(no subject)
And part three...
He walked around the corner before he started to walk faster, and then he found himself sprinting through the streets in the near dark, the sky above him rumbling and ominous. When the rain began to fall in thick sheets, each drop as big as a coin, Ban stopped, and stood there in the rain. His clothes were soaked through in a matter of seconds, his bag hanging limp off one shoulder. He tilted his face up to the droplets, cold and stinging. He put a hand up to his face, and remembered that Ginji had taken his glasses. He sighed. There was a bright flash that illuminated everything in the dull grey street, and he waited, counting the seconds. He got to seven before the thunder struck, deafeningly loud, reverberating through him.
Gods, I am so selfish. He slammed a fist into the concrete wall beside him, ignoring the faint spider web cracks. He rubbed his other hand across his mouth, closing his eyes, remembering the way Ginji had tasted of fresh mint, the texture of his lips, the way his tongue had slid along his own… Heat pooled in his stomach, coiling, spiralling down. He took a shuddering breath and bit his lip through, tasting blood. I shouldn’t have done it, god I’m a stupid, selfish asshole. Now I’ve given him hope and I can’t stop thinking about it. I won’t be able to forget, to ignore it ever again.
He leaned against the wall for support until he pushed himself away, hands in his pockets. He stopped next to a shop window, and stared at his distorted reflection. His hair hung down all over his face, and the clothes clung to his thin frame uncomfortably. His tired eyes stared back at him, clouded like weathered sea glass. Ginji… what more do you want from me…?
He looked away, and stared at the dark that swallowed the street in front of him. He turned back to the window and smashed through it easily, reaching in and grabbing a packet of cigarettes along with a lighter. He lit one up, and took a drag underneath the eaves. The better question here was what more he wanted from Ginji. He’d already taken so much... selfishly, overstayed his time. He could, if he put his genius mind to it, go back and find a way to tell Ginji of the secret he’d been keeping all this time, and maybe Ginji would still accept him. Maybe they could make it work, with no more secrets, no more hiding. But how could he do that to Ginji? Forcing him out of his happy world? He had a good life here.
The only problem here was him. If he was willing to leave, just leave, and hope that Ginji wouldn’t fall apart. Ginji was at his mercy here, like always, and he hated it, hated both options. There was no way he would make Ginji confront the truth about reality like that, and at the same time... he couldn’t just suddenly leave Ginji without some kind of explanation. But what explanation would Ginji accept? There could be no closure for the blond boy, if Ban were to leave and without any sort of contact information either; too much to hope that Ginji would forget him, not when things had gotten this far. Ban bounced his forehead off the wall he found himself leaning against. If only he hadn’t stayed so long, hadn’t been too damn selfish about wanting to stay with Ginji as long as possible, and now it was too late. Ginji would never accept a reality without him, would try to chase him to the ends of the earth. He wasn’t being arrogant thinking that, he’d even been warned, by multiple people. He laughed humourlessly and punched the wall beside him, cracking the bricks.
“Ban.”
The brunet whipped his head around, and there, standing in the pouring rain, was Ginji, his hair plastered to his face, his clothes sticking to him. His arm was bare of bandages, the tan skin unblemished and unmarked. Ban glanced at the street behind him, and saw streetlights illuminating what was previously darkness. Through the sound of the rain he hadn’t even heard him. He turned back to Ginji, who was still standing there with that indecipherable look on his face.
“How’d you find me?” Ban asked nonchalantly, propping one foot up against the wall, hands shoved in the pockets of his school uniform.
“I always know where you are, Ban.” Ginji replied as he shrugged, his voice oddly serious for once. Ban glanced at him, and swore that look reminded him of someone who wasn’t meant to exist here. “You’re always in my mind after all.” Ban looked at him sharply, and pushed himself away from the wall, re-entering the stinging rain. He stood in front of Ginji, his cigarette long doused and soggy. He threw it away. Ginji glanced at the broken shop window, and didn’t look as worried or angry as he should have been, just that blank look.
“Really. How touching.” Ban drawled, and was glad his fists were in his pockets, because they were shaking. Ginji cocked his head.
“Why are you still here?”
“Because I felt like taking a stroll and you felt like following.” Ban snapped, and focused on the pain of his nails digging into his palm. No. He didn’t. Tell me he didn’t.
“No... Why are you still here?” Ginji asked again, his voice, along with his expression, was tense, but at the same time something Ban couldn’t read, and it frustrated him. Didn’t matter anyway, the gig was up. Ban felt a heavy feeling of exhaustion settle over him like a sodden cloak.
“You tell me.” Ban intoned, and felt strangely, ironically, vulnerable without his lenses. He scowled to himself. He didn’t do vulnerability, he was Midou Ban damnit. Ginji narrowed his brown eyes at him.
