NC-17 | Be Cool.Be Hard.Be Weird (It's Just Four Years) | 3/4
The Rolling Stone dropped on the table and Jensen looked at it before sitting back in the booth. He watched Katie slide in across from him with a twisted smile. “You think you’re funny?”
He took a moment to think then smirked, “On occasion.”
She pulled the magazine over, flipped it open, and started reading. “’His fingers twitch towards the pack like a kid with a sugar fix, or a junkie coming down from his high and needing more. And he spaces out like one, too. From the canned smiles while discussing Down the Line to more than enough eye rolls, his demeanor leaves much to be desired.’”
Jensen rolled his eyes - okay, so it was a habit - and pushed his empty coffee cup to the edge of the table for a refill. It had been anything but easy to give that interview, let along to hear it regurgitated by Katie’s frustrated voice. But, as he’d done so often in his life, and especially of late, he cocked a smile to joke. “That’s ridiculous. I didn’t even have my cigarettes that day.”
Katie kept reading. “’With his career stalled on yet another box office bomb, one would think he’d be open to an insider interview, to show the world what he hasn’t had a chance to yet let out. Instead, he locks up, spitting sarcasm like any number of his past characters and failing to show the real Jensen Ackles. Burrowing up like Punxsutawney Phil in February.’”
“That guy was a dick.”
She shook her head, closing the magazine and shooting it over. “This was your chance, and you did that?”
“I didn’t do that bad,” he argued while eyeing the waitress refilling his coffee. He smiled uneasily when her eyes kept flicking between the cup and him, the usual flash of recognition in them.
“You didn’t do good,” Katie corrected. “Besides being a grade A asshole, you gave lackluster quotes on the movie, dismissed the possibility of going into the DC franchise, and badmouthed Lisa.”
Jensen’s eyebrows furrowed. “What? I didn’t badmouth her.”
She glared at him, again flipping the magazine open and pointing at the picture of Jensen with Lisa Carson, his arm around her and both smiling for the cameras.
He mumbled his way through the caption, which retold his quote that Lisa was nice enough. I’m sure someone else will get her. He nearly winced but instead smiled and said easily, “At least the pictures are good.”
“It isn’t Playboy, you ass. People read the articles.” When he pushed it back at her, she stared at him. “Jensen, do you even know how bad things look right now?”
“Yeah, I heard Perez Hilton won’t touch me.”
“Jensen.”
He tossed a hand into the air and complained, “I didn’t even want Lisa. That one was all your crazy idea, so you shouldn’t be pissed at me for it not working.”
Her voice went low, part care and part reprimand. “Jensen, you don’t calm down and actually stay with some girl, Perez Hilton will go after you. And then we’re all fucked.”
“You stop bringing me shitty scripts and maybe they won’t care about my personal life.”
“Shitty movies or not, people care. Remember the kid from Texas?”
Jensen winced, instantly recalling the scare from a few years ago. Someone in Richardson dragged out stories from high school. It was one of Katie’s finer moments to turn it around and get it off his back.
She put her hands on the table and spoke with a level voice. “Jensen. You wanna keep going at this rate? Fine. But don’t complain when you’re not getting what you want.”
*
It’d taken just five years in Hollywood for Jensen to find his footing. He was revered for his first few small roles in understated independent films, and then made a name for himself with his own script, the very one he’d scratched into dozens of ledgers throughout his remaining months of high school.
There weren’t awards, but there were a few nominations and more than enough critics drooling over what the future would hold for him.
Except then people started poking into his life and Katie’d forced him into the social scene, into relationships with up-and-coming actresses to play his beard, because she feared the second someone got wind that he wasn’t as straight as his female fans wanted him, it would be over.
Another five, six years, and he was growing tired of it all, of having to smile and play house for the cameras. He stopped smiling for the interviews, started giving level answers instead of glowing remarks, and all around began negating the few years of hard work and well-deserved respect. He was pissed off enough with Hollywood to hardly care. Except he had to make money, working crappy movies with big budgets and pay, fighting to get back into what he’d always wanted to do. Write and act. He didn’t want to be a persona anymore.
*
He wasn’t trying to make a point, but he hit a few bars with Sarah, the newest shield to deflect any real questions. He drank and smoke, was photographed into oblivion, and then captioned as Hollywood’s newest bad boy.
Katie fumed, he laughed, and no one agreed on how to fix it. Not his PR people, the studio reps behind his next film, or even Sarah could come up with a feasible response.
Jensen leaned back into his couch, cradling a bottle of water in his lap and giving Katie a wry smile. “And you thought no one cared about me anymore.”
