I was running a few minutes late this morning, cutting it close for making it to the bus stop on time. I would have been fine to miss it, really; it merely would have meant I'd get off work half an hour later. But I'd woken up and struggled to get ready in time for this bus, dammit, and I didn't want to miss it ( Read more... )

I can feel manic creativity bubbling inside of me. It's making me dissatisfied with mundane but very necessary tasks, like applying for jobs and cleaning up the apartment. Music is electrifying, photography is moving, writing is fascinating, painting is revitalizing -- I do not think I can adequately put down in words just how alive everything ( Read more... )

I am exactly one month away from my graduation and one month and a handful of days away from the end of my college degree.

I am as excited as I am impatient -- I have to get through the classes and the exams in the meanwhile!

Just a few short weeks and I'll be loosed upon the world with my Bachelor's degree in English. Oh job market, hear my ( Read more... )

I feel a lot of things right now. A few of them: distressed, stressed, upset, frustrated, distractable, angry, tired, energetic, depressed, unfocused, disinterested, disappointed ( Read more... )

I've eaten about 450 calories today and I probably won't get more than 300 more unless I try. I could -- and I probably should, since I need to eat at least 1200 if not 1600 calories a day given my activity level -- but I don't want to. I am both not hungry AND looking forward to the results. The eating disordered part of me is rearing its ugly ( Read more... )

It's 12:05am. I have a class tomorrow at 12pm. In it is due a 5-7 page paper about some topic from the class ( Read more... )

Logic dictates that not eating is a bad thing. Food = energy. Food = life. Other things die so that things can live. This all makes perfect, natural sense ( Read more... )

Decide I don't matter. It solves problems of feeling unwanted, unsuccessful, irresponsible, or whatever it is I feel like at any given moment. Why should it matter? I don't.

If it's really so simple, why do I feel like crap making that decision?

Maybe I can classify all this depression and anxiety as anger turned the wrong way. Instead of venting -- primarily because I don't know how to vent properly -- I am turning it inside. So I get depressed, because I feel like the things that upset me are things I should change, and I get anxious, because I feel like I should be changing things and I ( Read more... )

The title is partially related to the necessary and cathartic process of dumping all of my negativity in order to make way for calm and balance. The title is also partially related to new complications with my disordered eating ( Read more... )