2 hours later my computer fianlly works...
the week of death. like woah.
you have your 9/11 your Ms.Benoint, my Pepe (Grandpa), my friends dad, my neighbors dog and MY FUCKING LITTLE BABY.
I am probably missing some too.
and in case i havent told you (though i probably have) my hamster died yesterday.
idk how stupid you think it is but I LOVED THAT HAMSTER SO MUCH.
he was like my baby. honestly. it's like having your baby die. but there was nothing I could do...I know he was gone. he had just felt so cold, so weak. and even the way he was laying before i left for the library. on top of all his sheets.
but i didn't think he would die. I didn't think reality would come. I've had so many great times with my hamster.
buying his cages, kissing him, that first time I took him home and he climbed the cage like mad. the poop he got on the carpet from rolling around in his ball. His little toy car he rode in, the space on my dresser that will never be filled. Laying with him in the cool autumn weather under the tree in my front yard. spinning him round and round like mad in his ball. taking him for walks in my kitchen and dining room.making him a dress to wear. showing him to people when I had nothing to say. he was my saftey, my comfort. he was always there to help me through tough times. whenever i couldn't talk to someone, felt socially akward i would take him out and show him to everyone. it made me feel more comfortable. he was my friiend, my love.
It does seem so long ago when i first saw him in the pet store. a shy hamster, a curious hamster, looking right at me.
I'll miss feeding him, seeing him, cleaning his cage (i cleaned it over 100 times.) the joy of returing from a trip and scooping him into my arms, safe and sound. he always felt so safe, comfotable, familiar. there was nothing to worry about. I would hold him when I had panic attacks, i held him when i thoguht there was no one in the world. i geniually love him as much as anyone could love a hamster. maybe more.
i loved him so much, i always will. his memory will stay with me forever.
I couldnt understand why he didn't move when i poked him with my pencil. why he was so stiff. I couldn't belive my baby, the hamster i love so much was just an expanse of matter, nothing. no soul , no heart, nothing. it is the worst feeling in the world. i can barley see the keys on my keyboard...
i could never describe how i felt, in the garage , bawling my eyes out.
death is so cold. I just hope my hamster is happy wherever he is. I hope God takes good care of him. or whoever. (insert tears here)
i just hope he's okay.