fic: it's all over but the crying (ghtng, morgan/lila/spencer/janessa, 2/4)
Title: It’s All Over But The Crying
Author: empressearwig and leobrat
Pairing: Spencer/Janessa, Morgan/Lila, Spencer/Lila
Rating: R
Word Count: 4481
Warnings: Extramarital Sex
Disclaimer: All characters and locations first appearing on the series General Hospital do not belong to me. Original characters do.
Summary: How it all comes out.
Author’s Notes: Thanks much to my ever patient writing partner, leobrat. Sorry, lapiccolina. This is going to hurt.
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone
Like every other morning, Janessa woke at dawn.
She’d never been one to sleep late, but Tatiana gave new meaning to the phrase early riser. So every morning, she’d awaken to Tatiana’s soft mewling noises as she demanded the attention that she already knew should be afforded to her as a princess. Janessa would climb quietly out of bed, careful not to wake Spencer, and go see to her daughter.
The nanny would have taken care of her if Janessa had let her, but she wanted these mornings to herself, to feed Tatiana, to bond with her, to love her. She’d never believed what people said, that it was possible to love someone so much, so quickly, so deeply, but she did.
Tatiana and Spencer were the loves of her life.
She walked quickly down the hall to the nursery, picking Tatiana up out of her crib. “Good morning, sweetheart,” she cooed. “Were you lonely?”
The baby gurgled and waved her arms at her.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Janessa decided, sitting down in the rocking chair by the window to feed her. She opened her robe, and let Tatiana do the rest. She looked down at her daughter and again marveled at how this perfect little child could have come from her. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve so much, but she’d never take it for granted.
She sat back, basking in the early morning sunrise, communing with her daughter, perfectly content.
When Tatiana was finished feeding, Janessa saw to her other needs, burping, changing, and dressing her. With the baby in her arms, she crept back down the hall to her bedroom, peeking inside to see if Spencer was still asleep. Seeing him sprawled out in their bed, she smiled foolishly. He was so handsome, she couldn’t quite believe it sometimes. She bit her lip, considering. He’d gotten in so late the night before, and he was sleeping so peacefully now, she didn’t want the alarm to ruin that. But if he had a meeting in the morning, he might be late. She shook her head. She knew what was best for him, and that was the extra sleep. Mind made up, she tip toed into the room, shutting the alarm off and then slipping back out into the hall.
“He’ll thank us later, won’t he, sweetheart?” she said to the baby. “When he’s well rested for his long day at work?” She nodded to herself.
The baby clapped her hands.
Janessa laughed. “Let’s go get Mummy some breakfast now that we’ve seen to yours.” She headed down to the main level of the house, being careful of the stairs. She entered the breakfast room, which was already filled with the smell of food and coffee. She sat down, and instantly a maid materialized at her side, plate in hand. “Thank you, Bridget,” she said gratefully.
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Cassadine,” the girl parroted back, slipping out of the room as unobtrusively as she’d entered it.
Baby still in her arms, she began to eat, chattering idly to the baby as she did. Time ticked by, and before she knew it Spencer was walking through the door. She could feel herself light up, the way she always did when he walked into a room.
He bent to press a kiss to her cheek, rubbing a hand across Tatiana’s downy hair. “Good morning, love,” he murmured in her ear.
She blushed, she knew she did. She only hoped he didn’t notice.
He sat down across from her, Bridget reappearing to bring him his breakfast. He thanked her absently, taking a sip of his coffee. He looked back across the table at Janessa. “So what do you two beautiful ladies have planned for today?”
She blushed again. That really had to stop, it did. She was a wife and mother. Blushing was something for schoolgirls, not grown women. Trying to cover, she did her best to soothe Tatiana’s fussing as she answered, “We’re going to see the pediatrician at GH.”
He was immediately alert at that. It warmed her heart how devoted he was to Tatiana. “She’s not sick is she?”
Janessa shook her head, rocking the baby gently. “Just a routine check up.” She glanced up at him shyly from underneath her lashes. “I was thinking about taking her to the park afterwards, but maybe we could stop by and see you at the office. Would that be alright?”
She held her breath waiting for his answer.
He was frowning over his blackberry. “Of course,” he said absently.
She beamed.
With a sigh, he pushed back from the table and stood. “I’m sorry, I need to get to the office immediately.” He kissed her again, quickly. “Have a nice day, love.”
She smiled at his retreating form, and looked back down at Tatiana. “Won’t it be nice to go see Daddy? We’re going to have the best day, sweetheart, I just know it.”
*
"Well, Mrs. Cassadine, you have a beautiful, healthy little girl. She's every inch the princess."
Steven Webber handed the baby back to Janessa, smiling at the sight of mother and daughter together.
Janessa smiled back at him. "Please, Dr. Webber, it's Janessa. You are my uncle, after all." She cradled Tatiana carefully against her chest. "You know, I thought learning the British peerage was difficult, but nothing quite compares to remembering who is all related here in Port Charles."
Steven laughed. "I can only imagine."
"So she's doing well?" Janessa inquired. "I'm afraid I'm a rather stereotypical new mother, you see. The slightest sniffle and I want to bring her to the doctor straight away."
"That's perfectly normal," he assured her. "And she's perfect. You have nothing to worry about."
"Thank goodness," she sighed. She rocked the baby, cooing at her gently. "Won't Daddy be happy to hear that you're doing so well?"
"Where is Spencer?" Steven asked. "With the way that he dotes on the two of you, I'm surprised he didn't come along."
