"Divorced"
Me being emotional. That's pretty much it.
Sleep begets dreams of the past-
Although I know I should be living in the moment
Every time I gaze at my wall
I see how I was
Each night spent here is one great memory unfolding
Each picture tells me about how my life used to be
How my life could be
If I let such things affect me
My fat baby fingers on his keyboard
(I started so young!)
My head barely rising above his waist-
(And I told him I’d be taller than him one day).
I laugh when I think of how he once had
A full head of hair
There’s the Firebird, frozen with snow
And I’m sliding down the hood
In a feeble attempt to clear the windshield
And my mom, with her dark brown hair
Laughs as I try to eat sand for the first time
And we all sit together, a family
With me too young to know what’s going on
Too young to know that it’s all wrong
Too young to know it will soon fall apart
Days like this are dear to me
For I am faced with shattered possibilities
And I am overcome with grief at the loss of my family
The loss of my everything
And all I wanted to be
I wanted to be special
Like the first snowman we made
On the side of the road near Tahoe
With its stick arms and pebble eyes
I wanted to be whole
I wanted to belong
I wanted to matter
But not alone.
Kristina Seid-Mosaffa
May 28, 2006
I'm really emotional tonight, mostly because I'm at my dad's house, and in my new room/the guest room, Dad's got a collage of my baby pictures/pictures of my childhood and many of them are of us all together and knowing that my mom is probably on the phone with Victor makes me cry. A lot. and so I'll stop being a sap here and go away.
Sleep begets dreams of the past-
Although I know I should be living in the moment
Every time I gaze at my wall
I see how I was
Each night spent here is one great memory unfolding
Each picture tells me about how my life used to be
How my life could be
If I let such things affect me
My fat baby fingers on his keyboard
(I started so young!)
My head barely rising above his waist-
(And I told him I’d be taller than him one day).
I laugh when I think of how he once had
A full head of hair
There’s the Firebird, frozen with snow
And I’m sliding down the hood
In a feeble attempt to clear the windshield
And my mom, with her dark brown hair
Laughs as I try to eat sand for the first time
And we all sit together, a family
With me too young to know what’s going on
Too young to know that it’s all wrong
Too young to know it will soon fall apart
Days like this are dear to me
For I am faced with shattered possibilities
And I am overcome with grief at the loss of my family
The loss of my everything
And all I wanted to be
I wanted to be special
Like the first snowman we made
On the side of the road near Tahoe
With its stick arms and pebble eyes
I wanted to be whole
I wanted to belong
I wanted to matter
But not alone.
Kristina Seid-Mosaffa
May 28, 2006
I'm really emotional tonight, mostly because I'm at my dad's house, and in my new room/the guest room, Dad's got a collage of my baby pictures/pictures of my childhood and many of them are of us all together and knowing that my mom is probably on the phone with Victor makes me cry. A lot. and so I'll stop being a sap here and go away.