SebSon - I Think I Missed You chapter 5
New chapter, a bit longer than the usual...
The hours passed by so slowly like the evening never wanted to come. It was not surprising; of course when you are excited about something the clock seems to be stopped, and the growing tension in Jenson’s chest didn’t help him either. Now it was really disturbing, it pissed him off how nervous he was about a little chat with an old friend.
Actually it was more than just ‘a little chat’, the man knew it well. It was already abnormal to talking to the German guy like two simple men and not like two rivals, but... but yeah, the subject he wanted to talk about was not a usual one either; he decided it once and for all that he must mention every weird thing what he found out about themselves in the past few weeks.
The team left the garage at six o’clock thanks to Tim, so the British had only an hour, actually less than that to prepare for the night. He hurried to their hotel and as soon as he was in their room he quickly took off his clothes and dropped them all on the floor as he was walking up to the bathroom.
The flowing lukewarm water on his heating skin was so relaxing it really helped him to calm down a bit. Though he wanted a quick shower he just stood there with his hands on the wall, head bowed down and his eyes closed as he put his thoughts together in his mind. Why would you worry about a thing which has not even happened yet? With that thought he turned the streaming water off and got out of the shower.
He had only twenty minutes left to the meeting so he hurriedly put a usual McLaren t-shirt and black shorts on, picked the dropped clothes up from the floor to put them in the laundry, and he was finally leaving the place when suddenly Jessica showed up in the door.
“Oh! Are you going to somewhere?” she asked a bit surprised.
Jenson lost his words for a moment and had to think over what would he say, he didn’t want to talk about his meeting to anyone, not even his girlfriend. He took a deep breath as he answered.
“Yeah... Nothing important, I’ll be back in about an hour I think” he said as he kissed the girl and brushed by her didn’t expecting any answer.
The road from the hotel to the grid was not long or it didn’t supposed to be but Jenson gave up the hope for that anything could be short or quick in the actual circumstances. It felt like every second in the car took a minute, and with every step he took towards the track his fluttering heart was beating with a heartbeat quicker. When he finally glimpsed the grid he almost thought it to be only a mirage. It was funny how hastily he went to the meeting place and now as he was just a few meters away he unintentionally slowed his steps down.
“Jenson?”
The British was going to resist the call, he was sure it was only his imagination hearing voices in his mind which were too similar to a particular voice, but after the second shout he really had to rethink that theory. He paused for the call didn’t dare to turning around.
“Jenson, where are you heading to?”
“Dad!” the driver finally turned to the other man. “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a nap.”
“Went for a stroll before? Well, I think I asked you first. Jessica just went to your room having a rest with you... or whatever.
Jenson could feel as the blood was flowing into his cheeks for the words. He wasn’t a boy anymore but he felt like he was in these days, what more he felt like he was unveiled and couldn’t do anything against the growing guiltiness in his chest.
“I... I...” He really tried to cook something up just as he did it with Jessica, but to tell a lie to his girlfriend was a thing and to tell a lie to his dad was another. John was standing there patiently waiting for the answer and he seemed more and more concerned for his son. “I’m going to see Sebastian” he sighed turning his head away from his dad.
“Sebastian?” Jenson looked up at his father searching for a sign of... well, he didn’t even know it himself what was he expecting from the man but surely not what he just saw on his face. It seemed as if the Old Boy was really enjoying himself like some bloke in the cinema. Only the popcorn was missing from his hands. “And may I ask you what the special reason of this secret meeting is?” the ex-driver asked with a slight smile on his face which was startlingly familiar to Jenson.
“Talking to him?”
“To your rival?”
“Why is that all of you are so horrified by the thought I could spend some time with Sebastian?” the man burst out frustrated. He couldn’t understand people’s behaviour around him. Why was it such a big deal to being with the German? “Mark is my rival, Fernando is also my rival and still they are my friends, and I spend lot of time with them without anyone’s questioning it. So what is the difference to be with Sebastian?”
The atmosphere was very uncomfortable as the British finally concluded his monologue. John didn’t say a word just stood there staring at his son with a thoughtful look on his face and there was something else in his eyes, something like understanding which confused the driver.
“Jenson, it’s not bad if you’d like to be with that guy, no one said that.” Of course some said. “It’s just a bit unusual in these times, you know? I mean... all of your hatred in the last few months and now you suddenly want to see him, no, not just see him but secretly see him? It’s fine, the two of you can be friends like you are with your other ones, only the circumstances...”
The circumstances, yeah. The circumstances said they barely had a relationship now days, didn’t even talk except the formal things. So yes, it must have been really surprising to all the people around him, even to himself. The anger what he felt suddenly flew away and left only anxiety behind. He knew he was rude, that he almost stepped beyond the borders and the fact he just worked the tension off on his dad wasn’t even an explanation to his behaviour. You can’t just talk to your parents like that.
Jenson swallowed his pride and fears down and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... It’s just a meeting, a little chat about the past, nothing special. But since I didn’t talk about it to anyone... You know, it could be weird, I don’t know what would they think, I don’t even know what should I think, so we didn’t agreed on it with Sebastian, I just made the decision by my self to not talking about it to anyone.”
It was surprising how much easier he felt his soul to be now that at least his dad knew about his fears.
“I see that, Jense, really. But to be honest I’m still not sure if you should hide this from your friends, it only will lead you to misunderstandings, and I must say if they really are your friends they’re going to understand... But do as you wish, I won’t tell it anyone.”
“Thanks dad.”
The Old Boy was smiling again and the awkward atmosphere seemed to be fading away as if never was there. Jenson sighed relieved and smiled back at the other man.
“Now go, don’t be late” John winked with a wicked grin which made Jenson somehow uncomfortable but he didn’t mention it to his father, just nodded and already hurried away.
*
The sun was lighting the view up with orange lights as the night was coming; the air was not that hot as it was in the afternoon, it was mild and pleasant, the type which made you sleepy and dizzy.
As Jenson finally arrived at the grid it seemed to be empty, only Sebastian stood there back to him, thoughtfully staring at the track with his hands idly shoved in his pockets.
“Hey Seb” Jenson smiled when he stopped by the man.
Sebastian looked surprised as he turned to him, it seemed he was really deeply buried in his thoughts or he just simply didn’t expect the man to actually coming.
“Hey” the German returned the smile with a very familiar light in his eyes. It was the same what Jenson saw in all the photos about them, and to think about that made his stomach do that strange thing again. The tension came back to his chest for the thought how absurd things they should talk about and for a moment he was tempted to doubt it but since he already decided once there was no way back now. Jenson Button never draws back from anything. “So how about that cafe on the corner? It’s cheaper than the other one which is mostly used by the teams but it’s smaller too so there is no much people. Since I think there’s no way to avoid everyone it’s still the best way to avoid most of the people here and there. Or if you have a better idea...?”
“No, no, it’s fine. More than fine. I’ll stand you a coffee.”
Sebastian laughed by his heart as he started walking to the huge building which was built to the V.I.P. guests, and also was used by all the F1 teams and staffs during the race weekends. There were really good coffee bars and restaurants in it, and the view was perfect on the top of it, you could see most of the track from there.
“It sounds like buying-off.”
“Can I?”
“No way” he laughed again and Jenson couldn’t hold back the growing grin on his face. As much nervous as he was just a minute before he couldn’t feel the anxiousness anymore, he was rather curious and excited about the night. A whole cheeky night with the idiot German boy... It sounds funny.
*
“So you’re a real English gentleman?”
“Huh?” Jenson hemmed in response trying to choke the piece of cake down.
“And you still love cake as I see.”
“What do you mean?”
The German was smiling mysteriously like he knew something what the British didn’t. They were in the coffee bar for a few minutes now and Jenson already liked the place. He had to admit it was a good choice from the other man; it was small as he said but still friendly with all the beige and dun colours of the wall and the furniture which were in perfect harmony with the claret blackout curtains around the tall windows. There was lowly humming music in the background, but it wasn’t disturbing at all, you didn’t have to shout through the rhythms to be heard. And there were really not much people around. It seemed the media absolutely forgot about the place or just simply left it aside thinking there’s no way finding any remarkable person there. Well if it was the case they were wrong especially since Jenson just decided he will always use this place from now on. So there were only Jenson, Sebastian and a few staffs from other teams but it seemed they didn’t care about the two men at all.
Now the rivals were sitting in one of the corner facing each other; Sebastian was sipping his cappuccino while Jenson had his usual cup of tea and a lovely piece of chocolate cake.
“You’re drinking tea and eating cake, it seems like a normal ritual for you.”
Jenson could have taken the words as a provocation but he knew the man too well even if they didn’t talk often, so he knew he didn’t mean it in that way. It was a simple remark.
“It is. I usually drink and eat the same in my break.”
“Is that so good?”
“Which one? The tea or the cake?”
