Must. Resist. OT3
But I can't. I can't resist Cuddy's hotness. I can't resist House's jealousy. And I can't resist trying to pull Wilson from his closet, just a little bit.
Too Wise to Woo
Her guests' conversation filtered into the kitchen, muted, as Cuddy slid the platter into the sink and turned on the water. She only gave it a quick scrub to keep the cream sauce from drying to a stubborn glaze and left it to soak in the soapy water. She turned from the sink to look for a towel and startled.
"How long have you been here?"
"Long enough." House needed only a few steps to move from the door to within the sphere of her personal space. Cuddy tried to turn away but he was too close and he wasn't giving way. She held her wet, soapy hands out to her sides and stared at him, exasperated.
"Nice dinner party." House gave a sharp nod in the direction of the dining room. "Who are the lucky guests?"
"Donors," Cuddy said.
"Some of them, sure," House said thoughtfully. "Which one is 367?"
Cuddy reached up to push him away but House caught both her wrists and pushed her hands down onto the counter behind her. The position arched her back against the edge, her chest thrust toward House. "They're not that kind of donors."
"Apparently not." House studied her chest, hidden under a thin white blouse. He raised one hand to her throat and unfastened the top button. "Otherwise you'd have the tomatoes sitting on the window sill so everyone could see how ripe they are."
She started to lift her free hand but House quickly recaptured it. He was momentarily thwarted: lots of buttons but no fingers free to unfasten them. Then he shrugged and leaned down, tugging at the fabric with his teeth until the next button popped through. Cuddy looked up toward the ceiling, her face impassive. Her expression grew uncertain, though, as he worked methodically down the column of buttons, well past the point of exposing a little cleavage.
"Why's Wilson here?" House asked. He lifted his eyes from the revealed swell of her breasts to meet her gaze.
"He's on the board. He's intelligent, handsome, charming, and capable of interacting with others in a socially appropriate manner," Cuddy said, her words clipped. She stared back at him, her face giving nothing away.
"He's also a potential donor." House lowered his head and brushed his lips against the side of her breast, just along the line of her bra.
Cuddy's lips thinned slightly but she gave no other sign that he was having an effect on her. "What is this, House?"
House faltered, straightening up again to meet her cool gaze. "I told you; he's never the safe choice."
Cuddy stared back, almost challenging. "And you are?"
Before House could respond, the noise level from the dining room increased. He pulled back, glancing over his shoulder. "Seems like the party's over."
Cuddy dried her wet hands on the front of his shirt before rebuttoning her own. "Seems like."
~~**~~
"You have to do Cuddy."
Wilson looked up from his breakfast as House stormed into his office. He considered House's words, then shrugged and took another spoonful of cereal.
"In fact, why haven't you already done Cuddy? She's beautiful, she's sexy.... Are you gay?"
Wilson let his spoon drop into the bowl with a sigh. "She's a friend."
"Friend with benefits. So why aren't you taking advantage of those benefits?"
"Because you think if I have sex with Cuddy it will prevent us from having a relationship?"
"Exactly."
"Despite the fact that we're not having a relationship now without having to have sex?" Wilson paused, looking slightly confused. Then he shrugged again and picked up his spoon. "If you want Cuddy for yourself, then do something about it. And by do something, I mean stop bothering me."
"I don't want her."
"Yes, you do."
"Can't I want you to not have her while not having her myself?"
"A lose-lose proposition? Sounds exactly like one of your plans." Wilson wiped his mouth on a napkin. "You still want her."
~~**~~
Cuddy turned off the shower and stepped out on the rug. She ran a thick white towel down her legs, along her arms, under her breasts. She half-turned to toss the used towel in the corner and let out a startled yelp.
"You were busy so I let myself in." House was seated on the closed toilet lid, hands crossed over the head of his cane.
"I'm having my locks changed."
"Be smarter to change the hiding place for your key." House watched in appreciation as she reached for her robe. She refused to be embarassed by his appreciation. "Wilson thinks we should have sex."
"I didn't realize either of you were switch hitters," Cuddy said blandly as she slipped on her robe and turned to face him.
