(no subject)
Title: Snapshot; a study of ice
Pairing: Machida, Ohno/Machida, Koichi/Machida, Yara/Machida, Yonehara/Machida
Rating: Pg-15-ish
Summary: And all Machida has ever really wanted is someone special to love.
A/n: Title again, shamelessly stolen from a Kinki song. And it’s really just Macchin angst, because the poor boy needs more love.
-
It’s cold, so, so cold. The bed is cold, his toes are cold, and - holy shit- the floor is freezing. He hops across the room to snatch up a pair of socks and a lighter (both not his, but he’s familiar enough with then to know where their owner throws them). The cigarette thaws him out a little, and the socks help too. He runs fingers over the creases in the sheets on the empty space next to him on the bed.
He’s warm now, the sun is finally coming out. And he’s found the switch for the heater that they didn’t think to turn on last night. He’s warm, but no matter how hard to tries, he can’t seem to find a way to melt his heart.
-
All Machida has ever really wanted is someone special to love. Someone he can say belongs to him, and that he can have all for himself. Someone who will love him back just as much. So far, fifteen years after realizing what he wanted, Machida has only been able to manage the first bit.
Perhaps, he falls too easily, too fast, too hard. So hard that it still hurts every time he realizes that he has to stop hoping and accept that it’s not going to happen.
-
Sure, he still meets Ohno for a drink ever few months, which leads to nights spent in hotel rooms as Ohno tries to relive the old days that Machida is still stuck in. It’s nice, if he ignores everything else as focuses on the moment itself, because when he does, it’s like they’re fifteen and everything is perfect again.
But when it’s over, and Ohno is on his way to drama shooting, and Machida is left in the hotel room finishing up the left over alcohol, and the TV comes on with an Arashi show (and they’re on every channel he tries), all he feels is cold, sad emptiness that echoes all round his heart.
-
He sleeps with Koichi too, because they can. It’s even nicer than with Ohno, because sex with Koichi is like dance; wild and passionate. Just like dancing though, it leaves him drained and limp afterwards, all at once. Like when Koichi answers Tsyuoshi’s phone call with a low chuckle and special smile that is saved for his partner only.
And that hurts too, because he really thinks that he loves Koichi, a whole lot. Machida thinks that he’s an idiot for plunging into something heart first while knowing from the start that he’s going to get burnt. He doesn’t stop though, and even he isn’t quite sure why.
-
Yara tells him to get over himself; sometimes you can’t have everything. “You get amazing sex,” Yara tells him, “So please get the hell over yourself. And get naked, now.” (Machida sees the way he looks at Tackey sometimes, so he doesn’t really listen)
Sex with Yara is probably the best. Yara is all business, not like Ohno panting ‘I love yous’ into his ear (words that no longer seem to hold special meaning) or like when Koichi looks at him and kisses him like he means it (because he doesn’t, really). Sex with Yara is explosive, very good and doesn’t require him to involve his heart. And that is nice too.
-
Sex with Yone hurts the most. Or rather, hurt the most, because it was just once. Just once that Machida gave it one last shot. He was drunk, though not drunk enough to forget that he really, really loves Yone, scary faces and all. It doesn’t work though, because Yone was drunk enough to forget that he doesn’t swing that way. Machida also realizes, looking back, that he did get drunk enough to forget that too.
And perhaps, it wasn’t so much that Yone had run away and refused to speak to him for a week as much as it was that Machida couldn’t bear it that nobody loved him in that special, perfect way.
-
In the end, he gives up. He lets his heart stay cold. And slowly, during cold winters and long nights alone in a room that isn’t his, it starts to freeze and turn to ice. It’s hanging by a thin string; Machida’s breaking point is that close to snapping.
And when it does, Machida realizes, his heart is going to splinter and shatter and melt away into oblivion and he’ll never get it back.
fin
-
Well, Hi there, first ever Macchin fic. Because I need someone to ship him with.
Please, do point out any typos, because I make them all the time 8D
And MA fic actually needs to exist. So does Yara/Goseki, but I digress.