*
Jensen hadn’t considered the timing. He just took a role in what was seen as the next generation’s Big Chill, the newest coming-of-age-reunion flick, and went with it, doing his best to bring all his talent to the table.
For the first time in a while, he was happy about work. And Katie seemed to be, too, when she swung by his condo, slapping a newspaper onto the kitchen island. “We’re fixing this.”
He glanced at the entertainment section of some small time paper. He read the caption below a picture of him in Going Back Again that referenced a reunion, and he laughed. “What? Like the Times really has the answer?”
She smacked her lips. “It’s the San Antonio Express-News.”
Jensen looked up with confusion and a high eyebrow. “What?”
“Keep reading, hot shot.”
His eyes roamed the article and then widened in fear, catching details of his old high school, the one in San Antonio where he spent just one semester.
Katie gave him the major details anyway. “School’s being closed to build a bigger, better one. But the thing’s, like, ancient, so there’s a whole big sock hop kinda deal to celebrate.”
He swallowed hard and couldn’t manage reading anymore because all he could think about was the only friend he had in that town.
*
“Not going,” he said firmly.
“Jensen,” Jim said just as firmly. And for all the times Jensen appreciated how gruff Jim got when negotiating his career, he truly hated it right then. “You better be listening to me right now. Your reputation is in the shithouse and it ain’t coming back without a statement.”
“Yeah, and visiting my grand ol’ high school - that I only went to for four months, I may add - is really gonna fix it all?”
“It’ll be more good than harm.”
He sighed, feeling that it would be nothing but harm for him to go back.
*
The call from his mother more than spooked him, because the first thing out of her mouth was, “The Express-News says you’re coming home for the school event?”
He groaned and pressed fingers into his eyes. “How the hell they get that?”
“So, you’re coming home?” she asked hopefully.
“Mom, I … I’ll come home. I will. Just not for this.”
“It’s been nearly two years.”
Jensen sighed and scratched at his hair. It really had been a while longer than he’d planned, but he wasn’t going to do it this way. Not for the stupid high school he barely remembered to see all the people he’d like to forget.
*
The noises in his closet woke him. He rolled over and out of bed, wiping at his eyes before he could fully see anything beyond the clock telling him it wasn’t even six in the morning, but he still yelled at her. “What the fuck are you doing?!”
Katie looked up for a second then went back to packing his suitcase. “You have a 9:15 flight. Jim booked it, don’t yell at me.” She held up a grey sweater vest and eyed him. “You always looked good in this one.”
He grabbed it and threw it behind him. “Get out of my closet.”
She tsked and shook her head. “Jensen, you need to stop relying on yourself - ”
“Get out of my closet. And get out of my house.”
“And you need to start listening to us,” Katie went on, totally ignoring his mood. “Your job is to act and look pretty, and ours is to make you look even better.”
Jensen leaned over to slap the suitcase shut and tug it out of her grasp. “I did pretty fine and well without you guys for the first few years. Had a lot less headaches.”
Sitting back on her feet, Katie smirked. “Had a lot less money, too. And opportunities. And clothes,” she added as she stood and closed in on him. “You are so incredibly ungrateful, it’s a wonder I don’t up and quit.”
His eyes roamed her face and he bit back, “Bigger wonder is why I don’t fire you.”
Her eyes went just as hard. “God, you’re awful in the mornings.” He rolled his eyes and started to turn away but she tugged on his arm. “Please. Just go, take a few pictures, smile and act for the cameras. Then come back and we’ll discuss the next year.” He didn’t respond, just stared back, and he was only affected when her voice went soft. “Jensen, Fox is scrambling for the next Tom Hanks production. They’re eyeing you. But they’re also seeing how the mags write you. This will ease it.”
He took long, steadying breaths, knowing it was a long-shot possibility but a little floored to find out that they had his name on the table. With a few blinks, he turned and snatched the sweater off the ground before putting it on the bed.
When she came beside him, she laid out a graphic tee, long-sleeve shirt, and distressed jeans. “Go light on the way down.”
With a sigh, he went into the bathroom to shower.
*
A ball cap tugged down tight couldn’t hide him, and he cursed Katie and Jim, figuring they arranged for the photographers to greet him at LAX. The cameras were enough of a bother that he wouldn’t budge from his seat during a layover in Phoenix. And then he grumbled his way through SAT, ignoring the flashes and wanting nothing but to get through the damn weekend. Except, he knew the point of the trip, knew what it would mean for his career.
So, he raised his head and gave small, seemingly satisfied smiles to each lens, even signed autographs for the few fans who stopped him in the airport.
As hard as that was, he wasn’t prepared to step out of the arrivals gate to a gathering of people, busting with energy and holding Welcome Home signs.