"No," House said slowly. "He thinks you and I should have sex."
"Why would Wilson want me to have sex with you?"
"When you're already having sex with him, you mean?"
"Not what I said."
"Apparently his reason is that I'll stop annoying him if we have sex."
"Ah." Cuddy gazed into the mirror as she ran a comb through her wet hair. "So he doesn't want me to have sex with you. He wants you to have sex with me."
"Not seeing the distinction."
Cuddy smiled and turned off the bathroom light as she left the room, leaving House in the dark. "Think about it."
~~**~~
Wilson walked out of the stall still buckling his belt. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw House with his ass perched on one of the sinks. "How long...? Have you been here the whole time?"
"Yep. And for a guy who eats as much salad as you do, it sure takes you a long time."
"You didn't come in here to discuss my dietary fiber intake." Wilson walked to the sink farthest from House and began to wash his hands.
"It's the antidepressants, isn't it?" House swung his cane, bouncing it back and forth between his feet as Wilson stoically ignored him. "Depressed and constipated: no wonder Cuddy won't sleep with you."
Wilson finished drying his hands and tossed the paper towel in the trash before turning on House. "What makes you think Cuddy has refused to sleep with me?"
"If you'd made the first move, there wouldn't be anything to discuss. And if she'd made the first move, you would've been on your back faster than...."
Wilson cut him off. "So your theory is that if Cuddy makes the first move we end up married but if I make the first move nothing happens?"
"That seems to be the pattern. You're a woman's bestest friend, caring, supportive, and non-threatening. Right up until the moment she can't stand it anymore and jumps you. After that it's all over but the I do's. And eventually the I don'ts."
Wilson let out an incredulous laugh. "Based on that, you and I should be tying the knot any day now."
"How do you figure that?"
"I'm your bestest friend. I'm caring and supportive and certainly no threat to you." Wilson had an amused grin on his face. "So why haven't you jumped me yet?"
"Wrong packaging. Duh."
"I've been told it's a satisfactory package." Wilson nudged the door open with his shoulder. "Cuddy certainly had no complaints."
~~**~~
House gently brushed a strand of hair from Cuddy's face. Her nose twitched as a stray hair tickled and her eyelids fluttered. A second later she jerked away as her eyes opened fully.
"House!"
"You're even hot when you sleep."
Cuddy turned her face into her pillow. "Oh god." Then she noticed a small detail and turned her face up to his. "You're in my bed. Naked."
"I couldn't get in your bed fully clothed. I might get the sheets dirty."
"Apparently getting the sheets dirty is the whole reason you're here." Cuddy rolled onto her side and propped her head up on one hand. "What makes you think I want you in my bed, naked or otherwise?"
"Wilson is never the safe choice."
"And you are?" She frowned and dropped to her back as House rolled to his side and leaned over her. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"
"I'm safer. I won't fall in love with you. I won't marry you. You don't expect anything from me so there's no risk of disappointment. I don't expect anything from you so you have nothing to live up to." House ran his fingers along her collarbone, slipping the thin strap of her nightgown off her shoulder.
"Emphasizing the negatives. Interesting strategy."
He slid his hand under her pillow and held up the square packet he'd secreted while she was still sleeping. "And I provide my own rubbers."
Cuddy shook her head. House leaned down and kissed her slowly, thoroughly, feeling her body surge under his. "You can't pretend you don't want this."
"I can't?"
"Fine. You can. But we'll both know you're lying." He kissed her again, mouths wide, tongues twisting and gliding. He moved his other hand to the side of her head and tried to tear open the wrapper.
She grabbed his hand. "No."
In a second, dozens of possibilities flickered across his face. Then he shrugged and tossed the condom aside. "You're the boss."
~~**~~
Wilson let himself into House's apartment by a practiced feat of dexterity; keys in one hand and beer and pizza balanced in the other. He stared as the door swung shut behind him. "Where are your clothes?"
House was fresh out of the shower and clad in only a towel. He held his hands, still dripping, out to his side. "Do me."
