Taken from Nuclearat
So, Snakes on a Plane releases August 18th. Are you ready for "Snakes in a Theatre"? If you said anything, it means you're not dead, and whether or not you answered in the affirmative, there are some things you should know.
The goal time for "Snakes in a Theatre" will be opening night, the 7pm-ish showing of your choice. This could be anything from 7pm to as late as 7:35, or so, check your local listings. What do I need to participate in "Snakes in a Theatre" you ask? Well, it's simple.
First, you need a ticket, or a friend who works the theatre, or accomplished theatre-hopping skills. I disavow any knowledge of viewing the movie without paying for it, but you do actually have to be in a movie theatre that's showing it for it to work. As funny as "Snakes on a Bootleg DVD" would be, I cannot approve of those methods.
So, you've got the time and you've got some way of seeing the movie at the goal time, bravo. Now for the preparation. In order for "Snakes in a Theatre" to work, I advise the wearing of cargo pants, or the carrying of a bag of sorts. Purses are fine for this. Snakes from a Fanny-Pack, however, should not be seen any evening. Ever. Pack those pockets or pouches with as many plastic snakes as you can smuggle. I advise not spending a whole hell of a lot of cash on them, as with any cheap plastic toy, you will never get your money back for them. However, I also must warn against bringing in 3-6 foot rubber python snakes, mostly due to the conspicuous nature they tend to present when hiding in someone's pants ("So is that a reticulated python, or are you just happy to see the movie?") but also due to the potential injury that may result from the flying of such a large object. And what would these snakes be doing flying around in a movie, you ask? Well, it is "Snakes in a Theatre" during "Snakes on a Plane" we're talking about here. Once these snakes are safely stowed away in the pocket-side compartments of your snake-carrying clothing or pouch, then it is time for the set-up.
The setup:
In theory, you would not be doing this alone, as millions of people are even now eagerly awaiting the living out of "Snakes in a Theatre". It is my suggestion that if more than one person you know is preparing for this event, that when arriving at the cinema, that you all spread out as best you can inside the theatre itself. Cover all four corners of course, and plant a few people in the middle, filling holes as you can see them. Once seated, sit back and enjoy the movie, but pay attention for the...
Words of Prophecy!
That's right, you know it, I know it, everyone who goes to see this movie knows it. At some point during the movie, Samuel L. Jackson will say something to the effect of "Snakes on a Motherfuckin' Plane". Perhaps an extra "motherfucker". The very first time the line is spoken, by Samuel L., that includes the words "Snakes", "Motherfuckin'" and "Plane", then, my friends, is the moment we've all waited for. After this line, and I do mean immediately after this line, everyone who has come to live "Snakes in a Theatre" must stand and shout "Snakes in a Motherfuckin' Theatre!" while tossing their plastic snake cargo all over the place. Hopefully, this will spread the joy that is "Snakes in a Theatre" to everyone who came to see a real, entertaining movie. (Because let's be honest, who the hell would see this movie that had not heard of it by now?) And that's it, easy no? Do try not to put anyone's eye out with snakes, and do not, under any circumstance, implicate me (or other members of SiaT) in something caused by your own poor judgement.
Bonus opportunities:
-It is highly likely that Mr. Jackson will have several such lines in the movie, and if you have snakes, either remaining in your pockets or wrangled from the sky in earlier tosses, you may repeat the action. Remember that it must include all three of the words of prophecy. 'Snakes on a Plane' does not count, unless accompanied by a 'Motherfucker' or 'Motherfuckin'.'
-You may wish to bring a newspaper in with you. If asked about it, just say you're trying to finish an article before the previews start. During the movie, commence with folding the pages into paper airplanes. You might wish to bring a roll of tape in order to secure the lightest and smallest serpentine passengers aboard your luxury jets. (note: make them with blunt tips, again the eyes and liability thing). Once the plane has taken flight and the snakes released in the film, your own snakely jetsetters may make their way across the theatre at any point.
-After the first "Snakes in a Motherfuckin' Theatre" is shouted, the line that should follow immediately (though not required for everyone to say it) should be "And there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it!" You receive bonus points if you are the one who says this line. What bonus points, you ask? Well, most of the laughter, I'm sure. But it's all in good fun, because really, by now everyone is a part of SiaT.
-Wearing of Snakes on a Plane, or related, garments is approved.
**I may reorganize this at a later time, when I'm less plastered and stressed with papers. However, I've been turning this over in my mind for a while now. Feel free to pass it along, credit where credit's due and all... but then, considering I don't want blame if something goes wrong, perhaps I don't want credit either**
Note about "Snakes in a Theatre":
It is not my goal for anyone to become injured during the course of this excercise in silliness. Don't point your planes. Don't whip people with long fake snakes. Don't smuggle real snakes into the theatre (because really, the snakes don't deserve to be mistreated). Don't be an asshole. Have a fun time and enjoy yourself. And if you happen to finish the movie, and have a few snakes on your row, pick 'em up. Souvenirs and it helps the cinema cleaning crew out a little. This is going to be one of the worst movies ever released, but the cult has already begun. Join us, but don't be a dick.
