More love. That firstborn thing? You want the kid, it's yours.
Goood insight on Hojo. (Like anyone is surprised.) And I love that Vin sounds like a Turk here, not an angst-muppet.
I mean, okay, canon!Vincent is all kinds of pretty, and he's every goth kid's favorite for a reason, but... The angst here hurts more, because it's so very... grown up. Angsty teenage poetry (and really, isn't that what canon!Vin sounds like? sin blah blah Lucrecia blah Hojo blah whine mope) is a language of helplessness. You feel powerless to change anything, so you sit on your ass and lament and brood.
This isn't lamentation, this is laying it out and doing what you gotta do, and that makes it feeel more real.
And I had more to say, but I forget, so I'll spare you the rambling essay that is me trying to figure out my point. It rocked.
Interesting... I'm kind of in two minds about this piece. It's well-written and there's a good insight into Hojo's character... but it just doesn't sound like Vincent.
I'm sorry that I'm going to have to disagree with trollopfop on Vincent's characterisation. Especially since you're using first person, the voice has to sound like Vincent. To me, it doesn't. I think I know what it is. It's too informal, too modern. I can't see Vincent using a word like 'batshit' - I don't know if that term has been recently coined or not, but I've only seen it on the Internet. I've never heard anyone actually say it. Maybe that's just me. Also lines like: "Score one for genetics." Again, the phrasing is extremely colloquial and slangy. That's just not how Vincent talks. Sounds more like something a teen like Yuffie or maybe Reno would say
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Comments 4
Veld, stop GIGGLING. THAT IS WRONG.
~Cendri
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Goood insight on Hojo. (Like anyone is surprised.) And I love that Vin sounds like a Turk here, not an angst-muppet.
I mean, okay, canon!Vincent is all kinds of pretty, and he's every goth kid's favorite for a reason, but... The angst here hurts more, because it's so very... grown up. Angsty teenage poetry (and really, isn't that what canon!Vin sounds like? sin blah blah Lucrecia blah Hojo blah whine mope) is a language of helplessness. You feel powerless to change anything, so you sit on your ass and lament and brood.
This isn't lamentation, this is laying it out and doing what you gotta do, and that makes it feeel more real.
And I had more to say, but I forget, so I'll spare you the rambling essay that is me trying to figure out my point. It rocked.
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I'm sorry that I'm going to have to disagree with trollopfop on Vincent's characterisation. Especially since you're using first person, the voice has to sound like Vincent. To me, it doesn't. I think I know what it is. It's too informal, too modern. I can't see Vincent using a word like 'batshit' - I don't know if that term has been recently coined or not, but I've only seen it on the Internet. I've never heard anyone actually say it. Maybe that's just me. Also lines like: "Score one for genetics." Again, the phrasing is extremely colloquial and slangy. That's just not how Vincent talks. Sounds more like something a teen like Yuffie or maybe Reno would say ( ... )
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