"Tempting," Wilson said dryly. "But seriously, where are your clothes?"
"But seriously--do me."
Wilson walked around the couch and set the six-pack and the pizza box on the coffee table. "Why?"
"Because none of my other plans are working." House followed Wilson around the couch. "I told you to jump Cuddy and the two of you are still getting cozy. I put the moves on Cuddy myself which sort of backfired because she still thinks you're the safe choice. Obviously the only way to stop you from committing matrimony again is for you to do me."
"Well, obviously." Wilson stared at House, a faintly bemused look on his face. House stared back as he shook his finger at Wilson in frustration.
"You're dripping on the pizza," Wilson observed blandly. He smiled as House growled. "It's not that doing you isn't an attractive proposition, but it takes time. The pizza will get cold and the beer will get hot."
"That's what microwaves and refrigerators are...." House had the power of speech taken from him by Wilson. Wilson's lips. And tongue. Lots and lots of tongue. He staggered into the table when Wilson pulled away. "Can't do this."
Wilson nodded, his face averted. "Yeah, I figured."
"No, you moron. I mean I can't physically do this." House gestured at the hidden ruin of his thigh.
"Couch?" Wilson asked, hesitant.
"Bed."
"Couch is closer."
"But the bed...." House looked down as Wilson tugged the towel from his waist then gave him a gentle shove onto the couch. When he raised his eyes again, Wilson was sinking to his knees. "Yeah, okay, the couch works."
~~**~~
Her fingers dug into his shoulders, slipping against his sweat slick skin. She turned her head to the side, unable to breath with his mouth on hers. She moaned for him move, right there, like that, and he grabbed her ass and lifted her just enough and she cried out into the darkness of her bedroom.
She moaned again, her body capable of nothing more than a fine tremor of muscles, as he thrust once more, hard, then twice, then stilled deep inside her. She ran her fingers through his hair as he panted against her neck. He started to shift back and then Wilson's forehead smacked against her chest when House's voice issued from the darkest corner of the room.
"This is the thanks I get?"
Wilson managed to grab the top sheet and pull it over them just as House turned on the light. He left his face buried between her breasts which left her to face the bane of both her personal and professional existence.
"You'd better have a suitable epitaph chosen." Cuddy's voice was cool in contrast to the heated flush on her face. "You're going to need it real soon."
"I'm doing this for you." House moved stiffly to the side of the bed and stared down at Cuddy. "I'm trying to keep the two of you from making a huge mistake. I did you. I did him. And still I find the two of you making like Chase and Cameron."
Cuddy's eyes traveled down House's body. "And you got off on it."
"Don't." Wilson lifted his head from the imagined safety of her cleavage. "Don't encourage him."
"It was a foolproof plan."
Wilson shifted to Cuddy's other side as House sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "Just one problem with your foolproof plan."
"Yeah," House agreed in disgust. "You two are bigger fools than even I realized."
"He means your assumptions were wrong." Cuddy sat up and tugged House's shirt over his head. He emerged from the shirt looking thoroughly ruffled as well as baffled. "You went after each of us because you want both of us. But you assumed we only wanted each other."
"Meaning...?"
"Meaning she wants both of us," Wilson said.
"At the same time?" House's question was answered when Cuddy grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him. He looked even more ruffled when she finished.
Wilson leaned against Cuddy's shoulder and she cocked her head, looking at House. "We aren't going to fall in love with each other. We're not going to get married. We don't expect anything from each other so none of us has anything to live up to."
"Cynical and slutty. My god, you are the perfect woman." He looked at Wilson. "And you're okay with this?"
"Do I look like I'm not okay with this?"
"You look like all your Hanukkahs have come at once."
Wilson gave House a smug grin, kissed Cuddy on the shoulder, and laid his head on the pillow. "Shut up and come to bed."
House pulled the sheet down as Cuddy settled down next to Wilson. He leaned forward as he started to unfasten his jeans, nuzzling at her breast. He rested his chin on her chest and gazed up at her, eyebrows raised. "You taste like...Wilson."
Cuddy let out a throaty chuckle. "Just wait 'til you see how Wilson tastes."