“Both. The tea with milk” grimaced the German “and the chocolate cake too.”
“Actually they are. You should try the tea-milk thing out once before sentence to it.”
“No, thanks” he shook his head, defensively lifting his hands up with a goofy smile around his face.
“Why? It’s not bad at all. Do you think I would drink it if it had a bad taste?”
“You know some say bugs also taste good.”
“You have the point” Jenson laughed and lifted his cup up to his mouth to sip its content.
“And what about the cake? Do you eat this type all the time?”
“No, it depends on my mood. I was in a chocolate cake mood now.”
“Is there a chocolate cake mood? What gives people a chocolate cake mood?”
“Even the thought they have to spend a night with you.
“Hey! You mention me here as a bad thing!”
“No, I don’t” Jenson grinned back at the man. “People could eat chocolate when they are in a good mood, not only when they are sad or nervous.”
“That’s true. Anyway, what ever the case is I must remind you, you asked me out.”
Jenson choked on the next piece of cake in his mouth. The other didn’t mean it in that way, of course he did not, yet it seemed the whole ‘sebson’ thing drove the British crazy. A little joke was enough to remind him of all the madness around them and look, it almost killed him.
Between two coughing attacks he decided better not to eat the leftovers of his cake so he pushed his plate away and wiped his teary eyes off.
“Jense? Are you all right?” the German asked worriedly patting on the man’s shoulder.
“Yeah, fine. Sorry, I think I ate too fast. That’s the penalty of all the insatiable men” he tried to joke but his hoarse voice told the man he wasn’t perfectly fine.
“Yeah” Sebastian smiled but the British still saw the concern in his eyes and somehow he was flattered by it.
“Seb?”
“Yes?”
Jenson wasn’t sure what to say but he felt it was the time. That he will not have any better chance to tell the guy all the things what he asked him out for. To cover his shaking hands he grabbed his cup and started stirring the tea regardless there was not much tea in it.
Sebastian was still staring at him with curious face when Jenson looked up at him and it gave him a little strength. The man took a deep breath and drunk the leftover drink.
“Have you ever searched on yourself on the internet?” he finally asked.
“Why?” the German frowned.
“Just answer the question.”
“Well, yeah. Sometimes.”
“And...” It was the hardest. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid the other also could hear it even despite the low music. “And have you ever found something strange about you? Something which was fake and also extremely stupid?”
The man straightened in his chair and put his cappuccino away.
“Jense, the whole internet thing is about this. Of course I have, but it doesn’t matter. We are all famous people, of course fans, haters and especially the media always create stupid, crazy things. You can’t care about them if you want to keep your sanity in safe.”
The sudden silence between them was uncomfortable, it made Jenson itchy. He understood the man for sure, and he agreed with him; but it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. However it turned out as if the British was some idiot who was worried about the media. Okay, sometimes he cared about the things in newspapers like when Pippa wrote to a magazine saying how she loved him, how much she cared about him when he was a child and yet he didn’t even invite her to his thirtieth birthday party. In fact they were not in contact for a while then, and actually Pippa left his father and him behind, it was her fault. First she tore his family apart and then she hurt his father too, of course he didn’t want to hear about the woman anymore. Yet he felt guilty after he read the article, not talking about the interest of the media. He was really upset and depressed in those times even if he never showed it.
Jenson shook his head to drive the painful thoughts away. Sebastian must have seen the troubled expression on his face but he didn’t mention it; he was waiting for the answer patiently while he thoughtfully knitted his brows.
“No, I didn’t mean it” he finally started talking again. The German raised an eyebrow for the words and licked his dry lips. “Have you ever found something strange about us?”
Sebastian seemed to be confused now and his face slightly flushed for some reason.
“Us?”
“Yes, us. You know, you and me.”
“I know what us means!”
“Then will you answer the question?”
“I don’t know what strange thing do you think?”
“Whatever.”
“Why? Have you found something?”
Now it was Jenson’s turn to blush. He looked down at his empty cup and turned it in his hands a few times before finally pulled himself together and spitted it out.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Oh. And what have you found?” It was a mystery why the German was grinning.
“It’s a...” he cleared his throat. “It’s a thing... A couple thing.”
“A couple thing?” the driver raised his brows.
“Yes, a couple thing! You know, like Brangelina or whatever their name is.” Since it seemed the German still didn’t understand him he burst out impatiently. “People think we are together!”
But Sebastian didn’t react as Jenson expected him. After a short dismayed silence he burst out in a laugh and seconds later he even had to wipe his eyes off. The whole moment was embarrassingly bizarre.
“What?” Jenson asked grinding his teeth.
“Ah, sorry. But... Did you really just resemble us to Brangelina?”
“What on Earth!”
Jenson couldn’t understand the man at all. He just told him people think the two of them were in love and that’s all what he cared about? The resembling to that idiot celeb couple?
“Sorry, sorry.” Sebastian wiped his eyes again and let out a sigh as he finally pulled himself together. “So you found out?”
“What?”
“What, what? What do you think?”
“Sebson?”
It seemed the German would burst out in a laugh again but he just scoffed and bit on his lower lip instead.
“Yeah, that. Thought you already knew about it.”
“You knew it?”
It was unbelievable to know Sebastian not only knew the rumours but he was okay with them. He didn’t seem to be troubled at all.
“Yes, for a while.”
“Why did you never tell me?”
“Tell you? Well, I’m sorry that I wanted to forget about it, not mentioning our hardly cloudless relationship in these days. Anyway I don’t care about it anymore. It was a bit disturbing at first but now it’s rather funny.”
“Funny?”
“Yeah. The people’s fantasy... They are really creative.”
“How could they be creative? It’s madness!”
“Yes, it is. But it’s there even if you don’t wanna hear about it. And you can’t do anything against it. It’s something what is in the people’s mind, something what they can see even if they didn’t get the reason. They see things what they want to see. That’s all.”
“I’m at a loss to understand how you could be so calm. Aren’t you angry?”
“Angry? Why should I be? They are all still our fans even with their madness. They are supporting us with all their hearts, give us strength when we have a bad time.” Sebastian seemed so sure about his thoughts Jenson couldn’t say or do anything just sat there and listened to the man’s words. “The drivers need lots of things for their success. Talent, convergent team, competitive car, good weather, and even their fans. Without them it wouldn’t be complete. Who would you prove your talent then? You can say anything but it’s still true: competitors want to prove not only themselves but also the whole world.”
Jenson was amazed by the younger driver. Though he didn’t agree with him, he just couldn’t accept this kind of craziness, he had to admit the way as Sebastian was thinking was in an adult’s nature. In that very moment he felt like the guy was maybe even more mature than he was and it was frightening and somehow fascinating at the same time.
He thought about the younger himself, the way he was thinking at the age what Sebastian was in but he was completely different from the German. He was more childish, more frivolous and hot-headed, had lots of failures also in his personal life and his career. Sebastian was a special man, someone unique and Jenson had a feeling there was no other like him in the sport. It was a scary thing that for a moment he thought he wanted to be like him. He wanted to be that calm, that positive. That wise.
Jenson didn’t even realize when he put the cup in his hands down. His fingers were entwined on the table as he was staring at the other man thoughtfully. Sebastian didn’t look at him, now it was his turn stirring his leftover cappuccino like he got bored with the waiting for the British’s answer. Or maybe he was just embarrassed by his own words. But he shouldn’t have been, Jenson thought. He was magnificent.
“Maybe you’re right” the British said and he really thought it. Or at least he could agree with the ‘every fan is the same’ part. No matter what they did fans were supporting the drivers all the time, with all their failures, mistakes and bad properties too. Maybe he just had to accept the fans with all their bad habits. Maybe he just needed some time like the German did.
Sebastian snapped his head up and looked at Jense stunned. Even his lips slightly parted.
“Maybe.”
The older driver couldn’t hold a smile back for the silent, unsure words.
“But it’s still crazy.”
“It is!” the German smiled back at him. “How about a walk?”
“It’s okay with me.”
And with that they stood up from the table putting some money on it, enough for tip, and left the little coffee bar behind.
The sun was barely visible in the sky as they stepped out from the building; the orange lights now transformed into a mix of pink and light purple. It was a beautiful play of the nature. The balmy summer air was also refreshing and made the two men dizzy as they started walking back to the track side by side.
“You said you wanted to show me something.”
The idyllic atmosphere seemed to fading away as Jenson remembered the other reason he wanted to meet the guy for.
“Yes, just like you did” he turned to the other. Jenson couldn’t decide whether it was only the lights or the German really did flush; his cheeks looked a bit pink. “So, spit it out!”
“Hey, you said it first, you show me first.”
“Don’t be so shy, Sebi. Just show me already, I’m really curious here” Jenson smiled along with the other man. Sebastian sighed with a goofy smile and shoved a hand in his pocket.
“Do you remember when I said you still like cakes?” he asked while he was fumbling in the pocket on his checked shorts.
