Very rough draft

Aug 12, 2004 10:18

Tell me what you think. Absolutely any comments/critiques welcome ( Read more... )

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Comments 3

craxyfoo August 16 2004, 17:20:51 UTC
Hey Hey Hey,

Good. Two very enthusiastic (sp?) thumbs up. I like the refrences it brings the poem to a new level. And I can totally relate to the last three lines- hot. Way to rock it.

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Elise strikes again anonymous August 17 2004, 04:46:19 UTC
I really like it! i love how you combined aspects of the angry powerful woman with a soft and deep femininity (esp. with the magdelene refrences)- i think using that contrast serves to make your point even stronger. Its so different from your nature poetry (which you know i love) but stick with this, it definately works for you. The only suggestion i would have is to look at the language and clean it up a bit.
love ya,
your poetry buddy :)

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anonymous September 7 2004, 05:18:23 UTC
Wonderful theme and use of refrence. I love the emotion behind it and the cutting, powerful message is enhanced by the short lines and use of one or two syllable words. Check out the transition between lines though, its a little rough, which may be purposeful but maybe not. Anyway, its good :) and i totally miss you, we need to get together!
justin

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