She's a V-A-M-P

[ebilleprechaun]

So, I hear hysterical laughter from the bedroom where my mother is talking to her best friend (Kiara's mom) on the phone, followed by...

Mom: Hey, Kelsey, c'mere! Mrs. the Fairy has something to ask you!
Me: *Takes the phone somewhat tentatively* Hell...o?
Mrs. F: Hey, I have a favor to ask, sort of an acting gig for you.
Me: Okay?
Mrs. F: You know Jared likes Crystal's cousin Whitney, right?
Me: No, I didn't know that.
Mrs. F: Well, he does. I need you to vamp him.
Me: *Tries to decide if she actually just heard what she think she just heard* Excuse me?
Mrs. F: You know, vamp on him some, get him interested in you instead.
Me: Er...I'm not sure how my boyfriend would feel about that, Mrs. F.
Mrs. F: Think of it as acting!
Me: Mrs. F, I would if I could, but I think Jared would just laugh and ask me if I was high.
Mrs. F: Just, here, get Casey to help you figure out what would work, and use that on Jared, and then you can dump him later, I swear!
Me: Right, I will totally seduce him with...having the exact same taste in books as he does.
Mom: *Hysterical laughing*
Mrs. F: You could do it!
Me: No, I couldn't. I would, if I could, I promise. But Whitney's got bigger boobs than me.
Mrs. F: Yeah, seeing as our whole family is large-chested, I think Jared's not used to small boobs, so you may have a point.
Me: Thus you see the issue. Sorry.
Mrs. F: *Sigh* At least you're better than your mom, who said flat-out no.
Me: Well, I would. If I could. But I can't.
Mrs. F: Thanks anyway.
Me: *Hands the phone to Mom*
Mom: I think she's right, she couldn't seduce Jared if she tried.
Me: *Suddenly offended* Wanna bet? I could SO!
Mom: Just go away.
Me: *Sniffs and huffs off*