Pairing: Machida, Ohno/Machida, Koichi/Machida, Yara/Machida, Yonehara/Machida
Rating: Pg-15-ish
Summary: And all Machida has ever really wanted is someone special to love.
A/n: Title again, shamelessly stolen from a Kinki song. And it’s really just Macchin angst, because the poor boy needs more love.
-
It’s cold, so, so cold. The bed is cold, his toes are cold, and - holy shit- the floor is freezing. He hops across the room to snatch up a pair of socks and a lighter (both not his, but he’s familiar enough with then to know where their owner throws them). The cigarette thaws him out a little, and the socks help too. He runs fingers over the creases in the sheets on the empty space next to him on the bed.
He’s warm now, the sun is finally coming out. And he’s found the switch for the heater that they didn’t think to turn on last night. He’s warm, but no matter how hard to tries, he can’t seem to find a way to melt his heart.
-
All Machida has ever really wanted is someone special to love. Someone he can say belongs to him, and that he can have all for himself. Someone who will love him back just as much. So far, fifteen years after realizing what he wanted, Machida has only been able to manage the first bit.
Perhaps, he falls too easily, too fast, too hard. So hard that it still hurts every time he realizes that he has to stop hoping and accept that it’s not going to happen.
-
Sure, he still meets Ohno for a drink ever few months, which leads to nights spent in hotel rooms as Ohno tries to relive the old days that Machida is still stuck in. It’s nice, if he ignores everything else as focuses on the moment itself, because when he does, it’s like they’re fifteen and everything is perfect again.
But when it’s over, and Ohno is on his way to drama shooting, and Machida is left in the hotel room finishing up the left over alcohol, and the TV comes on with an Arashi show (and they’re on every channel he tries), all he feels is cold, sad emptiness that echoes all round his heart.
-
He sleeps with Koichi too, because they can. It’s even nicer than with Ohno, because sex with Koichi is like dance; wild and passionate. Just like dancing though, it leaves him drained and limp afterwards, all at once. Like when Koichi answers Tsyuoshi’s phone call with a low chuckle and special smile that is saved for his partner only.
And that hurts too, because he really thinks that he loves Koichi, a whole lot. Machida thinks that he’s an idiot for plunging into something heart first while knowing from the start that he’s going to get burnt. He doesn’t stop though, and even he isn’t quite sure why.
-
Yara tells him to get over himself; sometimes you can’t have everything. “You get amazing sex,” Yara tells him, “So please get the hell over yourself. And get naked, now.” (Machida sees the way he looks at Tackey sometimes, so he doesn’t really listen)
Sex with Yara is probably the best. Yara is all business, not like Ohno panting ‘I love yous’ into his ear (words that no longer seem to hold special meaning) or like when Koichi looks at him and kisses him like he means it (because he doesn’t, really). Sex with Yara is explosive, very good and doesn’t require him to involve his heart. And that is nice too.
-
Sex with Yone hurts the most. Or rather, hurt the most, because it was just once. Just once that Machida gave it one last shot. He was drunk, though not drunk enough to forget that he really, really loves Yone, scary faces and all. It doesn’t work though, because Yone was drunk enough to forget that he doesn’t swing that way. Machida also realizes, looking back, that he did get drunk enough to forget that too.
And perhaps, it wasn’t so much that Yone had run away and refused to speak to him for a week as much as it was that Machida couldn’t bear it that nobody loved him in that special, perfect way.
-
In the end, he gives up. He lets his heart stay cold. And slowly, during cold winters and long nights alone in a room that isn’t his, it starts to freeze and turn to ice. It’s hanging by a thin string; Machida’s breaking point is that close to snapping.
And when it does, Machida realizes, his heart is going to splinter and shatter and melt away into oblivion and he’ll never get it back.
fin
-
Well, Hi there, first ever Macchin fic. Because I need someone to ship him with.
Please, do point out any typos, because I make them all the time 8D
And MA fic actually needs to exist. So does Yara/Goseki, but I digress.