Julia dressed me up for New Years. I didn't trust myself to put together an ensemble. I'll be sure to take a photograph to show my mother. She always wanted a girly girl. I've waited to wear the dress that I bought myself in New York. I'll be bringing the nostalgia and the positive vibes from Brooklyn with me in the streets of Toronto. Out of my ( Read more... )

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 i re-read that last entry and wondered whatever happened to the thoughts i was having earlier about ceasing to live for the great hopeful someday. distant pulls towards happiness will not make me happy. what will make me happy is living in the moment. for the moment.

gotta keep them spirits up. 

a person walking out of the mould. a brand new person. 
dreams being dreamt by wide hopeful eyes. 
she's exactly where I started, maybe better off.

"If my husband wanted to know the sex of our baby, I'd have them tell me."

Thirteen - Twenty. Seven years from my head to hers.

Christmas day I carried out a newly formed tradition: one where we hit bongs ( Read more... )

I had made plans to go to the Drake Hotel with Julia and Michelle tonight to celebrate Michelle's birthday at midnight. I got myself showered and tried to pick out an ensemble to peruse the town in but I could not find anything that made me feel good. In fact, every outfit I tried made me feel worse and worse about myself. Nothing was working. I ( Read more... )

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I left a poem for you in your notebook of thoughts
and you want to illustrate it if I never do.
Bring new bodies into your bed
and wake them with my discarded hairs
just like we planned.
"Andrea, sit up" - I feel humiliated
knees brought up to my chest to hide away.
don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
Nothing is impossible,
we'll talk it out -
you'll talk me ( Read more... )

 Dressing up for those turntables. I'm dying for the subwoofer to hit my chest. It rains outside but it shan't rain out the house. I hope the caffeine I ingested won't make me feel sick as it usually does, and that alcohol will calm my nerves. I'm on the prowl for enlightenment and I'll find it in the way of the strobe light. Join us. 

 You don't want to piss off the guy with the needle in his hand, no lies.

While sitting under needle and his heavy grip I thought to myself he really loves her and he won't take shit from her so I don't have to worry about that. Grounded head and nested moral fibers, the foundation, reaching out - to my foot, specifically, but that's not ( Read more... )

 Toronto smells like nothing. Curiosity flooded my brain while on the flight home: what exactly does Toronto smell like, especially after five weeks away? It might make me feel nostalgic. Italy smelt of salt water and aged earth, if that's even possible. Touchdown brought me into a foreign temperature with an uncomfortable humidity. It was hard to ( Read more... )