s better to stop this now before we become too far gone, it will hurt less in the long run…” Key’s words bounced around in the elder’s head, taunting him.
*I have no strength in my body, I can’t control it*
*These bad symptoms appeared after I met you*
The problem was, Jonghyun was already too far gone. He had BEEN too far gone since the moment he laid eyes on that flawless, gorgeous feline face. Since the moment he first kissed those soft, plump lips and felt the contours of the younger’s skin, memorizing every line and crevice. Memories of the way Key used to feel as he'd come undone beneath him were enough to make Jonghyun insane, constantly flashing before his eyes like a movie reel in his mind.
*I’m left alone on this black night*
*In my room that’s filled with thoughts of you*
The words just seemed to pour out of him, from a place he didn’t know he could tap into. He sat on the bed in his dorm room, guitar in hand, pen scurrying across the note pad beside him as he sang the song that was branded on his heart. When it was finished, he felt as if all of the energy he had had been sucked out of him. Lethargic, heartsick, empty. A knock on the door breaks his reverie. “Hey hyung, it’s me.” Taemin’s voice carries from the other side of the wall. Jonghyun shakes his head, trying to gather himself. “Yea Tae, come on in.”
*I can’t do anything, and I draw you out as I am in pain all day*
Taemin plops on the bed behind his hung with a smile. “Sorry, didn’t mean to eavesdrop I just heard the song you were playing and DAMN, that’s deep dude. Really beautiful, you should play that for the party later!” Jonghyun plasters a fake smile on his face. “I dunno Tae, this one takes a lot out of me, not sure if I’ll make it through the song.” The maknae elbows him in the ribs playfully. “Aw come on, you have to they’ll love it! Definitely a showstopper. Pleeeeeease?” Taemin’s adorable pout is too much for Jong. He sighs deeply. “Alright, alright I’ll do my best.” “Yay! You won’t regret it. The girls are sure to be all over you after they hear that.” Taemin gives his hyung a wink and claps him on the back encouragingly. “Alright, I’m off to help Kibum with the preparations, see you later!” And with that, the younger is gone.
*Your indifferent face I can’t figure out*
*Makes my breath stop*
The last thing on Jonghyun’s mind is getting the attention of any girl, but he knows he would never have heard the end of it had he refused. Besides, performing has always been therapeutic for him, maybe it would help him cope to get those emotions off his chest. He sets his guitar on the bed and rises, figuring he might as well go see if he can lend a hand as well. Onew had gotten the brilliant idea of hosting a party at their dorm to celebrate the wrap-up of their 2nd Japan arena tour, as well as kick-off a much needed break in their schedules.
*Your cold eyes dig into my heart*
*cutting deeply through the center*
Key was busying himself about the kitchen, arranging food on plates with precision, and ordering Taemin about. Onew and Minho are in the living room, hanging decorations and re-arranging furniture. Jonghyun steels himself as he approaches Taemin and his now ex-boyfriend. “Anything I can help with?” Key looks up for a split second, then focuses his eyes back down to his work, barely acknowledging the other’s presence. He refuses to look Jonghyun in the eye as he replies, “Nope. We appear to have this under control. Go practice your song or something.” Taemin pipes up, “Oh yea, I was telling Kibum hyung about it, he’s really looking forward to it, aren’t you hyung?” “Sure thing," Key replies blandly, "now hurry up and hand me the ketchup, people will be here in less than an hour.”
*If I don’t cure this wound, I might die*
*I might go crazy, I don’t know what will happen*
Jonghyun heads dejectedly back to his room, lays on his bed and does his best to ignore the stabbing pain in his chest. "He won't even look at me.." The thought comes unbidden, and he is forced to hold back the tears that threaten to pour out in waves. He squints his eyes shut and forces himself to calm down and steady his breathing. Ever since the day it ended, Key has regarded him in this manner. Like he was a non-entity, not worthy of acknowledgment of any kind. Jonghyun used to think that he would get used to it, but how do you ever learn to accept the fact that the one who used to look at you as if you were the world, now won't even meet your gaze?
*The only medicine is you*
*I can't live if I lose you*
Jonghyun doesn't know when he dozed off, or for how long. The next thing he registers is Taemin's voice again, partially muffled by the door, and a loud knock as the younger announces that people are arriving and that Jonghyun should come out and greet everyone. Jonghyun scrambles to make himself presentable, throwing on a fresh shirt and straightening his hair in the mirror as best he can. He sighs and braces himself as his hand reaches for the door handle, slowly turning it and gently pushing it open.
