Heart Game
minsu; pg-13
humor/romance
2,525 words
Everyone knew about it, of course - it was hard not to, the way he always acted different around Junsu.
So I'm sick and should be resting, here I am instead finishing this little something. It was started as drabble I wrote when I was having some serious minsu!craving, but of course I can't keep anything short so it ended up like this. But, I wanted something happy given all the ~angst~ that's been floating around the fandom lately, plus the fact that I'm feeling all sorts of icky right about now and you can blame the ending on that. But anyway, here's my fail!attempt at humor, and I can only hope it makes someone out there smile ♥
It’s not like Changmin didn’t expect it. It was probably foolish not to expect it - or so he consoled himself. In fact, it was probably goddamn near inevitable.
He was in a boy band, and sang love songs for a living. He tolerated, participated, and even initiated his fair share of skinship. And he had spent the entirety of his formative years in the close and constant presence of four very affectionate, very good-looking men - something was bound to happen.
He was in awe of Yunho, idolized and admired him in all his leader-ly wisdom; he pushed boundaries with Jaejoong, one-touch just an experiment in Unresolved Sexual Tension; and he flirted endlessly with Yoochun, learning and playing with subtleties of talk and touch.
And then there was Junsu, and Changmin’s epic, school-boy like crush on the (unfairly) older boy that never seemed to go away. Everyone knew about it, of course - it was hard not to, the way he always acted different around Junsu. He teased every other word the boy said and baited him into petty fights and if they actually were school kids, it would be Changmin who challenged Junsu to childish games just because he wanted attention, and who would be a jerk about winning but only to prove how awesome he really was.
It was so kind of obvious, the way Changmin could never leave Junsu alone, could never act like he was the most mature like the rest of the band had labeled him - and so everyone knew about it.
Everyone, that is, except Junsu.
Because, of course, Junsu was the oblivious one who never quite picked up on ‘these things.’ He had thought the way Changmin had hung on Yunho’s every word was just to pick up dancing tips; had thought that Jaejoong kissing Changmin in the car had really been just a spur-of-the-moment joke; and thought that when Yoochun and Changmin shared those sly looks during interviews it was them probably sharing a joke at Junsu’s expense.
“So naïve, so innocent,” said Yunho.
“So pure, so thoughtless,” said Jaejoong.
“Such an idiot,” said Yoochun.
And Changmin thought maybe, maybe, that Junsu being so oblivious to his crush was the reason it wouldn’t go away in the first place. He’d grown up and out of the others, of course - though the underlying emotion, the love, would always be there, he no longer had to deal with that irksome little twist of the heart every time he saw his other members.
Yunho had caught on quick, taking Changmin aside and giving him ‘the talk.’ It had been awkward but cute but really awkward. Watching Yunho stumble over his words had firmly squished the life out of that hero-worship, and Changmin spent the next few weeks making fun of his leader for it, bombarding him with faux-innocent questions just to watch him squirm.
“Yunho-hyung, is oral sex really sex?” said Changmin.
“HA!” said Jaejoong.
“nnrghkLfhajsd,” said Yunho.
With Jaejoong it had been that damning kiss, when the seeing ‘just how far it could go’ went too far and Changmin was faced with the realization that their excessive UST could actually, possibly be Resolved. He was forced to do some soul searching, some experimenting, and a lot more one-touching, and in the end he was realized no, hitting the eldest so much really did just mean he wanted to punch Jaejoong. A lot. He proceeded to spend the next couple of years testing that theory, to much positive feedback.
And with Yoochun - well, with Yoochun there was nothing to get over. Their understanding of each other just evolved, moving from talking over late-night snacks to deep discussions over later-night drinks. Changmin didn’t get over his feelings for Yoochun as he realized they weren’t what he had thought they were.
But Junsu - Junsu. Now that was a crush; a big, fat, ‘when I’m around him my I.Q. drops a hundred points and my XP drops even more,’ type crush.
And Changmin was annoyed. He was sick of it affecting him in public, in front of fans, in performances, in interviews, in everything. He was starting to feel like the only thing he talked about was Junsu - not that he ever said that much to begin with. As if he needed another reason to be frustrated with Junsu, the oblivious moron who he was kind of (but probably, really, very) disgustingly in love with.
He wanted to get back to teasing Junsu and not feel the slightest bit of remorse. He wanted to complain about Junsu being his hyung and actually mean it. He wanted to go back to loving Junsu as his bandmate and not a potential bedmate. Changmin might not be the overly-curious teenager of their early days, wasn’t desperate for physical gratification, but he really didn’t want to be constantly lusting after someone he had to spend twenty-four hours a day with.