“In the coffee bar? Of course I do” he answered knitting his brows confused. He didn’t understand the connection between this and the thing what Sebastian wanted to show him. But he understood it soon.
“Here” the German handed a little paper to him. “I had a bit research for our past when I was at home and found more old photos. This one was a really nice one I think” he smiled as the British took the picture.
It was one of those which were about the banquet of the go-kart camp. It was like a missing piece of a puzzle. This one was taken from front as the two boys were sitting together around the table, a big smile on their faces as Jenson was seemingly talking about something with wild gesticulation, and a piece of cake in front of them what the German boy was happily eating.
Jenson couldn’t hide the grin on his face as he was learning the picture. He must have admitted they were cute in those times.
“I found the siblings of this photo at home” he said amused.
“Really?” Sebastian seemed to be surprised by the words as if he didn’t expect that response.
“Yeah. We have some of them. It was a nice day, wasn’t it?”
“Um” the driver nodded with a happy smile.
But Jenson still didn’t understand why did the German say that thing about cakes before? In the picture it was Sebastian who ate the cake and not him.
“But...” he frowned.
“Yes?”
“Just still don’t see why you said I still love cakes.”
“Why?” The German was apparently confused. “Because it’s your cake.”
“What?”
“It was your cake what we were eating there. It was some special cake as I remember, I’m not sure, I only remember of you got the last piece of it and shared it with me.”
“What do you mean by shared it? I never share my cakes with anyone.” It was true; Jenson never shared his cake with anyone not even if someone held a knife to his throat.
“Actually didn’t share but gave it to me. I didn’t want to take it away from you or something, of course I didn’t, I just stared at it because I was a bit envy you it I think and you pushed your plate in front of me.”
“Me?”
“Yes” the German nodded. It was totally unbelievable for Jense he ever did a thing like that, there was something amiss. “And I shared it with you. I ate the half of it and pushed the other half back to you. You ate it with your own fork for sure” he added with a laugh as he looked at the completely stunned British.
Jenson didn’t think the German was lying but it was still hard to believe he could do such a thing. It was incomprehensible. Maybe Sebastian remembered it badly or he just dreamed of it. However if it was true - and there was a big chance it was - then it was thought-provoking in every way why on Earth did he do what he did. There must have been wholehearted trust between the two of them and he must have really liked the boy to do a thing like that. Anyway, the thought Sebastian shared that piece of cake with him eased his mind. It was a kind gesture from the kid.
“Well, it’s hard to believe it. I never do such a thing like that” he said seriously and glanced at the other driver. “You should appreciate it.” He was a bit amused now as he handed the photo back.
“I do” the man grinned and lifted his hands up defensively for the reached picture. “No, it’s yours, I brought it to you. I have my own one at home”.
“Are you sure? Thanks then, this one was missing.”
And with that he took his wallet out from his pocket and shoved the photo in it.
“You’re welcome. By the way, what were you going to show me?”
“Ah, that” Jenson let out a shaky sigh and put his hand in his other pocket searching for the chit. To his surprise he wasn’t really nervous anymore, he was rather excited to know what the piece of paper said. “Here” he handed the chit. The German seemed confused as he took it over but a moment later a soft smile formed in the corner of his lips.
“You kept it” Sebastian said dismayed.
“Yep, something like that. I’ve also been searching for some memories about us and found this.”
“Where did you find it?”
“In my diary. Actually it was an accident I noticed it. I was going to close the book when it fell out of it.”
The long silence from the other one was too suspicious to the British driver so he glanced at Sebastian and he could see his fear was not for nothing. It seemed it took a great effort to the guy not to burst out in a laugh. He bit on his bottom lip, face way redder than normal and shoulders shaking as he tried to hold the laugh back.
“What is it?” Jenson asked confusedly.
“You... You have a diary?”
Jenson’s lips fell open; he didn’t expect such an answer. Or at least he didn’t think the diary would be the main point of the other man’s interest or laugh.
“No, actually I don’t have any, I just had one. When I was a child” he underlined the word ‘child’.
Sebastian scoffed and took a deep, shaky breath to calm himself down.
“Don’t get me wrong, please, I don’t make fun of you, it’s just... I never thought you had such a thing. It’s adorable.”
“Well, it seems I had and no, it’s not adorable. Maybe funny or whatever, but absolutely not adorable.
“I didn’t say it’s not funny” the German chuckled again why he got a very scary look from the British. “Anyway” he cleared his throat “what did you write about me in your diary? Come on, tell me! What did you think about me in those times?”
Sebastian acted the child with all his childish curiosity and big eyes so well Jenson almost changed his mind about the man’s maturity. Yet he didn’t mention any of these thoughts just shook his head with a slight smile before answering him.
“That you were a creepy little youngster.”
“Fuck off! You didn’t.”
“Better believe it” Jenson grinned and laughed when the German playfully pushed him away as a response. “Now tell me what the paper says!”
“Hm?” he looked at him confused but the colour of his cheeks said he understood the British’s words well.
“I tried to read it but you had such an ugly handwriting in those days and I bet there are so much mistakes in these few words too I couldn’t figure the meaning of them out, no matter how many versions I used to write in the web-translator.
“You used a web-translator?” It was the umpteenth time Sebastian looked like he can’t hold his laugh back anymore but it seemed he was rather embarrassed this time.
“I must have! How else should I have managed to find out the meaning of the chit?”
“It must have been really important to you if you went so far.”
Jenson didn’t answer, now it was him who could feel the heat of the flowing blood in his cheeks as he blushed. He didn’t think about his action in that way yet and the fact what Sebastian just pointed out made him itchy. “So” the German looked at the paper again and blushed even more. “Yeah, I can tell there are lots of mistakes in these few words. But there’s nothing wrong with my handwriting” he laughed embarrassed. “But about its meaning, well... Actually nothing important.”
And he wanted to give the chit back but Jenson resisted it.
“Seb” he said in a warning tone.
“What? It’s really nothing important. You make such a big fuss about it.”
“I don’t care. I’d like to know it.”
Sebastian sighed slightly shaking his head and glanced back at the paper.
“I will miss you“ he read. “Your forever loving friend: Sebastian. That’s all” the man added with another sigh.
Sebastian was right, it was really nothing much, they were just simple words on an old, yellowed paper chit; there was nothing special about it. Yet these simple words made Jenson’s heart beating way faster. He didn’t know what he expected from it but surely not this. Rather something like a message hidden in the words as a code, but it turned out to be an embarrassingly obvious and honest message.
Jenson didn’t know what to say so he just hummed thoughtfully, not looking at the man beside him.
“You see? I told you it’s nothing” the German said misunderstanding the other’s silence as he gave the chit back.
“No, it’s absolutely something. I just... I don’t know.”
“You expected something else.”
“Yes.”
“It’s okay. I was five years old then, it was already fantastic I could write like that in those times.”
“Well, your handwriting was not that fantastic though.”
“Fuck off!” Sebastian laughed lightly boxing in the man’s shoulder.
Jenson didn’t say a word just grinned at the man wildly, enjoying their time together. He really had a lovely time with Sebastian and subsequently he didn’t mind to inviting him at all.
“Can I ask you a question?” the British finally turned to the other driver curiously. Not that it mattered; he just couldn’t put it out of his head.
“I don’t know. Can you?” Jenson rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hold a little smile back. It wouldn’t be Sebastian without his cheekiness. “Okay, out with it!” the man said.
The British took a deep breath and cleared his throat before started talking. This subject was still a bit uncomfortable for him.
“How did you find this sebson thing out?”
“Oh, that! Well, do you remember what I said in 2011 during the FIA Gala?”
“I don’t know, you said a lot of thing in your half an hour long monologue.”
“It was not last that long” the German shot him a disdaining look. “And yes, I said a lot of thing but there was one particular thing what I mentioned. As you maybe know it I don’t really like the internet and usually don’t even use it. I don’t have that twitter thing either, I’m even neglecting my own blog too... “
“You have a blog?” Jenson interrupted the man turning to him with widen eyes.
Sebastian only nodded and continued the story where he ended it.
“But after I won my second world championship I had a feeling and searched for myself on Wikipedia. That’s what I mentioned during the gala.”
Jenson couldn’t believe his ears; that was awful to think about what people could do just for fun, even on a site which was so famous. It freaked him out.
“And you found something about us on Wikipedia?”
“Not immediate. It was later after my little mentioning. I don’t know why I searched for myself again, I really don’t do things like that I can tell, but I had something like an intuition so I did it and what I found there turned out to be something frightening. I was shocked by reading abut our love story, that we are a lovely couple and also there was a mentioning of me and Mark too. It was totally madness.”
Jenson let his mouth fall open; he was so shocked like the German could have been after his discovery. The way as he found out about the two of them was way better than Sebastian did.
“I can’t believe it” the British finally said totally stunned.