*When I hear your name*
*It feels like there are thorns on it*
As Jonghyun enters the hallway and into the living area, he is greeted immediately by a wave of excited voices, welcoming him and offering words of congratulations. “Glad you finally joined us, hyung!” Minho approaches him, clapping him on the back encouragingly. The others present echo the sentiment, and soon the room is filled with the voices of SM idols and trainees alike, chatting, laughing, cheering. More approach Jonghyun and engage in small talk, the words and faces barely registering in his pre-occupied mind. He smiles, puts on the façade again that he has mastered so well, and tries his best to relax. “Hey, JJong!” Jessica pipes up from the couch. “Taeminnie told us you’ve been working on a new song, please play for us! I can’t take the suspense!” She flairs dramatically, collapsing into giggles.
*My heart feels electrified and numb*
*As if I swallowed rose thorns*
Jonghyun nods and forces a smile. “Of course, noona. Let me just go get my guitar.” He runs back to the room and grabs his favorite instrument from the bed. He eyes it lovingly, remembering the birthday that Key gave it to him. He forces the thought from his mind, knowing no good will come of it. Panic threatens to overcome him as he realizes that he is about to bare his naked soul to everyone in that room. But he takes solace in the fact that it will at least make him feel better. Smiles and claps greet him as he re-enters the party, taking a seat in the stool that Taemin places for him in the center of the room. Jonghyun’s eyes search for Key, finding his target conveniently placed on the couch directly in front of him. Key is being noticeably flirty and cuddly with the man next to him, a trainee whose name Jonghyun can’t quite seem to remember. Jonghyun strums the first chord and begins to sing, his stomach doing somersaults inside him.
*My heart, it’s pierced*
*Hold out your hand and embrace it*
Jonghyun fixates on Key as he sings, pouring his heart into the words:
“singihan ani mwonga isanghan iriya, hoksi byeongilji molla
on mome him jjuk ppajin chae ganuji mothae
i motdoen jeungsang neoreul mannan hue saenggyeosseo, ggaman bam na hollo nama
amu geotdo mothago neol geurimyeo jongil apa..”
The rest of the world disappears for Jonghyun, and there is only Key. Key must be starting to register the lyrics being sung, as he slowly looks up from his present company and locks eyes with Jonghyun. Key appears to regret this action, as Jonghyun watches the younger’s eyes widen, his mouth falling open as if he had just been punched in the stomach. Jonghyun just continues on, his eyes boring into Key’s, telling him every emotion he’s had since they've broken up. As quickly as ever, Key appears to gather himself, turns away and goes back to his conversation with the trainee, ignoring Jonghyun completely. And that’s when it happens. The dam breaks. Any scars on Jonghyun’s heart that had begun to heal were now gaping wounds again, the pain choking him in a vice-grip. A single tear falls from his eye, trailing down his cheek, and he stops playing. “I…I’m sorry guys, I just can’t do this…I can’t do this anymore…” He drops his guitar on the floor, covers his face, and runs to the haven of his room, slamming the door behind him.
*You pretend to give me a chance*
*As you come close then get far away*
Jonghyun falls face first onto his bed, letting the tears fall. Heavy sobs wrack his body and he buries his face in the pillow to muffle the sound. He knows this isn't how men are supposed to behave, but right now he couldn't care less. All Jonghyun feels is the agony, all of the pent-up emotions pouring out of him like a flood. He barely registers a knock on the door. "Hyung? Hyung...are you ok?" he faintly hears Taemin ask. "Just leave me alone, Tae, please." The following silence is both a relief and a burden, as Jonghyun feels the loneliness threaten to engulf him. He is far too busy being an emotional wreck to realize that someone has entered the room behind him, closing the door behind them with a soft click. The next thing he knows, that voice is there, asking, "Mind telling me what your problem is?"