Because that was just awkward.
“Pssh, as if he isn’t already awkward,” said Yoochun.
“Pssh, as if he isn’t really obsessed with sex,” said Jaejoong.
“LALALA~ican’thearyouLALALALALA~,” said Yunho.
Changmin, in short, wanted to get over this crush on Junsu, and he would like to do it sooner, rather than later, so he could say he’d grown and passed this level in the video-game analogy of love. It wasn’t like he was going to come out and confess or anything. Of course not. That’s not how these sort of things went.
Especially when it was all Junsu’s fault, anyway. It may not have been Junsu’s fault that he had the crush (the whole goddamn inevitable part, remember) but it was definitely Junsu’s fault that he was too dumb to do anything about it.
And Changmin was very annoyed at his oblivious, dumb, duck-butt idiot. IDIOT, he wrote in the margin of notes, so frustrated that he underlined it three times, highlighting it in bright yellow, adding little stars and arrows for emphasis and circling it over and over and over until his hand started to cramp. And then he stared at the page, at the painstakingly-taken, clearly organized notes he had been working on for three hours, before thoughts of a-certain-someone distracted him and his angry scribbling had crinkled the page and caused most of the writing to smear. He let his head fall to the desk, pressing as if he could telepathically force the idiocy right out of Junsu’s skull. It didn’t work, and then he got a headache.
‘Why do you have TOIDI on your forehead?” said Yunho.
“Fuck off,” said Changmin.
“Ah, young love…” said Yoochun
And it was true. Because as much as Changmin reacted to his crush with all the maturity of a ten-year-old, there was no denying that the love was there. He may have teased Junsu to the point of irrationality - but he couldn’t help it, because he loved the way Junsu laughed and let all Changmin’s snarkiness just roll off him. Or, when Junsu was in a really good mood, he’d fire back at him and they’d get into a snit that Changmin’s sadistic side found absolutely delightful. He loved those dumb oyaji gags and how Junsu knew just when to use them, either to break tension or take the heat off another member, or even just to make everyone laugh.
He thought it was ridiculously cute how Junsu had these silly habits that he always stuck to no matter how much the others picked on him. He thought it was brilliant that Junsu could kick all their collective asses if he wanted to, and often did, in retribution, and never seemed too smug. He cherished those times when Junsu was feeling down and would come to Changmin for cheering up, and Changmin could set aside his childishness and pounding heart and be himself, because those times were always the best.
But how did one get over a crush like that? According to the previous experience, Changmin would say he needed Junsu to talk to him about sex, a lot, or kiss him, a lot, and neither of those things seemed like Junsu would be spontaneously inclined to do.
And Changmin didn’t really want to get over Junsu. He didn’t want Junsu to keep being so oblivious, so freaking dumb. But what could he do? It seemed like a lost cause - either he kept pining after Junsu forever or he would have an epiphany, a sudden and proverbial ‘CRUSH OVER!’ in big flashing letters.
And though Changmin hated losing, he didn’t quite see any other option. He was out of his element, out of power, and there was no rebooting his heart.
“You shouldn’t give up,” said Jaejoong.
“Junsu will come around eventually,” said Yunho.
“Yeah, how could he not realize you like him?” said Yoochun.
“You like me?”
As one, the four of them turned to see Junsu standing in the doorway with a shocked look on his face, his eyes wide in confusion. The whole room went still; silent.
“So bad,” said Yoochun.
“So not good,” said Yunho.
“So awk-”
“Seriously, guys, just knock it off already,” Changmin growled, cutting Jaejoong off. His face was burning and he was making sure to look everywhere but at Junsu. He definitely wasn’t prepared for this. With the others he had time to consider, had space to figure out his emotions, but he felt exposed and awkward in a way he hadn’t felt, well, ever. The game had just been changed, and Changmin wasn’t sure of the rules.
“You like me?” Junsu repeated, stepping into the room. The three-man chorus (wisely) chose to make themselves scarce, moving into the kitchen to let the two youngest members deal with the mess.
“Maybe,” he huffed, trying to cover up his unease and failing miserably. “…Probably.”
Junsu scrunched his nose, looking uncomfortable, “Uhh, oh. That’s - uh.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Does that… change anything?” Changmin asked slowly
“Can I… have time?” the other asked equally slow, “To think about it?”
“Of course,” Changmin said, lips pursed in a thoughtful way. Of course Junsu could have time, that was only logical. That’s what Changmin would have wanted - had wanted, if a chorus-of-certain-dumbasses hadn’t ruined that plan.
