The deed is done...
...seems I got drunk at this wild party a couple nights ago and wound up with a ring on my finger in the morning.
Craziest thing, too, 'cause I woke up with this beautiful girl who apparently had a ring on her finger as well. ;)
My wedding went very well. I expected it to go well, and it ended up going much better than I counted on, so... that's great! :)
A fair warning, though: This is going to be one hell of a read- prolly the longest entry I've ever made, so I've tried to break this down into bookmarked sections (being the graphic designer that I am) so it's a bit easier for you to navigate. That said, here's a table of contents below, which you can click on names to carry you to the sections you wish to see. At the end of each section will be a "Return to Contents" link that will bring you back to the menu. That said, enjoy this recap.
Contents:
A Bit of History
I know, I haven't been terribly active in this journal of late. Ironically, this is due to a large extent to planning this very event. In addition to telling you a bit about the planning of our wedding, I thought it might be prudent to tell you a bit about why we decided to start down this path together in the first place...
Many of you who've come and gone here, know me fairly well- I'm a smartass, a goofball, a geek, and- I'd like to think- a pretty decent guy. ;) You might not know all that much about Candy, however... or about how we met.
Candy's been in my life for about the past five years now. In fact, she's been in a number of entries in this LiveJournal since it started, none too surprisingly. How did it start, you ask? Well, we'd be one of those couples that managed to hook up over the internet (and no, it wasn't in a chat room- been there, done that, though... and much to my embarrassment to admit it). I'd tried the "traditional" means, casting my lot into the stagnant pool that was the dating scene in this area and turned up any number of fine, fickle, indecisive candidates. I was looking for more. Coming down from a prior relationship of three years over the course of a year, I began to find myself a bit lonely. Yahoo, at the time, had a free service for personal ads, so I put one out there.
It's truly amazing how many messed-up folks there are out there. Probably the most memorable reply I got in that vein was from a woman who took great pains letting me know that she didn't just want sex- yet managed to mention it in every eighth word of her response to my ad. I seem to remember my ad was a "strictly-no-BS" request for companionship. I remember making it pretty clear that I'd been played with enough by people, and I was looking for someone straightforward and honest. No one was beating down my door, but I got a respectable number of replies...
One stuck out to me eventually. One always does. It was an honest response, she was looking for someone to talk to, because, like me, she was just... lonely. We started exchanging e-mails for a while. Getting to know one another and so on. Candy was having family trouble at the time. A suicide in her family had left it shattered, and certain parties were fighting with certain other parties in her family over blame... poor Candy was left right smack in the middle as someone who would rather just see people get along and not fight over something that, truly, in the end, was no one's fault. An event that was tragic enough on it's own without causing broad-scale alienation in her family.
People say I talk a lot. Hell, I'll talk your damn ear off if you give me half a chance- and probably about something completely inane. For a good long time- some months- I just listened a lot, and helped Candy by being there to bounce her feelings off of. Her family wasn't her only trouble at the time either. She, too, was coming down from another relationship in a long line of people who had jerked her around. If you were to ask Candy what was the one thing about me that she fancied from the start, and she'll tell you that- out of all the people she'd been involved with- I was the only one who was happy enough just talking with her.
...If you asked me what things I fancied, it was that she was honest, from the start, and about everything, and that she was kind to me in ways many people (even those close to me) were not.
Well, you spend enough time talking about feelings with a person this openly, and something begins to happen. Oftentimes friendships are forged, sometimes, though, an even deeper bond develops. We'd already begun to speak over IMs, and later on, on the phone (as a side note: Candy had the cutest little voice the first time I heard her :D ). We were beginning to think a meeting was in order.
Bear in mind that, when I started thinking about the notion of looking for companionship, I'd committed myself to staying local- and as things had panned out, Candy was living clear across on the Western end of Connecticut- while I was living right on the state's eastern border. Also bear in mind that I'm usually not that great with driving places I'm unfamiliar with. There was a bit of a scuffle at first about who should go to meet who. Candy insisted that since I was the man, I should go to see her. I'm ashamed to admit that I fought that a bit at first- but I'm proud to admit that, ultimately, I did make the first trip- all two hours worth- on my own will.
And what a trip. It was actually pretty uneventful until I tried to turn off one of her town's main roads onto a street that would take me to her parents' house, where she was living at the time.
...I had a car accident.
At first I'd missed the street. After coming to that conclusion, and seeing a person who was jogging on the side of the road- I decided to slow down and ask. I pulled up alongside the jogger and asked him. He told me it was not even a quarter of a mile back, within sight, in fact. So, I headed in that direction. Some young local-yokel in a red pickup truck in the meantime was careening down the country road at what was easily 60 miles per hour from behind me. Seeing me slowed up to speak to the jogger, he decided he was going to zip around me on the left even though it was a no-passing zone. Unbeknownst to me this twit was bearing down on me as I sped up and away from the jogger and towards the street.
I was struck in the front fender by the speeding truck, and while my car sustained a fender bender only, his truck was going fast enough that it spun a 180 and ended up slamming into the guard rail on the opposite side of the road.
To make a long story short whilst relating some bad news, I got blamed for the accident by some local-yokel town cop in the long run, but my car turned out to be drivable still, so after the accident scene investigation was over, I headed right up the street and found her parents' house.
Try to imagine my embarrassment as I meet Candy's parents for the first time- after just having had a car accident. Oh yeah, I look real responsible, don't I? Still, the meeting went well, and so did most of the rest of the evening, cut short though it was by the whole accident palava. I took her to Chili's in my now-busted-up Volkswagen Jetta where we had fajitas as I recall. Then we popped over to the Brass Mill Center mall and spent a long time sitting on stools on the third story, in front of a big glass window overlooking the mall parking lot.
And we got along real well. She was wearing a black velour shirt and a pretty black and purple be-sequined skirt, and she had those catty eyes, and that cute little bubbly voice. I stayed quite late, but time flies when you're having fun. And apparently we had so much fun together that night that Candy had already made a decision...
...when I finally, and begrudgingly set out to leave for home that night, I saw her standing next to her door, smiling, eyes nearly closed, lips slightly pursed. She was waiting for something, and I was a bit too dense initially to realize what.
She wanted a kiss. :)
Thankfully, not being a complete dope, I figured this out after the initial shock passed over me. I won't get too flowery, but I will say it was electric... one hell of a kiss. Still gives me goosebumps thinking about it.
I wish I could say this whole weird yet remarkable story was over at this point. But life had to throw me one more surprise that night. Not yet even out of her home town of Thomaston, the coolant light in my trusty little Jetta came on. It seems the hit my poor German-engineered car has taken so admirably earlier that day had put a small puncture in my coolant system. Not enough of a hole to leak while the car was relatively cool, but enough to spurt when the coolant system heated up over periods of extended driving. And I had two hours of that ahead of me I figured.