*Like a doll, I get dragged around*
*But in front of you, my breath stops*
Jonghyun stops crying abruptly, lifting himself into a sitting position as he turns to face his tormentor, Key. He wipes the remaining tears away with the back of his hand, and looks up into the younger's eyes, his own betraying an array of emotions. "What is my problem? Did you seriously just ask that, Kibum?" Jonghyun stands up and starts moving toward Key. "My problem is YOU. My problem is that you tore my heart out, and now you act like I don't exist. I can't even BREATHE some days because of the pain you cause me, and you walk around like what we had never even happened. I can't just fucking forget and move on, because I LOVE YOU, Kibum. I always have. You can lie to yourself and everyone else all you want, but I know you feel the same way. Tell me I'm wrong." Key falters a moment, then seems to regain his cold facade. "Jonghyun, you're being ridiculous, and I really don't need this shit right now." Key turns to leave, but as he reaches for the doorknob, Jonghyun can see that his hand is beginning to shake. The tremble runs all the way up through his shoulders, and soon his whole upper body is quaking. When Key turns back around, that's when Jonghyun realizes that he is crying.
*I can't figure out this fever*
*I can't cool it down*
"Kibum..." Jonghyun tentatively reaches out for him as the younger lets his back fall against the door, sliding down it onto the floor to hug his knees as he cries. "Key...Key, baby it's ok...Hey..." Jongyhun moves to sit next to Key and pulls him onto his lap. Key wraps his arms around the the older's neck and lays his head on his shoulder, crying into his shirt. "Jjongie...I'm sorry..baby, i'm so sorry.." Jonghyun rubs the back of Key's neck, whispering soothing words into his ear. "Bummie, talk to me, what's going on?" Key wipes his nose with his hand and tries to compose himself. "I..I'm sorry Jjongie. I thought it would be for the best. I hated having to hide all the time, being afraid of being found out and losing our dream job. I thought that if we broke it off and focused on the music, that we could move on and that it would be ok." He sniffled. "I was so wrong...every moment has been hell for me. I'm so sorry for being cold to you, I just knew that if I looked you in the eye or talked to you for too long, that I would lose my resolve." Key looked up into Jonghyun's eyes, his own wet and pleading. "I thought I was doing what would be best for you in the long run. I'm so sorry baby..I understand if you hate me..."
*Can you hear my heart that's about to burst for you?*
Jonghyun answers by lifting Key's face up gently by the chin, and leaning in to capture the younger's lips with his own. Jonghyun wastes no time and kisses Key passionately, desperately, as if it may be the last thing he ever does. Key seems startled for a moment as the intensity takes him off guard, then quickly returns the kiss with equal fervor, his hands gripping the back of the older’s neck. Jonghyun breaks away and presses his forehead to the younger’s, gazing heatedly into his lover’s eyes. “Even if I tried, I could never hate you. You should know that by now. I’m hopeless when it comes to you.” Key switches around in Jonghyun’s lap, pushing the older’s knees together and straddling him so that there chests are pressed together. Key makes no reply, instead caressing the other's cheek and resuming the kiss tenderly. The tenderness is fleeting, however, and soon Jonghyun can feel Key's other hand tangled in his hair, crushing their lips together with a needy forcefulness he didn't know the younger was capable of. The heat of it is too much, Jonghyun feels it spread throughout his body and threaten to scorch him from the inside out. Their tongues battle, breaths coming out in huffs as they devour each other, hands roaming everywhere, feeling and remembering.
*I've dried up like the desert, I'm hoping for a sweet rain that is you, to fall*
"Jong, baby I need you." Key whispers, breaking the kiss. "Aren't you worried the others might get suspicious?" Jonghyun asks with a smirk, gently stroking the back of the younger's neck. Key slowly stands up, removing his shirt to reveal the porcelain white skin beneath. " I don't know about you, but at this point I could care less what they think." He moves to the door and turns the lock, then slowly makes his way over to Jonghyun's bed and lies down on his back, propping himself up on his elbows and giving his lover a heated stare. Jonghyun doesn't need to ask for clarification as he stands and removes his own shirt, discarding it hastily on the floor. He crawls up his lover's body, eyes and fingers roaming all over the skin he has craved for so long. When they are once again face-to-face, Jonghyun rests his knees on either side of Key's hips and plants a soft kiss on his lips, then trailing down his jawline and along an inviting, slender neck. Key's breath hitches as Jonghyun traces the lines of his collarbones with his tongue, tasting the flesh as if he were starved for it. Their hips begin to move together in a slow grind, each being able to feel the other's need. Jonghyun's fingers skate along the line of Key's boxers, teasing and relishing the younger's shallow pants and breathy moans. Jonghyun slowly pulls down Key's pants and boxers, sliding them down over smooth, milky hips and thighs that are enough to make his mouth water. With a flood of emotions coming to the surface, Jonghyun slowly envelops Key's length in his mouth, licking and sucking fervently to elicit more of those delicious sounds from Key.
