(Untitled)

[i_hate_music]

Comments

[teenage_hustler]

This was a big post to write. Might I suggest that you put the bulk of it behind a cut, because I think, particularly in the first half of it, that there are triggers there

[i_hate_music]

Thanks, I've put it under a cut now (although Im not sure what you reckon to be triggering in the post, I was pretty positive, I thought).

Being overweight all my life, as I have been, has stopped me from doing and achieving and experiencing so much in my life so far. It wasn't the fatness itself that was to blame - it was how I let my fatness control me and my life.
This.
I still would like to be within a BMI range that will make my doctors shut up about "trying a diet maybe" (mostly because it's horribly triggering) but I think I wont ever lose weight (in a healthy way that is, I have lost weight before, of course...) if I don't stop making it THE most important thing in my life. I want to start doing these things now that I always tell myself I could do once I'd be thin enough.

I will look for the "overcoming low self-esteem" one. I don't have much problems with bingeing lately. I mostly do it, if, to be able to purge.

[teenage_hustler]

Oh yeah, you were being positive. But when you ask those hypothetical questions (Could I use my energy to purge instead of to do things I actually enjoy?, etc) that can be triggering, because it invites that sort of suggestion, and I'm sure you know as well as the rest of us that when you're in a bad mood, reading that sort of stuff can be triggering

[i_hate_music]

Thank you. *hug*

Yes. I've also realized I need to change my therapist... Lately I've been trying to make her take my eating disorder more seriously as she doesn't consider me fully bulimic even though I technically am, etc, and it's not very good for me..

[spiderpiggle]

my therapist has said that to me, too. :3

[lilsinger_95]

I'll second that this was a brave post to make. Brave thoughts and feelings, and I'm so glad to see you thinking through a lot of th irrationality that makes up an ED out loud as it were on the page. It really does put a lot of it in to perspective, even for someone like me who'd tell most people that I don't struggle on most days.

Take care, and keep up the awesome work. You can do this, you really will!

[i_hate_music]

Thank you, reading this is really good.

[i_hate_music]

I'm grateful you feel this way about what I wrote.
I'm sorry your christmas eve didn't turn out well (I've spent mine alone, watching QI, eating salt sticks & feeling ill...).
Is there no way you could move out in the near future?
I moved away from my parents in May and it was very important to me. Sadly now I'll have to move again (well, I'm in Copenhagen till January still) because I can't live with my former best friend anymore (very depressing stuff, her being very ill & sexually harassing me, not being able to actually comprehend what she's done, etc). But really in a way I'm realizing I'm actually looking forward to it very much. Just not to the thought that I'll have to come up with a way to pay more rent...