So, two hours from home, and over a hundred miles from anything I know, I'm stranded. I can't drive home with the car like this, and at near-to-midnight, I'm certainly not going to get it fixed. I call my parents- the only recourse I have left- and while my father isn't happy about being dragged out of bed at this ungodly hour of the night when work for him is at 5 AM in the morning, we draw up a plan to get me home.
I won't get into the details, but all I've got to say is thank the gods for AAA.
The story ends with me getting home about 3 AM, but before that, I had to wait for help to arrive... about an hour, in a strange place in the middle of the night. All I could think about was her. I didn't want to call Candy as I felt it'd make her worry if I did, but I did want to talk to her. So, I grabbed my notepad that I usually keep with me for writing down stray thoughts and I began hastily scrawling out my next e-mail to her while I sat and waited, first for my parents, and then for the tow truck.
Life is an adventure, it's sometimes said. Mine seems to be no exception.
That about covers our first meeting, and sets the tone for everything to follow: We continued to do this, each taking turns crossing the state each weekend to see the other. Our further adventures eventually included Candy learning to stand up for herself, an unexpected departure from living with her parents because of it, a new cat, an opportunity to live in a house of our own, and a dog, to name but a few. Not all of those things were entirely good or entirely bad, but we saw it through with each other.
And that about brings us to where we are- now as husband and wife for the first time.
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Preludium (or: The Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties)
It's good to have friends in life. For me finding them's always been a tough thing. Fortunately I didn't always have to go looking for them. Sometimes they found me. My Best Man, Tim Blackstone, is one of those exceptions. At about age eight- about three years younger than I- Tim approached me one morning while on the bus going home from the local elementary school. To this day I don’t' really know how he knew me, but he insisted he did. What did it matter anyway? We clicked, and few people in this life really do, so when it happens, it's probably a good idea not to look the horse in the mouth.
It's especially precious when it happens at a tough time in your life, when you have so few people you can relate to around you, and even fewer friends out of that. Ryan Wenzel- the only person I've known longer than Tim, also fits neatly into this category.
It's good to have friends, and it's even better to get the lot of them together for a reunion on a happy occasion like this. I guess I'm just not a typical guy, and so typical stag parties just don't do much for me. Those who know me best will tell you I scarcely look at other women, and I'm not one really for hanging around in bars at any rate. So strip clubs aside, what am I in for?
It was the subject of a good little deal of fretting on my part prior to the wedding, as Candy will tell you. Fortunately, it's also good to have great siblings, and since I'm one of two children only, I can only be talking about my brother, Kurt. Conspiring with my Best Man, and our Mutual Friend Mike Slattery, Kurt suggested a place in Providence called Dave and Buster's in the Providence Place mall in Providence, Rhode Island- which Tim later described to me as "a Chucky Cheese's for adults". Probably an accurate description. How can a geek like me pass up good food combined with a state-of-the-art arcade?
In particular, how can I pass it up when I get to reune with friends, some of which- like Ryan- that I didn't get to see that often?
Damn good food (best damn key lime pie I ever had), drinks aplenty, and most importantly, great company. As I told Tim later, it was great that they found a place like this, and decided to blow a few hundred bucks to take me out there- but without the people, it would have been nothing to me.
We laughed, we drank, we bullshitted about Kurt Vonnegut, George W. Bush, Michael Moore, the draft, we blew stuff up in what must have been an obscenely expensive yet badly-translated arcade game where I played a cowboy with a rifle. Tim and Ryan even had a "fag-off" over dinner- as both are quite skilled at acting the part. And if I remember rightly, after three Smirnoff Ices on an empty stomach, ultimately it was the image of twin jets of tang shooting out of Ryan's nose in a bit of nostalgia he recounted that I couldn't stop laughing at.
I thank you, Tim, Ryan, Mike and Kurt for a wonderful evening, arguably one of the best ones I've ever had.
I wish I could say much about Candy's Bachelorette Party, but, you know, no boys allowed. ;) Claire Anctil (one of candy's Bridesmaids) and Candy apparently went to a place in Providence as well, only it was a place called Mirabar- which I guess is a gay bar (to this day I don't think I'll ever understand Candy's fascination with gay men, but I can live with it). In short order, I'm told they danced (Candy loves to dance), they watched the gay boys dance in next to nothing, and generally had a lot of fun. I thank Claire for taking Candy out.
But you know what? Why don't I let Candy tell you about it in her own words? ;)
All in all, we've been treated real well, and we've had some memorable times. to all of you who made them possible, I can't thank you enough. :)
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The Play-by-Play
I've broken this section down again for you:
Contents:
System Requirements:
The Place: The Tamarack Lodge. One of the many very fine (and very Finnish) establishments around Beach Pond- an area I've called my home for some 28 years. Inside, where the reception will take place, it's a very "homey" feeling place, the atmosphere is close and warm, and the surroundings include many raw logs made up as exposed rafters. The building is, itself, over 200 years old- having once been a forge in earlier times. Outdoors, in a small grassy field where the Ceremony will be taking place shortly, there is an arched trellis decorated with fall leaves and gauzy fabric, two urns filled with mums, and in front of it are arrayed several rows of chairs.
The Date: September 17th, 2005 Candy didn't want yet another June wedding, so we decided on the other "mild" time of the year.
The Time: 5:00 PM (Eastern Standard Time) About an hour and a half till Sunset.
The Weather: Sunny, despite the threat of rain from hurricane Ophelia, parked in the Carolinas just south of us at the time.
The Wedding Party: Vicky Berghauer (Maid of Honor- also Candy's Cousin), Joseph Dilmore (Usher- also Candy's cousin Vicky's Fiancée), Claire Anctil (Bridesmaid- also Candy's good friend), Tim Blackstone (my Best Man) and of course, Candy and myself (Brian Weseman) as Bride and Groom.
The Rings: Candy's (though it's in white gold, and not gold), and my own.
The Happy (and perhaps Not-So-Happy) Parents: Peter Donofrio (Candy's stepfather), Hannelore Donofrio (Candy's mother), Anna Ciunel (AKA "Oma"- Candy's grandmother), Kenneth Weseman (my father), Janet Weseman (my mother)
The Website: Is here. For those of you reading this at a distance (and by this of course I don't mean that you are far-sighted), feel free to sign our guestbook, as well.
Pre-Flight
Do weddings ever start on time? Ours did admittedly become another statistic in this respect when- unbeknownst to me- Candy realized she'd forgotten a few items (at least one of which that, while unmentionable, was rather essential) at home. It was 4:30 PM when this realization hit, and while there wasn't much time to go back and get them as it was, the clincher was that Candy had also forgotten her keys.
