so here it tis...

things to do by 27 1. get my associates degree completed ( Read more... )

it's kind of a shame.. i always used to look forward to birthdays... but it seems more recently that birthdays are something i dread... mile markers that are speeding by before i am ready for them ( Read more... )

night driveblack trees against a blacker sky ( Read more... )

sometimes i let myself lose control just to see where it will take me... let it lead me... let it drive me off my self destructive cliff... running loose like a dog off a leash... i watch myself from outside eternally the voyeur... watching ans waiting to see one mistake after another stumble from my grasp... everyone loves the fuckup... the ( Read more... )

i think about how i have always longed to have my own cafe/bookstore/gallery type place... to have my own business and the freedom to do things my way... to run everything... to really own something of my own... to be proud of my own accomplishments... that would be pretty damn cool...

i talked to a chef today at work... he said to go to culinary school...72 weeks... then to study abroad in europe... france or spain for free interning... learning the tricks of the trade... carry a tape recorder... learn the recipes... then get backing and start a bed and breakfast out west or in some big antiquing town... interesting...

i need to roam... i can't stay here... i can't stay there... i have no idea what i am looking for... somewhere when emotional contentment meets mental inspriation at a physical center sprinkled with spritual fullfillment... so basically, i am searching for the impossible... i wonder where the impossible is?... improbable is in wichita... impassible ( Read more... )

ah... the midnight ramblings of an overtired yet moderately alert mind ( Read more... )

things are going to change... thinga have to change or it needs to end...i will not ride out another bad relationship until i hate the person i love as much as i hate myself for staying with them... do people ever change?... do they get stuck in a rut playing the same song over and over again?... is anyone happy?... are there just different ( Read more... )

alas... a fresh start i have already ruined... not that there was some list of resolutions that i have already thrown aside... the new year technically starts on my birthday anyway... *sigh* new year... might as well be the same as last year...ennui... dissapointment... dissapproval... shatted hopes... trampled dreams... down the whiney depressive ( Read more... )