"He's so busy at work right now," she demurred. "But we're going to stop by and tell him the good news, aren't we, sweetheart?" She stood, gathering the diaper bag and her purse together. "Thank you again, Dr. Webber."
"It was my pleasure," he said, standing as well and opening the door for them. "I'll see you in a few months for her next check up."
She strode briskly down the hall in search of her mother-in-law, Elizabeth. Within moments she found her at the nurse's station, frowning over charts. When Elizabeth spotted her granddaughter, her face lit up, the frown a distant memory.
"Janessa!" she exclaimed, stepping out from behind the hub. "What are you doing here?" She bent down to coo at the baby. "How's my princess doing?"
"She's perfect," Janessa beamed. She smiled slyly at Elizabeth. "Did you want to hold her?"
"You could twist my arm," Elizabeth laughed, arms already outstretched for the baby.
Janessa carefully passed Tatiana to Elizabeth. The baby yawned, stretching her arms out. “Someone needs a nap,” she said ruefully.
“So you never did say what you were doing here,” Elizabeth said, rocking the baby gently in her arms. She nodded towards the sitting area, and they fell into step walking towards it.
“Oh, she just had a check up,” Janessa explained, sitting down on the overstuffed sofa.
Elizabeth frowned. “Shouldn’t Spencer have been here?”
“He had a busy day at work, some sort of crisis. He didn’t even get to eat breakfast.” Janessa reached out to play with the baby’s toes. “I was thinking about taking her to see him before we head home, but she looks so tired…”
“Go,” Elizabeth urged. “I’m sure he’d love it.” She smiled wistfully. “You know, when he was growing up, all I wanted for him was for him to feel loved. He’s my son, I love him as much as I do Cam or Jake or Audrey, but I know he never felt that, no matter how hard I tried.” She blinked back tears and reached out to take Janessa’s hand. “I’m so glad he has you, you know. You and this little princess here. You’re so good for him, Janessa.”
Janessa blushed. “Thank you, Elizabeth. You have no idea how much that means to me. I love Spencer so much that I can’t even believe it sometimes, and when I held her for the first time,” she glanced down at her daughter, “it all somehow seemed complete.” She looked back up at Elizabeth. “Do you understand what I mean?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I do.”
They smiled at each other.
“Do you think I could ask you a favor?” Janessa asked hesitantly.
“While I have her in my arms? I think you could ask for just about anything right now and I’d say yes.”
Janessa grinned. “It’s actually about that. I need to go make an appointment for myself,” she held up a hand to ward off Elizabeth’s impending question, “it’s a routine check up of my own, I swear. Would you mind watching her for a few minutes?”
Elizabeth lit up. “Of course! I’d be more than happy to.” She rocked the baby. “I haven’t told her about all the new things that her grandfather and I are planning to spoil her rotten yet.”
“Are you sure?” Janessa stood. “I know you’re working…”
“Janessa, sweetheart, there are certain advantages to being head nurse and married to the hospital’s chief benefactor,” Elizabeth said dryly. “I think I can take a break at my own discretion.”
“Alright, well I’ll be back in a few minutes, I promise.” Janessa bent down to take the baby’s hand. “Be good for your grandmother, alright, angel?”
“Go!” Elizabeth ordered. “Let me play with the baby already.”
Janessa laughed. “I’m going.” With a final look back, she started down the hall towards her OB/GYN’s office.
She smiled as she walked away.
She loved her mother-in-law, she really did. One heard so many horror stories of controlling, interfering ones, but Elizabeth had welcomed her with open arms, treated her like a daughter. In fact Spencer's entire family had treated her that way.
They'd taken some getting used to, Spencer's odd, blended family. His mother so open and loving, his father so reserved and austere. His brothers and their wives so open and so American. When she'd moved to America to be with Spencer, she'd expected his other siblings to be like Audrey, more like Spencer, but where the Spencers were American, the Cassadines were European. She'd gotten to know Audrey during her courtship in London with Spencer, and adored her, and found it a shame that she didn't come home more often.
She'd never have imagined herself as part of such a family, but now she couldn't imagine anything else.
She pressed a hand to her stomach, imagining the other children she and Spencer would have as part of that family.
She wanted that so badly it hurt.
She hadn't told Spencer yet that she wanted another baby. She wanted a houseful of them, really; a big family, to love, to nurture, to take the sadness away from Spencer's eyes. She wanted him to be able to give their children the childhood that he hadn't had. He'd been so scared before Tatiana was born, but he was so good with her, so loving, so careful.
Yes, she wanted another baby very badly, indeed.
She reached her doctor's office and waited impatiently in the line to speak to the receptionist. Waiting had never been her strong suit, and she wanted to get back to her baby. Being more than a few steps away from her was still almost unthinkable.
Finally she reached the front of the line. She smiled at the receptionist. "Good morning," she said. "I need to make an appointment."
"Name?" came the frazzled response.
"Janessa Cassadine."
That caught her attention and she looked up, smiling apologetically. "Of course, Mrs. Cassadine. Is it an emergency? Because I'm sure Dr. Lee would make time for you immediately..."
Janessa shook her head. "No, it's not."
"Alright." The receptionist scanned through the online scheduling program. "Would an appointment a month from now be alright? I apologize for the delay, but her calendar is packed..."
"Of course," Janessa said graciously. It was longer than she'd wanted to wait, but it would have to do.
"Wonderful." The appointment was scribbled down on a card and handed up to her. "We'll see you then."
"Thank you."
Janessa turned and left the office, returning to her daughter and mother-in-law.
Wouldn't Spencer be in for a surprise, she thought, rubbing her hand across her stomach once more.
