Remainder

[ebonymusic]

Beatiful remainder
Aging within
Something of stone, of a hearth, in a home
And it's waiting to sing

Telling those who listen
Groping it grows, as a dream
Something in the distance
Louder it seems for the listening

And then, the silence lures the willing
In chords that penetrate minds
Song won't cease, struggling peace, in thresholds that murmur in time
Then

Comments

[shadowfax994]

I am completely new to the role of constructive critic, so please bear with me. :] That said,
I like the last stanza, particularly the two concluding lines. Although the second to last line throws the poem a bit out of form visually, I actually think that the offbeat rhythm of that and the concluding line work very well. I also think the last section is the place where you have the best diction. As for the earlier two stanzas, make the words work for you. You gain a certain amount of definitiveness as the poem goes on, but the first two sections feel a little elusive and vague, which I think was due in part to less specific word choice. Overall I was left wanting more - I still feel like I'm missing something. I'd like to see what you do with this. :]