Humbler From The Hills (PG-13)
Title: Humbler from the Hills
Author: dvshipper
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: If you haven't seen Dungeons & Dragons, you probably won't understand this.
Summary: none.
A/N: Dave, here ya go. Have fun.
The hospital was a quiet place after midnight. Nurses sat at their station and went from room to room making sure the patients were lying on their IV tubes or in some rare cases, dead. With no visitors and everyone sleeping, night shift nurse duty wasn't all that bad. Usually. This week was an exception.
In room 614, there was a man recovering from knee surgery. To these nurses, he was just another patient to take care of and keep an eye on. They didn't know his past or the things he had done. Why would they care? He's just the moustache man in 614.
This man however, thought they ought to know his name and what he was entitled to. As one nurse was told, he was "the sheiki-baby" and needed a "hot sexy nurse." This unsexy nurse felt like ripping out his IV and shaving that moustache off while he sleeped. It was this nurse that had to answer the call in the early morning when he woke up.
"Nurse! I cannot reacha the TV changer thing." An accented voice came over the intercom system. The nurse sighed and got up from her vampire romance novel. Only 2 hours and her shift would be over and someone else could take care of this guy.
The channel changer was next to a vase of white flowers on the counter of the single bed room. She couldn't really blame the guy for not getting up to get it himself. It was knee surgery after all.
"Here ya go," she told him after turning on the small TV on the wall. The image glowed to life in the dim room, the only light coming from the window the cold grey of dawn. The moustache man held out his hand for the changer, but his grip was loose and the changer fell. The clatter on the hard tile floor made the nurse cringe before she picked it back up and set it on his bed.
Just two more hours.
^^^^^
Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri was bored. So very very bored. You can only watch so much youtube and read so much fanmail before saying you'd rather just sleep to pass the time. And then your sleep schedule gets so messed up from napping that you wake up at 5 in the morning and realize there's nothing on TV.
The reason he was in the hospital was simple. His knees were gone. They'd just disintergrated over the years. What the nurses failed to know was that Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri was better known as The Iron Sheik, semi-retired pro wrestler. And he was a legend. He'd just been a legend so long that his body was saying, "What the hell did you do to me, you bastard?"
So there the Sheik sat, in the hospital, watching TV. The first channel that came on had some kind of strange fantasy movie on, with dragons and shit. Not really his cup of tea. When he went to change it however, there was no response. Click. Click. Clickclickclickclick.
"Ah fuck you, you stupid piece of shit!" Sheik threw the changer across the room and it crashed into the chair. He tried to ignore the TV, but it was loud. So very loud. There was no way he'd get back to sleep so he was forced to watch whatever it was.
There was a dragon. Then there was overacting. Then....then oh God! There was Marlon Wayans. Yes, Sheik could have watched further and given it a shot but why do that when he could rage? Rage against the bad acting, the horrible abomination of writing. Rage against the hat! RAGE AGAINST SNAILS!!!
"FUCK YOU, SNAILS!" The Sheik cried out, much to the surprise of the nurses and the ten people in rooms down the hallway.
"Is he okay? What happened?" One nurse asked the unsexy one. She didn't know, but duty told her to check. When she arrived in 614 though, noone was there. Moustache man was gone.
^^^^^
The sun was shining, the grass was green and Ridley and Snails were making their way along some plot noone could quite grasp. In tow they had a mage and a dwarf. This tall dwarf was also a mystery. But they kept on anyway, in hopes of glory and more importantly, the experience of adventure and the promise of loot.
"Snails, do you think we'll ever go back to being common theives?" Ridley asked his comedic pal. Conversation often helped pass the time during adventuring, you see.
"I don't know, man, I don't know. I ain't ever gonna listen to you again, though. 'Let's rob the magic school! Let's steal from a mage.' See how well that worked out?" Snails replied while adjusting his hat. Why he was wearing a hat in the sun, he couldn't tell you. Logic wasn't a part of looking cool.
"Ah come on, it didn't turn out that---wait. Do you hear that?" Ridley looked around and heard a faint yelling sound coming from over the hill.
"What could it possibly be?" The mage asked and began to raise her hand in preparation for casting.
"FUCK YOU SNAILS!!!!!" The voice became clearer and the outline of a man running over the hill came into view. The party should have been running but they were curious. Why would this man be angry at Snails? Snails had done nothing wrong at all.
"FUCK YOU, YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!!" They now could see the man had a moustache and was getting much closer, moving at remarkable speed. Before the party knew it, the man was on top of them.
"Whoa, man! Whatcha problem?" Snails ran behind Ridley, who had drawn his sword. The pair were scared, but figured between them they could handle one man. They could do that, right?
The man grabbed Ridley's sword without hesitation and snapped it in half. Pushing Ridley out of the way, the man knocked Snails to the ground. "What are you doing???" The mage cried, but this man didn't care.
"Shut up, bitch! You no talk while I working!!" This heavily accented man then flipped Snails over and ripped his pants. The man then took out a rather large dick. This was no normal fight.
