Putter putter, boil and... Mutter?
Life is all right. My unpacking/room stuff is almost settled. Down to three boxes left, and a few small ones under my desk(s). This week has been a tough one with brain stuff. Had a pretty sudden mood swing last night which took me from tired and meh to frustrated and manic and anxious. Worked it through and kept my calm, which is all I can really do. Feeling powerless against one's own head can really suck.
Bought a new pillow (sidesleeper pro) and found it far more comfortable than anything I've tried before for sleeping on my side. Neck and shoulder support are vastly superior. Hurray for Woot.com sales.
Dealing with a sort of creeper/stalker figure. Not super happy about it. There's a guy who I believe is itinerant that haunts the local grocer, which I walk to frequently for my daily exercise. He is a conspiracy theorist and kind of outlandish, but not harmful so far. He attempted to follow me home earlier this week. I misled him to another location, threw a handful of change into a snowbank and walked away as he was picking it up.
However, since then, he's been there nearly every day panhandling and ranting about conspiracies. Some days he recognizes me and makes cheap talk about "getting to know" me, other days he doesn't. I feel an acute sense of pity and sympathy for him. It's not easy to feel no control over your mind. This acute sense of pity and sympathy will not stop me from kneecapping him if he follows me home.
I often hear people (women) in my life roll their eyes and proclaim that street harassment isn't that big a deal. I've found that typically those people who suffer it least are the ones who have a lifestyle which precludes exposure. Before, I had a car, a home off the main strip of town, and lived in an area where people didn't tend to gather or hang out on corners.
Now I live in a not-quite-city and I walk everywhere. I went from getting street harassment once a month or once every five months to almost daily, at least weekly. It varies. Some are just sexual. Some are general cow calls and cat calls. Some are oddly baffling, because they say something so far out of context that I'm like, "HEY-...what?" Others are degrading about my size. The comments that tear into me for being a piggy fatty are almost more welcome than the cars full of four guys who offer to ride my chubs. Doing me a favor, you know. I'm considering carrying a wooden bat. I figure, in theory, that anyone who saw me carrying a bat and could do basic math on how much their headlights cost might rethink shouting sexual threats/comments at me in the street. It would at the very least deter anyone from walking too close or "zooming" me on their bikes.
My feelings of safety and security are under threat, which is stressful and anxiety producing. I'm not in active danger, other than creeper guy, and even he seems to be too distracted and confused to be a real threat. But the constant pressure of feeling attacked in public isn't fun. I've posted a few articles of late on FB and other places about rape culture and street harassment, and somehow I've managed not to post more. I try to restrict it to the least radical and angry ones, and save those for my own private catharsis.
I miss Spring. I miss Pennsic. I miss places that are far better about gender issues and don't embrace a culture that feels so dangerous. I've got a long time to wait for either of those things.
Along with everything else, I'm struggling for rides and car things, figuring out rentals for upcoming events and feeling a sudden slam of "too much in too short a time." There's Birka, Winter Gather, my holiday with my coauthor, and Wicked Faire, which I'm covering because Auntie's person dropped out. Probably other things too, but I think I'll stop there because if I keep adding stuff to my schedule, you'll all find me in a corner playing patty-cake with my kindle.
On the whole, life is fine, I'm just struggling with some prevailing concepts that are bothering me, and I'll get over it. I just need to take it one day at a time, and keep the monkey on my back from being too problematic.
Bought a new pillow (sidesleeper pro) and found it far more comfortable than anything I've tried before for sleeping on my side. Neck and shoulder support are vastly superior. Hurray for Woot.com sales.
Dealing with a sort of creeper/stalker figure. Not super happy about it. There's a guy who I believe is itinerant that haunts the local grocer, which I walk to frequently for my daily exercise. He is a conspiracy theorist and kind of outlandish, but not harmful so far. He attempted to follow me home earlier this week. I misled him to another location, threw a handful of change into a snowbank and walked away as he was picking it up.
However, since then, he's been there nearly every day panhandling and ranting about conspiracies. Some days he recognizes me and makes cheap talk about "getting to know" me, other days he doesn't. I feel an acute sense of pity and sympathy for him. It's not easy to feel no control over your mind. This acute sense of pity and sympathy will not stop me from kneecapping him if he follows me home.
I often hear people (women) in my life roll their eyes and proclaim that street harassment isn't that big a deal. I've found that typically those people who suffer it least are the ones who have a lifestyle which precludes exposure. Before, I had a car, a home off the main strip of town, and lived in an area where people didn't tend to gather or hang out on corners.
Now I live in a not-quite-city and I walk everywhere. I went from getting street harassment once a month or once every five months to almost daily, at least weekly. It varies. Some are just sexual. Some are general cow calls and cat calls. Some are oddly baffling, because they say something so far out of context that I'm like, "HEY-...what?" Others are degrading about my size. The comments that tear into me for being a piggy fatty are almost more welcome than the cars full of four guys who offer to ride my chubs. Doing me a favor, you know. I'm considering carrying a wooden bat. I figure, in theory, that anyone who saw me carrying a bat and could do basic math on how much their headlights cost might rethink shouting sexual threats/comments at me in the street. It would at the very least deter anyone from walking too close or "zooming" me on their bikes.
My feelings of safety and security are under threat, which is stressful and anxiety producing. I'm not in active danger, other than creeper guy, and even he seems to be too distracted and confused to be a real threat. But the constant pressure of feeling attacked in public isn't fun. I've posted a few articles of late on FB and other places about rape culture and street harassment, and somehow I've managed not to post more. I try to restrict it to the least radical and angry ones, and save those for my own private catharsis.
I miss Spring. I miss Pennsic. I miss places that are far better about gender issues and don't embrace a culture that feels so dangerous. I've got a long time to wait for either of those things.
Along with everything else, I'm struggling for rides and car things, figuring out rentals for upcoming events and feeling a sudden slam of "too much in too short a time." There's Birka, Winter Gather, my holiday with my coauthor, and Wicked Faire, which I'm covering because Auntie's person dropped out. Probably other things too, but I think I'll stop there because if I keep adding stuff to my schedule, you'll all find me in a corner playing patty-cake with my kindle.
On the whole, life is fine, I'm just struggling with some prevailing concepts that are bothering me, and I'll get over it. I just need to take it one day at a time, and keep the monkey on my back from being too problematic.