“Yeah. But it still happened. Anyway, they changed the contents of my wiki since then as I know it.
The older had to admit this was a situation what there was no solution for. You can’t just change people’s mind if they have their own imagination about things, they can see nothing but what they want to see, especially when you’re a famous one.
Jenson shoved his hands in his pockets resignedly as he let a worried sigh out.
“That’s it than. Think it’s better if we bow to it.”
“Yes, I already did. Just a few months and you will laugh at it too.”
“Thanks, Sebi, it really helps me a lot” Jenson said ironically but he couldn’t wipe his grin off of his face.
“You’re welcome” the man winked as they already reached the garages. There were a few staffs around from various teams, and some people working for the media but it seemed no one cared about them.
Jenson looked at his wristwatch and it showed almost half past eight. For a second he was surprised by how quickly the time passed by while he was together with the German, it felt like it was only a half an hour what they spent together. Jessica must have been mad at him since he promised he’d be back soon. The British dived into his pocket searching for his phone but remembered he left everything behind in his haste, so he couldn’t even call his girlfriend. It didn’t matter now anyway, he was already going to their hotel...
“Oh my god!”
“What is it?” the German turned to him apprehensively.
Jenson couldn’t imagine how could he be so foolish to not remember his friend’s words right after he left him? It was like a phase delay as he suddenly remembered of Fernando’s words about a call from the Aussie; he was too busy with himself in that moment to comprehending what the other said to him. And to make it even worse he also remembered that he said yes to Mark’s invitation for a jog with him and the Spaniard. God help him survive from those two men’s anger!
“Seems like I forgot about something important.”
“What did you forget about?”
But Jenson didn’t have to give an answer as they arrived at the Ferrari’s garage and found there the two friends. They didn’t seem to be happy at all.
“I can’t believe my eyes. Jenson!” the Spaniard was mocking about him putting his hands on his hips.
“Hey.”
“Hey? That’s a bit slim at the moment, don’t you think?” The other Red Bull driver was clearly unhappy to see the two of them together, or at least to see Sebastian around too. He shot a very scary look towards the guy; his face was so stiff by the anger it was way frightening then the frowning of Fernando. Jenson knew it well the German’s presence topped everything after the fact he completely forgot about his mates.
“Oh, look who came along with him! Sebastian!” the Spaniard shouted acting like he just noticed the man. “Would you like to join us?”
The sarcasm was undoubtedly sensible in Fernando’s words but it didn’t seem to bother the German, he only raised an eyebrow amused.
“Thanks, I don’t need extra training as you can see it, but it looks like someone does so have fun, mate” he said cheekily and patted on the man’s shoulder before turning to Jenson, who visibly didn’t know how to hold his laugh back. “I must go Jense, if you don’t mind. See you later.”
“Yeah, sure. Good night, Seb” the British said with a soft smile as he accepted the younger man’s offered hand.
“Good night you too. Bye guys! Keep it up, Fernando!” Sebastian added waving to the other two men and giving a saucy wink to the furious Spaniard before he left.
The colour of Fernando’s face was almost matching with his T-shirt’s, only the vapour was missing around his head to looking like a mad bull.
“That little...” the man grinded his teeth but couldn’t finish his statement on the other driver; Mark silenced him as he moved towards the track leaving the two behind. Fernando glanced at the British for a second and joined the other without saying a word.
Jenson could understand their anger, he couldn’t complain about it but it still surprised him how his friends treated him, like he did something criminal. He just stood there mutely for a while watching the men leaving before finally went after them.
“Look...” he tried. “Look, I’m sorry, I forgot. About both of you.”
“Yes, we noticed it” Fernando shrugged.
“I know I was a dickhead...”
“No doubt.”
“But I just had so many things in my mind, I think I just... You know, I didn’t know which way to turn.
“It’s okay Jenson, you don’t have to explain yourself” the Aussie said in a dull tone not even glancing at him.
“Mark...”
“I don’t care!” the man suddenly stopped turning to the British angrily.
They were staring at each other in silence while the tension was growing between them more and more till it was so heavy with all the anger, disappointment and helplessness it was almost unbearable; Jenson felt he could explode in every minute. Then the Aussie turned around and left him behind. The British didn’t know what to do; he was standing about and was almost going to leave the two men alone giving them some time to calm down but then Mark started talking again while he started their jog.
“Limber up! We already did.”
Jenson paused for a moment; he was surprised and somehow relieved at the same time. He knew he hurt his friends even without his intention, and they were so bullish and proud sometimes yet this little gesture from Mark was a sign of their forgiveness, just like a peace-pipe.
The British let a relieved sigh out and started doing some warm up movements, but soon he stopped doing them and ran after his already far away friends instead.
“So you started calling him Seb again?” Fernando asked as he joined them.
“What?” he turned to his friend knitting his brows bewilderedly. He didn’t know where to put the question.
“You haven’t called him Seb for a while now. Seems like the two of you are in peace again.”
“Why are you saying that? We’ve never been in a fight. And since when I stopped calling him Seb? I used to call him that before.”
“When? In 2011?” the man scoffed raising an eyebrow sceptical. Mark didn’t say a word; he just kept running as if he didn’t hear the conversation. “Anyway at least stop lying about your gee look great relationship, we all know you didn’t like him recently.”
“Who said I like him now?”
“You didn’t seem too bothered by him.”
“Maybe I grew up?”
“Since when? The last race? Come on, Jense!” the Spaniard rolled his eyes and Jenson must admit he couldn’t fool his friend. He glanced at Mark on his other side but the man turned his head away in protest. “Something must have happened.”
The British pressed his lips together thoughtfully; he was pondering about telling them the truth but he wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. Maybe later, he surely will tell them later but it seemed too soon at the moment.
“You won’t say anything?” Jenson snapped his head up looking at the Aussie who finally broke his silence pledge totally surprising the British driver.
“What do you want me to say?”
“You know it.”
Of course Jenson did. He promised Mark he would talk about all the strange things around him but now he felt it was a hurried promise.
“I promised you I would talk about it later but it’s still not the time. Give me some more time, okay?”
Fernando alternately glanced at Mark and Jenson while the two men were staring at each other silently. Mark didn’t say anything just nodded showing him that it was okay with him but he clearly wasn’t satisfied with the answer.
“Does it make any sense if I ask what the hell the two of you are talking about?”
Mark shot a knowing look at Jenson but turned his head away letting the man decide whether he wanted to talk about it the other man or not.
“I’ll let the both of you know about it soon, okay? It’s nothing special anyway.”
Fernando’s face told everything; he didn’t believe any of the words what the McLaren driver just said.
“Does this thing have something to do with that monkey?”
“With who?” Jenson frowned.
“Vettel” he said rolling his eyes.
The British let out a tired sigh while he was already thinking about his answer but he couldn’t came out with anything useable.
“Why do you ask?”
“Oh, come on! It is there to everyone to see. I can see something has changed between you and then there is this little conversation between you and Mark too. Don’t see me as a fool because I’m not!”
“I never thought about you as a fool.”
“Well, it’s perfect. Then you can give me that answer.”
“I’ll give you the answer when I feel it’s time to do it. But now I just want to think over some things in my life.”
The Spaniard didn’t say anything just stared at him, knitting his brows suspiciously. Jenson couldn’t be sure but it was like the man was suspecting something though it was a ridiculous assumption. After that they didn’t harp on the thing anymore; they all tried to forget about it for a while and concentrating on the next race.
*
It was about ten o’clock when he finally arrived at the hotel. The little jog refreshed him a bit though it also made him tired and sleepy. He knew he should have slept for some time past now but he was enjoying the running with his friends so much he didn’t care about the time or anything else. After the uncomfortable subject about his secret the three of them was in the usual mood what they’ve always been, which meant they were laughing a lot and fooling about each other. In the last few metres of the track they fought against the others to being the first. Well, at the end it turned out all the triathlon was for nothing with those long legs of Mark. Jenson only became second while Fernando was third. Of course the Spaniard was a bad loser so he was swearing about but the two men just laughed at him. It wouldn’t be him without his childish behaviour. And in fact they were all competitors, which meant they were all the same. None of them could lose at all.
Jenson was sure Jessica was already sleeping or if she wasn’t she must have been angry with him to coming back so late. He preferred the first one but as he opened the door of their room the intense lights were burning his eyes painfully, indicating that the woman was still awake. Jenson take a deep breath preparing for the worst as he shut the door closed behind him and started walking to the bed what Jessica was laying on.
“Thought you said you won’t be out for so long” she said not even glancing up from the book she was reading.
“I’m sorry. I forgot I already made a promise to Ma...” Jenson took another step towards the bed but then stopped talking as he noticed the book in Jessica’s hand. He froze as the panic and the anger started taking over him.
“You never told me you had a diary?”