*
Janessa walked into the lobby of Cassadine Industries with a smile on her face.
The security guard, Mike, smiled at her as she stopped by his desk to get her visitor's pass. "Nice to see you, Mrs. Cassadine." He waved at the baby. "And little Miss Cassadine there."
"How's your little boy?" she asked, finishing signing the visitor's log.
"He's doing real well," Mike said, obviously pleased she'd remembered. "Thanks for asking." He handed over her pass. "You go right on up and make your husband take you girls out for a nice lunch."
She laughed. "We'll see if I can't drag him away." She walked to the elevators, and pressed the button for Spencer's floor.
She exited the elevator at the top floor, and wove her way through the maze of desks and cubicles, smiling and greeting the people that she recognized. She reached Spencer's office and found Mrs. Malone sitting outside it, guarding the door zealously as she always did.
Mrs. Malone stood, surprise written on her face. "Mrs. Cassadine," she stammered. "I wasn't expecting you today."
Janessa nodded. "I'm sure Spencer forgot to mention I'd be stopping by," she laughed. "He always does."
"Yes, ma'am," Mrs. Malone said. "But see, he didn't tell me so, he's not here."
Janessa frowned. "Really?" She glanced down at her watch. "Well, we'll just wait for a little while, then. He knows we were coming, so I'm sure he'll be back soon."
She stepped to the door and opened it, not hearing Mrs. Malone's plea not to go in, not hearing anything.
The sight that confronted her was worse than anything she ever could have imagined.
Spencer, her Spencer, was half naked, on top of another woman.
A woman with long, brilliant red hair, that though she couldn't see her face, Janessa was positive she knew. Had thought was her friend.
From somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she heard a heartbroken sob, but didn't realize it was her, or that tears had begun streaming down her cheeks.
Spencer looked up. Their eyes met, caught, for what seemed like an eternity, but was really just a split second.
She turned and ran, clutching Tatiana tightly to her chest. She didn't see the concerned looks as she ran through the maze of desks, didn't hear people call after her, wondering what was wrong.
She reached the sanctuary of the elevator, stumbled inside, back against the cool metal interior. She breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath, but all too soon she was in the lobby, and running again. She ran past Mike, at the security desk, didn't notice him try to stop her, to see what was wrong.
She just knew she had to get out of this place. Had to get away from it.
But she couldn't escape what was in her mind.
*
Janessa ran out of the building onto the docks.
She stumbled, dazed and disoriented, towards the launch, clutching her daughter as tightly to her chest as she could. But her feet got heavier with each passing step, and eventually she collapsed onto a bench, unable to take another step.
Tears were still streaming down her cheeks, and Tatiana was crying as well, having picked up on her mood. She tried to soothe the baby as best she could, even as the sight of her Spencer on top of that woman seared itself into her brain. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop seeing it, couldn't stop reliving it.
A gentle voice came from behind her. "Janessa?"
She wiped ineffectually at her eyes with her free hand. "Hello Morgan."
He seated himself on the bench next to her, reaching out for Tatiana's fingers, holding her hand. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. She couldn't tell him, she couldn't. "Nothing." She tried to smile at him through her tears. "Just had an overwhelmed new mother moment and needed to cry."
He didn't look convinced. "You're sure it's nothing more?"
She nodded. "Yes. You're sweet to worry, but I'm fine." She looked down at the baby, stroking her hand over her hair. "We're fine."
"I can call Spencer," he offered. "You shouldn't be alone out here."
She shook her head vehemently. "No. Don't."
Now he looked confused. "Why not?”
She laughed bitterly. "I don’t really think he would care to know.”
"What are you talking about? Spencer adores you and Tatiana, if something is wrong..."
Something inside her snapped. "But he's what's wrong."
"I don't understand."
The words started flowing more easily now, words tumbling out of her despite herself.
She couldn't hold them back, she had to get them out. "I went to see him at the office," she began, almost absently. "I thought it would be a nice break for him, he's been working so hard lately. And I wanted to see him. I love him so much, you know. He and our baby girl are my whole world. So I went to Cassadine and up to his floor. His secretary, Mrs. Malone, she's always so nice to me, but today she tried to stop me from seeing him and I didn't understand why, but then I opened the door and saw it and now I can't stop seeing it and it hurts so much that I don't know how I'm going to be able to bear it."
"Saw what?"
"My husband was having sex on his desk."
The shock was palpable on Morgan‘s handsome face. “Do you know who the woman was? I’m sorry Janessa, that’s a completely inappropriate ques-”
“It was Lila!” She blinked, and the world came back into focus. She saw with horror that Morgan looked as stricken as she'd felt minutes, or was it hours now, ago when she'd seen it. "Oh, Morgan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out, I wasn't going to tell you."
"It's fine," he said absently. His eyes were vacant, like he was seeing something that wasn't there. Like he was seeing what she'd just told him. "Are you alright? Will you be alright to get home?"
She nodded. "Of course, but Morgan..."
He stood. "I have to go." He took off towards the steps, almost running. Running away from her, from what she'd told him.
She watched him go.
She hadn't meant to hurt him. He didn't deserve it.
But then neither had she.
She looked down at her daughter, who was now sleeping peacefully in her arms.
She couldn’t think here, she couldn’t think about what would come next, what was best for her, for Tatiana. She couldn’t stay in Port Charles, be surrounded by his friends and family.
She needed to go home.
She stood, a new resolve stiffening her spine. She strode purposefully down the docks to the launch.
*
The moment she arrived home, Janessa sent the staff into a frenzy.
