Coffee and Morning Trains - Five
Five - Shackles
Hyuna was trembling so hard she for a second wondered if an earthquake was going on. Her mind was not registering Jaebum's confession. It was so overwhelming that it had stricken her numb, from head to toe, inside out.
Jaebum turned back to face the window, his gaze remained on Hyuna through the reflection off of the glass. He didn't even indulge in the possibility that it had been a mistake telling her the truth. He just waited.
She remained in a trance as her back slumped against the bed. There was no life in her eyes as they stared ahead.
"I'll be outside," said Jaebum after a moment of strained silence. He hesitated before adding, "Let me know if you need anything."
= = =
"I-It was a gift." Genie said, the words uneasily rolled off her tongue. She watched Wooyoung study her necklace intently, as if he was genuinely intrigued, before he released it and she felt the coolness of the metal glide onto her skin.
"From who?"
Genie regretted her answer as soon as the question hit her. She should have seen it coming.
"Uh... a friend." She lied. It would've been inappropriate to reveal it with someone she had just met only moments ago.
Wooyoung cast her a glance that was not entirely skeptical, but nowhere near trusting. But he left it at that as he spotted Jaebum emerging from Hyuna's room.
"I guess it's time for us to go." He dropped those words as he got up from the seat and began walking towards his friend. Genie lingered for a minute, her mind still hasn't entirely moved on from the memories of the necklace. Then she got up and followed.
"How is she?" Genie asked, her eyes filled with concern.
"She's... alright. She woke up. But I think she needs some time alone," Jaebum said. "She just needs to rest," he continued, answering Genie's unasked question.
"Oh, okay."
"So... can we go now?" Wooyoung asked tentatively, eyeing Jaebum, who appeared edgy and restless. Jaebum didn't answer immediately. He closed his eyes and massaged his scrunched up forehead.
"You know what, yeah. Let's go."
Genie studied his face. Something definitely happened in there.
"Bye, uh-" Wooyoung started, suddenly remembering he had never gotten Genie's name.
"It's Genie... sshi, right?" Jaebum interjected. She looked at him in surprise. "Yeah, how did you-"
"The train," he said tersely, obviously not wanting to recall that embarrassing incident for both of them, though their faces had already betrayed the memory.
Wooyoung looked between the two. He sensed that something had happened that he was not aware of, but let it go. He turned to Genie.
"Alright, bye then, Genie-sshi." Wooyoung waved a casual hand and turned to leave. But Jaebum remained still. He looked at Genie and suddenly pulled her aside.
"Look, um, you're probably going to find out sooner or later," Jaebum spoke in English, taking her by surprise. "But just trust me on this, okay?" He stared searchingly into her eyes. She nodded, not even knowing why.
"Don't ask or probe her until she's willing to talk about it. She can't be pushed right now... not any time soon. Just think of it as a wound that needs to heal, you don't want to pick the scab off before it completely forms, right?"
Genie couldn't really comprehend what he was saying, but she felt like she knew what he meant. She nodded again. Jaebum gave her one last look, uncertain and worried, before turning his back and walking away. Genie watched their retreating backs, wondering to herself when she would ever get all her questions answered.
= = =It had been an hour since Jaebum and Wooyoung left and Genie returned to the bench, waiting and thinking. She debated with herself whether she should at least enter the room. She wondered if her mere presence would help comfort Hyuna, whatever she needed comfort with. She would not say a word beyond "How are you feeling?" So, she made up her mind and ambled towards the room.
She carefully pushed open the door as if it was a fragile piece of glass. She peeked in. Hyuna was awake, sitting upright and turned slightly towards the windows. Genie went in and closed the door soundlessly behind her. To Genie's surprise, Hyuna turned around. And she smiled.
"Hey..." Genie began. She sat down beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, my stomach just feels kind of sore, like I just did crunches." Hyuna said. She looked completely normal, as if she wasn't hurt and there were no wounds, not even scabs. Or maybe she was doing such a good job hiding it.
Genie strained a smile. She resisted the urge to respond, and waited.
"Genie?"
"Hm?"
"I have to tell you something. And you have to promise me that you won't abandon me after this."
Genie thought, Oh dear, here we go. "Of course."
Hyuna paused. "I'm a really, really, really bad person."
"What?" Genie thought she had heard wrong.
"Even after I've lost the reasons to hate, I still do. Even after everyone told me to let go, to forget, to move on, even after everyone has moved on, I'm still stuck. Why won't I just let time do the job? Why am I still so stubborn?"
Hyuna looked down at her hands, wishing her lifelines would answer. Genie didn't know what to say. She had no idea what Hyuna was talking about. She didn't know if she should take it as a hint that she was allowed to initiate a question. She decided to throw out there something safe.
"Does this have to do with... Jaebum-sshi?" Genie chewed on her words slowly, as if the name was not to be uttered, like You-Know-Who in Harry Potter.
Hyuna began from the very beginning. She talked about Evelyn and Jaebum, or Jay as they used to call him back in Texas. She talked about how close they all were. Then she talked about how it all fell apart.
Genie was silent. She could hear the emotion roaring between and within those words; it spoke louder than anything else.
"Hyuna..." Genie got up and wrapped her arms around her friend, pulling her towards her chest. Hyuna broke down, for the last time, her memories dissolving into traces of tears.
"Lynn's moved on already... I don't know why I can't." Hyuna said as she wiped at her eyes.
"You can, sweetie. And you will."
