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Heading Toward Winter
Always has been my favourite time of year.
On dry days, the few leaves left on almost bare branches make an empty almost rattling noise as the rustle against grey skies.
Last weekend was FanExpo. It was nice but tiring. My highlights were getting John Barrowman’s autograph on a memorial picture of my daughter, and having a chance to chat with the ( Read more... ) -
A month and two days
Just passed the one month anniversary of her passing.
I brought in death certificate in to Services Canada to get it photocopied. That way they can authorize it as being a true copy and will submit my application for death benefits without me having to mail it off via snail mail. Not sure if anything will be granted, but whatever is granted will go ( Read more... ) -
Day to day
So - just touching base here to keep things straight. Days just sort of meld into one another.
Funeral was on the 22nd. Monday my son returned to Japan - ouch. That was a real huge load of sad feels watching him get into my dad’s car for the ride to the airport. Then it was Tuesday. I had a 12-case of beer and drank them throughout the day. It ( Read more... ) -
Disengage
When a life ends, it’s like the entirety of what they were returns to it’s source. The emptiness and void I feel is the Lack of Her. As she withdrew from here, she disentangled, disengaged from me. Her loss as physically painful as a part of my body being removed. Soon, I hope I will be able to learn to more clearly feel her presence in it’s new ( Read more... ) -
Hardest Day
Or second hardest. First hardest I guess was when the police told me she passed. Yesterday was the funeral but so many people were there.. (200?) that i had little time to be sad. Or be anything. Just do, do do… and then we had open house also for any family or friends.
But today it was the fact that all I could feel was dread.
She looked nothing ( Read more... ) -
Gone
So. October 7th of this year, my life changed.
A police officer and some woman accompanying him came to my door about dinner time. They confirmed my name.
They confirmed that I had a daughter… had.
The police officer then went on to tell me : “I’m sorry to inform you but your daughter passed away this afternoon”
This was the Friday of the ( Read more... ) -
Anxiety
When I feel anxious, I don’t focus on why. I ask instead what it MEANS that I feel anxious. The answer? Because I CARE. Then I feel better.
- George Takei (@GeorgeTakei) September 16, 2016
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Star Song
There go the windchimes.
Wooden and clanking in the pre-dawn breeze.
A song my heart understands in this darkness.
( Read more... )
