You say drabble, I say dribble
Just a drabble, and a couple of follow up dribbles, for the H/W/C/A Drabble-a-thon because any excuse is a good excuse to put these characters in compromising positions. They're essentially the same as what I posted off the cuff for the 'thon. I just tidied up a bit.
"This is weird," Wilson said the moment House opened his front door. Wilson was waving a folded piece of paper as a few lingering snowflakes melted on his hair. "Amber left this morning for the conference in L.A."
"So did Cuddy."
"Amber left a note."
House held up his own piece of folded paper. "So did Cuddy."
They stared at each other's notes for a moment, then Wilson said, "They're colluding."
"Yep."
"And you don't find that scary?"
"Terrifying, actually. But interesting." House held a DVD up in his other hand and waved it in Wilson's face. "Cuddy left this, too. We're supposed to watch it together."
"Scary," Wilson repeated.
"But interesting." House hurried to the other side of the room and slid the disk into the player. He grabbed the remote and back up until he could plop down on the couch. Wilson eased onto the cushion next to House as the tv came on.
"I can't imagine what they'd want us to...." Wilson's voice trailed off and his eyebrows slowly headed north as images flickered to life on the tv screen. House's mouth dropped open and he tilted his head, first one way, then the other. Wilson's mouth moved soundlessly as he struggled to find a way of expressing his surprise. Yelping was an excellent way, and one he employed as House suddenly slapped him in the face.
"What the hell was that for?"
"Had to make sure I'm not dreaming this."
"By hitting me?" Wilson asked indignantly.
"Well, if I hit me it would hurt."
Wilson pointed numbly at the screen. "But that's Amber. And Cuddy. Naked. And they're...they're...."
"Having sex. Yeah, I noticed," House said, completely engrossed in the on-screen activities. He shoved Wilson back and out of his way. "Now shut up. Cuddy's about to...." House's face scrunched up like the fistful of Wilson's shirt in his hand. And with the sound of a familiar moan he punched his fist in the air. "Yes!"
"But why?" Wilson asked, bewildered. "Amber's not...." Although, for someone who wasn't, she sure was good at it. Wilson stared, unable to fully process what he was seeing but unable to tear his eyes away. In fact it was several moments filled with nothing but the dizzying sounds of heavy breathing and slick, wet skin before Wilson fumbled his way back to his question.
"Wh...?"
"Don't care," House said hoarsely. "Your bitch is going down on my bitch and I don't care why."
Wilson couldn't argue with that. Even if he'd wanted to argue he couldn't have formed a coherent sentence with which to present the argument. He was having some strange pornographic out of body experience. He couldn't see or hear or feel anything but the all-consuming images on the screen. And speaking of all-consuming....
"Damn," House breathed. "Did you see that?"
"House."
"Yeah," House said distractedly.
"Hit me again."
~~**~~
"Miss me?" Cuddy asked as she curled up on the sofa next to House.
"How could I when I had this to keep me company?" He pointed the remote at the tv and his new favorite movie began to play.
Cuddy blushed, then discarded the air of embarassment with a shrug. "I take it you enjoyed my gift?"
"Very thoughtful of you." House glanced over at her. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you intended it to be thoughtful."
"Why else would I have made a lesbian porno for you?"
"You might've been trying to give me a heart attack so you could collect the life insurance."
"Please," Cuddy scoffed. "If I wanted to sex you into a heart attack, I wouldn't need Amber's help."
"And in that spirit...." House flourished a DVD at her. "I made you a welcome home gift."
Cuddy took the disc, staring at him speculatively. "And this is...what?"
"An act of reciprocity."
"You didn't."
"Hey, I was alone all week. With Wilson." House shrugged. "After watching your gift a dozen times I needed some kind of release."
A slow grin spread across Cuddy's face and she jumped up, DVD clutched in her hand. "I'm calling Amber."
"You can't do that," House insisted.
"Why not?"
"Because...Wilson doesn't actually know I recorded the proceedings."
Cuddy's grin became positively demonic as she hurried to the phone. "I'm definitely calling Amber."
~~**~~
"Okay." Amber turned on Wilson, hands on her hips. "You haven't said a word about the DVD since I got home so either that bastard House didn't share or you didn't like it."
"I liked it," Wilson said defensively. He looked around the living room, fingers twitching. "Sure you don't want to play a game of Scrabble?"
"I'm sure," Amber said flatly. "I want to know why you didn't like the present I left for you."
"I did like it," Wilson insisted, but he still wasn't meeting her eyes.
"But?"
"But...I'm not used to my girlfriend...."
"Making you a lesbian porno?" Amber asked as Wilson gestured suggestively.
"Exactly. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"You hated it."
"I didn't hate it. I liked it. I just...saw way more of my boss than I ever needed to."
"Wuss," Amber muttered. Wilson threw his hands up in surrender as she answered her cell phone. "Dr. Volakis." A moment later she turned a highly interested look on Wilson. He started looking for an exit when her expression went from interested to predatory. "Seriously? I'll be right over."
She tucked her phone back in her purse. "I guess you really did like my present."
"I told you I did." Wilson frowned. "Wait. What changed your mind? Where are you going?"
"Lisa has a video I need to see," Amber said, grabbing her coat. She smiled at Wilson's befuddled expression. "Seems House decided to reciprocate and he made us a little gift."
"House...? What?" A look of horror crossed Wilson's face. "No. He didn't."