The hours passed by so slowly like the evening never wanted to come. It was not surprising; of course when you are excited about something the clock seems to be stopped, and the growing tension in Jenson’s chest didn’t help him either. Now it was really disturbing, it pissed him off how nervous he was about a little chat with an old friend.
Actually it was more than just ‘a little chat’, the man knew it well. It was already abnormal to talking to the German guy like two simple men and not like two rivals, but... but yeah, the subject he wanted to talk about was not a usual one either; he decided it once and for all that he must mention every weird thing what he found out about themselves in the past few weeks.
The team left the garage at six o’clock thanks to Tim, so the British had only an hour, actually less than that to prepare for the night. He hurried to their hotel and as soon as he was in their room he quickly took off his clothes and dropped them all on the floor as he was walking up to the bathroom.
The flowing lukewarm water on his heating skin was so relaxing it really helped him to calm down a bit. Though he wanted a quick shower he just stood there with his hands on the wall, head bowed down and his eyes closed as he put his thoughts together in his mind. Why would you worry about a thing which has not even happened yet? With that thought he turned the streaming water off and got out of the shower.
He had only twenty minutes left to the meeting so he hurriedly put a usual McLaren t-shirt and black shorts on, picked the dropped clothes up from the floor to put them in the laundry, and he was finally leaving the place when suddenly Jessica showed up in the door.
“Oh! Are you going to somewhere?” she asked a bit surprised.
Jenson lost his words for a moment and had to think over what would he say, he didn’t want to talk about his meeting to anyone, not even his girlfriend. He took a deep breath as he answered.
“Yeah... Nothing important, I’ll be back in about an hour I think” he said as he kissed the girl and brushed by her didn’t expecting any answer.
The road from the hotel to the grid was not long or it didn’t supposed to be but Jenson gave up the hope for that anything could be short or quick in the actual circumstances. It felt like every second in the car took a minute, and with every step he took towards the track his fluttering heart was beating with a heartbeat quicker. When he finally glimpsed the grid he almost thought it to be only a mirage. It was funny how hastily he went to the meeting place and now as he was just a few meters away he unintentionally slowed his steps down.
“Jenson?”
The British was going to resist the call, he was sure it was only his imagination hearing voices in his mind which were too similar to a particular voice, but after the second shout he really had to rethink that theory. He paused for the call didn’t dare to turning around.
“Jenson, where are you heading to?”
“Dad!” the driver finally turned to the other man. “What are you doing here? I thought you were taking a nap.”
“Went for a stroll before? Well, I think I asked you first. Jessica just went to your room having a rest with you... or whatever.
Jenson could feel as the blood was flowing into his cheeks for the words. He wasn’t a boy anymore but he felt like he was in these days, what more he felt like he was unveiled and couldn’t do anything against the growing guiltiness in his chest.
“I... I...” He really tried to cook something up just as he did it with Jessica, but to tell a lie to his girlfriend was a thing and to tell a lie to his dad was another. John was standing there patiently waiting for the answer and he seemed more and more concerned for his son. “I’m going to see Sebastian” he sighed turning his head away from his dad.
“Sebastian?” Jenson looked up at his father searching for a sign of... well, he didn’t even know it himself what was he expecting from the man but surely not what he just saw on his face. It seemed as if the Old Boy was really enjoying himself like some bloke in the cinema. Only the popcorn was missing from his hands. “And may I ask you what the special reason of this secret meeting is?” the ex-driver asked with a slight smile on his face which was startlingly familiar to Jenson.
“Talking to him?”
“To your rival?”
“Why is that all of you are so horrified by the thought I could spend some time with Sebastian?” the man burst out frustrated. He couldn’t understand people’s behaviour around him. Why was it such a big deal to being with the German? “Mark is my rival, Fernando is also my rival and still they are my friends, and I spend lot of time with them without anyone’s questioning it. So what is the difference to be with Sebastian?”
The atmosphere was very uncomfortable as the British finally concluded his monologue. John didn’t say a word just stood there staring at his son with a thoughtful look on his face and there was something else in his eyes, something like understanding which confused the driver.
“Jenson, it’s not bad if you’d like to be with that guy, no one said that.” Of course some said. “It’s just a bit unusual in these times, you know? I mean... all of your hatred in the last few months and now you suddenly want to see him, no, not just see him but secretly see him? It’s fine, the two of you can be friends like you are with your other ones, only the circumstances...”
The circumstances, yeah. The circumstances said they barely had a relationship now days, didn’t even talk except the formal things. So yes, it must have been really surprising to all the people around him, even to himself. The anger what he felt suddenly flew away and left only anxiety behind. He knew he was rude, that he almost stepped beyond the borders and the fact he just worked the tension off on his dad wasn’t even an explanation to his behaviour. You can’t just talk to your parents like that.
Jenson swallowed his pride and fears down and took a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... It’s just a meeting, a little chat about the past, nothing special. But since I didn’t talk about it to anyone... You know, it could be weird, I don’t know what would they think, I don’t even know what should I think, so we didn’t agreed on it with Sebastian, I just made the decision by my self to not talking about it to anyone.”
It was surprising how much easier he felt his soul to be now that at least his dad knew about his fears.
“I see that, Jense, really. But to be honest I’m still not sure if you should hide this from your friends, it only will lead you to misunderstandings, and I must say if they really are your friends they’re going to understand... But do as you wish, I won’t tell it anyone.”
“Thanks dad.”
The Old Boy was smiling again and the awkward atmosphere seemed to be fading away as if never was there. Jenson sighed relieved and smiled back at the other man.
“Now go, don’t be late” John winked with a wicked grin which made Jenson somehow uncomfortable but he didn’t mention it to his father, just nodded and already hurried away.
*
The sun was lighting the view up with orange lights as the night was coming; the air was not that hot as it was in the afternoon, it was mild and pleasant, the type which made you sleepy and dizzy.
As Jenson finally arrived at the grid it seemed to be empty, only Sebastian stood there back to him, thoughtfully staring at the track with his hands idly shoved in his pockets.
“Hey Seb” Jenson smiled when he stopped by the man.
Sebastian looked surprised as he turned to him, it seemed he was really deeply buried in his thoughts or he just simply didn’t expect the man to actually coming.
“Hey” the German returned the smile with a very familiar light in his eyes. It was the same what Jenson saw in all the photos about them, and to think about that made his stomach do that strange thing again. The tension came back to his chest for the thought how absurd things they should talk about and for a moment he was tempted to doubt it but since he already decided once there was no way back now. Jenson Button never draws back from anything. “So how about that cafe on the corner? It’s cheaper than the other one which is mostly used by the teams but it’s smaller too so there is no much people. Since I think there’s no way to avoid everyone it’s still the best way to avoid most of the people here and there. Or if you have a better idea...?”
“No, no, it’s fine. More than fine. I’ll stand you a coffee.”
Sebastian laughed by his heart as he started walking to the huge building which was built to the V.I.P. guests, and also was used by all the F1 teams and staffs during the race weekends. There were really good coffee bars and restaurants in it, and the view was perfect on the top of it, you could see most of the track from there.
“It sounds like buying-off.”
“Can I?”
“No way” he laughed again and Jenson couldn’t hold back the growing grin on his face. As much nervous as he was just a minute before he couldn’t feel the anxiousness anymore, he was rather curious and excited about the night. A whole cheeky night with the idiot German boy... It sounds funny.
*
“So you’re a real English gentleman?”
“Huh?” Jenson hemmed in response trying to choke the piece of cake down.
“And you still love cake as I see.”
“What do you mean?”
The German was smiling mysteriously like he knew something what the British didn’t. They were in the coffee bar for a few minutes now and Jenson already liked the place. He had to admit it was a good choice from the other man; it was small as he said but still friendly with all the beige and dun colours of the wall and the furniture which were in perfect harmony with the claret blackout curtains around the tall windows. There was lowly humming music in the background, but it wasn’t disturbing at all, you didn’t have to shout through the rhythms to be heard. And there were really not much people around. It seemed the media absolutely forgot about the place or just simply left it aside thinking there’s no way finding any remarkable person there. Well if it was the case they were wrong especially since Jenson just decided he will always use this place from now on. So there were only Jenson, Sebastian and a few staffs from other teams but it seemed they didn’t care about the two men at all.
Now the rivals were sitting in one of the corner facing each other; Sebastian was sipping his cappuccino while Jenson had his usual cup of tea and a lovely piece of chocolate cake.
“You’re drinking tea and eating cake, it seems like a normal ritual for you.”
Jenson could have taken the words as a provocation but he knew the man too well even if they didn’t talk often, so he knew he didn’t mean it in that way. It was a simple remark.
“It is. I usually drink and eat the same in my break.”
“Is that so good?”
“Which one? The tea or the cake?”
“Both. The tea with milk” grimaced the German “and the chocolate cake too.”
“Actually they are. You should try the tea-milk thing out once before sentence to it.”