A small, dark-haired woman ran forward, grabbing and shaking his hand immediately. She was all excitement and nerves as she led him to the limo, talking loud enough to be heard over the crowd. “Jensen! We’re so happy to have you here for the celebration. Have so many fantastic things planned this weekend. You’re gonna love it.”
He tightly smiled and raised a hand to the surrounding people before getting into the limo, surprised when she slid in next to him. “Hi,” he said awkwardly, watching as she leaned towards the driver and gave an address. “So, where’re we going?”
“Oh!” she chuckled. “Right. Um, the plan is to bring you to the school for a tour, get some pictures with the last graduating class, and then there’s some time to get you to the hotel before the dinner. Tomorrow night is the big reception, everyone’s invited.”
He nodded, looked forward, and rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Okay, so, you’re the welcoming committee?”
“You could say that. More like Planning Committee.” They shared a look until she seemed to relax. “Jensen, we’re real happy to have you here.”
“Yeah, I bet,” he mumbled, looking out the window to catch the scenery of a town he barely knew even when he lived there.
“Gosh, who would’ve thought? Jensen Ackles, movie star.” When Jensen turned to her, she looked nervous to have said it, but then she gave a small smile. “You don’t remember.”
He put a hand up and tried as nicely as possible to say, “Look, I spent four deathly boring months here. I don’t remember a whole hell of a lot.”
She swallowed but kept her smile in place. “Genevieve.”
“Oh.” His sigh turned into a harsh chuckle. “Well, I remember that.”
*
He’d thought dealing with Genevieve constantly shooting him strange looks in high school was irritating. Now, when her looks were more in amazement and overt attention, he was downright annoyed.
It only got worse at the school, roaming the halls that he had never paid much attention to, but was required to talk about with local print and TV media following him. He was growing so tired of it all that when he caught the South Hall just off of the main stretch of classrooms, he chuckled and let slip, “Always ran out this door during third period.” He took a few steps into the hallway and looked up and around with a small smile, recounting the time he’d faked an emergency call for Jared to be pulled from class, and then pulled him down that very corridor so they could ditch the rest of the day.
“What classes did you have down here?” a perky blonde with a microphone asked.
“No, I, uh,” he said awkwardly, fingers touching the brick wall. Then his lips quirked up. “Friend and I used to ditch out this way.” He caught the surprise in her eyes and chuckled. “Yeah. I wasn’t exactly the perfect student.”
*
“Who did you ditch with?” Genevieve whispered the moment they walked onto the football field.
“What?”
“Who did you ditch with? I didn’t know that you had any friends.”
Jensen was shocked by the words, but more that they held no heat whatsoever. She honestly seemed to think he didn’t talk to anyone. Or forgot he did. He bent over, snagged a few blades of grass then tossed them into the air. It was good conditions for golf, and he smiled at that. “Jared.”
She made stuttering noises before smiling when the media caught up to them and righted the cameras to catch Jensen roaming the athletic fields.
*
It was quiet in the ride to the hotel and he wanted to ask why Genevieve even bothered to keep following him around but he wasn’t so sure he actually wanted to talk to her. He was exhausted from Katie’s rough and early wake up visit, having to travel, and running around the high school and putting on his best face and voice to convince all the teachers, students, and interviewers that he was happy to be back.
There was a brief moment where he was. It came when he thought of the hallway, dragging Jared out the doors, and spending the afternoon roaming the town. They did nothing more than crack jokes and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes while walking street after street, but it was one of the first times he felt truly comfortable around Jared.
“I didn’t know you guys were that close.”
He looked over with a sharp inhale. “What?”
“You and Jared. I mean, we all knew he had some strange fascination with you. But we just figured it was him goofing off.”
“Goofing off?”
“You know, all he ever did was play around and joke with everyone about everyone else. Didn’t think you guys were really friends like that.”
His eyebrow flicked up and he looked back out the window. His words were more for him than her. “It was just a few months. Not a big deal.”
*
Except, it really was a big deal, because for a long while, when first in California, he couldn’t stop thinking about Jared and that last night in the woods. The kiss, and his admission, and Jared kissing him back. If leaving that next day wasn’t the hardest thing he’d ever done, coming back home really was.
And it was evident by the hard hug his mother squeezed into him when he stepped inside her house. “Mom ... Ma, I can’t breathe.”
She released him and thumped him on the back with a twisted smile. “Next time you let a full year go by, I’m gonna release your baby pictures to the Express-News.”
He rolled his eyes and walked ahead of her to find his dad sitting in the den, hunched over a familiar Bible. His father spoke with levity. “And he shall return, the golden child. He shall bring us food and drink, cure cancer, heal all our wounds.”