Not that as a movie theater employee I'm allowed to condone this kind of thing...
The goal time for "Snakes in a Theatre" will be opening night, the 7pm-ish showing of your choice. This could be anything from 7pm to as late as 7:35, or so, check your local listings. What do I need to participate in "Snakes in a Theatre" you ask? Well, it's simple.
First, you need a ticket, or a friend who works the theatre, or accomplished theatre-hopping skills. I disavow any knowledge of viewing the movie without paying for it, but you do actually have to be in a movie theatre that's showing it for it to work. As funny as "Snakes on a Bootleg DVD" would be, I cannot approve of those methods.
So, you've got the time and you've got some way of seeing the movie at the goal time, bravo. Now for the preparation. In order for "Snakes in a Theatre" to work, I advise the wearing of cargo pants, or the carrying of a bag of sorts. Purses are fine for this. Snakes from a Fanny-Pack, however, should not be seen any evening. Ever. Pack those pockets or pouches with as many plastic snakes as you can smuggle. I advise not spending a whole hell of a lot of cash on them, as with any cheap plastic toy, you will never get your money back for them. However, I also must warn against bringing in 3-6 foot rubber python snakes, mostly due to the conspicuous nature they tend to present when hiding in someone's pants ("So is that a reticulated python, or are you just happy to see the movie?") but also due to the potential injury that may result from the flying of such a large object. And what would these snakes be doing flying around in a movie, you ask? Well, it is "Snakes in a Theatre" during "Snakes on a Plane" we're talking about here. Once these snakes are safely stowed away in the pocket-side compartments of your snake-carrying clothing or pouch, then it is time for the set-up.
The setup:
In theory, you would not be doing this alone, as millions of people are even now eagerly awaiting the living out of "Snakes in a Theatre". It is my suggestion that if more than one person you know is preparing for this event, that when arriving at the cinema, that you all spread out as best you can inside the theatre itself. Cover all four corners of course, and plant a few people in the middle, filling holes as you can see them. Once seated, sit back and enjoy the movie, but pay attention for the...
Words of Prophecy!
That's right, you know it, I know it, everyone who goes to see this movie knows it. At some point during the movie, Samuel L. Jackson will say something to the effect of "Snakes on a Motherfuckin' Plane". Perhaps an extra "motherfucker". The very first time the line is spoken, by Samuel L., that includes the words "Snakes", "Motherfuckin'" and "Plane", then, my friends, is the moment we've all waited for. After this line, and I do mean immediately after this line, everyone who has come to live "Snakes in a Theatre" must stand and shout "Snakes in a Motherfuckin' Theatre!" while tossing their plastic snake cargo all over the place. Hopefully, this will spread the joy that is "Snakes in a Theatre" to everyone who came to see a real, entertaining movie. (Because let's be honest, who the hell would see this movie that had not heard of it by now?) And that's it, easy no? Do try not to put anyone's eye out with snakes, and do not, under any circumstance, implicate me (or other members of SiaT) in something caused by your own poor judgement.
Bonus opportunities:
-It is highly likely that Mr. Jackson will have several such lines in the movie, and if you have snakes, either remaining in your pockets or wrangled from the sky in earlier tosses, you may repeat the action. Remember that it must include all three of the words of prophecy. 'Snakes on a Plane' does not count, unless accompanied by a 'Motherfucker' or 'Motherfuckin'.'
-You may wish to bring a newspaper in with you. If asked about it, just say you're trying to finish an article before the previews start. During the movie, commence with folding the pages into paper airplanes. You might wish to bring a roll of tape in order to secure the lightest and smallest serpentine passengers aboard your luxury jets. (note: make them with blunt tips, again the eyes and liability thing). Once the plane has taken flight and the snakes released in the film, your own snakely jetsetters may make their way across the theatre at any point.
-After the first "Snakes in a Motherfuckin' Theatre" is shouted, the line that should follow immediately (though not required for everyone to say it) should be "And there ain't a goddamn thing you can do about it!" You receive bonus points if you are the one who says this line. What bonus points, you ask? Well, most of the laughter, I'm sure. But it's all in good fun, because really, by now everyone is a part of SiaT.
-Wearing of Snakes on a Plane, or related, garments is approved.
**I may reorganize this at a later time, when I'm less plastered and stressed with papers. However, I've been turning this over in my mind for a while now. Feel free to pass it along, credit where credit's due and all... but then, considering I don't want blame if something goes wrong, perhaps I don't want credit either**
Note about "Snakes in a Theatre":
It is not my goal for anyone to become injured during the course of this excercise in silliness. Don't point your planes. Don't whip people with long fake snakes. Don't smuggle real snakes into the theatre (because really, the snakes don't deserve to be mistreated). Don't be an asshole. Have a fun time and enjoy yourself. And if you happen to finish the movie, and have a few snakes on your row, pick 'em up. Souvenirs and it helps the cinema cleaning crew out a little. This is going to be one of the worst movies ever released, but the cult has already begun. Join us, but don't be a dick.
Not that as a movie theater employee I'm allowed to condone this kind of thing...