“No, thanks” he shook his head, defensively lifting his hands up with a goofy smile around his face.
“Why? It’s not bad at all. Do you think I would drink it if it had a bad taste?”
“You know some say bugs also taste good.”
“You have the point” Jenson laughed and lifted his cup up to his mouth to sip its content.
“And what about the cake? Do you eat this type all the time?”
“No, it depends on my mood. I was in a chocolate cake mood now.”
“Is there a chocolate cake mood? What gives people a chocolate cake mood?”
“Even the thought they have to spend a night with you.
“Hey! You mention me here as a bad thing!”
“No, I don’t” Jenson grinned back at the man. “People could eat chocolate when they are in a good mood, not only when they are sad or nervous.”
“That’s true. Anyway, what ever the case is I must remind you, you asked me out.”
Jenson choked on the next piece of cake in his mouth. The other didn’t mean it in that way, of course he did not, yet it seemed the whole ‘sebson’ thing drove the British crazy. A little joke was enough to remind him of all the madness around them and look, it almost killed him.
Between two coughing attacks he decided better not to eat the leftovers of his cake so he pushed his plate away and wiped his teary eyes off.
“Jense? Are you all right?” the German asked worriedly patting on the man’s shoulder.
“Yeah, fine. Sorry, I think I ate too fast. That’s the penalty of all the insatiable men” he tried to joke but his hoarse voice told the man he wasn’t perfectly fine.
“Yeah” Sebastian smiled but the British still saw the concern in his eyes and somehow he was flattered by it.
“Seb?”
“Yes?”
Jenson wasn’t sure what to say but he felt it was the time. That he will not have any better chance to tell the guy all the things what he asked him out for. To cover his shaking hands he grabbed his cup and started stirring the tea regardless there was not much tea in it.
Sebastian was still staring at him with curious face when Jenson looked up at him and it gave him a little strength. The man took a deep breath and drunk the leftover drink.
“Have you ever searched on yourself on the internet?” he finally asked.
“Why?” the German frowned.
“Just answer the question.”
“Well, yeah. Sometimes.”
“And...” It was the hardest. His heart was beating so fast he was afraid the other also could hear it even despite the low music. “And have you ever found something strange about you? Something which was fake and also extremely stupid?”
The man straightened in his chair and put his cappuccino away.
“Jense, the whole internet thing is about this. Of course I have, but it doesn’t matter. We are all famous people, of course fans, haters and especially the media always create stupid, crazy things. You can’t care about them if you want to keep your sanity in safe.”
The sudden silence between them was uncomfortable, it made Jenson itchy. He understood the man for sure, and he agreed with him; but it wasn’t what he wanted to talk about. However it turned out as if the British was some idiot who was worried about the media. Okay, sometimes he cared about the things in newspapers like when Pippa wrote to a magazine saying how she loved him, how much she cared about him when he was a child and yet he didn’t even invite her to his thirtieth birthday party. In fact they were not in contact for a while then, and actually Pippa left his father and him behind, it was her fault. First she tore his family apart and then she hurt his father too, of course he didn’t want to hear about the woman anymore. Yet he felt guilty after he read the article, not talking about the interest of the media. He was really upset and depressed in those times even if he never showed it.
Jenson shook his head to drive the painful thoughts away. Sebastian must have seen the troubled expression on his face but he didn’t mention it; he was waiting for the answer patiently while he thoughtfully knitted his brows.
“No, I didn’t mean it” he finally started talking again. The German raised an eyebrow for the words and licked his dry lips. “Have you ever found something strange about us?”
Sebastian seemed to be confused now and his face slightly flushed for some reason.
“Us?”
“Yes, us. You know, you and me.”
“I know what us means!”
“Then will you answer the question?”
“I don’t know what strange thing do you think?”
“Whatever.”
“Why? Have you found something?”
Now it was Jenson’s turn to blush. He looked down at his empty cup and turned it in his hands a few times before finally pulled himself together and spitted it out.”
“Yes, I have.”
“Oh. And what have you found?” It was a mystery why the German was grinning.
“It’s a...” he cleared his throat. “It’s a thing... A couple thing.”
“A couple thing?” the driver raised his brows.
“Yes, a couple thing! You know, like Brangelina or whatever their name is.” Since it seemed the German still didn’t understand him he burst out impatiently. “People think we are together!”
But Sebastian didn’t react as Jenson expected him. After a short dismayed silence he burst out in a laugh and seconds later he even had to wipe his eyes off. The whole moment was embarrassingly bizarre.
“What?” Jenson asked grinding his teeth.
“Ah, sorry. But... Did you really just resemble us to Brangelina?”
“What on Earth!”
Jenson couldn’t understand the man at all. He just told him people think the two of them were in love and that’s all what he cared about? The resembling to that idiot celeb couple?
“Sorry, sorry.” Sebastian wiped his eyes again and let out a sigh as he finally pulled himself together. “So you found out?”
“What?”
“What, what? What do you think?”
“Sebson?”
It seemed the German would burst out in a laugh again but he just scoffed and bit on his lower lip instead.
“Yeah, that. Thought you already knew about it.”
“You knew it?”
It was unbelievable to know Sebastian not only knew the rumours but he was okay with them. He didn’t seem to be troubled at all.
“Yes, for a while.”
“Why did you never tell me?”
“Tell you? Well, I’m sorry that I wanted to forget about it, not mentioning our hardly cloudless relationship in these days. Anyway I don’t care about it anymore. It was a bit disturbing at first but now it’s rather funny.”
“Funny?”
“Yeah. The people’s fantasy... They are really creative.”
“How could they be creative? It’s madness!”
“Yes, it is. But it’s there even if you don’t wanna hear about it. And you can’t do anything against it. It’s something what is in the people’s mind, something what they can see even if they didn’t get the reason. They see things what they want to see. That’s all.”
“I’m at a loss to understand how you could be so calm. Aren’t you angry?”
“Angry? Why should I be? They are all still our fans even with their madness. They are supporting us with all their hearts, give us strength when we have a bad time.” Sebastian seemed so sure about his thoughts Jenson couldn’t say or do anything just sat there and listened to the man’s words. “The drivers need lots of things for their success. Talent, convergent team, competitive car, good weather, and even their fans. Without them it wouldn’t be complete. Who would you prove your talent then? You can say anything but it’s still true: competitors want to prove not only themselves but also the whole world.”
Jenson was amazed by the younger driver. Though he didn’t agree with him, he just couldn’t accept this kind of craziness, he had to admit the way as Sebastian was thinking was in an adult’s nature. In that very moment he felt like the guy was maybe even more mature than he was and it was frightening and somehow fascinating at the same time.
He thought about the younger himself, the way he was thinking at the age what Sebastian was in but he was completely different from the German. He was more childish, more frivolous and hot-headed, had lots of failures also in his personal life and his career. Sebastian was a special man, someone unique and Jenson had a feeling there was no other like him in the sport. It was a scary thing that for a moment he thought he wanted to be like him. He wanted to be that calm, that positive. That wise.
Jenson didn’t even realize when he put the cup in his hands down. His fingers were entwined on the table as he was staring at the other man thoughtfully. Sebastian didn’t look at him, now it was his turn stirring his leftover cappuccino like he got bored with the waiting for the British’s answer. Or maybe he was just embarrassed by his own words. But he shouldn’t have been, Jenson thought. He was magnificent.
“Maybe you’re right” the British said and he really thought it. Or at least he could agree with the ‘every fan is the same’ part. No matter what they did fans were supporting the drivers all the time, with all their failures, mistakes and bad properties too. Maybe he just had to accept the fans with all their bad habits. Maybe he just needed some time like the German did.
Sebastian snapped his head up and looked at Jense stunned. Even his lips slightly parted.
“Maybe.”
The older driver couldn’t hold a smile back for the silent, unsure words.
“But it’s still crazy.”
“It is!” the German smiled back at him. “How about a walk?”
“It’s okay with me.”
And with that they stood up from the table putting some money on it, enough for tip, and left the little coffee bar behind.
The sun was barely visible in the sky as they stepped out from the building; the orange lights now transformed into a mix of pink and light purple. It was a beautiful play of the nature. The balmy summer air was also refreshing and made the two men dizzy as they started walking back to the track side by side.
“You said you wanted to show me something.”
The idyllic atmosphere seemed to fading away as Jenson remembered the other reason he wanted to meet the guy for.
“Yes, just like you did” he turned to the other. Jenson couldn’t decide whether it was only the lights or the German really did flush; his cheeks looked a bit pink. “So, spit it out!”
“Hey, you said it first, you show me first.”
“Don’t be so shy, Sebi. Just show me already, I’m really curious here” Jenson smiled along with the other man. Sebastian sighed with a goofy smile and shoved a hand in his pocket.
“Do you remember when I said you still like cakes?” he asked while he was fumbling in the pocket on his checked shorts.