Another roll of his eyes and Jensen moved in for a one-armed hug. “So tired of that.”
“Well, now,” he said while tapping a palm at Jensen’s cheek. “You haven’t been around these parts enough to hear all my posturing.”
“I’ve heard enough.” Jensen dropped into an arm chair and then sighed when he caught his face on the Rolling Stone sitting on the side table. His fingers played with the edges as he asked quietly, “Guess you read this?”
His mother handed him a glass of water and gave a wry smile. “I suppose we should be glad Hollywood didn’t change you for the worse.”
“It was taken out of context.”
“All of it?” she asked with one high eyebrow.
*
In only the most disturbing way possible, the dinner was set in the school cafeteria, and Jensen couldn’t sigh hard enough at the fact. After a change of clothes that included a button-up and short leather jacket - an outfit Katie deemed, hip but not too rich - he left the hotel early and roamed the neighborhood on foot, remembering enough to know that the school wasn’t far away.
His mouth twitched at the general store, still open but even more dilapidated than his memory had said it was. Not quite for good time’s sake but more out of need, he asked for a pack of Reds and lit up in the parking lot. He neared the fencing for the school’s lot and nearly frowned when he saw the broken section had been replaced. Not that he expected it to still be there, but it would’ve been nice to see.
He heard a sudden bark of a laugh, pitched high and loud, and when he looked up, he stared at a giant of a man walking with Genevieve and a few others. Jensen tossed his cigarette to the ground. Without thinking, he jumped up to grab the top of the fence, pulled himself up and over, and jogged across the way.
“Hey, hang on,” Jensen said quickly as he tugged on the door just before it closed. His heart picked up and his eyes were blown wide when he said a lame, “Hey,” to Jared’s long look, staring at all of Jared’s height. He nervously chuckled, “Wow, you shot up.”
Jared looked confused, going between the group moving ahead of him and Jensen. “Where’d you come from?”
“L.A. I got in this morning.”
“No,” Jared said oddly, looking beyond Jensen. “I mean where’d you come from just now?”
Jensen turned to face the general store and chuckled. “Would you believe …”
Slowly, Jared smiled and then nodded. “I’d believe that like I’d believe you actually coming back.”
Beyond his nerves, there was a small ball of comfort growing inside from seeing Jared. The combination of him and this school brought Jensen back to those months when the two of them easily traded barbs and laughs. “Yeah, well, I’m here now. Gotta amp up the party. Show everyone what a handsome devil I turned into.”
He laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, and real modest.”
“I did my best.”
Jared smirked and then looked at him, from head to toe. “You look good, man.”
Jensen motioned a hand at Jared. “Yeah, you, too.”
They nodded together, falling into an awkward silence until Jared cleared his throat and turned back into the doorway. “You coming in?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course.”
Jared walked beside Jensen and kept throwing him looks, until he finally said, “Can’t believe you actually came back.”
He tucked his hands into his jeans and looked to the ground as they kept moving forward. “Yeah, me neither.”
“Not to sound rude … but why did you?”
Jensen slowed, running a hand over his head. “I, uh … you know, had to come see the parents. Thought I might as well swing by here.”
He smirked, “Surprised you don’t have your cameras.”
“What?”
“I saw your tour. They aired it this afternoon on one of the local stations.”
He snorted and looked down. “Yeah, that.”
“Just a big publicity stunt, huh?”
Jensen looked up again, noting how Jared’s voice wasn’t hard, but there was some bother in it. He stalled to answer, feeling small inside the halls again, but then he looked at Jared, thought back to those last few weeks together, and he smirked. “Always told ya I was too big for this town.”
Jared nodded with an awkward smile and moved on through the hallway.
*
There were pictures of everything: Jensen shaking hands with teachers he barely remembered, current students, graduates from before and after his time, some he actually walked the halls with. People snapped Jensen loading his plate in the buffet line, accepting a Coke from the refreshments table, managing smiles in every random conversation.
The hardest to deal with were those he had classes with, all fawning over him, beaming and chattering on about him and his life now.
He’d rub the back of his neck and try an easy smile and shrug. “It’s just life, just a job,” he’d say with a tinge of meaning, trying his best to just act through the whole thing.
*
Jensen had to escape to the bathroom to pull the flask out of his inside jacket pocket to down a healthy dose. He’d kept the thing for years, didn’t always use it, but it felt heavy in his hands right then. He looked down on it, thumb skating over the initials before drinking again and putting it back in its place.
He lasted another hour before he ambled down the hallway and pushed at the doors to the parking lot. Seconds later he heard heavy footsteps, picking up until Jensen turned.