The butler was sent to make sure the jet could be cleared for a take off as soon as possible, the housekeeper and maids set to packing up the things that she and Tatiana would need for the trip. Tatiana was passed off to the nanny, who was to get her ready for the trip.
Janessa called her parents herself, leaving a cryptic message, telling them of the visit but not the reason behind it. She didn't want them to know yet, and she didn't want them to be able to say no to her coming. That task completed, she climbed the stairs to supervise the remainder of the packing.
She checked in on the maid doing her packing, Amanda, and satisfied that she'd have what she needed, went to check on Tatiana. She was discussing how the baby would react to the trip with the nanny when she heard the front door slam shut. She tried not to wince at the sound. She'd known she would have to speak with Spencer before she left, but she hadn't thought it would be this soon. She braced herself for the confrontation to come, knowing just how he'd react.
When he reached the top of the stairs, a mask of fury on his face, she frowned at him. She wasn't the one who had done anything wrong. She wasn't going to let him walk all over her this time.
He didn't say anything, but jerked his head towards their bedroom, clearly indicating that he expected her to obey him. She considered for a moment, ignoring his implicit command, but her dignity was too ingrained for her to voluntarily make a scene in front of their staff. Even when confronting an adulterous husband, it just wasn't done.
She tried to keep her face neutral and her back ramrod straight as she entered the bedroom, him close at her heels.
He shut the door behind them, and threw down the gauntlet. "What the hell is this, Janessa?"
She spun around to face him, eyes lit with fury, chin tilted upwards defiantly. The hell he was going to make this her fault. "I'm taking my daughter to visit my parents. Is there something wrong with that?"
He took a step towards her. "Without telling me?"
She sneered at him. "You seemed like you were busy, so I didn't even think you'd notice."
"She is my daughter. You are my wife," he ground out. "Of course I would notice."
She could not believe his audacity. How dare he be possessive of her now. How dare he. "Really? Because when we came to see you, you were too busy fucking your mistress to even notice we were in the room."
He stared at her in shock, as if he couldn't believe the words that had come out of her mouth. She couldn't really believe them herself.
"What you saw is irrelevant," he said through gritted teeth. "But you are not leaving the country with my daughter."
"Yes, I am." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him with a mutinous expression.
"No, you are -" he broke off, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "This is ridiculous, we sound like children." His voice softened, became conciliatory. "Janessa, I'm sorry for what you saw. But it's not a good reason to flee the country."
"The hell it isn't," she retorted. He honestly expected her to act as if nothing had happened. It was too much. "How long have you been sleeping with her Spencer? How long? Since the day we were married? Before? Or are you going to try to make me believe that it was just this one time and you're sorry, but it'll never happen again?"
"Janessa..." he sighed.
"Answer me, damn you!" she screamed, shocking herself. She did not her voice, not ever. She hated him for making her like this.
He shook his head. "No."
She nodded sharply, once. If he wasn't willing to give her answers, than there was nothing more to discuss. "Then I'm taking Tatiana for an extended visit to my parents." She brushed past him, heading for the door.
He grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him, more furious than she'd ever seen him before. "You will not do this."
"You should have thought about that before screwing your whore," she spat back at him, wrenching herself free from his grasp.
"You'll regret this, Janessa," he threatened as she started to open the door.
She couldn't help but laugh, though the sound was so twisted and broken she hardly recognized herself. "The only thing I regret, Spencer, is ever believing that you loved me." And that I still love you, she thought, even as it twisted at her mangled heart. She opened the door. She started to walk through, but paused. She hadn't planned on telling him about her encounter with Morgan, but Spencer had ruined her life today, so it seemed fair that she ruin his. "By the way, if you were thinking about covering this up? Pretending nothing happened?" She turned her head to face him, smiling at him, not realizing how evil a smile it was. "I ran into someone on the docks after I saw you, someone that has as big an interest in what's been going on as I do."
She could hear it in his voice that he knew. "Who?"
"Morgan." Parting shot delivered, she strode from the room, head held high, spine straight and firm.
The nanny met her at the top of the stairs, and she took Tatiana into her arms, leaving behind the home she'd loved so much. The man she still did.
Not knowing if she'd ever see either of them again.
*
Janessa looked out the window of the Cassadine private jet, watching Port Charles fade into the distance.
"Mrs. Cassadine?"
Janessa turned her head to see the nanny with Tatiana in her arms. "Hello, sweetheart," she cooed at the baby, reaching out to take her from Margaret. "Is everything alright?"
Margaret nodded. "She just woke up and wanted her mother is all."
"Thank you," Janessa dismissed her, turning her attention back to the wriggling infant in her arms.
Margaret vanished silently to the back of the plane with the rest of the staff.
"Did you want your Mummy?" Janessa soothed Tatiana. "Your mummy needed you too, you know. She's going to need you more than ever, because she doesn't know what she's going to do next." She pressed a kiss to the top of the baby's head. "I don't know what to do without your Daddy, sweetheart. Even though I'm angrier than I've ever been in my life, and he's hurt me so much I don't know how I'll bear it, I love him."
She sighed, resting her head against Tatiana's.
"That's why we're going to see your grandparents, you know. If we stayed here, I wouldn't be able to think."
The baby let out a small cry and Janessa rocked her gently, soothing her.
"It'll be alright once we get there, sweetheart. You'll see. You'll have more people to spoil you and love you, and Mummy will be able to decide what she's going to do next."
The baby quieted, and Janessa held her tight.
"It'll be alright," she whispered, and prayed that it was true.