*The only medicine is you*
Key's body begins to quake all over as his back arches involuntarily, a pleading whimper escaping his lips. "Jjongie, stop....please stop..." Jonghyun ceases his ministrations and looks up at his lover questioningly. "What's wrong?" Key giggles at the older's concerned expression. "Nothing, babe. I just don't want this to be over so soon. Come here," Key winks and smiles coyly, making a 'come hither' motion. Jonghyun makes his way back up slowly, kissing and licking a trail up over smooth abs, pert nipples, and an elongated throat. Jonghyun becomes filled with pure, unadulterated joy as he watches his lover fall apart at his touches. He takes a moment to look down into Key's eyes, and it is in that moment that he realizes just how much he missed this. This feeling, this connection, the intimacy of it all. The need to claim Key overwhelms him, to ensure that he is his once again. Key's eyes reflect the same desire, and Jonghyun finds himself quickly relieved of his pants and boxers. Jonghyun settles himself between the younger's thighs, relishing the skin-on-skin contact. Key wraps his long legs around the elder's waist, skating his fingers over his back as he playfully nips Jonghyun's bottom lip.
*I can't live if I lose you*
Key pulls away for a moment and leans over to rummage through the nightstand, finding what he needs quickly. Soon, slick fingers are caressing Jonghyun's length, coating it and teasing with slight pressure. When Key is satisfied, he pulls away and Jonghyun releases a low groan, moving to align himself with the younger's entrance. Jonghyun leans down to gently kiss the soft lips beneath him, then pulling back and smiling at the breathless look on that gorgeous face. "You ready, baby?" he asks, concern furrowing his brow. Key braces his hands on broad shoulders and smiles reassuringly. "Yes, hurry Jjongie, I need to feel you." Jonghyun couldn't waste any more time if he had wanted to, his entire body screaming at him to take what is rightfully his. He pushes in slowly, savoring the feeling of Key's tight warmth around him and the sensual moans slipping from his lover's lips. Once he feels the younger start to relax, he pushes all the way in and back out, building a slow, torturous pace. He feels Key dig his nails into his shoulder blades as the younger begins to push his hips upward in time with Jonghyun's thrusts. "Faster baby...please go faster..." Key whimpers as his breathing becomes more labored.
*I can't live if I lose you*
Jonghyun gladly does as he is told, planting his arms on either side of Key's shoulders as he plunges into him, the slow build of pleasure constantly increasing. It feels so good, Key clenching so tightly around him, his fingers gripping onto him for dear life, breathing hotly onto his neck. The moans, the pants, the choked cries, all of it better than he remembered and slowly threatening to push him over the edge. "God, Kibum....you are perfect, baby. I love you.." Jonghyun breathes. Key moves his hand up to rub the back on Jonghyun's neck, playing with the soft hair there. Jonghyun doesn't miss the small tear that rolls down Key's cheek as he responds, "I love you too, Jonghy--ahh!" He cries out suddenly, his legs tightening around Jonghyun's waist and his body trembling. "Right there, Jjongie, please do that again.." The elder happily complies, bending Key nearly in half to accomplish his goal. Soon enough, Key is a ball of emotion and sensation, teetering so close to the edge. Jonghyun reaches down between them and strokes Key gently, gripping firmly and building speed. "Shit..baby...God....ahhh!" The words tumble from Key's throat with a groan as he releases, the sensation of his climax sending Jonghyun into bliss right behind him.
They stay like that for a moment, staring at each other as they register what just happened. Jongyhun flashes Key a winning smile and plants a quick kiss on his lips as he moves to lay beside his love. Key snuggles up to Jonghyun's chest as they wrap arms around each other, bathing in the afterglow. After a few moments, Jonghyun speaks up, "Well, I guess we'd better get back to the party before things get really awkward." Key covers his mouth with his hand to suppress a giggle. Jongyhun kisses the top of his lover's forehead, and asks the question that is eating at him. "So...what happens now?"
Kibum sighs, then gives Jonghyun an encouraging smile. "Don't worry baby, I'll never do that to you again. I don't know what we'll do for the long haul, but we'll just take it one day at a time, ok?" Key rises from the bed to re-dress and Jonghyun follows suit. Once they are as presentable as they can get, Key turns to Jonghyun and winks. Jonghyun slips an arm around Key's waist and pulls him close.
He leans down and whispers, "As long as I have you, that's all I'll ever need...."