“You made your decision, even when it wasn’t yours to make. But then you stayed, and I - I thought that meant something, started hoping. But in the end, you’re leaving anyway, so why aren’t you gone yet?” His voice rose at the end, and Ban closed his eyes so he wouldn’t be able to figure out if it was the rain, or whether Ginji’s eyes were always that bright.
“When did you figure it out?” Ban’s voice sounded exhausted, jaded beyond measure. Ginji stared at the puddle forming between them.
“A little while ago.”
“How?”
“I... I don’t know. I was just... thinking how everything was too perfect, and then there was you, the one thing that didn’t fit. It just kind of... clicked to me.” Ginji finally sounded a little unsure. Ban snorted softly.
“Flattering.” Ginji actually blushed. “How much do you know?”
“Just... little bits and pieces. The fight and that guy... the client, and you, and pushing you away, and lots of pain. I don’t like to think about that last part.”
Ban scuffed the ground with his foot. Noted absently that the rain was letting up. “Why didn’t you say something?” Ginji frowned at him.
“You stayed here, so I was waiting for you to say something. Why didn’t you?” Ginji sounded hurt and accusatory. Ban looked away.
“Look... when that guy hit you with his version of the Jagan he’d put everything he had into it; he died cursing me, but shoved you into your worst nightmare. You weren’t meant to get out of it alive, comatose if lucky, and that’s pretty much what you were.” He swallowed thickly. “I had to use my own Snake Eyes on you as a sort of conduit to get in there and help you, but I could only do it after the battle, after I bailed us out of that hell hole. When... when I got to you, you were in really bad shape. I managed to get you out with Raitei’s help - and that was no picnic - but you immediately withdrew into yourself, dragging me along, and created this fantasy world. I meant to go along with it, slowly helping you realise that this isn’t real.” Ban found himself babbling, but continued - he’d kept the guilt inside too long.
“But... damnit, what was I supposed to do? Tell you that this happy, perfect life you have is fake? Everything was just in your head, that you had to come back to a life where you live hand to mouth, as an orphan, living in danger all the time, without even a proper home? Fuck, I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy, and you’re my best friend. I almost got you killed. And I won’t lie; I’ll probably always almost get you killed.” Ban ran a hand through his spiky hair, sighing deeply. “When I saw how happy, how good everything was here, I thought maybe... I’ll let you retire here. You’d be happier in your head than you ever would be out there, and that eventually I’ll leave your mind, make some kind of excuse for transferring maybe, get out of your head and move on. But then you got attached, and I couldn’t leave... And I have to leave. I know it’s not right to leave you in a fantasy world, but this is honestly the happiest I’ve ever seen you.” It was off his chest now, out in the air. He closed his eyes again, listening to the quiet, drizzling rainfall.
“You’re so stupid!” Ginji suddenly yelled at him, startling Ban into snapping his eyes open. “You... you think you can just decide my happiness for me like that? Sure, everything here is what I thought my life would have been like, but it’s not real like you are!” Ginji swiped angrily at the tears coursing down his cheeks. “I - I don’t care about living like a hobo or - or being in danger, because you’re there and you’ll be there with me and save me all the time, like you always do.” Ginji swiped at his cheeks again. “And I don’t want to live in this stupid world if you’re not in it because the main reason I’m happy at all is because you’re here.” He finished his rant with a final swipe, and stood there in the rain, glaring furiously at the ground. Ban stared at him, his entire body lax with shock.
Ban’s shoulders trembled, and he put a hand to his face, hiding his eyes. “You don’t get it. You haven’t heard a single bloody thing I’ve said have you? You’re... I’m not... no one has ever had a happy ending with the Serpent Bearer. And I will never be romantic or as caring as you want me to be. I will put you in danger. I will be a callous and cold-hearted bastard and I will most likely never let you see all of who I am. You can do better than this bitter cynic who will just hurt you again and again.” Ban lowered his hand and looked at the myriad of fine, fine scars on his arms, his vision suddenly blurred. He could see Ginji’s face soften out of the corner of his eyes. Ginji stepped closer to him; his hands warm as he cupped Ban’s face, looking at him with all the love in his world, resting his forehead against his.
“And I told you, it doesn’t matter to me. You’ll always just be my Ban-chan.” Ginji said, his voice low and sincere. Ban gave a shaky chuckle in reply.
“Only you would say something so moronically clichéd like that.” Ban snapped, half in frustration and half in relief that they weren’t exploring that vulnerable topic. Ginji’s mouth quirked slightly.
“Not true.” He said petulantly.
“Oh?”
“Why did you stay then? And why are you still here?” Ginji grinned at him, blushing madly. Ban rolled his eyes, feeling a flush creep into his own face.