Author: empressearwig and leobrat
Pairing: Spencer/Janessa, Morgan/Lila, Spencer/Lila
Rating: R
Word Count: 4481
Warnings: Extramarital Sex
Disclaimer: All characters and locations first appearing on the series General Hospital do not belong to me. Original characters do.
Summary: How it all comes out.
Author’s Notes: Thanks much to my ever patient writing partner, leobrat. Sorry, lapiccolina. This is going to hurt.
Everything you think you know baby
Is wrong
And everything you think you had baby
Is gone
Like every other morning, Janessa woke at dawn.
She’d never been one to sleep late, but Tatiana gave new meaning to the phrase early riser. So every morning, she’d awaken to Tatiana’s soft mewling noises as she demanded the attention that she already knew should be afforded to her as a princess. Janessa would climb quietly out of bed, careful not to wake Spencer, and go see to her daughter.
The nanny would have taken care of her if Janessa had let her, but she wanted these mornings to herself, to feed Tatiana, to bond with her, to love her. She’d never believed what people said, that it was possible to love someone so much, so quickly, so deeply, but she did.
Tatiana and Spencer were the loves of her life.
She walked quickly down the hall to the nursery, picking Tatiana up out of her crib. “Good morning, sweetheart,” she cooed. “Were you lonely?”
The baby gurgled and waved her arms at her.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Janessa decided, sitting down in the rocking chair by the window to feed her. She opened her robe, and let Tatiana do the rest. She looked down at her daughter and again marveled at how this perfect little child could have come from her. She didn’t know what she’d done to deserve so much, but she’d never take it for granted.
She sat back, basking in the early morning sunrise, communing with her daughter, perfectly content.
When Tatiana was finished feeding, Janessa saw to her other needs, burping, changing, and dressing her. With the baby in her arms, she crept back down the hall to her bedroom, peeking inside to see if Spencer was still asleep. Seeing him sprawled out in their bed, she smiled foolishly. He was so handsome, she couldn’t quite believe it sometimes. She bit her lip, considering. He’d gotten in so late the night before, and he was sleeping so peacefully now, she didn’t want the alarm to ruin that. But if he had a meeting in the morning, he might be late. She shook her head. She knew what was best for him, and that was the extra sleep. Mind made up, she tip toed into the room, shutting the alarm off and then slipping back out into the hall.
“He’ll thank us later, won’t he, sweetheart?” she said to the baby. “When he’s well rested for his long day at work?” She nodded to herself.
The baby clapped her hands.
Janessa laughed. “Let’s go get Mummy some breakfast now that we’ve seen to yours.” She headed down to the main level of the house, being careful of the stairs. She entered the breakfast room, which was already filled with the smell of food and coffee. She sat down, and instantly a maid materialized at her side, plate in hand. “Thank you, Bridget,” she said gratefully.
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Cassadine,” the girl parroted back, slipping out of the room as unobtrusively as she’d entered it.
Baby still in her arms, she began to eat, chattering idly to the baby as she did. Time ticked by, and before she knew it Spencer was walking through the door. She could feel herself light up, the way she always did when he walked into a room.
He bent to press a kiss to her cheek, rubbing a hand across Tatiana’s downy hair. “Good morning, love,” he murmured in her ear.
She blushed, she knew she did. She only hoped he didn’t notice.
He sat down across from her, Bridget reappearing to bring him his breakfast. He thanked her absently, taking a sip of his coffee. He looked back across the table at Janessa. “So what do you two beautiful ladies have planned for today?”
She blushed again. That really had to stop, it did. She was a wife and mother. Blushing was something for schoolgirls, not grown women. Trying to cover, she did her best to soothe Tatiana’s fussing as she answered, “We’re going to see the pediatrician at GH.”
He was immediately alert at that. It warmed her heart how devoted he was to Tatiana. “She’s not sick is she?”
Janessa shook her head, rocking the baby gently. “Just a routine check up.” She glanced up at him shyly from underneath her lashes. “I was thinking about taking her to the park afterwards, but maybe we could stop by and see you at the office. Would that be alright?”
She held her breath waiting for his answer.
He was frowning over his blackberry. “Of course,” he said absently.
She beamed.
With a sigh, he pushed back from the table and stood. “I’m sorry, I need to get to the office immediately.” He kissed her again, quickly. “Have a nice day, love.”
She smiled at his retreating form, and looked back down at Tatiana. “Won’t it be nice to go see Daddy? We’re going to have the best day, sweetheart, I just know it.”
*
"Well, Mrs. Cassadine, you have a beautiful, healthy little girl. She's every inch the princess."
Steven Webber handed the baby back to Janessa, smiling at the sight of mother and daughter together.
Janessa smiled back at him. "Please, Dr. Webber, it's Janessa. You are my uncle, after all." She cradled Tatiana carefully against her chest. "You know, I thought learning the British peerage was difficult, but nothing quite compares to remembering who is all related here in Port Charles."
Steven laughed. "I can only imagine."
"So she's doing well?" Janessa inquired. "I'm afraid I'm a rather stereotypical new mother, you see. The slightest sniffle and I want to bring her to the doctor straight away."
"That's perfectly normal," he assured her. "And she's perfect. You have nothing to worry about."
"Thank goodness," she sighed. She rocked the baby, cooing at her gently. "Won't Daddy be happy to hear that you're doing so well?"
"Where is Spencer?" Steven asked. "With the way that he dotes on the two of you, I'm surprised he didn't come along."
"He's so busy at work right now," she demurred. "But we're going to stop by and tell him the good news, aren't we, sweetheart?" She stood, gathering the diaper bag and her purse together. "Thank you again, Dr. Webber."
