(no subject)
Well, you guys said I should write fic. Here's some fic for you. Except it's FFVII, so Cathy and Sabine will just have to wait until I write something they find amusing. Or scroll down to the MARKET Bible.
Inspired by a thread on fanficrants, more specifically by caius_serence and byakuganchick, whose comments I have borrowed.
Mistrial
When the prosecution called a necromancer to the stand and handed him a pink ribbon, Sephiroth knew he was in trouble. But when he looked around, he saw that Cloud, sitting behind the prosecution lawyers, was also looking rather nervous. He didn’t need Jenova cells to work out what the boy was thinking.
“When I fought Kadaj in the church…we were on motorbikes…the flowers got a bit messed up…oh, shit.”
It was all very well for the boy to be worried, but Sephiroth- Kadaj really, but he doubted Aeris would make that distinction- had ridden his motorbike through the flower girl’s garden as well. Not only that, but he had exploded it and turned it into a lake. It didn't help that Aeris hadn’t liked him to begin with, either.
He supposed that attempting to psychically coerce her crush into murdering her could do that. As could actually murdering her...oh, and there was the whole trying-to-destroy-the-Planet thing as well.
All in all, probably fair cause for a grudge. But arrest? That was a bit much. He was a SOLDIER- had been a SOLDIER! He wasn’t suited to sitting in court for hours on end. Okay, so he’d spent five years stuck in a giant block of Mako, and another two just hanging around in the Lifestream, but he’d had diabolical plotting to occupy his time. This was just boring.
Patience, Sephiroth, patience…remember what happened the last time…and the time before that…
“I move for a mistrial!”
“Why?”
“On account that my client came down through the goddamn roof and stabbed the judge! Again!”
No, it definitely hadn’t been the best defence strategy. Apparently, now he had another murder charge to answer. (The second judge he’d stabbed had taken precautions, namely mythril armour under his judicial robes. The last Sephiroth had heard, the man was still in critical condition but expected to survive.)
After that incident, his lawyer had run through the actual strategy. He had plead not guilty by reason of insanity (“There’s a strong case for that”, the lawyer had said). He was also supposed to sit there looking as pretty as he could, just in case the jury didn't buy the insanity thing and could be swayed by aesthetics. (“It’s a tried and true strategy”,). As far as he could tell, the only person prettier than him and relevant to the case was dead.
Which was why the necromancer being handed the pink ribbon was worrying.
But when Aeris fully appeared, still somewhat ghostly, Sephiroth was actually afraid. The courtroom was confronted by an angry Ancient who looked like she could kill with a glance.
And she was wearing pink.
Sephiroth didn’t think anyone could defeat that much pink. The sheer pink-ness of her attire…it was beyond words.
This is why you tried to get Cloud to deal with her in the first place.
His fears were proved to be quite reasonable, as the first thing Aeris did upon her reappearance was to shriek at Cloud.
“You bastard! You said you’d look after my flowers, Cloud! But nooooo, someone had to ride his motorbike through my garden!
“Aeris, I’m sorry, but I had to do it! If I hadn’t ridden through your garden, Kadaj would have-
Cloud never got to finish his sentence, as Aeris had Great Gospel’d him into green sparkles. Or oblivion. Something like that.
And she had loved Cloud.
She then turned to Sephiroth and smiled sweetly. It made Sephiroth think of the creative uses of umbrellas from the Gold Saucer, the possibility of horticultural torture, and the old-fashioned purpose of a stave.
After a few nasty seconds, Aeris turned to the judge.
“Your Honour, may I have time to talk to the defendant privately?”
“Well, Miss Gainsborough, it’s highly irregular, if not unheard of…”
“But, Your Honour, I only have a limited amount of time to talk to him, and I feel we have some unresolved issues. And, Your Honour, isn’t the whole trial highly irregular?”
The judge appeared to consider this proposal for a while.