"Please don't hurt me!" Snails whined in his loud, high pitched voice. But resistance was futile.
"I AM THE SHEIKI-BABY! I FUCK YOU AND MAKE YOU HUMBLE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Pulling Snails' arms back and bowing his spine, the man proceeded to violate Snails' tiny asshole. Snails couldn't get away as he screamed in burning pain. His friends watched in horror, as they couldn't stop this madness that was being inflicted upon him.
After thrusting enough to really 'make him humble', the man let Snails go. The moustache man would have left him with a punch to the head, but that would mean Snails being unconcious and not being able to feel the pain of being humbled.
"Piece of shit, Snails," the man muttered as he wandered off into the hills from wence he came. The party he left behind was utterly confused and concerned for their friends well being. Ridley would have called after the man but didn't want to be humbled himself.
"Are you okay, Snails?" They all asked, but the only reply was Snails' soft sobbing as his exposed and violated ass was caressed by the breeze. Never before had something like this happened in Ismere, not that they knew of. Perhaps this was some strange madness or some chaotic act of evil. Whatever it was, they'd spread a word of caution to those in the area.
And so it became, that in the land of Ismere, there was a legend. A man from the hills was roaming out there, somewhere, always ready to rage at passing parties. Those travelling in the area were warned to carry protection charms and not whine too much. The life of Snails was looked upon as a cautionary tale by those who wished to adventure. One wrong step could leave you on the ground and in great pain at the hands of Sheiki-Baby, Humbler from the Hills.
^^^^^
The Sheik woke up in the hospital a few days later. They told him that he had wandered down the hall in his sleep and hit his head. This was their explanation for lost time and strange dreams. He accepted this, even with the nagging doubt in the back of his mind that this wasn't the case. However, he wanted to get on with his life and get home where he could do his gigs and be on his computer.
In his mailbox when he got home, the Sheik found a package. Inside was a DVD box and a note that said, "Thought you'd want to see this, considering you're on the cover but not in the credits." Sheik was confused, as he didn't remember being in the movie. But there he was, moustache and all, on the cover of a movie called Dungeons & Dragons. They'd photoshopped blue lipstick on him and stuck him in with the rest of the cast.
Sheik was mad. These people had never contacted his agent. If they'd used his image without permission, someone was going to get humbled.
^^^^^^
@The_IronSheik Must call jew agent. The movie company give me no money. I humble the fucking movie!
Author: dvshipper
Rating: PG-13
Warnings/Spoilers: If you haven't seen Dungeons & Dragons, you probably won't understand this.
Summary: none.
A/N: Dave, here ya go. Have fun.
The hospital was a quiet place after midnight. Nurses sat at their station and went from room to room making sure the patients were lying on their IV tubes or in some rare cases, dead. With no visitors and everyone sleeping, night shift nurse duty wasn't all that bad. Usually. This week was an exception.
In room 614, there was a man recovering from knee surgery. To these nurses, he was just another patient to take care of and keep an eye on. They didn't know his past or the things he had done. Why would they care? He's just the moustache man in 614.
This man however, thought they ought to know his name and what he was entitled to. As one nurse was told, he was "the sheiki-baby" and needed a "hot sexy nurse." This unsexy nurse felt like ripping out his IV and shaving that moustache off while he sleeped. It was this nurse that had to answer the call in the early morning when he woke up.
"Nurse! I cannot reacha the TV changer thing." An accented voice came over the intercom system. The nurse sighed and got up from her vampire romance novel. Only 2 hours and her shift would be over and someone else could take care of this guy.
The channel changer was next to a vase of white flowers on the counter of the single bed room. She couldn't really blame the guy for not getting up to get it himself. It was knee surgery after all.
"Here ya go," she told him after turning on the small TV on the wall. The image glowed to life in the dim room, the only light coming from the window the cold grey of dawn. The moustache man held out his hand for the changer, but his grip was loose and the changer fell. The clatter on the hard tile floor made the nurse cringe before she picked it back up and set it on his bed.
Just two more hours.
^^^^^
Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri was bored. So very very bored. You can only watch so much youtube and read so much fanmail before saying you'd rather just sleep to pass the time. And then your sleep schedule gets so messed up from napping that you wake up at 5 in the morning and realize there's nothing on TV.
The reason he was in the hospital was simple. His knees were gone. They'd just disintergrated over the years. What the nurses failed to know was that Hossein Khosrow Ali Vaziri was better known as The Iron Sheik, semi-retired pro wrestler. And he was a legend. He'd just been a legend so long that his body was saying, "What the hell did you do to me, you bastard?"
So there the Sheik sat, in the hospital, watching TV. The first channel that came on had some kind of strange fantasy movie on, with dragons and shit. Not really his cup of tea. When he went to change it however, there was no response. Click. Click. Clickclickclickclick.