Too Wise to Woo
Her guests' conversation filtered into the kitchen, muted, as Cuddy slid the platter into the sink and turned on the water. She only gave it a quick scrub to keep the cream sauce from drying to a stubborn glaze and left it to soak in the soapy water. She turned from the sink to look for a towel and startled.
"How long have you been here?"
"Long enough." House needed only a few steps to move from the door to within the sphere of her personal space. Cuddy tried to turn away but he was too close and he wasn't giving way. She held her wet, soapy hands out to her sides and stared at him, exasperated.
"Nice dinner party." House gave a sharp nod in the direction of the dining room. "Who are the lucky guests?"
"Donors," Cuddy said.
"Some of them, sure," House said thoughtfully. "Which one is 367?"
Cuddy reached up to push him away but House caught both her wrists and pushed her hands down onto the counter behind her. The position arched her back against the edge, her chest thrust toward House. "They're not that kind of donors."
"Apparently not." House studied her chest, hidden under a thin white blouse. He raised one hand to her throat and unfastened the top button. "Otherwise you'd have the tomatoes sitting on the window sill so everyone could see how ripe they are."
She started to lift her free hand but House quickly recaptured it. He was momentarily thwarted: lots of buttons but no fingers free to unfasten them. Then he shrugged and leaned down, tugging at the fabric with his teeth until the next button popped through. Cuddy looked up toward the ceiling, her face impassive. Her expression grew uncertain, though, as he worked methodically down the column of buttons, well past the point of exposing a little cleavage.
"Why's Wilson here?" House asked. He lifted his eyes from the revealed swell of her breasts to meet her gaze.
"He's on the board. He's intelligent, handsome, charming, and capable of interacting with others in a socially appropriate manner," Cuddy said, her words clipped. She stared back at him, her face giving nothing away.
"He's also a potential donor." House lowered his head and brushed his lips against the side of her breast, just along the line of her bra.
Cuddy's lips thinned slightly but she gave no other sign that he was having an effect on her. "What is this, House?"
House faltered, straightening up again to meet her cool gaze. "I told you; he's never the safe choice."
Cuddy stared back, almost challenging. "And you are?"
Before House could respond, the noise level from the dining room increased. He pulled back, glancing over his shoulder. "Seems like the party's over."
Cuddy dried her wet hands on the front of his shirt before rebuttoning her own. "Seems like."
~~**~~
"You have to do Cuddy."
Wilson looked up from his breakfast as House stormed into his office. He considered House's words, then shrugged and took another spoonful of cereal.
"In fact, why haven't you already done Cuddy? She's beautiful, she's sexy.... Are you gay?"
Wilson let his spoon drop into the bowl with a sigh. "She's a friend."
"Friend with benefits. So why aren't you taking advantage of those benefits?"
"Because you think if I have sex with Cuddy it will prevent us from having a relationship?"
"Exactly."
"Despite the fact that we're not having a relationship now without having to have sex?" Wilson paused, looking slightly confused. Then he shrugged again and picked up his spoon. "If you want Cuddy for yourself, then do something about it. And by do something, I mean stop bothering me."
"I don't want her."
"Yes, you do."
"Can't I want you to not have her while not having her myself?"
"A lose-lose proposition? Sounds exactly like one of your plans." Wilson wiped his mouth on a napkin. "You still want her."
~~**~~
Cuddy turned off the shower and stepped out on the rug. She ran a thick white towel down her legs, along her arms, under her breasts. She half-turned to toss the used towel in the corner and let out a startled yelp.
"You were busy so I let myself in." House was seated on the closed toilet lid, hands crossed over the head of his cane.
"I'm having my locks changed."
"Be smarter to change the hiding place for your key." House watched in appreciation as she reached for her robe. She refused to be embarassed by his appreciation. "Wilson thinks we should have sex."
"I didn't realize either of you were switch hitters," Cuddy said blandly as she slipped on her robe and turned to face him.
"No," House said slowly. "He thinks you and I should have sex."
"Why would Wilson want me to have sex with you?"
