A little piece.
So now Facebook has taken me aback.
One of my half sisters has friend requested me. I don't know how to feel about this. The whole situation is so awkward.
My father was 42 years old when I was born. He was 44 when my sister was born. This is a bit older than most of the parents of those in my age group. This of course leaves a huge window of time in which he had an entirely other family that I grew up having never met or heard of.
Probably as I reached the age of 9 or 10 I found odd things around the house, like photographs of two girls with the last name "Cain". I also had overheard brief bits of conversation from my mom referring to Dad's first wife. I then found a card once from one of these girls (now a woman) writing to my dad. She seemed angry at him for things I did not understand yet she was trying to reach out to him as well. I also found another card in which one of these women is congratulating my dad on my mother's pregnancy and how they are excited to have a new sibling. I also found one photograph of one of these women holding me as a baby. That is almost the extent of my knowledge on these women, whose names are Leslie and Laurie (I believe). See, I'm not entirely even sure of their names.
I remember feeling angry at my dad then that he had kept such a huge secret from us. Yet my mother is guilty too. I couldn't understand it and I certainly at the age of 10 could not imagine anyone else but my sister calling our father, "Dad".
My grandmother lived with my dad very briefly right when Ethan was born. I was going to TVI working on my first degree at the time. One day as I was getting ready to go to class my grandmother called and caught me a few minutes before class. She called to tell me that I believe it was Laurie was in town and that she would like me to come over and visit. I was in night class and we either had a mid term or a final. I was crushed but there was no way to go and she was leaving the next morning. It was clear that my grandmother had no clue that we had never met. My grandmother put me on the phone with her to talk. I had never met this woman or spoke to her but grandma seemed to have no idea of this. The conversation was unfortunately brief.
My grandmother moved in with one of them in Florida and passed away shortly after that.
My father has never acknowledged to me once that I have two half-sister whom I have never met. He has never once brought up his first family in my entire existence to me or my sister.
Sometimes I think I am very angry at him for this. I'm not close to my dad. After I moved out when I was 18, i have just never been close to him. I think this is one of the main reasons.
This whole situation is awkward and uncomfortable. It always has been.
I have never known what to say to these women because the whole thing just seems painful and hurtful. "Hi, I realize you know who I am, but i have no clue who you are because my father never acknowledged your existence to me."
I don't know how to say it so its not painful for all parties involved. I feel like we've all gone so long without knowing each other that I don't know where to begin. I'm not even sure how I feel about any of it. I know there was a time I really wanted to know them. Now, I'm just not so sure.
This is probably why I am so horrible at keeping secrets and lying. Because so much of my life I was lied too and secrets were plenty.
Okay, just a little piece of who I am.
One of my half sisters has friend requested me. I don't know how to feel about this. The whole situation is so awkward.
My father was 42 years old when I was born. He was 44 when my sister was born. This is a bit older than most of the parents of those in my age group. This of course leaves a huge window of time in which he had an entirely other family that I grew up having never met or heard of.
Probably as I reached the age of 9 or 10 I found odd things around the house, like photographs of two girls with the last name "Cain". I also had overheard brief bits of conversation from my mom referring to Dad's first wife. I then found a card once from one of these girls (now a woman) writing to my dad. She seemed angry at him for things I did not understand yet she was trying to reach out to him as well. I also found another card in which one of these women is congratulating my dad on my mother's pregnancy and how they are excited to have a new sibling. I also found one photograph of one of these women holding me as a baby. That is almost the extent of my knowledge on these women, whose names are Leslie and Laurie (I believe). See, I'm not entirely even sure of their names.
I remember feeling angry at my dad then that he had kept such a huge secret from us. Yet my mother is guilty too. I couldn't understand it and I certainly at the age of 10 could not imagine anyone else but my sister calling our father, "Dad".
My grandmother lived with my dad very briefly right when Ethan was born. I was going to TVI working on my first degree at the time. One day as I was getting ready to go to class my grandmother called and caught me a few minutes before class. She called to tell me that I believe it was Laurie was in town and that she would like me to come over and visit. I was in night class and we either had a mid term or a final. I was crushed but there was no way to go and she was leaving the next morning. It was clear that my grandmother had no clue that we had never met. My grandmother put me on the phone with her to talk. I had never met this woman or spoke to her but grandma seemed to have no idea of this. The conversation was unfortunately brief.
My grandmother moved in with one of them in Florida and passed away shortly after that.
My father has never acknowledged to me once that I have two half-sister whom I have never met. He has never once brought up his first family in my entire existence to me or my sister.
Sometimes I think I am very angry at him for this. I'm not close to my dad. After I moved out when I was 18, i have just never been close to him. I think this is one of the main reasons.
This whole situation is awkward and uncomfortable. It always has been.
I have never known what to say to these women because the whole thing just seems painful and hurtful. "Hi, I realize you know who I am, but i have no clue who you are because my father never acknowledged your existence to me."
I don't know how to say it so its not painful for all parties involved. I feel like we've all gone so long without knowing each other that I don't know where to begin. I'm not even sure how I feel about any of it. I know there was a time I really wanted to know them. Now, I'm just not so sure.
This is probably why I am so horrible at keeping secrets and lying. Because so much of my life I was lied too and secrets were plenty.
Okay, just a little piece of who I am.