No…no, not that. Anything but that…
Nobody had ever heard Sephiroth beg for mercy before.
Y'know, this is rather fun...but I like parodies better.
Inspired by a thread on fanficrants, more specifically by caius_serence and byakuganchick, whose comments I have borrowed.
Mistrial
When the prosecution called a necromancer to the stand and handed him a pink ribbon, Sephiroth knew he was in trouble. But when he looked around, he saw that Cloud, sitting behind the prosecution lawyers, was also looking rather nervous. He didn’t need Jenova cells to work out what the boy was thinking.
“When I fought Kadaj in the church…we were on motorbikes…the flowers got a bit messed up…oh, shit.”
It was all very well for the boy to be worried, but Sephiroth- Kadaj really, but he doubted Aeris would make that distinction- had ridden his motorbike through the flower girl’s garden as well. Not only that, but he had exploded it and turned it into a lake. It didn't help that Aeris hadn’t liked him to begin with, either.
He supposed that attempting to psychically coerce her crush into murdering her could do that. As could actually murdering her...oh, and there was the whole trying-to-destroy-the-Planet thing as well.
All in all, probably fair cause for a grudge. But arrest? That was a bit much. He was a SOLDIER- had been a SOLDIER! He wasn’t suited to sitting in court for hours on end. Okay, so he’d spent five years stuck in a giant block of Mako, and another two just hanging around in the Lifestream, but he’d had diabolical plotting to occupy his time. This was just boring.
Patience, Sephiroth, patience…remember what happened the last time…and the time before that…
“I move for a mistrial!”
“Why?”
“On account that my client came down through the goddamn roof and stabbed the judge! Again!”
No, it definitely hadn’t been the best defence strategy. Apparently, now he had another murder charge to answer. (The second judge he’d stabbed had taken precautions, namely mythril armour under his judicial robes. The last Sephiroth had heard, the man was still in critical condition but expected to survive.)
After that incident, his lawyer had run through the actual strategy. He had plead not guilty by reason of insanity (“There’s a strong case for that”, the lawyer had said). He was also supposed to sit there looking as pretty as he could, just in case the jury didn't buy the insanity thing and could be swayed by aesthetics. (“It’s a tried and true strategy”,). As far as he could tell, the only person prettier than him and relevant to the case was dead.
Which was why the necromancer being handed the pink ribbon was worrying.
But when Aeris fully appeared, still somewhat ghostly, Sephiroth was actually afraid. The courtroom was confronted by an angry Ancient who looked like she could kill with a glance.
And she was wearing pink.
Sephiroth didn’t think anyone could defeat that much pink. The sheer pink-ness of her attire…it was beyond words.
This is why you tried to get Cloud to deal with her in the first place.
His fears were proved to be quite reasonable, as the first thing Aeris did upon her reappearance was to shriek at Cloud.
“You bastard! You said you’d look after my flowers, Cloud! But nooooo, someone had to ride his motorbike through my garden!
“Aeris, I’m sorry, but I had to do it! If I hadn’t ridden through your garden, Kadaj would have-
Cloud never got to finish his sentence, as Aeris had Great Gospel’d him into green sparkles. Or oblivion. Something like that.
And she had loved Cloud.
She then turned to Sephiroth and smiled sweetly. It made Sephiroth think of the creative uses of umbrellas from the Gold Saucer, the possibility of horticultural torture, and the old-fashioned purpose of a stave.
After a few nasty seconds, Aeris turned to the judge.
“Your Honour, may I have time to talk to the defendant privately?”
“Well, Miss Gainsborough, it’s highly irregular, if not unheard of…”
“But, Your Honour, I only have a limited amount of time to talk to him, and I feel we have some unresolved issues. And, Your Honour, isn’t the whole trial highly irregular?”
The judge appeared to consider this proposal for a while.
No…no, not that. Anything but that…
Nobody had ever heard Sephiroth beg for mercy before.
Y'know, this is rather fun...but I like parodies better.