"When you're already having sex with him, you mean?"
"Not what I said."
"Apparently his reason is that I'll stop annoying him if we have sex."
"Ah." Cuddy gazed into the mirror as she ran a comb through her wet hair. "So he doesn't want me to have sex with you. He wants you to have sex with me."
"Not seeing the distinction."
Cuddy smiled and turned off the bathroom light as she left the room, leaving House in the dark. "Think about it."
~~**~~
Wilson walked out of the stall still buckling his belt. He came to an abrupt halt when he saw House with his ass perched on one of the sinks. "How long...? Have you been here the whole time?"
"Yep. And for a guy who eats as much salad as you do, it sure takes you a long time."
"You didn't come in here to discuss my dietary fiber intake." Wilson walked to the sink farthest from House and began to wash his hands.
"It's the antidepressants, isn't it?" House swung his cane, bouncing it back and forth between his feet as Wilson stoically ignored him. "Depressed and constipated: no wonder Cuddy won't sleep with you."
Wilson finished drying his hands and tossed the paper towel in the trash before turning on House. "What makes you think Cuddy has refused to sleep with me?"
"If you'd made the first move, there wouldn't be anything to discuss. And if she'd made the first move, you would've been on your back faster than...."
Wilson cut him off. "So your theory is that if Cuddy makes the first move we end up married but if I make the first move nothing happens?"
"That seems to be the pattern. You're a woman's bestest friend, caring, supportive, and non-threatening. Right up until the moment she can't stand it anymore and jumps you. After that it's all over but the I do's. And eventually the I don'ts."
Wilson let out an incredulous laugh. "Based on that, you and I should be tying the knot any day now."
"How do you figure that?"
"I'm your bestest friend. I'm caring and supportive and certainly no threat to you." Wilson had an amused grin on his face. "So why haven't you jumped me yet?"
"Wrong packaging. Duh."
"I've been told it's a satisfactory package." Wilson nudged the door open with his shoulder. "Cuddy certainly had no complaints."
~~**~~
House gently brushed a strand of hair from Cuddy's face. Her nose twitched as a stray hair tickled and her eyelids fluttered. A second later she jerked away as her eyes opened fully.
"House!"
"You're even hot when you sleep."
Cuddy turned her face into her pillow. "Oh god." Then she noticed a small detail and turned her face up to his. "You're in my bed. Naked."
"I couldn't get in your bed fully clothed. I might get the sheets dirty."
"Apparently getting the sheets dirty is the whole reason you're here." Cuddy rolled onto her side and propped her head up on one hand. "What makes you think I want you in my bed, naked or otherwise?"
"Wilson is never the safe choice."
"And you are?" She frowned and dropped to her back as House rolled to his side and leaned over her. "Haven't we had this conversation before?"
"I'm safer. I won't fall in love with you. I won't marry you. You don't expect anything from me so there's no risk of disappointment. I don't expect anything from you so you have nothing to live up to." House ran his fingers along her collarbone, slipping the thin strap of her nightgown off her shoulder.
"Emphasizing the negatives. Interesting strategy."
He slid his hand under her pillow and held up the square packet he'd secreted while she was still sleeping. "And I provide my own rubbers."
Cuddy shook her head. House leaned down and kissed her slowly, thoroughly, feeling her body surge under his. "You can't pretend you don't want this."
"I can't?"
"Fine. You can. But we'll both know you're lying." He kissed her again, mouths wide, tongues twisting and gliding. He moved his other hand to the side of her head and tried to tear open the wrapper.
She grabbed his hand. "No."
In a second, dozens of possibilities flickered across his face. Then he shrugged and tossed the condom aside. "You're the boss."
~~**~~
Wilson let himself into House's apartment by a practiced feat of dexterity; keys in one hand and beer and pizza balanced in the other. He stared as the door swung shut behind him. "Where are your clothes?"
House was fresh out of the shower and clad in only a towel. He held his hands, still dripping, out to his side. "Do me."
"Tempting," Wilson said dryly. "But seriously, where are your clothes?"
"But seriously--do me."