“Idiot.” He muttered under his breath, steadfastly avoiding his eyes. The blond boy drew back and gave Ban a look that made it clear he wasn’t fooling anyone. Ban sighed grumpily, stalling slightly before he held his arms up. With a megawatt grin, Ginji happily threw himself across the scant distance and onto him, wrapping his long arms around Ban’s thinner frame. The brunet gently did the same with Ginji’s more solid build. He swore he could feel a hum of energy come from Ginji, and a certain tingling sensation of the mildest electric shocks tickle his skin where it made contact with him. Ban raised an eyebrow - Ginji seemed to have regained a lot of his old self, and was currently happily nuzzling into him, unaware of the effect he had.
“I take back what I said before...” Ginji murmured against Ban’s shoulders, and the brunet felt the humming dull to a kind of... purring. He raised an eyebrow.
“Hm?”
“About you treating me like a kid. I don’t... I mean, I kind of did resent it a little.... But... thank you, Ban-chan, for looking out for me like that. I know you always want the best for me.”
“Yeah, I’ll always look out for you Ginji. We’re the Get Backers, remember?” Ban felt Ginji’s smile, and heard it in his next words.
“I do now.”
XxX
Wow. Wow. Like whoa, wow. This has been... nothing short of epic. No, really. This has been a production about... a little less than a decade or so in the making? It began, funnily enough, with a dream I had, and the one (and only) scene that inspired this monster was the one of Ban sitting on the school rooftop, smoking. Amazing, eh? I fiddled around with this story so much, revised and tweaked and changed and edited and re-wrote to madness. I didn’t have a clear plot when I began, but as I wrote and wrote it just came to me, and I thought, ‘Why the hell not?’ and ran with it.
So, who picked up on the hints that the whole thing was in Ginji’s head, if not at least that it wasn’t real? What did you think was going on before it was all revealed? I’d love love love to hear your theories.
The clues to the truth came as early as the third paragraph! I’ll pick out a few hints:
- ‘- where Germany, his birthplace was supposed to be’. It’s not there! Meant to be, but not! Since Ginji wouldn’t know where Germany was even if it slapped him anyway.
- After Ginji takes Ban’s cigarette, Ban says “Not exactly a problem for me here.” What he meant, of course, was the illusion they’re in, not just ‘here’ in general.
- I could be mean and say that the fact that Ginji was a student representative should have been a dead giveaway...
- Ban did mention, that he’d never like Shido, ‘no matter what universe they were in’
- Since I’m too lazy to list them all out, I’ll just say that a lot of Ban’s emo-angsting introspective moments gave it away. If you read it again and apply what you know now, a lot of places will click for you too. Any place where you thought that maybe the wording was a little odd? Such as, “You’re always in my mind”, not on. Was I sneaky-but-obvious enough here?
- Oh and a big part too, when Ban looks at the street the first time, there was nothing but darkness, but when Ginji arrived, the street and its streetlamps were. This is because Ginji had never created that part of town before; therefore there was no part of that town. But when he arrived to chase after Ban, his mind subconsciously filled it in. And yes, Ban can go to bars and Pachinko parlours and home because Ginji is aware that he does, and therefore has included space in his head for them (tsk, feeding his habit, Ginji!)
- Ginji wasn’t angry about the store window being smashed. By now you should have had a pretty good inkling that the ‘secret’ Ban has been talking about, and what he has generally been emo-angsting over wasn’t about himself, but Ginji.
- That Ban seemed to have retained his powers while Ginji didn’t.
I’m pretty sure I should go into more detail about this, since there will most likely be questions. Ban retained his powers because he is still his own person, has his own mind, despite being dragged along in Ginji’s ride. So basically, he has his own awareness, and so can affect things outside of Ginji’s. Therefore stuff like warping steel railings, smashing windows, cracking walls (my, what a violent boy) isn’t a problem for him. But things like creating or destroying the basis of the reality they’re in can’t be done, such as creating streets where there aren’t any.
None of this makes any sense? Implausible? Then you’re in the wrong fandom, really... I mean, human electric eel? Or are you just too befuddled? At five in the morning, so am I! *mad grin* just deal with it my dears; hope you tolerated enjoyed my liberal amounts of artistic abuse liberty. And yes, the bad guy that started this whole mess did have a version of the Jagan, and his hatred when he died, along with his life, was enough to shove poor Ginji into a horrible illusion meant to leave him for dead or insanity; it didn’t last any longer than what Ban himself is also capable of (like time warps in an illusion), but the effects of it were so devastating Ginji’s mind broke. The illusion they’re in now isn’t that guy’s (dang, I didn’t even name him) doing, but rather the product of Ginji’s broken mind trying to shield itself from the pain. And I just had to mention the sex god Raitei somewhere! <3!