"Those fuckers! Always leaving lava on my floor mats."
If everything goes according to plan I'll have the, I'm sure, rapture of viewing Van Helsing today. Nothing ever goes according to my plans, however I'm sure I can make it happen.
Yesterday, I woke up to this noise and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Eventually I was led outside to the Gazebo. There I found a Polar bear enjoying a whiskey and coke. I sat down with him and we enjoyed the beautiful day in silence.
I asked him if he'd care for a joint. He replied by smelling it, then nodding. We spent the next half hour just chillin' and basking in the warmth of the sun.
Suddenly, the bear stands up, throws down the now empty glass. He started getting up in my face and I said, 'back off man, you're killing the mood.' He proceeded to lift me out of my chair and heave me out into the front yard.
As he was charging me I got up into a crouched position. He leapt for my throat; I leapt up and flipped around landing on his back. He resumed the charge toward a van parked along the road this time. Just before striking the van the bear rolled over to crush me against the vehicle. As he did this I rolled the opposite way off his back and onto the ground.
Thank god for people who like to throw out odd things in the spring, I thought as I landed near a box containing lawn darts, and other various sports equipment. As the bear was getting up I hurled 5 darts at him. Then he began to charge me again so I grabbed a baseball bat and ski pole and took off back toward the gazebo.
About halfway there I realized I wouldn't make it, so I whipped around and waited for the impact. An instant before the bear struck me, I braced the ski pole against the ground on an angle and he speared himself in the throat with the pole. I rolled away and continued by pummeling the creature in the head with the bat.
It didn't take long for him to die. As I stood over him I thought, some beings just shouldn't smoke pot. Just before I went to clean myself up the corpse turned into Donald Rumsfeld.
Surprised that the secretary of defense can change into a polar bear,
Dwayne
Yesterday, I woke up to this noise and I couldn't quite figure out what it was. Eventually I was led outside to the Gazebo. There I found a Polar bear enjoying a whiskey and coke. I sat down with him and we enjoyed the beautiful day in silence.
I asked him if he'd care for a joint. He replied by smelling it, then nodding. We spent the next half hour just chillin' and basking in the warmth of the sun.
Suddenly, the bear stands up, throws down the now empty glass. He started getting up in my face and I said, 'back off man, you're killing the mood.' He proceeded to lift me out of my chair and heave me out into the front yard.
As he was charging me I got up into a crouched position. He leapt for my throat; I leapt up and flipped around landing on his back. He resumed the charge toward a van parked along the road this time. Just before striking the van the bear rolled over to crush me against the vehicle. As he did this I rolled the opposite way off his back and onto the ground.
Thank god for people who like to throw out odd things in the spring, I thought as I landed near a box containing lawn darts, and other various sports equipment. As the bear was getting up I hurled 5 darts at him. Then he began to charge me again so I grabbed a baseball bat and ski pole and took off back toward the gazebo.
About halfway there I realized I wouldn't make it, so I whipped around and waited for the impact. An instant before the bear struck me, I braced the ski pole against the ground on an angle and he speared himself in the throat with the pole. I rolled away and continued by pummeling the creature in the head with the bat.
It didn't take long for him to die. As I stood over him I thought, some beings just shouldn't smoke pot. Just before I went to clean myself up the corpse turned into Donald Rumsfeld.
Surprised that the secretary of defense can change into a polar bear,
Dwayne