For my own part, I had spent the last couple hours at the home of my Best Man and his mother, Tammy Smith along with the rest of the male half of the Wedding party, getting ourselves prettied up for the event that was coming. Then, with the help of longtime friend Mike Slattery and his amazing "gadgetmobile" we got ourselves on over to the Tamarack (a mere minute's drive) between 4:20 and 4:30 PM. We mingled with the arriving guests a bit while Jessica- our Banquet coordinator ran us through a few last minute preparations. Corsages and buttoniers were pinned on, last minute considerations were made. Also, Andy Walker, my photographer, relayed to me the reason the ceremony was delayed in "strict confidence". ;)
Then I and the rest of the groomsmen met a bit with George Kennedy, our Justice of the Peace and he briefly ran over what he'd be expecting of us- the last of the brief pre-flights before the main event. In the meantime I knew that Candy and her Bridesmaids would be passing down along the left side of the ceremony's setting to get to the anteroom of the Tamarack's main dining room (where the dinner would start following the Ceremony) where first her bridesmaids and flower girl would emerge, then Candy herself.
We'd stuck to the old "you can't see the Bride before the wedding" stigma pretty religiously. When she had to move from the cabin where she'd been dressing (where we would sleep our first night as husband and wife) to the main building I dutifully turned my back along with my Best Man Tim. George Kennedy chuckled as Tim and I chatted nonchalantly in mock amazement at one particular stump alongside the country road passing by the Tamarack. Then, when it was safe, we took our place by the arch.
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Gametime
I think the toughest moment of the Ceremony for me was when Candy had just come out the door. I'd not seen her before this, nor had I seen her wedding gown. And to top it off, I think it was the first moment I realized that wow, this is really happening. Candy came without a veil, as it was one of the items she'd forgotten at home (though surprisingly, as it ended up, not the most essential), but there was no time for questions, the next hardest part was coming.
George Kennedy read his speech- which I can't honestly remember a word of for no other reason than it wasn't what was on my mind at that point. Then it came time to read our vows. Candy (who would tell me later that- as she walked up the aisle and all through the ceremony- was replaced by a newer, calmer Candy for a time) remained steady as a rock as she said:
"From this day forward, I, Candy, take you, Brian as my husband and my best friend through all our adventures together. And when our way becomes difficult, may our creative spirits and our magical love always show us the path together. I love you more each day. This is my solemn vow."
It was me who got choked up- particularly towards the end, but I read it as loud as my cracked voice could manage:
"From this day forward, I, Brian, take you, Candy, as my wife and best friend through all of our adventures together. And even if we should lose our path, I promise you will know no fear, for I vow to guide you, always finding new ways and places where even the mundane will seem magical. And I promise you my trust in your guidance on that same journey- wherever it may lead. I pledge you my open and honest counsel always- in times of trouble, in times of uncertainty, or simply times of joy- I will always be here to listen. Most of all, and with every ounce of my being, I pledge my unfaltering love to you. This is my solemn vow."
(Incidentally I got many requests following the ceremony for written versions of our vows, for those who thought they were great, but perhaps couldn't hear too well in the back.)
Then came the rings. We said "I do" together, and then we kissed... and not a whole lot unlike that first kiss in front of the door to Candy's Parents' house, five years later it was still nothing short of electric. :D
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I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt...
Then it was down the aisle to assemble the receiving line under a nearby Oak tree. Jessica offered us ice water, and reminded us kindly but firmly that, due to the initial delay, we would have to kind of hurry the receiving line as much as possible to give Andy Walker the time to get pictures in. We did the best we could with that. Then we assembled the wedding party for a series of pictures taken in various combinations. I also called to the arch certain best friends that I may not see again in some time for a big picture of "the gang".
Not only were we rushed due to the delay, but also we were also fighting against time. The weather, which had miraculously held out all day despite the worst predictions and threats from hurricane Ophelia to our south was getting ugly, and dark thunderheads were starting to gather. Andy, undeterred by the threat, whipped out his flash while Morgan Ciunel (one of Candy's cousins) and Matt Chan (Morgan's boyfriend) kindly assisted Andy with holding an auxiliary flash as we lost the last of the day's sunlight prematurely.
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The Dinner
We ended the photo shoot just in time, because once we were safely inside the Tamarack's dining hall, the whole sky let loose in a torrential downpour of a sort I haven't seen all year through the drought that this area's suffered in these summer months. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed around us. The lights dimmed a few times during the dinner, but I knew after twenty-eight years of living in the area that any power outage we might have suffered would only be temporary. I wasn't all that worried. In fact, I do believe our groomsman Joe Dilmore did take advantage of one of the flickers by starting trouble with the clinking of silverware on glasses. ;)
And this is the way we had dinner. :) We were only really able to afford two choices for this dinner (having opted for a sit-down dinner rather than a buffet), but that was enough. A chicken dinner stuffed with sun-dried tomato, and a pork loin entree smothered in gravy and served with green beans and red potatoes were both big hits with the crowd I learned later as I made my rounds around the dining room.
Halfway through the dinner, a long-awaited and long-fretted-over event occurred: my Best Man stood up to make his toast, which went a little something like this:
"Brian has been in my life for seventeen years...a long time to be sure. We quite literally grew up together. Their is nothing that we don’t know about each other. Even though Candy has been in my life for a shorter span of time, I have got to know her very well. I can safely say beyond a shadow of a doubt these two are meant to be together. They complete each other, and that’s something that only those truly in love can experience. So I ask now that we raise our glasses to them, wish them the best of luck for the future, and that fate and good fortune will always smile upon them."
Like any good writer used to public speaking, Tim delivered it clear, and with conviction. And even though I had to reaffirm this to him several times after he sat down, I forgive him. But hey, why believe what I have to say about it when Tim has his own LJ entry regarding it?
Joe had to step out at this point to close the windows in their car, but knew I had one more speech to make for those assembled- one more speech I owed them, and I waited as long as I could for everyone to come back. When I was satisfied I had the whole room I began, unrehearsed and unwritten:
"Old friends, new friends, good friends-- and people who are just having a darn good time!"
[I turned with a smile to Vicky and Joe's year-old son Dorian, who was transfixed by the head table and screaming with glee at the time] "...I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you who have stood by us in making this possible. I also want to thank you all for being here, and especially to those of you who came a long way just to be here with us today- it means a lot to us."
And so I sat down to applause (something I'm as unused to as I am a stranger to speaking in public). Candy and I then made our rounds as best we could, chatting with friends and family, before Ian Burrell, our DJ, came in to run over our plans for moving out to the dance hall portion of the Lodge. A little confusion and chaos occurred as it was figured out who would be escorting the grandmothers Anna and Mary (neither of whom could walk well enough without help) but this was ironed out quick enough.
