Sadness
Apparently his Colorado vacation got cut short this time around due to his mother having multiple strokes just before the new year.
I found out when I returned to work on Tuesday. His mom was up in the ICU, intubated & VERY out of it he said. I was so sad for him. A couple of us were asking about what happened on Tuesday & he just looked at me with eye contact the whole time he explained. I wanted to hug him....but I couldn't. On Thursday, he was the laborist. I was SUPER BUSY & I know he was between patients & his mom. At about 1215....I was finally sitting down for a few minutes of charting & I saw him across the nurses station head in my direction. He just was bummed as he had been the 2 days prior that I saw him. He walked toward me & sat down on the still next to me. I looked at him & just said "hey." He replied, "my mom just passed 15 minutes ago." I didn't know how to respond. 15 minutes ago?!!! He came to me first? I asked if he was able to be there when it happened. He was, with his father & his brother. He said they were discussing possible hospice care & comfort care measures. He confessed to me that he didn't think it was necessary as she was breathing once every 20 seconds. I told him I was sorry & stood up to give him a hug, bent over him....my stethoscope, badge & ascom phone all hitting his bald head. I felt bad. He reached in for the hug and said "yeah..." he stood up to make a phone call as he was waiting to be called into a c-section. I was told to go to lunch. On my way I saw him, standing in the corner on his cell phone. I walked directly to him & hugged him. He deserved a proper hug. He held me tight & close as he talked on the phone. I felt so bad for him.
I still do. He wanted to work his shift he said it was cool to be a part of the circle of life.
I had one delivery with him after that.
I didn't see him much after my delivery but I called his ascom before I left to tell him I was sorry for his loss. He said he was glad her suffering was over. I know he's hurting & I basically told him yes he's right she's better off now but I know he's hurting.
I have a hard time seeing those I love hurting.
I love that we still have a special connection & I was likely the first person he may have told. I was one of them for sure. I know of it were many other docs the other nurses would've hugged him/them....but he's not the most approachable & he has a big bubble. I love that I can hug him in a time like this, even in front of coworkers. I pray this loss doesn't depress him & make his fear of his fathers and his own mortality increase.
I had just asked him his mothers name the day before she passed. Carol.