"It was my pleasure," he said, standing as well and opening the door for them. "I'll see you in a few months for her next check up."
She strode briskly down the hall in search of her mother-in-law, Elizabeth. Within moments she found her at the nurse's station, frowning over charts. When Elizabeth spotted her granddaughter, her face lit up, the frown a distant memory.
"Janessa!" she exclaimed, stepping out from behind the hub. "What are you doing here?" She bent down to coo at the baby. "How's my princess doing?"
"She's perfect," Janessa beamed. She smiled slyly at Elizabeth. "Did you want to hold her?"
"You could twist my arm," Elizabeth laughed, arms already outstretched for the baby.
Janessa carefully passed Tatiana to Elizabeth. The baby yawned, stretching her arms out. “Someone needs a nap,” she said ruefully.
“So you never did say what you were doing here,” Elizabeth said, rocking the baby gently in her arms. She nodded towards the sitting area, and they fell into step walking towards it.
“Oh, she just had a check up,” Janessa explained, sitting down on the overstuffed sofa.
Elizabeth frowned. “Shouldn’t Spencer have been here?”
“He had a busy day at work, some sort of crisis. He didn’t even get to eat breakfast.” Janessa reached out to play with the baby’s toes. “I was thinking about taking her to see him before we head home, but she looks so tired…”
“Go,” Elizabeth urged. “I’m sure he’d love it.” She smiled wistfully. “You know, when he was growing up, all I wanted for him was for him to feel loved. He’s my son, I love him as much as I do Cam or Jake or Audrey, but I know he never felt that, no matter how hard I tried.” She blinked back tears and reached out to take Janessa’s hand. “I’m so glad he has you, you know. You and this little princess here. You’re so good for him, Janessa.”
Janessa blushed. “Thank you, Elizabeth. You have no idea how much that means to me. I love Spencer so much that I can’t even believe it sometimes, and when I held her for the first time,” she glanced down at her daughter, “it all somehow seemed complete.” She looked back up at Elizabeth. “Do you understand what I mean?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I do.”
They smiled at each other.
“Do you think I could ask you a favor?” Janessa asked hesitantly.
“While I have her in my arms? I think you could ask for just about anything right now and I’d say yes.”
Janessa grinned. “It’s actually about that. I need to go make an appointment for myself,” she held up a hand to ward off Elizabeth’s impending question, “it’s a routine check up of my own, I swear. Would you mind watching her for a few minutes?”
Elizabeth lit up. “Of course! I’d be more than happy to.” She rocked the baby. “I haven’t told her about all the new things that her grandfather and I are planning to spoil her rotten yet.”
“Are you sure?” Janessa stood. “I know you’re working…”
“Janessa, sweetheart, there are certain advantages to being head nurse and married to the hospital’s chief benefactor,” Elizabeth said dryly. “I think I can take a break at my own discretion.”
“Alright, well I’ll be back in a few minutes, I promise.” Janessa bent down to take the baby’s hand. “Be good for your grandmother, alright, angel?”
“Go!” Elizabeth ordered. “Let me play with the baby already.”
Janessa laughed. “I’m going.” With a final look back, she started down the hall towards her OB/GYN’s office.
She smiled as she walked away.
She loved her mother-in-law, she really did. One heard so many horror stories of controlling, interfering ones, but Elizabeth had welcomed her with open arms, treated her like a daughter. In fact Spencer's entire family had treated her that way.
They'd taken some getting used to, Spencer's odd, blended family. His mother so open and loving, his father so reserved and austere. His brothers and their wives so open and so American. When she'd moved to America to be with Spencer, she'd expected his other siblings to be like Audrey, more like Spencer, but where the Spencers were American, the Cassadines were European. She'd gotten to know Audrey during her courtship in London with Spencer, and adored her, and found it a shame that she didn't come home more often.
She'd never have imagined herself as part of such a family, but now she couldn't imagine anything else.
She pressed a hand to her stomach, imagining the other children she and Spencer would have as part of that family.
She wanted that so badly it hurt.
She hadn't told Spencer yet that she wanted another baby. She wanted a houseful of them, really; a big family, to love, to nurture, to take the sadness away from Spencer's eyes. She wanted him to be able to give their children the childhood that he hadn't had. He'd been so scared before Tatiana was born, but he was so good with her, so loving, so careful.
Yes, she wanted another baby very badly, indeed.
She reached her doctor's office and waited impatiently in the line to speak to the receptionist. Waiting had never been her strong suit, and she wanted to get back to her baby. Being more than a few steps away from her was still almost unthinkable.
Finally she reached the front of the line. She smiled at the receptionist. "Good morning," she said. "I need to make an appointment."
"Name?" came the frazzled response.
"Janessa Cassadine."
That caught her attention and she looked up, smiling apologetically. "Of course, Mrs. Cassadine. Is it an emergency? Because I'm sure Dr. Lee would make time for you immediately..."
Janessa shook her head. "No, it's not."
"Alright." The receptionist scanned through the online scheduling program. "Would an appointment a month from now be alright? I apologize for the delay, but her calendar is packed..."
"Of course," Janessa said graciously. It was longer than she'd wanted to wait, but it would have to do.
"Wonderful." The appointment was scribbled down on a card and handed up to her. "We'll see you then."
"Thank you."
Janessa turned and left the office, returning to her daughter and mother-in-law.
Wouldn't Spencer be in for a surprise, she thought, rubbing her hand across her stomach once more.
*
Janessa walked into the lobby of Cassadine Industries with a smile on her face.