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Booty Call
And so we were announced in, each in turn, starting with the grandmothers and ending with Candy and myself. Then we took the dance floor alone...
(Now I want to interject a little something here about me and dancing, and in particular, me dancing in front of people.
Frankly, I don't.
I don't because frankly I get very nervous whenever I have to do something in front of large numbers of people that I haven't the faintest idea how to do, and while Candy and I had practiced a bit, and talked about practicing more, we really didn't as much as we should have, and the best I could really do was fake it by the time game time popped up.
I don't dance in clubs, and I definitely don't do formal dancing. But here I was nonetheless, and I was about to dance with the love of my life for the first time as husband and wife...)
...Candy and I took the floor to a slow tune called Happy by Mazzy Star (a favorite of Candy's, and a beautiful song for this occasion) We danced, spun slow, and to my knowledge and in my state of mind, floated across the floor effortlessly.
Candy spoke to me later after the whole night was through about how she had suddenly calmed before the ceremony as if another, more level-headed Candy had taken the reigns for her. Terrified as I have always been by dancing in public, I think I can identify with that, because somehow at that moment, a bolder, more daring Brian had stepped in for me, and all my fear melted away in an instant. I had naught but a couple glasses of champagne in me when I did, and I was pretty much stone sober. In fact, throughout the night I would only have two more drinks, a rum and coke and a shot of tequila which I took with Tim and my good neighbor and longtime friend Bob Sund.
The second song of the evening- Flowers in December, also a song by Mazzy Star played as Candy had dedicated it to the wedding party. Vicky, Joe, Tim and Claire took the floor with us, and the dance was joined...
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Let the Games Begin!
After our respective parental dances- Candy with her stepfather, and I with my mother- Ian opened the dance floor to everyone for several songs. I think I'd gotten addicted, because I just kept getting up there. I knew I was leading the pack, and that some of the people attending were tough to "defrost" as it were. As I danced I did my best to motion, challenge and cajole them to join us. Mostly I think I was successful. :)
Then came the Dollar Dance. For those of you unfamiliar with what a Dollar Dance is, it's where the guests may line up and pay one dollar for a dance with either the Bride or Groom. I think Candy was pretty flattered by the sight of a bunch of guys lining up to dance with her- and paying for the privilege. :D
As for me, I danced with many of the ladies of the party, being complemented several times for my dancing skill, which I had to confess I didn't have up till the moment I took the floor with Candy. The change in me was commented on as well... ;)
Ian played three songs for the Dollar Dance, and along came my mother for another round (I wasn't keeping track of denominations but I would discover later that my mother had slipped my best man a fifty). If you'd like to know where I get my pathological fear of dancing and public places in general, you need look no farther than my mother and father.
Save for his turn with Candy in the Dollar Dance, my father was never seen but on the outskirts of the dance floor, surgically grafted to a video camera the whole time- so he had his excuse. My mother, while I give her credit for stepping up the first, and especially the second time, seemed like a trapped animal much of the time, commenting, "Isn't someone going to cut in?"
And I knew this wasn't just my mother being overly polite, it was my mother looking for an excuse to step down. No matter, I just responded, "You're my mother, who would dare?" and smirked at her.
Hell, even my Uncle Dennis danced with me, stuffing the requisite payment in my Best Man's vest. ;)
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Get Down On It/It Wasn't Me!
Candy and I mingled in the intermeaning time with friends and family, said goodbye to those who had to leave early and such. And then the time came for the Bouquet and Garter tosses. Now Candy had told me that her cousin Vicky had wanted to catch the bouquet, but she'd also told me that her Aunt Regina (also Vicky's mother) was notorious for getting her way in the bouquet toss- talk about your Elektra Complex! ;) In the end it was Regina who caught the bouquet, much to Vicky's chagrin.
During the garter toss, it was a longtime friend of mine Mike Slattery who "won"... however I don't think he was entirely familiar with what comes after that, in the tradition of weddings. Mike's little victory parade was cut short when Ian announced "Oh no, you don't get away that easy, you need to put that garter there on Regina..."
Mike took it like a trooper though, to his credit. :)
There were many more dances throughout the evening, including a round of the Village People's YMCA in which "the gang"- I and my good friends Aaron Pratt, Mike Slattery, Tim Blackstone and Luke Wisenewski- danced like idiots... but then again, all was well since Candy, Claire and the ladies soon joined us. :)
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Maya-HIII! Maya-HOO! Maya-HAAA! Maya-HA! HA!
Then came Candy's long-awaited dance to Dragostea Din Tei, a song by a Romanian pop band called O Zone, made popular by the internet and only really known by persons who are generally internet-savvy as "The Numa Numa Dance" which was performed in a popular Flash video by a portly chap named Gary Brolsma. While the song is entirely in Romanian, it happens to be a love song, and therefore works out just fine anyhow. And yes, if you must know, I danced like Gary Brolsma. ;) I even ran over to the table where Ryan and his wife Kia and Kurt and his wife Aura were seated to drag them into the insanity.
(Footnote: as a trump to Candy's request, I really should have requested Ian play Les Rhymes Digitales' Jacques Your Body- a tune which appears in a British car ad for the Citroen C4 in which the car transforms into a robot- as those who know me well will also know I am an incorrigible Transformer's geek from the 80's :D ).
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Dance Floor Metaphor
Many more songs played throughout the night including a more acoustic version of Blue Oyster Cult's In Thee which I'd selected myself for the occasion, and many that I took the floor for with the others. Finally, as the evening wound down, I felt I needed to give the flower girl- Joe and Vicky's six year old daughter Dakota- some attention. To the Cruxshadows' Dance Floor Metaphor, I danced best as I could with all three-and-a-half feet of her, and what a little ham she is. I think I made her night. ;)
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Many Fond Farewells
Then it came time for Candy and I to retire to our cabin, accommodations courtesy of Tamarack which other members of Candy's family (specifically Candy's cousin Vicky, her fiancée Joe, their kids and Candy's Aunt Regina as well as her Cousin Morgan and Morgan's boyfriend Matt) that had traveled a long way to make it to the event took advantage of as well.
Joe showed up at our door to give us back the Tux he'd rented with the rest of us so we could return it later, and he brought Dakota with him- whom I complimented with a little overly histrionic "You dance divinely..." Then it was time to say goodnight...