"He did," Amber said with an evil smile. "I won't be long. Be naked when I get back."
"This is weird," Wilson said the moment House opened his front door. Wilson was waving a folded piece of paper as a few lingering snowflakes melted on his hair. "Amber left this morning for the conference in L.A."
"So did Cuddy."
"Amber left a note."
House held up his own piece of folded paper. "So did Cuddy."
They stared at each other's notes for a moment, then Wilson said, "They're colluding."
"Yep."
"And you don't find that scary?"
"Terrifying, actually. But interesting." House held a DVD up in his other hand and waved it in Wilson's face. "Cuddy left this, too. We're supposed to watch it together."
"Scary," Wilson repeated.
"But interesting." House hurried to the other side of the room and slid the disk into the player. He grabbed the remote and back up until he could plop down on the couch. Wilson eased onto the cushion next to House as the tv came on.
"I can't imagine what they'd want us to...." Wilson's voice trailed off and his eyebrows slowly headed north as images flickered to life on the tv screen. House's mouth dropped open and he tilted his head, first one way, then the other. Wilson's mouth moved soundlessly as he struggled to find a way of expressing his surprise. Yelping was an excellent way, and one he employed as House suddenly slapped him in the face.
"What the hell was that for?"
"Had to make sure I'm not dreaming this."
"By hitting me?" Wilson asked indignantly.
"Well, if I hit me it would hurt."
Wilson pointed numbly at the screen. "But that's Amber. And Cuddy. Naked. And they're...they're...."
"Having sex. Yeah, I noticed," House said, completely engrossed in the on-screen activities. He shoved Wilson back and out of his way. "Now shut up. Cuddy's about to...." House's face scrunched up like the fistful of Wilson's shirt in his hand. And with the sound of a familiar moan he punched his fist in the air. "Yes!"
"But why?" Wilson asked, bewildered. "Amber's not...." Although, for someone who wasn't, she sure was good at it. Wilson stared, unable to fully process what he was seeing but unable to tear his eyes away. In fact it was several moments filled with nothing but the dizzying sounds of heavy breathing and slick, wet skin before Wilson fumbled his way back to his question.
"Wh...?"
"Don't care," House said hoarsely. "Your bitch is going down on my bitch and I don't care why."
Wilson couldn't argue with that. Even if he'd wanted to argue he couldn't have formed a coherent sentence with which to present the argument. He was having some strange pornographic out of body experience. He couldn't see or hear or feel anything but the all-consuming images on the screen. And speaking of all-consuming....
"Damn," House breathed. "Did you see that?"
"House."
"Yeah," House said distractedly.
"Hit me again."
~~**~~
"Miss me?" Cuddy asked as she curled up on the sofa next to House.
"How could I when I had this to keep me company?" He pointed the remote at the tv and his new favorite movie began to play.
Cuddy blushed, then discarded the air of embarassment with a shrug. "I take it you enjoyed my gift?"
"Very thoughtful of you." House glanced over at her. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt in assuming you intended it to be thoughtful."
"Why else would I have made a lesbian porno for you?"
"You might've been trying to give me a heart attack so you could collect the life insurance."
"Please," Cuddy scoffed. "If I wanted to sex you into a heart attack, I wouldn't need Amber's help."
"And in that spirit...." House flourished a DVD at her. "I made you a welcome home gift."
Cuddy took the disc, staring at him speculatively. "And this is...what?"
"An act of reciprocity."
"You didn't."
"Hey, I was alone all week. With Wilson." House shrugged. "After watching your gift a dozen times I needed some kind of release."
A slow grin spread across Cuddy's face and she jumped up, DVD clutched in her hand. "I'm calling Amber."
"You can't do that," House insisted.
"Why not?"
"Because...Wilson doesn't actually know I recorded the proceedings."
Cuddy's grin became positively demonic as she hurried to the phone. "I'm definitely calling Amber."
~~**~~
"Okay." Amber turned on Wilson, hands on her hips. "You haven't said a word about the DVD since I got home so either that bastard House didn't share or you didn't like it."
"I liked it," Wilson said defensively. He looked around the living room, fingers twitching. "Sure you don't want to play a game of Scrabble?"
"I'm sure," Amber said flatly. "I want to know why you didn't like the present I left for you."
"I did like it," Wilson insisted, but he still wasn't meeting her eyes.
"But?"
"But...I'm not used to my girlfriend...."
"Making you a lesbian porno?" Amber asked as Wilson gestured suggestively.
"Exactly. Not that there's anything wrong with that."
"You hated it."
"I didn't hate it. I liked it. I just...saw way more of my boss than I ever needed to."
"Wuss," Amber muttered. Wilson threw his hands up in surrender as she answered her cell phone. "Dr. Volakis." A moment later she turned a highly interested look on Wilson. He started looking for an exit when her expression went from interested to predatory. "Seriously? I'll be right over."
She tucked her phone back in her purse. "I guess you really did like my present."
"I told you I did." Wilson frowned. "Wait. What changed your mind? Where are you going?"
"Lisa has a video I need to see," Amber said, grabbing her coat. She smiled at Wilson's befuddled expression. "Seems House decided to reciprocate and he made us a little gift."
"House...? What?" A look of horror crossed Wilson's face. "No. He didn't."
"He did," Amber said with an evil smile. "I won't be long. Be naked when I get back."