Hyuna was trembling so hard she for a second wondered if an earthquake was going on. Her mind was not registering Jaebum's confession. It was so overwhelming that it had stricken her numb, from head to toe, inside out.
Jaebum turned back to face the window, his gaze remained on Hyuna through the reflection off of the glass. He didn't even indulge in the possibility that it had been a mistake telling her the truth. He just waited.
She remained in a trance as her back slumped against the bed. There was no life in her eyes as they stared ahead.
"I'll be outside," said Jaebum after a moment of strained silence. He hesitated before adding, "Let me know if you need anything."
= = =
"I-It was a gift." Genie said, the words uneasily rolled off her tongue. She watched Wooyoung study her necklace intently, as if he was genuinely intrigued, before he released it and she felt the coolness of the metal glide onto her skin.
"From who?"
Genie regretted her answer as soon as the question hit her. She should have seen it coming.
"Uh... a friend." She lied. It would've been inappropriate to reveal it with someone she had just met only moments ago.
Wooyoung cast her a glance that was not entirely skeptical, but nowhere near trusting. But he left it at that as he spotted Jaebum emerging from Hyuna's room.
"I guess it's time for us to go." He dropped those words as he got up from the seat and began walking towards his friend. Genie lingered for a minute, her mind still hasn't entirely moved on from the memories of the necklace. Then she got up and followed.
"How is she?" Genie asked, her eyes filled with concern.
"She's... alright. She woke up. But I think she needs some time alone," Jaebum said. "She just needs to rest," he continued, answering Genie's unasked question.
"Oh, okay."
"So... can we go now?" Wooyoung asked tentatively, eyeing Jaebum, who appeared edgy and restless. Jaebum didn't answer immediately. He closed his eyes and massaged his scrunched up forehead.
"You know what, yeah. Let's go."
Genie studied his face. Something definitely happened in there.
"Bye, uh-" Wooyoung started, suddenly remembering he had never gotten Genie's name.
"It's Genie... sshi, right?" Jaebum interjected. She looked at him in surprise. "Yeah, how did you-"
"The train," he said tersely, obviously not wanting to recall that embarrassing incident for both of them, though their faces had already betrayed the memory.
Wooyoung looked between the two. He sensed that something had happened that he was not aware of, but let it go. He turned to Genie.
"Alright, bye then, Genie-sshi." Wooyoung waved a casual hand and turned to leave. But Jaebum remained still. He looked at Genie and suddenly pulled her aside.
"Look, um, you're probably going to find out sooner or later," Jaebum spoke in English, taking her by surprise. "But just trust me on this, okay?" He stared searchingly into her eyes. She nodded, not even knowing why.
"Don't ask or probe her until she's willing to talk about it. She can't be pushed right now... not any time soon. Just think of it as a wound that needs to heal, you don't want to pick the scab off before it completely forms, right?"
Genie couldn't really comprehend what he was saying, but she felt like she knew what he meant. She nodded again. Jaebum gave her one last look, uncertain and worried, before turning his back and walking away. Genie watched their retreating backs, wondering to herself when she would ever get all her questions answered.
= = =It had been an hour since Jaebum and Wooyoung left and Genie returned to the bench, waiting and thinking. She debated with herself whether she should at least enter the room. She wondered if her mere presence would help comfort Hyuna, whatever she needed comfort with. She would not say a word beyond "How are you feeling?" So, she made up her mind and ambled towards the room.
She carefully pushed open the door as if it was a fragile piece of glass. She peeked in. Hyuna was awake, sitting upright and turned slightly towards the windows. Genie went in and closed the door soundlessly behind her. To Genie's surprise, Hyuna turned around. And she smiled.
"Hey..." Genie began. She sat down beside the bed. "How are you feeling?"
"Not too bad, my stomach just feels kind of sore, like I just did crunches." Hyuna said. She looked completely normal, as if she wasn't hurt and there were no wounds, not even scabs. Or maybe she was doing such a good job hiding it.
Genie strained a smile. She resisted the urge to respond, and waited.
"Genie?"
"Hm?"
"I have to tell you something. And you have to promise me that you won't abandon me after this."
Genie thought, Oh dear, here we go. "Of course."
Hyuna paused. "I'm a really, really, really bad person."
"What?" Genie thought she had heard wrong.
"Even after I've lost the reasons to hate, I still do. Even after everyone told me to let go, to forget, to move on, even after everyone has moved on, I'm still stuck. Why won't I just let time do the job? Why am I still so stubborn?"
Hyuna looked down at her hands, wishing her lifelines would answer. Genie didn't know what to say. She had no idea what Hyuna was talking about. She didn't know if she should take it as a hint that she was allowed to initiate a question. She decided to throw out there something safe.
"Does this have to do with... Jaebum-sshi?" Genie chewed on her words slowly, as if the name was not to be uttered, like You-Know-Who in Harry Potter.
Hyuna began from the very beginning. She talked about Evelyn and Jaebum, or Jay as they used to call him back in Texas. She talked about how close they all were. Then she talked about how it all fell apart.
Genie was silent. She could hear the emotion roaring between and within those words; it spoke louder than anything else.
"Hyuna..." Genie got up and wrapped her arms around her friend, pulling her towards her chest. Hyuna broke down, for the last time, her memories dissolving into traces of tears.
"Lynn's moved on already... I don't know why I can't." Hyuna said as she wiped at her eyes.
"You can, sweetie. And you will."