Of course we had a cabin to ourselves. It was rustic, simple... While they were hardly five-star accommodations, the cabin was more than adequate, and, most importantly, not-home. Jessica had seen to it that our flowers were decorating the quaint little room and even that we had a bottle of champagne on ice with our toasting flutes set out for us on the bedside table. I'd love to say at this point I'll leave the rest to your imagination out of the sake of courtesy, but really Candy and I danced like freaks that night and were pretty well bushed by the time we got to our cabin. We collapsed and slept almost immediately, but that was ok because we'd had one hell of a time that night. The parts I'll keep courteously to myself happened later that morning. ;)
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A Round of Thanks
We can't take all the credit for making this happen, of course. Candy and I have many people to thank for making this gig come off as smoothly as it did. Really, we had so much luck in planning and pulling this off that I'd be remiss of my manners if I didn't offer my thanks to all of those people whose kindness and knowledgeability made this event so much more than something that was accomplished against all odds. And while I do fondly thank all of those who attended (since it's people who make an event, no matter the occasion) here's just a few of those people who were vital in making this dream become a reality for Candy and I.
First and foremost, I need to express my utmost gratitude to Candy's parents- Peter and Hannelore Donofrio. they rented the hall and paid for the catering. Over half of the money was pretty much taken care of right there. And while I understand this is tradition that the bride's parents take care of the cost of the wedding, we're hardly living in the Victorian era here. Really, if they hadn't stepped up as they did, I don't think any of this would have been possible. They love her very much, and they've been very open to accepting me into their family as well. Those who know me well will know that I am often a stranger in a strange land as far as people go (and even among my own family these days)... it's good to know you belong somewhere.
After Candy's parents I need to take a moment to recognize a beautiful granddame who has certainly assured her legacy by helping her granddaughter look positively stunning on her wedding day. That very special lady would be Anna Ciunel otherwise known as Candy's very own Oma (which is German for "grandma"). It was she who put up the money for Candy's wedding dress. And dare I say she was certainly the most beautiful bride I shall ever see. :)
The next person I'd have to thank is my DJ, Ian Burrell- a chap I met while doing a month-long stint working for the Mohegan Sun casino (something I swore I'd never do). If I'd never worked there, I'd have never found him. And while most DJ's will run anything from $500-$1000 these days, Ian did this gig for a mere $300. Ian is, himself, a member of the Mohegan tribe. Here in Connecticut, just being in the Tribe gets you a sizable slice of casino profits on a yearly basis just for being who you are.
Ian works at the Sun as well, largely I think because he's the sort of person who needs to stay busy. He's certainly well-off enough on his own without doing so, after all. And in addition to all that, the DJ gig is something he does just for fun- and something he takes very seriously as a matter of personal pride. Ian did one hell of a great job as I have to say the crowd he had to work with was no less than pretty... difficult to loosen up (and quite unexpectedly, Ian turned out to be an expert dancer as well). And in an event like this- where about half the people attending have a decidedly stiff upper lip- it's real important to break the ice. Really, if you ever are in need of a DJ and happen to be here in CT I highly recommend you contact Ian.
Next on my list of people I must thank is my banquet coordinator, Jessica Casey. When by unforeseen circumstances, we ended up switching over to The Tamarack Lodge as our venue for holding our ceremony and reception, Jessica turned out to be an invaluable resource. Candy and I (like most couples who never had any experience planning a wedding) were completely clueless as to how the whole process worked. Not only did Jessica fill in all those details for us, but she helped us find the last few individuals we needed to complete the occasion (most importantly a photographer who would meet our unique needs when we weren't having great luck finding one ourselves). And during our special day, Jessica went no less above and beyond the call of duty in keeping the whole thing in order and running smoothly- taking the burden off us so we could cut loose. :)
I also need to take a moment to offer my thanks to Tammy Smith who is the mother of my best man, a good friend, and one hell of a great person for putting up with us using her home as sort of a "home base" for the male half of the Wedding Party just before this event kicked off. My own place, being half under construction, is neither clean enough, nor uncluttered enough to have worked out terribly well. Also, on a fairly warm and humid day, dressing in full formal attire- a black tuxedo, in this case, was hardly cool, though Tammy's house was. ;) The morning after, Tammy offered us her own SUV to help port the gifts and other accoutrements from the Tamarack as well- no small contribution to make at all.
My warmest thanks also go out to Gary Gagne, my stylist, and owner of The Family Headquarters at the Slater Mill Mall here in nearby Griswold. While most businessmen tend to be mostly business, Gary takes his trade rather personally, and treats his customers well. So well that, when my Fiancée was in a snit about trying to find someone to style her hair for her wedding day, not only did Gary spend the time checking around among those he knows to be sure he was recommending someone who could do the job well (A lady by the name of Naomi, from Hair Smiles in Norwich, CT), his recommendation was right on the mark, and made Candy very happy. :)
Thanks also go out to Andy Walker, our photographer. Andy was recommended by Jessica at the Lodge at a time when finding a photographer that would meet our needs seemed impossible. Andy not only met those needs, but exceeded them. It helped that Andy was already well familiar with the venue and it's staff, but it was also very helpful that Andy himself had no shortage of useful advice to help us fill in the gaps on all matters of wedding photography (which I've learned is a unique branch of the profession) and beyond. Andy takes his place among all these other professionals who helped make this happen- people who regard their job as more than a duty, and treat their customers as more than mere responsibilities.
And what sort of cad would I be if I omitted thanking certain key members of our wedding party? To that end, I want to thank one Timothy Blackstone, my best friend for some seventeen years, and my Best Man. It was his job to "have my back" through all this, and let me tell you, he was one hell of a go-to-guy (even though there were moments when I think he was more of a nervous wreck than I)... Did I mention he made one hell of a toast at the dinner? ;) You can find dear Mr. Blackstone at his own LiveJournal: n0isecode.
On the wedding party motif, I should also like to thank Claire Anctil. I believe the expression goes, "always a Bridesmaid, never a Bride." And while I think perhaps Claire might be a few years shy of that time in her life, I can say already and with full confidence that she will make one hell of a Bride, 'cause she's one hell of a woman. :) While Candy's Maid of Honor was chosen very deliberately as her cousin, Vicky Berghauer because Candy and Vicky have been very much like sisters from the start, Claire really had to take charge as Candy's go-to-gal since it was Claire who was closest by. Aside from accompanying Candy to fittings, driving her around and helping her plan, Claire has just been an all around great person to Candy and I, and I can't thank her enough just for being the wonderful person she is, let alone being a real trooper when we needed the dedication. :) Claire, as well, has her own LiveJournal, which may be found at mydnightlonging.