"Ah fuck you, you stupid piece of shit!" Sheik threw the changer across the room and it crashed into the chair. He tried to ignore the TV, but it was loud. So very loud. There was no way he'd get back to sleep so he was forced to watch whatever it was.
There was a dragon. Then there was overacting. Then....then oh God! There was Marlon Wayans. Yes, Sheik could have watched further and given it a shot but why do that when he could rage? Rage against the bad acting, the horrible abomination of writing. Rage against the hat! RAGE AGAINST SNAILS!!!
"FUCK YOU, SNAILS!" The Sheik cried out, much to the surprise of the nurses and the ten people in rooms down the hallway.
"Is he okay? What happened?" One nurse asked the unsexy one. She didn't know, but duty told her to check. When she arrived in 614 though, noone was there. Moustache man was gone.
^^^^^
The sun was shining, the grass was green and Ridley and Snails were making their way along some plot noone could quite grasp. In tow they had a mage and a dwarf. This tall dwarf was also a mystery. But they kept on anyway, in hopes of glory and more importantly, the experience of adventure and the promise of loot.
"Snails, do you think we'll ever go back to being common theives?" Ridley asked his comedic pal. Conversation often helped pass the time during adventuring, you see.
"I don't know, man, I don't know. I ain't ever gonna listen to you again, though. 'Let's rob the magic school! Let's steal from a mage.' See how well that worked out?" Snails replied while adjusting his hat. Why he was wearing a hat in the sun, he couldn't tell you. Logic wasn't a part of looking cool.
"Ah come on, it didn't turn out that---wait. Do you hear that?" Ridley looked around and heard a faint yelling sound coming from over the hill.
"What could it possibly be?" The mage asked and began to raise her hand in preparation for casting.
"FUCK YOU SNAILS!!!!!" The voice became clearer and the outline of a man running over the hill came into view. The party should have been running but they were curious. Why would this man be angry at Snails? Snails had done nothing wrong at all.
"FUCK YOU, YOU COCKSUCKING MOTHERFUCKER!!" They now could see the man had a moustache and was getting much closer, moving at remarkable speed. Before the party knew it, the man was on top of them.
"Whoa, man! Whatcha problem?" Snails ran behind Ridley, who had drawn his sword. The pair were scared, but figured between them they could handle one man. They could do that, right?
The man grabbed Ridley's sword without hesitation and snapped it in half. Pushing Ridley out of the way, the man knocked Snails to the ground. "What are you doing???" The mage cried, but this man didn't care.
"Shut up, bitch! You no talk while I working!!" This heavily accented man then flipped Snails over and ripped his pants. The man then took out a rather large dick. This was no normal fight.
"Please don't hurt me!" Snails whined in his loud, high pitched voice. But resistance was futile.
"I AM THE SHEIKI-BABY! I FUCK YOU AND MAKE YOU HUMBLE YOU FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!" Pulling Snails' arms back and bowing his spine, the man proceeded to violate Snails' tiny asshole. Snails couldn't get away as he screamed in burning pain. His friends watched in horror, as they couldn't stop this madness that was being inflicted upon him.
After thrusting enough to really 'make him humble', the man let Snails go. The moustache man would have left him with a punch to the head, but that would mean Snails being unconcious and not being able to feel the pain of being humbled.
"Piece of shit, Snails," the man muttered as he wandered off into the hills from wence he came. The party he left behind was utterly confused and concerned for their friends well being. Ridley would have called after the man but didn't want to be humbled himself.
"Are you okay, Snails?" They all asked, but the only reply was Snails' soft sobbing as his exposed and violated ass was caressed by the breeze. Never before had something like this happened in Ismere, not that they knew of. Perhaps this was some strange madness or some chaotic act of evil. Whatever it was, they'd spread a word of caution to those in the area.
And so it became, that in the land of Ismere, there was a legend. A man from the hills was roaming out there, somewhere, always ready to rage at passing parties. Those travelling in the area were warned to carry protection charms and not whine too much. The life of Snails was looked upon as a cautionary tale by those who wished to adventure. One wrong step could leave you on the ground and in great pain at the hands of Sheiki-Baby, Humbler from the Hills.
^^^^^
The Sheik woke up in the hospital a few days later. They told him that he had wandered down the hall in his sleep and hit his head. This was their explanation for lost time and strange dreams. He accepted this, even with the nagging doubt in the back of his mind that this wasn't the case. However, he wanted to get on with his life and get home where he could do his gigs and be on his computer.
In his mailbox when he got home, the Sheik found a package. Inside was a DVD box and a note that said, "Thought you'd want to see this, considering you're on the cover but not in the credits." Sheik was confused, as he didn't remember being in the movie. But there he was, moustache and all, on the cover of a movie called Dungeons & Dragons. They'd photoshopped blue lipstick on him and stuck him in with the rest of the cast.
Sheik was mad. These people had never contacted his agent. If they'd used his image without permission, someone was going to get humbled.
^^^^^^
@The_IronSheik Must call jew agent. The movie company give me no money. I humble the fucking movie!