The security guard, Mike, smiled at her as she stopped by his desk to get her visitor's pass. "Nice to see you, Mrs. Cassadine." He waved at the baby. "And little Miss Cassadine there."
"How's your little boy?" she asked, finishing signing the visitor's log.
"He's doing real well," Mike said, obviously pleased she'd remembered. "Thanks for asking." He handed over her pass. "You go right on up and make your husband take you girls out for a nice lunch."
She laughed. "We'll see if I can't drag him away." She walked to the elevators, and pressed the button for Spencer's floor.
She exited the elevator at the top floor, and wove her way through the maze of desks and cubicles, smiling and greeting the people that she recognized. She reached Spencer's office and found Mrs. Malone sitting outside it, guarding the door zealously as she always did.
Mrs. Malone stood, surprise written on her face. "Mrs. Cassadine," she stammered. "I wasn't expecting you today."
Janessa nodded. "I'm sure Spencer forgot to mention I'd be stopping by," she laughed. "He always does."
"Yes, ma'am," Mrs. Malone said. "But see, he didn't tell me so, he's not here."
Janessa frowned. "Really?" She glanced down at her watch. "Well, we'll just wait for a little while, then. He knows we were coming, so I'm sure he'll be back soon."
She stepped to the door and opened it, not hearing Mrs. Malone's plea not to go in, not hearing anything.
The sight that confronted her was worse than anything she ever could have imagined.
Spencer, her Spencer, was half naked, on top of another woman.
A woman with long, brilliant red hair, that though she couldn't see her face, Janessa was positive she knew. Had thought was her friend.
From somewhere in the recesses of her mind, she heard a heartbroken sob, but didn't realize it was her, or that tears had begun streaming down her cheeks.
Spencer looked up. Their eyes met, caught, for what seemed like an eternity, but was really just a split second.
She turned and ran, clutching Tatiana tightly to her chest. She didn't see the concerned looks as she ran through the maze of desks, didn't hear people call after her, wondering what was wrong.
She reached the sanctuary of the elevator, stumbled inside, back against the cool metal interior. She breathed deeply, trying to catch her breath, but all too soon she was in the lobby, and running again. She ran past Mike, at the security desk, didn't notice him try to stop her, to see what was wrong.
She just knew she had to get out of this place. Had to get away from it.
But she couldn't escape what was in her mind.
*
Janessa ran out of the building onto the docks.
She stumbled, dazed and disoriented, towards the launch, clutching her daughter as tightly to her chest as she could. But her feet got heavier with each passing step, and eventually she collapsed onto a bench, unable to take another step.
Tears were still streaming down her cheeks, and Tatiana was crying as well, having picked up on her mood. She tried to soothe the baby as best she could, even as the sight of her Spencer on top of that woman seared itself into her brain. No matter what she did, she couldn't stop seeing it, couldn't stop reliving it.
A gentle voice came from behind her. "Janessa?"
She wiped ineffectually at her eyes with her free hand. "Hello Morgan."
He seated himself on the bench next to her, reaching out for Tatiana's fingers, holding her hand. "What's wrong?"
She shook her head. She couldn't tell him, she couldn't. "Nothing." She tried to smile at him through her tears. "Just had an overwhelmed new mother moment and needed to cry."
He didn't look convinced. "You're sure it's nothing more?"
She nodded. "Yes. You're sweet to worry, but I'm fine." She looked down at the baby, stroking her hand over her hair. "We're fine."
"I can call Spencer," he offered. "You shouldn't be alone out here."
She shook her head vehemently. "No. Don't."
Now he looked confused. "Why not?”
She laughed bitterly. "I don’t really think he would care to know.”
"What are you talking about? Spencer adores you and Tatiana, if something is wrong..."
Something inside her snapped. "But he's what's wrong."
"I don't understand."
The words started flowing more easily now, words tumbling out of her despite herself.
She couldn't hold them back, she had to get them out. "I went to see him at the office," she began, almost absently. "I thought it would be a nice break for him, he's been working so hard lately. And I wanted to see him. I love him so much, you know. He and our baby girl are my whole world. So I went to Cassadine and up to his floor. His secretary, Mrs. Malone, she's always so nice to me, but today she tried to stop me from seeing him and I didn't understand why, but then I opened the door and saw it and now I can't stop seeing it and it hurts so much that I don't know how I'm going to be able to bear it."
"Saw what?"
"My husband was having sex on his desk."
The shock was palpable on Morgan‘s handsome face. “Do you know who the woman was? I’m sorry Janessa, that’s a completely inappropriate ques-”
“It was Lila!” She blinked, and the world came back into focus. She saw with horror that Morgan looked as stricken as she'd felt minutes, or was it hours now, ago when she'd seen it. "Oh, Morgan, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for you to find out, I wasn't going to tell you."
"It's fine," he said absently. His eyes were vacant, like he was seeing something that wasn't there. Like he was seeing what she'd just told him. "Are you alright? Will you be alright to get home?"
She nodded. "Of course, but Morgan..."
He stood. "I have to go." He took off towards the steps, almost running. Running away from her, from what she'd told him.
She watched him go.
She hadn't meant to hurt him. He didn't deserve it.
But then neither had she.
She looked down at her daughter, who was now sleeping peacefully in her arms.
She couldn’t think here, she couldn’t think about what would come next, what was best for her, for Tatiana. She couldn’t stay in Port Charles, be surrounded by his friends and family.
She needed to go home.
She stood, a new resolve stiffening her spine. She strode purposefully down the docks to the launch.
*
The moment she arrived home, Janessa sent the staff into a frenzy.
