Can anyone even see these fucking pictures anyway?
So, Evan stayed the night last night for the last time. We talked a lot but I told him that I didn't want to see him for a while. Basically, I asked him if he wanted to be in a relationship (Daniel's suggestion) and he stopped and thought about it and I said if you have to think about it for this long then the answer is no. I said we could just be friends. But then he didn't leave when I told him I was tired and I went downstairs to sleep on the couch and he came down there and we started talking and he said he didn't want to get hurt and he was really confused and I said so was I so that we really should just stay away from eachother. Then I got a call from Courtney (the last time I talked to her I was super drunk and I was telling her all of the reasons why I didn't want to be her friend) and her message said some stuff about me talking to her drunk was just a cry for help, which wasn't true, but the timing was horrible and it really upset me. Then I told Evan I was going to sleep and he came up there and I let him get into bed and then, of course, we had sex. Then we talked some more. I was explaining how different we were: he's a christian, I'm an atheist; he's a republican, I'm a democrat; I asked him if he was pro-life or pro-choice... you get the point. This morning he reluctantly left for work. I've never had a goodbye like that before. It was really weird. It was like he's moving away or something. Butt Fuckit.
Now I'm waiting on this call from this guy about a job. We've been playing phone tag since Friday. The sucky part is that I know that as soon as I tell him about my school schedule the discussion will be over. The other sucky part is that I like working at Ritz and I really like my boss, but I want to make my stable $10/hour. AND whenever I work retail I always want to spend money. There's an Ipod shuffle there that's about 70 bucks and of course the camera I want that's $500 with the 1GB memory card. And there's some other bullshit stuff that I want. Like the boy that works two stores down. I go outback to smoke and he always looks at me. GOD!!! They're fucking everwhere. I hate guys... but I love them. It sucks.
Tomorrow I'm going to Islands of Adventure with this boy from my work unless he stands me up or backs out. If he does, though, I'll just go on Friday. No school. Yay! And I have this Queer Theory project due on Tuesday and I just now found out that my group is meeting today because my teacher forgot to post me in the group on webct, so they've been messaging eachother back and forth and I've known nothing about it. And this shit is really hard to under stand. Let me just give you a little taste. You can skip this part if you want:
"If sexuality was constituted as an area of investigation, this was only because relations of power was able to take it as a target, this was because techniques of knowledge and procedures of discourse were capable of investing it."
That's Foucault, or who I'd like to refer to as Mother Fucker. If you thought that above quote was a piece of cake, it gets much worse, but I don't want to bore everyone. Anyway, fuck foucault.