For me loving someone is learning all the things I would've had to have been to be their everything.

Have you ever seen a dead body? I don't mean open-casket or your dead grandmother in her bed that's still warm when hospice carries her out. I mean fresh blood and concrete, shattered glass, and mangled limbs, parents pulling their kids away ( Read more... )

I've sweared I'd change so many times no one even wants to hear it anymore.

Its funny I didn't believe me either before. I'm the only one who knows I'm not lying this time.

So now I guess all I can do is shut the fuck up.

Watch.

The funny thing? that everyone understands that feeling.

Need is want and want is need. As not to say that the two are interchangeable, but confused. Its too easy to live without things I need and almost impossible to function without the wants that are all consuming. & thus one is the other and not itself at all.

I need to define my character so I'll know to to act, how to re-act. I am envious of everyone and their predictability: if not defined, at least bound within limits. Is it just me, or does everyone else's character seem so much clearer cut than your own? Sometimes, I'd do things and people would say, "that's so unlike you." It made me feel safe ( Read more... )

Oh and in less than 5 hours I'll be 18.

I am a bad person.

Man, I don't want be one of those people you love to hate hate to love. Gawd I don't even know which is worse.

It must be psychological, chemically it doesn't make sense, but somehow black coffee on an empty stomach after a night of drinking makes the morning look like scrambled egg yokes all the colors run together and i return to that warm drunkenness. I'm convinced that I'm never completely sober anymore. I've chemicals like mineral deposits lining my ( Read more... )