Candace Hannelore Hinckley-Weseman. Yep, my wife, whose very own LiveJournal may be found at azrieltook (go tell her what a great job she did! :) ) While I put up the money for pretty much anything that didn't involve the hall or Candy's wedding gown, it was Candy herself who did most of the planning and footwork to make this event possible. To you my darling wife, my dearest love, I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You did a wonderful job, and most of all, you put up with the basketcase that was me through all the months preceding our happiest moment yet together- now as husband and wife. May I kiss the bride... again? ;)
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Afterglow
As I sit here and write the last section of this entry, it's nearly 4:00 PM (EST) and I'd have just about been an hour before leaving work by this time... if I hadn't have played hooky, that is. ;) What can I say? The Sunday following our Wedding had some wonderful moments, but was, nonetheless, hectic. I'm not ready to return to work, and I probably won't be until at least... Thursday, I think. :D
Candy is napping away in our bedroom right now with our dog MacGuire and a certain cat named Nimmy who I once gave to her as a gift. And now she's just stumbled into the studio, all sleepy-eyed. ;) Meh, Candy has "bedroom eyes" even when she's not sleepy... just one of the many things I love about her. :D
I wish I had the time or the money for a honeymoon, but presently I really don't. The wedding broke my bank basically. I'll survive, but it will be a while before I have much money to do anything more than just pay rent and bills. No matter, it'll happen in time. In any case, it was well worth it. I couldn't have asked for a better evening, or better friends to spend it with.
That's all for now, wedded bliss awaits. :)
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Craziest thing, too, 'cause I woke up with this beautiful girl who apparently had a ring on her finger as well. ;)
My wedding went very well. I expected it to go well, and it ended up going much better than I counted on, so... that's great! :)
A fair warning, though: This is going to be one hell of a read- prolly the longest entry I've ever made, so I've tried to break this down into bookmarked sections (being the graphic designer that I am) so it's a bit easier for you to navigate. That said, here's a table of contents below, which you can click on names to carry you to the sections you wish to see. At the end of each section will be a "Return to Contents" link that will bring you back to the menu. That said, enjoy this recap.
Contents:
- A Bit of History How the heck did it come to this?
- Preludium Jack and Jills, Stags, Bachelorette Parties... none of them mean anything without good friends.
- The Play-by-Play The actual wedding day, which I'm writing here while it's fresh in my memory, and for others to enjoy
- A Round of Thanks A special round of applause for those folks without whom none of this would have been possible(may contain contact information- for those currently planning their own weddings ;) )
- Afterglow Or, "the morning after" and the future...
A Bit of History
I know, I haven't been terribly active in this journal of late. Ironically, this is due to a large extent to planning this very event. In addition to telling you a bit about the planning of our wedding, I thought it might be prudent to tell you a bit about why we decided to start down this path together in the first place...
Many of you who've come and gone here, know me fairly well- I'm a smartass, a goofball, a geek, and- I'd like to think- a pretty decent guy. ;) You might not know all that much about Candy, however... or about how we met.
Candy's been in my life for about the past five years now. In fact, she's been in a number of entries in this LiveJournal since it started, none too surprisingly. How did it start, you ask? Well, we'd be one of those couples that managed to hook up over the internet (and no, it wasn't in a chat room- been there, done that, though... and much to my embarrassment to admit it). I'd tried the "traditional" means, casting my lot into the stagnant pool that was the dating scene in this area and turned up any number of fine, fickle, indecisive candidates. I was looking for more. Coming down from a prior relationship of three years over the course of a year, I began to find myself a bit lonely. Yahoo, at the time, had a free service for personal ads, so I put one out there.
It's truly amazing how many messed-up folks there are out there. Probably the most memorable reply I got in that vein was from a woman who took great pains letting me know that she didn't just want sex- yet managed to mention it in every eighth word of her response to my ad. I seem to remember my ad was a "strictly-no-BS" request for companionship. I remember making it pretty clear that I'd been played with enough by people, and I was looking for someone straightforward and honest. No one was beating down my door, but I got a respectable number of replies...
One stuck out to me eventually. One always does. It was an honest response, she was looking for someone to talk to, because, like me, she was just... lonely. We started exchanging e-mails for a while. Getting to know one another and so on. Candy was having family trouble at the time. A suicide in her family had left it shattered, and certain parties were fighting with certain other parties in her family over blame... poor Candy was left right smack in the middle as someone who would rather just see people get along and not fight over something that, truly, in the end, was no one's fault. An event that was tragic enough on it's own without causing broad-scale alienation in her family.
People say I talk a lot. Hell, I'll talk your damn ear off if you give me half a chance- and probably about something completely inane. For a good long time- some months- I just listened a lot, and helped Candy by being there to bounce her feelings off of. Her family wasn't her only trouble at the time either. She, too, was coming down from another relationship in a long line of people who had jerked her around. If you were to ask Candy what was the one thing about me that she fancied from the start, and she'll tell you that- out of all the people she'd been involved with- I was the only one who was happy enough just talking with her.
...If you asked me what things I fancied, it was that she was honest, from the start, and about everything, and that she was kind to me in ways many people (even those close to me) were not.
Well, you spend enough time talking about feelings with a person this openly, and something begins to happen. Oftentimes friendships are forged, sometimes, though, an even deeper bond develops. We'd already begun to speak over IMs, and later on, on the phone (as a side note: Candy had the cutest little voice the first time I heard her :D ). We were beginning to think a meeting was in order.
Bear in mind that, when I started thinking about the notion of looking for companionship, I'd committed myself to staying local- and as things had panned out, Candy was living clear across on the Western end of Connecticut- while I was living right on the state's eastern border. Also bear in mind that I'm usually not that great with driving places I'm unfamiliar with. There was a bit of a scuffle at first about who should go to meet who. Candy insisted that since I was the man, I should go to see her. I'm ashamed to admit that I fought that a bit at first- but I'm proud to admit that, ultimately, I did make the first trip- all two hours worth- on my own will.
And what a trip. It was actually pretty uneventful until I tried to turn off one of her town's main roads onto a street that would take me to her parents' house, where she was living at the time.
...I had a car accident.
At first I'd missed the street. After coming to that conclusion, and seeing a person who was jogging on the side of the road- I decided to slow down and ask. I pulled up alongside the jogger and asked him. He told me it was not even a quarter of a mile back, within sight, in fact. So, I headed in that direction. Some young local-yokel in a red pickup truck in the meantime was careening down the country road at what was easily 60 miles per hour from behind me. Seeing me slowed up to speak to the jogger, he decided he was going to zip around me on the left even though it was a no-passing zone. Unbeknownst to me this twit was bearing down on me as I sped up and away from the jogger and towards the street.
I was struck in the front fender by the speeding truck, and while my car sustained a fender bender only, his truck was going fast enough that it spun a 180 and ended up slamming into the guard rail on the opposite side of the road.