“Leaving already?” Jared asked.
Jensen snorted. “You know this isn’t my scene.”
“Not enough strobe lights?”
He narrowed his eyes and then sighed. “No, man. I’m not … I just.” Another sigh and his mouth twisted. “You know I hated this place and all those people.”
“Yeah, I do,” Jared said simply.
“Sometimes you have to do things you don’t want to, ya know?”
His mouth twitched and he watched Jensen before he nodded.
*
“God, this is so cliché.”
“Shut up and pass it over,” Jared demanded, wiggling his fingers at Jensen.
Jensen handed over his pack of cigarettes and settled on the tree trunk, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. “So what’s your story? Gotta have a wife and twelve kids by now.”
He shook his head while exhaling smoke. “Nope. On my own. Live a few towns over. Counselor at the junior high school.”
His eyebrows went high as he considered it. Considered how he all but corrupted Jared for four months of high school and now Jared was in charge of keeping kids in line. “Really?”
“Really,” he nodded.
Jensen chuckled, “Well, at least you know where all the kids hide out to drink and smoke.”
“They’ve got some good stuff these days.”
“Jared Padalecki. You fall off the straight and narrow?”
He barked out a laugh. “Think someone pushed me off.”
Jensen shook his head with a smile, thinking over all the things he’d introduced Jared to, but also how easily Jared went right along with it.
“What about you?” Jared asked with a bump to Jensen’s shoulder.
He sat up with straight shoulders and put on his best smirk. “Well … I don’t know if you’ve heard? I made a little dough in L.A.”
Jared nodded for a bit and smiled. “Yeah, I heard.” After another nudge, he asked, “You wrote that movie out of those books?”
Jensen bit into a smile, more than happy with the story he wrote but embarrassed to admit it to Jared.
“What about a love life? Every other picture on the internet is another girl on your arm.”
Jensen nearly coughed through his cigarette then looked down to his hands settling on his thighs. “No, it’s not that bad. Just people to be seen with.” He swallowed and immediately went for a subject change. “This school thing that big of a deal?”
*
When Jensen broke out the flask, Jared stalled his story about a shy kid at his school, one he said reminded him of Jensen, and visibly swallowed. Jensen froze with the flask halfway to his mouth. “What?”
The corner of Jared’s mouth tipped up, “No. Nothing.” And then he kept talking.
*
There wasn’t much in the flask, and they were both old enough to handle their liquor, so Jensen was surprised to find himself a little giddy and warm around the collar. He tugged at it before pulling his jacket off and dropping it next to him.
“Oh, thank God,” Jared chuckled, suddenly unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off to leave him in a plain tee, looking more comfortable by the minute. “Have been waiting for you to do that.”
“What?” Jensen chuckled as he folded back the sleeves of his button-up.
“I’m fucking dying out here. It’s Texas in June and you’re all bundled up with the leather jacket on, looking cool. I didn’t want to start looking lame in just a t-shirt.”
“You already were lame,” Jensen shot back easily.
Jared laughed and shoved at Jensen’s arm. “Shut up.”
Jensen laughed with him and continued on with his taunts. “Taking off that ugly shirt ain’t gonna help you.”
He shook his head with a smile and lit another cigarette. “Glad to see you haven’t changed. Still a dick.”
“Funny,” Jensen said with a push at Jared’s arm.
He tapped at Jensen’s arm, squeezing quickly with a smile, and when Jensen looked down on it, they both paused. Jared’s hand loosened while he looked up.
Jensen’s arm turned, fingers curling around Jared’s wrist and he slowly pulled him close with a quiet, hoarse voice. “Can I?”
His mouth twitched. “You’re gonna ask this time?”
Jensen held Jared’s arm higher, curling under the bicep as his breathing hitched. “That a yes?”
Without a word Jared closed the space, pressing their mouths together, and before long, tangling tongues. Jensen felt so many of the nerves from over a decade ago, but when the kiss ramped up with one of Jared’s hands spanning his back and the other holding his neck, it felt so much better, and he responded in kind. Hands grabbing Jared to bring him in, mouth moving faster and tongue getting sloppier.
Jared pulled back to catch his breath, a hand still tight around Jensen’s neck. “Déjà vu, huh?”
“That such a bad thing?” Jensen asked with a smirk. “It was one hell of a handjob.”
He chuckled but then closed his eyes and said, “You left the next morning. You leaving tomorrow?”
Jensen struggled to say what Jared really wanted to hear and while his “No,” was accurate, he knew it wasn’t what Jared should get.
“When?”
He kissed Jared, mumbling, “Sunday,” into his mouth.
.next.