“In the coffee bar? Of course I do” he answered knitting his brows confused. He didn’t understand the connection between this and the thing what Sebastian wanted to show him. But he understood it soon.
“Here” the German handed a little paper to him. “I had a bit research for our past when I was at home and found more old photos. This one was a really nice one I think” he smiled as the British took the picture.
It was one of those which were about the banquet of the go-kart camp. It was like a missing piece of a puzzle. This one was taken from front as the two boys were sitting together around the table, a big smile on their faces as Jenson was seemingly talking about something with wild gesticulation, and a piece of cake in front of them what the German boy was happily eating.
Jenson couldn’t hide the grin on his face as he was learning the picture. He must have admitted they were cute in those times.
“I found the siblings of this photo at home” he said amused.
“Really?” Sebastian seemed to be surprised by the words as if he didn’t expect that response.
“Yeah. We have some of them. It was a nice day, wasn’t it?”
“Um” the driver nodded with a happy smile.
But Jenson still didn’t understand why did the German say that thing about cakes before? In the picture it was Sebastian who ate the cake and not him.
“But...” he frowned.
“Yes?”
“Just still don’t see why you said I still love cakes.”
“Why?” The German was apparently confused. “Because it’s your cake.”
“What?”
“It was your cake what we were eating there. It was some special cake as I remember, I’m not sure, I only remember of you got the last piece of it and shared it with me.”
“What do you mean by shared it? I never share my cakes with anyone.” It was true; Jenson never shared his cake with anyone not even if someone held a knife to his throat.
“Actually didn’t share but gave it to me. I didn’t want to take it away from you or something, of course I didn’t, I just stared at it because I was a bit envy you it I think and you pushed your plate in front of me.”
“Me?”
“Yes” the German nodded. It was totally unbelievable for Jense he ever did a thing like that, there was something amiss. “And I shared it with you. I ate the half of it and pushed the other half back to you. You ate it with your own fork for sure” he added with a laugh as he looked at the completely stunned British.
Jenson didn’t think the German was lying but it was still hard to believe he could do such a thing. It was incomprehensible. Maybe Sebastian remembered it badly or he just dreamed of it. However if it was true - and there was a big chance it was - then it was thought-provoking in every way why on Earth did he do what he did. There must have been wholehearted trust between the two of them and he must have really liked the boy to do a thing like that. Anyway, the thought Sebastian shared that piece of cake with him eased his mind. It was a kind gesture from the kid.
“Well, it’s hard to believe it. I never do such a thing like that” he said seriously and glanced at the other driver. “You should appreciate it.” He was a bit amused now as he handed the photo back.
“I do” the man grinned and lifted his hands up defensively for the reached picture. “No, it’s yours, I brought it to you. I have my own one at home”.
“Are you sure? Thanks then, this one was missing.”
And with that he took his wallet out from his pocket and shoved the photo in it.
“You’re welcome. By the way, what were you going to show me?”
“Ah, that” Jenson let out a shaky sigh and put his hand in his other pocket searching for the chit. To his surprise he wasn’t really nervous anymore, he was rather excited to know what the piece of paper said. “Here” he handed the chit. The German seemed confused as he took it over but a moment later a soft smile formed in the corner of his lips.
“You kept it” Sebastian said dismayed.
“Yep, something like that. I’ve also been searching for some memories about us and found this.”
“Where did you find it?”
“In my diary. Actually it was an accident I noticed it. I was going to close the book when it fell out of it.”
The long silence from the other one was too suspicious to the British driver so he glanced at Sebastian and he could see his fear was not for nothing. It seemed it took a great effort to the guy not to burst out in a laugh. He bit on his bottom lip, face way redder than normal and shoulders shaking as he tried to hold the laugh back.
“What is it?” Jenson asked confusedly.
“You... You have a diary?”
Jenson’s lips fell open; he didn’t expect such an answer. Or at least he didn’t think the diary would be the main point of the other man’s interest or laugh.
“No, actually I don’t have any, I just had one. When I was a child” he underlined the word ‘child’.
Sebastian scoffed and took a deep, shaky breath to calm himself down.
“Don’t get me wrong, please, I don’t make fun of you, it’s just... I never thought you had such a thing. It’s adorable.”
“Well, it seems I had and no, it’s not adorable. Maybe funny or whatever, but absolutely not adorable.
“I didn’t say it’s not funny” the German chuckled again why he got a very scary look from the British. “Anyway” he cleared his throat “what did you write about me in your diary? Come on, tell me! What did you think about me in those times?”
Sebastian acted the child with all his childish curiosity and big eyes so well Jenson almost changed his mind about the man’s maturity. Yet he didn’t mention any of these thoughts just shook his head with a slight smile before answering him.
“That you were a creepy little youngster.”
“Fuck off! You didn’t.”
“Better believe it” Jenson grinned and laughed when the German playfully pushed him away as a response. “Now tell me what the paper says!”
“Hm?” he looked at him confused but the colour of his cheeks said he understood the British’s words well.
“I tried to read it but you had such an ugly handwriting in those days and I bet there are so much mistakes in these few words too I couldn’t figure the meaning of them out, no matter how many versions I used to write in the web-translator.
“You used a web-translator?” It was the umpteenth time Sebastian looked like he can’t hold his laugh back anymore but it seemed he was rather embarrassed this time.
“I must have! How else should I have managed to find out the meaning of the chit?”
“It must have been really important to you if you went so far.”
Jenson didn’t answer, now it was him who could feel the heat of the flowing blood in his cheeks as he blushed. He didn’t think about his action in that way yet and the fact what Sebastian just pointed out made him itchy. “So” the German looked at the paper again and blushed even more. “Yeah, I can tell there are lots of mistakes in these few words. But there’s nothing wrong with my handwriting” he laughed embarrassed. “But about its meaning, well... Actually nothing important.”
And he wanted to give the chit back but Jenson resisted it.
“Seb” he said in a warning tone.
“What? It’s really nothing important. You make such a big fuss about it.”
“I don’t care. I’d like to know it.”
Sebastian sighed slightly shaking his head and glanced back at the paper.
“I will miss you“ he read. “Your forever loving friend: Sebastian. That’s all” the man added with another sigh.
Sebastian was right, it was really nothing much, they were just simple words on an old, yellowed paper chit; there was nothing special about it. Yet these simple words made Jenson’s heart beating way faster. He didn’t know what he expected from it but surely not this. Rather something like a message hidden in the words as a code, but it turned out to be an embarrassingly obvious and honest message.
Jenson didn’t know what to say so he just hummed thoughtfully, not looking at the man beside him.
“You see? I told you it’s nothing” the German said misunderstanding the other’s silence as he gave the chit back.
“No, it’s absolutely something. I just... I don’t know.”
“You expected something else.”
“Yes.”
“It’s okay. I was five years old then, it was already fantastic I could write like that in those times.”
“Well, your handwriting was not that fantastic though.”
“Fuck off!” Sebastian laughed lightly boxing in the man’s shoulder.
Jenson didn’t say a word just grinned at the man wildly, enjoying their time together. He really had a lovely time with Sebastian and subsequently he didn’t mind to inviting him at all.
“Can I ask you a question?” the British finally turned to the other driver curiously. Not that it mattered; he just couldn’t put it out of his head.
“I don’t know. Can you?” Jenson rolled his eyes but he couldn’t hold a little smile back. It wouldn’t be Sebastian without his cheekiness. “Okay, out with it!” the man said.
The British took a deep breath and cleared his throat before started talking. This subject was still a bit uncomfortable for him.
“How did you find this sebson thing out?”
“Oh, that! Well, do you remember what I said in 2011 during the FIA Gala?”
“I don’t know, you said a lot of thing in your half an hour long monologue.”
“It was not last that long” the German shot him a disdaining look. “And yes, I said a lot of thing but there was one particular thing what I mentioned. As you maybe know it I don’t really like the internet and usually don’t even use it. I don’t have that twitter thing either, I’m even neglecting my own blog too... “
“You have a blog?” Jenson interrupted the man turning to him with widen eyes.
Sebastian only nodded and continued the story where he ended it.
“But after I won my second world championship I had a feeling and searched for myself on Wikipedia. That’s what I mentioned during the gala.”
Jenson couldn’t believe his ears; that was awful to think about what people could do just for fun, even on a site which was so famous. It freaked him out.
“And you found something about us on Wikipedia?”
“Not immediate. It was later after my little mentioning. I don’t know why I searched for myself again, I really don’t do things like that I can tell, but I had something like an intuition so I did it and what I found there turned out to be something frightening. I was shocked by reading abut our love story, that we are a lovely couple and also there was a mentioning of me and Mark too. It was totally madness.”
Jenson let his mouth fall open; he was so shocked like the German could have been after his discovery. The way as he found out about the two of them was way better than Sebastian did.