The butler was sent to make sure the jet could be cleared for a take off as soon as possible, the housekeeper and maids set to packing up the things that she and Tatiana would need for the trip. Tatiana was passed off to the nanny, who was to get her ready for the trip.
Janessa called her parents herself, leaving a cryptic message, telling them of the visit but not the reason behind it. She didn't want them to know yet, and she didn't want them to be able to say no to her coming. That task completed, she climbed the stairs to supervise the remainder of the packing.
She checked in on the maid doing her packing, Amanda, and satisfied that she'd have what she needed, went to check on Tatiana. She was discussing how the baby would react to the trip with the nanny when she heard the front door slam shut. She tried not to wince at the sound. She'd known she would have to speak with Spencer before she left, but she hadn't thought it would be this soon. She braced herself for the confrontation to come, knowing just how he'd react.
When he reached the top of the stairs, a mask of fury on his face, she frowned at him. She wasn't the one who had done anything wrong. She wasn't going to let him walk all over her this time.
He didn't say anything, but jerked his head towards their bedroom, clearly indicating that he expected her to obey him. She considered for a moment, ignoring his implicit command, but her dignity was too ingrained for her to voluntarily make a scene in front of their staff. Even when confronting an adulterous husband, it just wasn't done.
She tried to keep her face neutral and her back ramrod straight as she entered the bedroom, him close at her heels.
He shut the door behind them, and threw down the gauntlet. "What the hell is this, Janessa?"
She spun around to face him, eyes lit with fury, chin tilted upwards defiantly. The hell he was going to make this her fault. "I'm taking my daughter to visit my parents. Is there something wrong with that?"
He took a step towards her. "Without telling me?"
She sneered at him. "You seemed like you were busy, so I didn't even think you'd notice."
"She is my daughter. You are my wife," he ground out. "Of course I would notice."
She could not believe his audacity. How dare he be possessive of her now. How dare he. "Really? Because when we came to see you, you were too busy fucking your mistress to even notice we were in the room."
He stared at her in shock, as if he couldn't believe the words that had come out of her mouth. She couldn't really believe them herself.
"What you saw is irrelevant," he said through gritted teeth. "But you are not leaving the country with my daughter."
"Yes, I am." She crossed her arms over her chest and stared at him with a mutinous expression.
"No, you are -" he broke off, running a hand through his hair in frustration. "This is ridiculous, we sound like children." His voice softened, became conciliatory. "Janessa, I'm sorry for what you saw. But it's not a good reason to flee the country."
"The hell it isn't," she retorted. He honestly expected her to act as if nothing had happened. It was too much. "How long have you been sleeping with her Spencer? How long? Since the day we were married? Before? Or are you going to try to make me believe that it was just this one time and you're sorry, but it'll never happen again?"
"Janessa..." he sighed.
"Answer me, damn you!" she screamed, shocking herself. She did not her voice, not ever. She hated him for making her like this.
He shook his head. "No."
She nodded sharply, once. If he wasn't willing to give her answers, than there was nothing more to discuss. "Then I'm taking Tatiana for an extended visit to my parents." She brushed past him, heading for the door.
He grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face him, more furious than she'd ever seen him before. "You will not do this."
"You should have thought about that before screwing your whore," she spat back at him, wrenching herself free from his grasp.
"You'll regret this, Janessa," he threatened as she started to open the door.
She couldn't help but laugh, though the sound was so twisted and broken she hardly recognized herself. "The only thing I regret, Spencer, is ever believing that you loved me." And that I still love you, she thought, even as it twisted at her mangled heart. She opened the door. She started to walk through, but paused. She hadn't planned on telling him about her encounter with Morgan, but Spencer had ruined her life today, so it seemed fair that she ruin his. "By the way, if you were thinking about covering this up? Pretending nothing happened?" She turned her head to face him, smiling at him, not realizing how evil a smile it was. "I ran into someone on the docks after I saw you, someone that has as big an interest in what's been going on as I do."
She could hear it in his voice that he knew. "Who?"
"Morgan." Parting shot delivered, she strode from the room, head held high, spine straight and firm.
The nanny met her at the top of the stairs, and she took Tatiana into her arms, leaving behind the home she'd loved so much. The man she still did.
Not knowing if she'd ever see either of them again.
*
Janessa looked out the window of the Cassadine private jet, watching Port Charles fade into the distance.
"Mrs. Cassadine?"
Janessa turned her head to see the nanny with Tatiana in her arms. "Hello, sweetheart," she cooed at the baby, reaching out to take her from Margaret. "Is everything alright?"
Margaret nodded. "She just woke up and wanted her mother is all."
"Thank you," Janessa dismissed her, turning her attention back to the wriggling infant in her arms.
Margaret vanished silently to the back of the plane with the rest of the staff.
"Did you want your Mummy?" Janessa soothed Tatiana. "Your mummy needed you too, you know. She's going to need you more than ever, because she doesn't know what she's going to do next." She pressed a kiss to the top of the baby's head. "I don't know what to do without your Daddy, sweetheart. Even though I'm angrier than I've ever been in my life, and he's hurt me so much I don't know how I'll bear it, I love him."
She sighed, resting her head against Tatiana's.
"That's why we're going to see your grandparents, you know. If we stayed here, I wouldn't be able to think."
The baby let out a small cry and Janessa rocked her gently, soothing her.
"It'll be alright once we get there, sweetheart. You'll see. You'll have more people to spoil you and love you, and Mummy will be able to decide what she's going to do next."
The baby quieted, and Janessa held her tight.
"It'll be alright," she whispered, and prayed that it was true.