But now Junsu knew - but what did that mean? Changmin had been so focused on being in love with Junsu he didn’t quite know what he was supposed to do about it, now. And Junsu was thinking about it. Seriously. That couldn’t be good.
So there they sat, at an impasse, Junsu doing that thing where he patted his hair down with his fist, and Changmin wilting a bit on the inside. Changmin heard murmuring from the kitchen, but steadfastly ignored it.
“Okay, so I’ve thought about it,” Junsu said, squaring his shoulders even as he bit his lip uncertainly.
Changmin stared at him incredulously. “…Already?”
“Yeah.”
Changmin stared some more. “…And?”
“And… maybe I’ll give it a try.”
“You’ll give it a try?” The taller boy asked incredulously.
“Yeah, why not? You’ll have to be nice to me, then!” Junsu crowed gleefully.
Changmin’s eyes went wide. And then he glared, inspecting that innocent face for any trace of deviousness, “Yah, what makes you think that?”
“Come on, if we’re together you have to treat me better. And buy me stuff!”
Changmin blinked. “Junsu… that’s not... really…” he trailed off, his shock getting the better of him.
“What, the great Tensai Changmin is speechless? I said I’m game, are you?”
And there it was. A challenge, a stupid childish challenge that he had been waiting for. This was Junsu, for goodness sakes. Like Changmin would lose to him.
“Like I would lose to you.”
“Yah, as if!” Junsu stood over him imperiously, arms crossed and that smug look on his face. “I would totally dominate this relationship.”
At that point Changmin’s heart and mind were meeting somewhere around his throat and sending out a garbled message that was either Utmost Unsexual Aggravation or Ultimate Undying Adoration. He opened his mouth, and closed it. Good comeback, good comeback; he needed a good comeback. He opened his mouth, and-
“Dominate my ass.”
Silence, in which both his heart and mind finally got it together and let out a unified, horrified, absolutely mortified wail that echoed throughout his body.
“What.” said Jaejoong.
“Did he just say-?” said Yunho.
“I - ha, can’t, haha-can’t breathe… ohgod,” said Yoochun.
And then there was some more silence. Changmin would have liked to deal with the three idiots who had somehow sneaked back into the room, but he had bigger problems, seeing as how he was pretty sure his face was going to just melt right off, it felt so hot. Junsu was staring at him, his eyes a little glazed in a way that was both incredibly endearing and extremely irritating. Changmin was just waiting for the buffering time to end, for Junsu’s brain to catch up with the rest of them-
"OHmygod.”
-and there it was.
Changmin wanted to hide under the couch, maybe suffocate himself with a cushion. Or maybe he could throw himself off the balcony and let those stalker fans camped outside the apartment finish the job. He was debating the merits of death by crazy fangirl or upholstery asphyxiation when Junsu broke into his musings, literally and figuratively.
“Oomphf-” The air was forced out of him as he ended up with a lapful of Junsu, who seemed to be eukyangkyanging too much to stand properly.
“Get off me,” Changmin cried. “You’re crushing me, you freak, why are you so heavy - have you gained weight?”
“Shut up,” Junsu laughed some more. He stuck out his tongue at Changmin and Changmin was forced to take the high route and retaliate by tickling Junsu until he was breathless with laughter - and, more importantly, not able to bring up Changmin’s previous slip-up.
In the end Junsu fell off the couch, and Changmin celebrated his victory by pointing out how better he was than Junsu, and how much he wasn’t even worthy of Changmin liking him. Even though he definitely did, which neither of them bothered to deny. His gloating trailed off, leaving them in heavy silence.
“But it’s not really a game, Minnie,” Junsu said suddenly, looking up at Changmin with hooded eyes. Junsu was blushing slightly, Changmin noted, his voice low in a tone he only used for serious matters, “It’s not a game, you know that, right?”
The younger boy gulped, looking away. “I know,” he replied softly. And then added, because he couldn’t help it - “That doesn’t mean I’m going to be nice to you.”
Junsu eukyanged once, quick and loud and obnoxious. “I kind of figured.”
Changmin’s breath caught anyway. This was it. No more childishness, no more games - they were moving into serious stuff, emotional stuff, and Changmin’s heart and mind were still locked in an epic battle to wrestle out the appropriate response.
“So… does this mean we’re together?” said Junsu.
“Finally!” said Jaejoong.
“Always use protection!” said Yoochun.
“That. Just. Oh, what the fuck I don’t even care. Have at, kids,” said Yunho.
“I-Uh,” said Changmin.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” smiled Junsu, “Idiot.”
started writing: 9/13/09
finished writing: 10/31/09
master list I turned eukyangkyang into a verb... oh lord, lol. I need sleep :'D but comments make me feel better ;'DD