“I can’t believe it” the British finally said totally stunned.
“Yeah. But it still happened. Anyway, they changed the contents of my wiki since then as I know it.
The older had to admit this was a situation what there was no solution for. You can’t just change people’s mind if they have their own imagination about things, they can see nothing but what they want to see, especially when you’re a famous one.
Jenson shoved his hands in his pockets resignedly as he let a worried sigh out.
“That’s it than. Think it’s better if we bow to it.”
“Yes, I already did. Just a few months and you will laugh at it too.”
“Thanks, Sebi, it really helps me a lot” Jenson said ironically but he couldn’t wipe his grin off of his face.
“You’re welcome” the man winked as they already reached the garages. There were a few staffs around from various teams, and some people working for the media but it seemed no one cared about them.
Jenson looked at his wristwatch and it showed almost half past eight. For a second he was surprised by how quickly the time passed by while he was together with the German, it felt like it was only a half an hour what they spent together. Jessica must have been mad at him since he promised he’d be back soon. The British dived into his pocket searching for his phone but remembered he left everything behind in his haste, so he couldn’t even call his girlfriend. It didn’t matter now anyway, he was already going to their hotel...
“Oh my god!”
“What is it?” the German turned to him apprehensively.
Jenson couldn’t imagine how could he be so foolish to not remember his friend’s words right after he left him? It was like a phase delay as he suddenly remembered of Fernando’s words about a call from the Aussie; he was too busy with himself in that moment to comprehending what the other said to him. And to make it even worse he also remembered that he said yes to Mark’s invitation for a jog with him and the Spaniard. God help him survive from those two men’s anger!
“Seems like I forgot about something important.”
“What did you forget about?”
But Jenson didn’t have to give an answer as they arrived at the Ferrari’s garage and found there the two friends. They didn’t seem to be happy at all.
“I can’t believe my eyes. Jenson!” the Spaniard was mocking about him putting his hands on his hips.
“Hey.”
“Hey? That’s a bit slim at the moment, don’t you think?” The other Red Bull driver was clearly unhappy to see the two of them together, or at least to see Sebastian around too. He shot a very scary look towards the guy; his face was so stiff by the anger it was way frightening then the frowning of Fernando. Jenson knew it well the German’s presence topped everything after the fact he completely forgot about his mates.
“Oh, look who came along with him! Sebastian!” the Spaniard shouted acting like he just noticed the man. “Would you like to join us?”
The sarcasm was undoubtedly sensible in Fernando’s words but it didn’t seem to bother the German, he only raised an eyebrow amused.
“Thanks, I don’t need extra training as you can see it, but it looks like someone does so have fun, mate” he said cheekily and patted on the man’s shoulder before turning to Jenson, who visibly didn’t know how to hold his laugh back. “I must go Jense, if you don’t mind. See you later.”
“Yeah, sure. Good night, Seb” the British said with a soft smile as he accepted the younger man’s offered hand.
“Good night you too. Bye guys! Keep it up, Fernando!” Sebastian added waving to the other two men and giving a saucy wink to the furious Spaniard before he left.
The colour of Fernando’s face was almost matching with his T-shirt’s, only the vapour was missing around his head to looking like a mad bull.
“That little...” the man grinded his teeth but couldn’t finish his statement on the other driver; Mark silenced him as he moved towards the track leaving the two behind. Fernando glanced at the British for a second and joined the other without saying a word.
Jenson could understand their anger, he couldn’t complain about it but it still surprised him how his friends treated him, like he did something criminal. He just stood there mutely for a while watching the men leaving before finally went after them.
“Look...” he tried. “Look, I’m sorry, I forgot. About both of you.”
“Yes, we noticed it” Fernando shrugged.
“I know I was a dickhead...”
“No doubt.”
“But I just had so many things in my mind, I think I just... You know, I didn’t know which way to turn.
“It’s okay Jenson, you don’t have to explain yourself” the Aussie said in a dull tone not even glancing at him.
“Mark...”
“I don’t care!” the man suddenly stopped turning to the British angrily.
They were staring at each other in silence while the tension was growing between them more and more till it was so heavy with all the anger, disappointment and helplessness it was almost unbearable; Jenson felt he could explode in every minute. Then the Aussie turned around and left him behind. The British didn’t know what to do; he was standing about and was almost going to leave the two men alone giving them some time to calm down but then Mark started talking again while he started their jog.
“Limber up! We already did.”
Jenson paused for a moment; he was surprised and somehow relieved at the same time. He knew he hurt his friends even without his intention, and they were so bullish and proud sometimes yet this little gesture from Mark was a sign of their forgiveness, just like a peace-pipe.
The British let a relieved sigh out and started doing some warm up movements, but soon he stopped doing them and ran after his already far away friends instead.
“So you started calling him Seb again?” Fernando asked as he joined them.
“What?” he turned to his friend knitting his brows bewilderedly. He didn’t know where to put the question.
“You haven’t called him Seb for a while now. Seems like the two of you are in peace again.”
“Why are you saying that? We’ve never been in a fight. And since when I stopped calling him Seb? I used to call him that before.”
“When? In 2011?” the man scoffed raising an eyebrow sceptical. Mark didn’t say a word; he just kept running as if he didn’t hear the conversation. “Anyway at least stop lying about your gee look great relationship, we all know you didn’t like him recently.”
“Who said I like him now?”
“You didn’t seem too bothered by him.”
“Maybe I grew up?”
“Since when? The last race? Come on, Jense!” the Spaniard rolled his eyes and Jenson must admit he couldn’t fool his friend. He glanced at Mark on his other side but the man turned his head away in protest. “Something must have happened.”
The British pressed his lips together thoughtfully; he was pondering about telling them the truth but he wasn’t sure if it would be a good idea. Maybe later, he surely will tell them later but it seemed too soon at the moment.
“You won’t say anything?” Jenson snapped his head up looking at the Aussie who finally broke his silence pledge totally surprising the British driver.
“What do you want me to say?”
“You know it.”
Of course Jenson did. He promised Mark he would talk about all the strange things around him but now he felt it was a hurried promise.
“I promised you I would talk about it later but it’s still not the time. Give me some more time, okay?”
Fernando alternately glanced at Mark and Jenson while the two men were staring at each other silently. Mark didn’t say anything just nodded showing him that it was okay with him but he clearly wasn’t satisfied with the answer.
“Does it make any sense if I ask what the hell the two of you are talking about?”
Mark shot a knowing look at Jenson but turned his head away letting the man decide whether he wanted to talk about it the other man or not.
“I’ll let the both of you know about it soon, okay? It’s nothing special anyway.”
Fernando’s face told everything; he didn’t believe any of the words what the McLaren driver just said.
“Does this thing have something to do with that monkey?”
“With who?” Jenson frowned.
“Vettel” he said rolling his eyes.
The British let out a tired sigh while he was already thinking about his answer but he couldn’t came out with anything useable.
“Why do you ask?”
“Oh, come on! It is there to everyone to see. I can see something has changed between you and then there is this little conversation between you and Mark too. Don’t see me as a fool because I’m not!”
“I never thought about you as a fool.”
“Well, it’s perfect. Then you can give me that answer.”
“I’ll give you the answer when I feel it’s time to do it. But now I just want to think over some things in my life.”
The Spaniard didn’t say anything just stared at him, knitting his brows suspiciously. Jenson couldn’t be sure but it was like the man was suspecting something though it was a ridiculous assumption. After that they didn’t harp on the thing anymore; they all tried to forget about it for a while and concentrating on the next race.
*
It was about ten o’clock when he finally arrived at the hotel. The little jog refreshed him a bit though it also made him tired and sleepy. He knew he should have slept for some time past now but he was enjoying the running with his friends so much he didn’t care about the time or anything else. After the uncomfortable subject about his secret the three of them was in the usual mood what they’ve always been, which meant they were laughing a lot and fooling about each other. In the last few metres of the track they fought against the others to being the first. Well, at the end it turned out all the triathlon was for nothing with those long legs of Mark. Jenson only became second while Fernando was third. Of course the Spaniard was a bad loser so he was swearing about but the two men just laughed at him. It wouldn’t be him without his childish behaviour. And in fact they were all competitors, which meant they were all the same. None of them could lose at all.
Jenson was sure Jessica was already sleeping or if she wasn’t she must have been angry with him to coming back so late. He preferred the first one but as he opened the door of their room the intense lights were burning his eyes painfully, indicating that the woman was still awake. Jenson take a deep breath preparing for the worst as he shut the door closed behind him and started walking to the bed what Jessica was laying on.
“Thought you said you won’t be out for so long” she said not even glancing up from the book she was reading.
“I’m sorry. I forgot I already made a promise to Ma...” Jenson took another step towards the bed but then stopped talking as he noticed the book in Jessica’s hand. He froze as the panic and the anger started taking over him.
“You never told me you had a diary?”