those who mind dont matter, and those who matter dont mind
one more official day of skool, then another exam friday, then ACT (and my first day of work!!!), then graduation, then it's FINALLY SUMMER!!!!!!! w00t!!!!!!!
this year was crazy...but if u really wanna read that, look at my myspace, i did an entry bout that there
ryte now im gonna do a lil
you know, im usually a really stressed, type-a person, always pushin myself to do more, be more...runnin myself into the same problems - gettin stressed, gettin worried, bein pushy and irritating, getting sick. but recently, dealing with my stupid guy issues...i've decided i don't want to be that person. it's not really me. it's who i make myself by tryin to be, someone other than the true me...because i dont think that people will accept the "real me"...i almost forgot who the real me was. but i just got the letter i wrote to myself at the end of kairos last summer...and it reminded me. it's funny, God works in such wonderful ways. i had decided a week or so ago that i wasnt gonna stress over skool, and that i was giving the guy thing up to Him to do with as He wanted...and then this letter comes, reminding me that that's what it's about. giving things up to Him so that I'm free to be me. i reminded myself that everyone at that retreat got to see Eleanor, not Nora. the girl i was before i came to st croix and hid myself behind a mask of someone i thought would be more...expected. but that's not me. yeah i like to do well, and i am a perfectionist, but i dont need to be psycho about it. i think that's something that everyone does at some point. hide who they are because people dont expect them to be anything other than what's set in thier minds from past experiences they've had with you. i've let the real nora out a bit this year...more so now than at the beginning of the year. i've given some people the chance to see her...some have reacted strangely, wondering what the heck im doing. some have reacted as true friends, accepting and loving that person just as much as they have the masked me. some have pulled away...not knowing what to expect from this "new" me. each time, i've sunk back a bit into being "st croix nora", but i think that this summer "st croix nora" is going away. i've hidden myself for too long worrying about what other people, including those closest to me, may think. but like the subject says, if they dont like the "new" me, or can't accept me for who i really am, they're not worth pining over. i wrote myself to remind me of that...i have people who love me, no matter what. and those who dont, just arent important. and really, since i have given up the guy thing, and the skool thing, and EVERYTHING up to God, i've just felt so, so...at peace. im not gonna stress over making sure that everything i say makes perfect sense, or that everything i do works toward a single goal, or that nothing i say may make people unsure of what im thinking or feeling...if they want to know, they can ask. but my life, it's in His hands, and i've never felt better. it's...wonderful. i hear people talk about this feeling all the time, but now it's mine too. and i want to share it with everyone i know because i want them to have it to.
thanx for readin this, if u did...kinda a "me, me, me" post...sorry bout that
love you lots!!!! HAVE A WONDERFUL SUMMER!!!!!!!
this year was crazy...but if u really wanna read that, look at my myspace, i did an entry bout that there
ryte now im gonna do a lil
you know, im usually a really stressed, type-a person, always pushin myself to do more, be more...runnin myself into the same problems - gettin stressed, gettin worried, bein pushy and irritating, getting sick. but recently, dealing with my stupid guy issues...i've decided i don't want to be that person. it's not really me. it's who i make myself by tryin to be, someone other than the true me...because i dont think that people will accept the "real me"...i almost forgot who the real me was. but i just got the letter i wrote to myself at the end of kairos last summer...and it reminded me. it's funny, God works in such wonderful ways. i had decided a week or so ago that i wasnt gonna stress over skool, and that i was giving the guy thing up to Him to do with as He wanted...and then this letter comes, reminding me that that's what it's about. giving things up to Him so that I'm free to be me. i reminded myself that everyone at that retreat got to see Eleanor, not Nora. the girl i was before i came to st croix and hid myself behind a mask of someone i thought would be more...expected. but that's not me. yeah i like to do well, and i am a perfectionist, but i dont need to be psycho about it. i think that's something that everyone does at some point. hide who they are because people dont expect them to be anything other than what's set in thier minds from past experiences they've had with you. i've let the real nora out a bit this year...more so now than at the beginning of the year. i've given some people the chance to see her...some have reacted strangely, wondering what the heck im doing. some have reacted as true friends, accepting and loving that person just as much as they have the masked me. some have pulled away...not knowing what to expect from this "new" me. each time, i've sunk back a bit into being "st croix nora", but i think that this summer "st croix nora" is going away. i've hidden myself for too long worrying about what other people, including those closest to me, may think. but like the subject says, if they dont like the "new" me, or can't accept me for who i really am, they're not worth pining over. i wrote myself to remind me of that...i have people who love me, no matter what. and those who dont, just arent important. and really, since i have given up the guy thing, and the skool thing, and EVERYTHING up to God, i've just felt so, so...at peace. im not gonna stress over making sure that everything i say makes perfect sense, or that everything i do works toward a single goal, or that nothing i say may make people unsure of what im thinking or feeling...if they want to know, they can ask. but my life, it's in His hands, and i've never felt better. it's...wonderful. i hear people talk about this feeling all the time, but now it's mine too. and i want to share it with everyone i know because i want them to have it to.
thanx for readin this, if u did...kinda a "me, me, me" post...sorry bout that
love you lots!!!! HAVE A WONDERFUL SUMMER!!!!!!!