Augmentation-RandomWord
WHY: Do I need a warning if every post is sad and ranting? Mm?
Well, half of what’s the matter might be the fact that I’ve got a cold and my period all in one. But all I really feel like doing is complaining about things to people and crying about how stupid I am and how life sucks. That’s really all I’ve been doing lately, no wonder no one wants to do anything or talk. Duh. I’m a complete nutcase to be around with my crazy moodswings and accusing nature. I suck, really, I do. And going off on myself turns people even farther away, so I wonder why I’m doing it. But I feel...second rate or something. Like I’m the person people come to when no one else is available or there is nothing to do. And yeah, sure people have been inviting me places more this year, but it doesn’t really change how I feel. I’m no fun to be around, that’s prolly why Lauren doesn’t spend as much time with me. [She’s also busy.] But I guess its just been bothering me, and I can’t even call her and talk to her about it cause I’m afraid to. And its not like I think Lauren can’t hang out with anyone except for me, it just feels like I can’t go and hangout with my best friend because she’s busy or someone else is coming over and I don’t want to intrude. Or that people tick her off and I end up being the scapcoat for everyone. [Which I do to her, and I understand.] Or that people sit there and tell me what I can and can’t do involving Lauren and I’d much like you all to back off of what I do with her. She doesn’t belong to any of us, even me, and we can’t all hog her. Hell, I don’t know what I’m saying because it seems like that is all I want to do. I’m just upset about things, and taking it out on Lauren. Its not like I want to do it, it just kinda happens. I guess I’m just jealous of the amount of time Gabby has been spending over there. I mean, I really needed Lauren one day but I couldn’t bother her because she was with Gabby. That’d be mean. I mean, one time I was upset and I guess Gabby got pissed that Lauren came to pick me up and cheer me up. So I guess I’ve been forcing myself away from everyone and in turn it feels like no one wants to talk or hang out. Which is my fault for pushing everyone away. I just haven’t felt very good recently, [that’s the obvious] and I guess I need something that I can’t find. [Besides tickets to Guys and Dolls.] I guess I need to feel that I can go out on Fridays or to school and that the world won’t fall apart while I try to have fun. Or that I can cry, and I wont be considered a baby. Or that I’m free to need someone, and not have to restrict myself to when. [I do that anyways.] That I’m not worthless and one day I’ll actually have a boyfriend instead of being the one the boys hate. I don’t know. I just don’t know.
Well, half of what’s the matter might be the fact that I’ve got a cold and my period all in one. But all I really feel like doing is complaining about things to people and crying about how stupid I am and how life sucks. That’s really all I’ve been doing lately, no wonder no one wants to do anything or talk. Duh. I’m a complete nutcase to be around with my crazy moodswings and accusing nature. I suck, really, I do. And going off on myself turns people even farther away, so I wonder why I’m doing it. But I feel...second rate or something. Like I’m the person people come to when no one else is available or there is nothing to do. And yeah, sure people have been inviting me places more this year, but it doesn’t really change how I feel. I’m no fun to be around, that’s prolly why Lauren doesn’t spend as much time with me. [She’s also busy.] But I guess its just been bothering me, and I can’t even call her and talk to her about it cause I’m afraid to. And its not like I think Lauren can’t hang out with anyone except for me, it just feels like I can’t go and hangout with my best friend because she’s busy or someone else is coming over and I don’t want to intrude. Or that people tick her off and I end up being the scapcoat for everyone. [Which I do to her, and I understand.] Or that people sit there and tell me what I can and can’t do involving Lauren and I’d much like you all to back off of what I do with her. She doesn’t belong to any of us, even me, and we can’t all hog her. Hell, I don’t know what I’m saying because it seems like that is all I want to do. I’m just upset about things, and taking it out on Lauren. Its not like I want to do it, it just kinda happens. I guess I’m just jealous of the amount of time Gabby has been spending over there. I mean, I really needed Lauren one day but I couldn’t bother her because she was with Gabby. That’d be mean. I mean, one time I was upset and I guess Gabby got pissed that Lauren came to pick me up and cheer me up. So I guess I’ve been forcing myself away from everyone and in turn it feels like no one wants to talk or hang out. Which is my fault for pushing everyone away. I just haven’t felt very good recently, [that’s the obvious] and I guess I need something that I can’t find. [Besides tickets to Guys and Dolls.] I guess I need to feel that I can go out on Fridays or to school and that the world won’t fall apart while I try to have fun. Or that I can cry, and I wont be considered a baby. Or that I’m free to need someone, and not have to restrict myself to when. [I do that anyways.] That I’m not worthless and one day I’ll actually have a boyfriend instead of being the one the boys hate. I don’t know. I just don’t know.