Confessions of a worn-out Stay-at-home mom

[echoweaver]

I thought this should be its own post

Comments

[alymid]

I think there is a TON of cultural mythology that has a lot of different threads and levels that both overtly and subversively tell women that SAHM is their true calling.

I mean even these days most women with kids on TV are either SAHMs or spend 1/2 their stories balancing kid and worklife usually with the implication that if you miss any kid thing at all you are a terrible mother, or will feel guilty about it etc.

I don't think with all the messages out there that it is unreasonable to expect to feel only one way about it, NOR do I think it is a bad thing to feel otherwise.

[echoweaver]

A friend of mine who has a baby due in July asked on Facebook what mothers recommended as the minimum amount of maternity leave because she was only sure she could afford eight weeks. Fully 2/3 of the replies ignored the context of her question and advised that she take a year or more. Some of them fairly forcefully. It made me really pissed off on her behalf. The thing about the SAHM mythos is that it's most perpetuated by SAHMs who are either happy at it or feel the need to convince others that they're happy at it.

Not to say that I'm not going to miss a lot when she goes into daycare. It's cool to get to hear her first laugh and see her first rollover, etc. But I suspect I'll be saner too.

[alymid]

I think that as a SAHM i might go insane. I need a lot of social contact and tend to need the structure that having a job gives to my day. Even working at home can be loose enough structure that I don't shower, or eat regular meals etc.

I can't imagine what being a SAHM would do to me in the long run.

I think a LOT of people need that kind of outside validation for their choices. I think women especially look for that kind of validation because of the fraught emotional and social/political issues about what choices we make around work and home life.

[echoweaver]

Yeah. Since I've had Spawn, I've heard more stories of people who feel that their brain is leaking out their years from having no adult contact. In general, I think I've done pretty well for adult contact, though usually I want SB to race home every day to the limits of safety and traffic. He usually calls to see if he should pick anything up or do anything on the way home, and the answer is always NO NO NO GET HOME NOW.

My problem is mostly the constant sense of upheaval and unexpectedness. Any attempt to impose structure is met with resistance, and any technique that worked for the last week could stop working today, either permanently or just for today. Etc. etc. Also, relatedly, the 24/7ness of the whole thing.

[libation]

I love how honest and forthright you are. No advice, just--thanks. :)

[desidera]

Childcare is stressful, exhausting, tiring, and can also be mind-numbing. And that's all normal

[kickindancer]

I think desidera makes excellent points here

[ssmegss]

Thanks for posting! It's ok to be a little bit ungrateful, IMHO. Babies are a load of work even when sweet tempered. Then again, most stuff worth doing is, right? :)

[wkiri]

This is a great post, and very thoughtful. Would it be okay to share it with my sister, who went through a similar emotional experience? (It's fine if you'd rather not, I just thought I'd ask.)

[echoweaver]

Sure! I remember you talking about her experience, and it was encouraging to me.