To make a long story short whilst relating some bad news, I got blamed for the accident by some local-yokel town cop in the long run, but my car turned out to be drivable still, so after the accident scene investigation was over, I headed right up the street and found her parents' house.
Try to imagine my embarrassment as I meet Candy's parents for the first time- after just having had a car accident. Oh yeah, I look real responsible, don't I? Still, the meeting went well, and so did most of the rest of the evening, cut short though it was by the whole accident palava. I took her to Chili's in my now-busted-up Volkswagen Jetta where we had fajitas as I recall. Then we popped over to the Brass Mill Center mall and spent a long time sitting on stools on the third story, in front of a big glass window overlooking the mall parking lot.
And we got along real well. She was wearing a black velour shirt and a pretty black and purple be-sequined skirt, and she had those catty eyes, and that cute little bubbly voice. I stayed quite late, but time flies when you're having fun. And apparently we had so much fun together that night that Candy had already made a decision...
...when I finally, and begrudgingly set out to leave for home that night, I saw her standing next to her door, smiling, eyes nearly closed, lips slightly pursed. She was waiting for something, and I was a bit too dense initially to realize what.
She wanted a kiss. :)
Thankfully, not being a complete dope, I figured this out after the initial shock passed over me. I won't get too flowery, but I will say it was electric... one hell of a kiss. Still gives me goosebumps thinking about it.
I wish I could say this whole weird yet remarkable story was over at this point. But life had to throw me one more surprise that night. Not yet even out of her home town of Thomaston, the coolant light in my trusty little Jetta came on. It seems the hit my poor German-engineered car has taken so admirably earlier that day had put a small puncture in my coolant system. Not enough of a hole to leak while the car was relatively cool, but enough to spurt when the coolant system heated up over periods of extended driving. And I had two hours of that ahead of me I figured.
So, two hours from home, and over a hundred miles from anything I know, I'm stranded. I can't drive home with the car like this, and at near-to-midnight, I'm certainly not going to get it fixed. I call my parents- the only recourse I have left- and while my father isn't happy about being dragged out of bed at this ungodly hour of the night when work for him is at 5 AM in the morning, we draw up a plan to get me home.
I won't get into the details, but all I've got to say is thank the gods for AAA.
The story ends with me getting home about 3 AM, but before that, I had to wait for help to arrive... about an hour, in a strange place in the middle of the night. All I could think about was her. I didn't want to call Candy as I felt it'd make her worry if I did, but I did want to talk to her. So, I grabbed my notepad that I usually keep with me for writing down stray thoughts and I began hastily scrawling out my next e-mail to her while I sat and waited, first for my parents, and then for the tow truck.
Life is an adventure, it's sometimes said. Mine seems to be no exception.
That about covers our first meeting, and sets the tone for everything to follow: We continued to do this, each taking turns crossing the state each weekend to see the other. Our further adventures eventually included Candy learning to stand up for herself, an unexpected departure from living with her parents because of it, a new cat, an opportunity to live in a house of our own, and a dog, to name but a few. Not all of those things were entirely good or entirely bad, but we saw it through with each other.
And that about brings us to where we are- now as husband and wife for the first time.
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Preludium (or: The Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties)
It's good to have friends in life. For me finding them's always been a tough thing. Fortunately I didn't always have to go looking for them. Sometimes they found me. My Best Man, Tim Blackstone, is one of those exceptions. At about age eight- about three years younger than I- Tim approached me one morning while on the bus going home from the local elementary school. To this day I don’t' really know how he knew me, but he insisted he did. What did it matter anyway? We clicked, and few people in this life really do, so when it happens, it's probably a good idea not to look the horse in the mouth.
It's especially precious when it happens at a tough time in your life, when you have so few people you can relate to around you, and even fewer friends out of that. Ryan Wenzel- the only person I've known longer than Tim, also fits neatly into this category.
It's good to have friends, and it's even better to get the lot of them together for a reunion on a happy occasion like this. I guess I'm just not a typical guy, and so typical stag parties just don't do much for me. Those who know me best will tell you I scarcely look at other women, and I'm not one really for hanging around in bars at any rate. So strip clubs aside, what am I in for?
It was the subject of a good little deal of fretting on my part prior to the wedding, as Candy will tell you. Fortunately, it's also good to have great siblings, and since I'm one of two children only, I can only be talking about my brother, Kurt. Conspiring with my Best Man, and our Mutual Friend Mike Slattery, Kurt suggested a place in Providence called Dave and Buster's in the Providence Place mall in Providence, Rhode Island- which Tim later described to me as "a Chucky Cheese's for adults". Probably an accurate description. How can a geek like me pass up good food combined with a state-of-the-art arcade?
In particular, how can I pass it up when I get to reune with friends, some of which- like Ryan- that I didn't get to see that often?
Damn good food (best damn key lime pie I ever had), drinks aplenty, and most importantly, great company. As I told Tim later, it was great that they found a place like this, and decided to blow a few hundred bucks to take me out there- but without the people, it would have been nothing to me.
We laughed, we drank, we bullshitted about Kurt Vonnegut, George W. Bush, Michael Moore, the draft, we blew stuff up in what must have been an obscenely expensive yet badly-translated arcade game where I played a cowboy with a rifle. Tim and Ryan even had a "fag-off" over dinner- as both are quite skilled at acting the part. And if I remember rightly, after three Smirnoff Ices on an empty stomach, ultimately it was the image of twin jets of tang shooting out of Ryan's nose in a bit of nostalgia he recounted that I couldn't stop laughing at.
I thank you, Tim, Ryan, Mike and Kurt for a wonderful evening, arguably one of the best ones I've ever had.
I wish I could say much about Candy's Bachelorette Party, but, you know, no boys allowed. ;) Claire Anctil (one of candy's Bridesmaids) and Candy apparently went to a place in Providence as well, only it was a place called Mirabar- which I guess is a gay bar (to this day I don't think I'll ever understand Candy's fascination with gay men, but I can live with it). In short order, I'm told they danced (Candy loves to dance), they watched the gay boys dance in next to nothing, and generally had a lot of fun. I thank Claire for taking Candy out.
But you know what? Why don't I let Candy tell you about it in her own words? ;)
All in all, we've been treated real well, and we've had some memorable times. to all of you who made them possible, I can't thank you enough. :)
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The Play-by-Play
I've broken this section down again for you:
Contents:
- Pre-flight Do weddings ever start on time? Some of the things that happened before the ceremony.
- Gametime SATURDAY! SATURDAY! SATURDAY! The main event! The Ceremony! Marvel as the Groom nearly forgets his own Vows! And- you'll just have to BE there! Adults: $10 Kids only $3!!
- I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt The rushed but successful photoshoot that was very nearly ruined by hurricane Ophelia.