Wilson walked around the couch and set the six-pack and the pizza box on the coffee table. "Why?"
"Because none of my other plans are working." House followed Wilson around the couch. "I told you to jump Cuddy and the two of you are still getting cozy. I put the moves on Cuddy myself which sort of backfired because she still thinks you're the safe choice. Obviously the only way to stop you from committing matrimony again is for you to do me."
"Well, obviously." Wilson stared at House, a faintly bemused look on his face. House stared back as he shook his finger at Wilson in frustration.
"You're dripping on the pizza," Wilson observed blandly. He smiled as House growled. "It's not that doing you isn't an attractive proposition, but it takes time. The pizza will get cold and the beer will get hot."
"That's what microwaves and refrigerators are...." House had the power of speech taken from him by Wilson. Wilson's lips. And tongue. Lots and lots of tongue. He staggered into the table when Wilson pulled away. "Can't do this."
Wilson nodded, his face averted. "Yeah, I figured."
"No, you moron. I mean I can't physically do this." House gestured at the hidden ruin of his thigh.
"Couch?" Wilson asked, hesitant.
"Bed."
"Couch is closer."
"But the bed...." House looked down as Wilson tugged the towel from his waist then gave him a gentle shove onto the couch. When he raised his eyes again, Wilson was sinking to his knees. "Yeah, okay, the couch works."
~~**~~
Her fingers dug into his shoulders, slipping against his sweat slick skin. She turned her head to the side, unable to breath with his mouth on hers. She moaned for him move, right there, like that, and he grabbed her ass and lifted her just enough and she cried out into the darkness of her bedroom.
She moaned again, her body capable of nothing more than a fine tremor of muscles, as he thrust once more, hard, then twice, then stilled deep inside her. She ran her fingers through his hair as he panted against her neck. He started to shift back and then Wilson's forehead smacked against her chest when House's voice issued from the darkest corner of the room.
"This is the thanks I get?"
Wilson managed to grab the top sheet and pull it over them just as House turned on the light. He left his face buried between her breasts which left her to face the bane of both her personal and professional existence.
"You'd better have a suitable epitaph chosen." Cuddy's voice was cool in contrast to the heated flush on her face. "You're going to need it real soon."
"I'm doing this for you." House moved stiffly to the side of the bed and stared down at Cuddy. "I'm trying to keep the two of you from making a huge mistake. I did you. I did him. And still I find the two of you making like Chase and Cameron."
Cuddy's eyes traveled down House's body. "And you got off on it."
"Don't." Wilson lifted his head from the imagined safety of her cleavage. "Don't encourage him."
"It was a foolproof plan."
Wilson shifted to Cuddy's other side as House sat on the edge of the bed next to her. "Just one problem with your foolproof plan."
"Yeah," House agreed in disgust. "You two are bigger fools than even I realized."
"He means your assumptions were wrong." Cuddy sat up and tugged House's shirt over his head. He emerged from the shirt looking thoroughly ruffled as well as baffled. "You went after each of us because you want both of us. But you assumed we only wanted each other."
"Meaning...?"
"Meaning she wants both of us," Wilson said.
"At the same time?" House's question was answered when Cuddy grabbed him by the back of the neck and kissed him. He looked even more ruffled when she finished.
Wilson leaned against Cuddy's shoulder and she cocked her head, looking at House. "We aren't going to fall in love with each other. We're not going to get married. We don't expect anything from each other so none of us has anything to live up to."
"Cynical and slutty. My god, you are the perfect woman." He looked at Wilson. "And you're okay with this?"
"Do I look like I'm not okay with this?"
"You look like all your Hanukkahs have come at once."
Wilson gave House a smug grin, kissed Cuddy on the shoulder, and laid his head on the pillow. "Shut up and come to bed."
House pulled the sheet down as Cuddy settled down next to Wilson. He leaned forward as he started to unfasten his jeans, nuzzling at her breast. He rested his chin on her chest and gazed up at her, eyebrows raised. "You taste like...Wilson."
Cuddy let out a throaty chuckle. "Just wait 'til you see how Wilson tastes."