(no subject)
i dont have a life anymore. i feel like brandon has taken it over. all my friends have basically become pot heads and all they do is steal and do drugs. me and hayley might as well part ways. she sticks up for shane instead of me when shane says shit about her all the time. between me and shane, i'm her real friend. he always called her fat behind her back and he had this joke about being suffocated her 30 lbs pussy. and I always got mad at him whenever he would say something like that. shane told meriah that hayley was saying shit about her when it wasnt true. shane said shit about me and will get the shit beaten out of him for it, probably not by me but people are extremely pissed off at him and there has already been an attempt, but he was crying and called his mommy. fucking faggot. i hate him so much. and hayley sticks up for him!!!! plus she has been extremely competitive towards me and very quick to anger. she talks to me like im stupid and she promises to call me back and doesnt.
last night while working with brandon I realized that he's taken my life. I asked him if he could take my shift tomorrow (being today) and said that he had plans with meghan, hayley, matt, dwayne, nikki, and someother people and that he couldnt break those plans. then I realized I havent had plans in over a month. and all those people he was hanging out with used to be the ones i made plans with.... made me kind of sad. im not mad at him though. although i dont think he likes he anymore and i was starting to really like him... oh well, all they ever do togther is drugs. i think thats why people dont want to hang out with me. i dont like doing drugs that much. seriously. i only have the friends at school. but i dont hang out with them outside of school because they all live in the country and go hom eon the school buses. the other ones are all high school drop outs pretty much. hayley and dwayne are in corrisondance, matt got kicked out of it because he wasnt putting in him school hours. 10 hours a week and they cant do it. what a bunch of lazy jerks. whatever. hayley can have her back stabbing asshole shane and hopeless, destined to end in murder love life with matt. I think its because I told her that I dont really like matt anymore. i think thats why she avoids me. whatever. im just going to save and move to toronto or something. leave everything behind. or i could just die. well i think ill try moving first. since im planning on going to europe. maybe ill save up pretending im going then cancel without telling anyone. getting my $2500 back and just moving and not telling anyone. that would be fun.
now i have to work in an hour and im not even close to being ready. i worked 8 hours yesterday, FRIDAY when i was suppost to work 4 hours. god damnit i hate my life.
I played this song on repeat for two hours last night and asked brandon if he knew what this song was about and he said no and then begged me to tell him and i didnt tell him. and half hour later i asked him again and he said he wasnt paying attention and no again. i love this song.
" Turn out the light
Just say goodnight, to yourself
May I remind you
When you find you, you're all alone is when you've got to be strong
Cause that's when they call you, in the night
He's got your picture in his mind
He's got your number on a paper at his disposal anytime
Is it really true
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away, to someone who
Someone who you met in bar
The back of a car
And for a moment you felt important but not in your heart
My self esteem, it's been low, go ahead and count it's been lower than low
I know the feeling of it stealing life out from under me
I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you
So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name
Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me
Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name
Cause I want to learn, can you save yourself for
Someone who will love you for you so many times we
Just give it away, someone who, couldn't even remember your name
You save yourself for someone who, loves you for you,
Loves me for me
Give it away to someone who, someone who will
Cherish your name
Cherish your name"
oh, by the way. the song is about sex. at least i think it is.