- The Dinner The only reason why anyone attends a wedding: free food and champagne. Speech!
- Booty Call The happy couple gets called to the floor for the evening's first dances.
- Let the Games Begin! The floor opens. The Dollar Dance and beyond.
- Get down on it!/It wasn't me! The singles mingle with a Bouquet and Garter toss.
- Maya-HIII! Maya-HOO! Maya-HAAA! Maya-HA! HA! The Groom grooves like Gary Brolsma!
- Dance Floor Metaphor Take back, take back your memory! Take back, take back the dance floor! The further adventures of the dancing fool.
- Many Fond Farewells The Evening's wind-down. The Bride and Groom retire for the night.
System Requirements:
The Place: The Tamarack Lodge. One of the many very fine (and very Finnish) establishments around Beach Pond- an area I've called my home for some 28 years. Inside, where the reception will take place, it's a very "homey" feeling place, the atmosphere is close and warm, and the surroundings include many raw logs made up as exposed rafters. The building is, itself, over 200 years old- having once been a forge in earlier times. Outdoors, in a small grassy field where the Ceremony will be taking place shortly, there is an arched trellis decorated with fall leaves and gauzy fabric, two urns filled with mums, and in front of it are arrayed several rows of chairs.
The Date: September 17th, 2005 Candy didn't want yet another June wedding, so we decided on the other "mild" time of the year.
The Time: 5:00 PM (Eastern Standard Time) About an hour and a half till Sunset.
The Weather: Sunny, despite the threat of rain from hurricane Ophelia, parked in the Carolinas just south of us at the time.
The Wedding Party: Vicky Berghauer (Maid of Honor- also Candy's Cousin), Joseph Dilmore (Usher- also Candy's cousin Vicky's Fiancée), Claire Anctil (Bridesmaid- also Candy's good friend), Tim Blackstone (my Best Man) and of course, Candy and myself (Brian Weseman) as Bride and Groom.
The Rings: Candy's (though it's in white gold, and not gold), and my own.
The Happy (and perhaps Not-So-Happy) Parents: Peter Donofrio (Candy's stepfather), Hannelore Donofrio (Candy's mother), Anna Ciunel (AKA "Oma"- Candy's grandmother), Kenneth Weseman (my father), Janet Weseman (my mother)
The Website: Is here. For those of you reading this at a distance (and by this of course I don't mean that you are far-sighted), feel free to sign our guestbook, as well.
Pre-Flight
Do weddings ever start on time? Ours did admittedly become another statistic in this respect when- unbeknownst to me- Candy realized she'd forgotten a few items (at least one of which that, while unmentionable, was rather essential) at home. It was 4:30 PM when this realization hit, and while there wasn't much time to go back and get them as it was, the clincher was that Candy had also forgotten her keys.
For my own part, I had spent the last couple hours at the home of my Best Man and his mother, Tammy Smith along with the rest of the male half of the Wedding party, getting ourselves prettied up for the event that was coming. Then, with the help of longtime friend Mike Slattery and his amazing "gadgetmobile" we got ourselves on over to the Tamarack (a mere minute's drive) between 4:20 and 4:30 PM. We mingled with the arriving guests a bit while Jessica- our Banquet coordinator ran us through a few last minute preparations. Corsages and buttoniers were pinned on, last minute considerations were made. Also, Andy Walker, my photographer, relayed to me the reason the ceremony was delayed in "strict confidence". ;)
Then I and the rest of the groomsmen met a bit with George Kennedy, our Justice of the Peace and he briefly ran over what he'd be expecting of us- the last of the brief pre-flights before the main event. In the meantime I knew that Candy and her Bridesmaids would be passing down along the left side of the ceremony's setting to get to the anteroom of the Tamarack's main dining room (where the dinner would start following the Ceremony) where first her bridesmaids and flower girl would emerge, then Candy herself.
We'd stuck to the old "you can't see the Bride before the wedding" stigma pretty religiously. When she had to move from the cabin where she'd been dressing (where we would sleep our first night as husband and wife) to the main building I dutifully turned my back along with my Best Man Tim. George Kennedy chuckled as Tim and I chatted nonchalantly in mock amazement at one particular stump alongside the country road passing by the Tamarack. Then, when it was safe, we took our place by the arch.
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Gametime
I think the toughest moment of the Ceremony for me was when Candy had just come out the door. I'd not seen her before this, nor had I seen her wedding gown. And to top it off, I think it was the first moment I realized that wow, this is really happening. Candy came without a veil, as it was one of the items she'd forgotten at home (though surprisingly, as it ended up, not the most essential), but there was no time for questions, the next hardest part was coming.
George Kennedy read his speech- which I can't honestly remember a word of for no other reason than it wasn't what was on my mind at that point. Then it came time to read our vows. Candy (who would tell me later that- as she walked up the aisle and all through the ceremony- was replaced by a newer, calmer Candy for a time) remained steady as a rock as she said:
"From this day forward, I, Candy, take you, Brian as my husband and my best friend through all our adventures together. And when our way becomes difficult, may our creative spirits and our magical love always show us the path together. I love you more each day. This is my solemn vow."
It was me who got choked up- particularly towards the end, but I read it as loud as my cracked voice could manage:
"From this day forward, I, Brian, take you, Candy, as my wife and best friend through all of our adventures together. And even if we should lose our path, I promise you will know no fear, for I vow to guide you, always finding new ways and places where even the mundane will seem magical. And I promise you my trust in your guidance on that same journey- wherever it may lead. I pledge you my open and honest counsel always- in times of trouble, in times of uncertainty, or simply times of joy- I will always be here to listen. Most of all, and with every ounce of my being, I pledge my unfaltering love to you. This is my solemn vow."
(Incidentally I got many requests following the ceremony for written versions of our vows, for those who thought they were great, but perhaps couldn't hear too well in the back.)
Then came the rings. We said "I do" together, and then we kissed... and not a whole lot unlike that first kiss in front of the door to Candy's Parents' house, five years later it was still nothing short of electric. :D
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I'm Too Sexy for My Shirt...
Then it was down the aisle to assemble the receiving line under a nearby Oak tree. Jessica offered us ice water, and reminded us kindly but firmly that, due to the initial delay, we would have to kind of hurry the receiving line as much as possible to give Andy Walker the time to get pictures in. We did the best we could with that. Then we assembled the wedding party for a series of pictures taken in various combinations. I also called to the arch certain best friends that I may not see again in some time for a big picture of "the gang".
Not only were we rushed due to the delay, but also we were also fighting against time. The weather, which had miraculously held out all day despite the worst predictions and threats from hurricane Ophelia to our south was getting ugly, and dark thunderheads were starting to gather. Andy, undeterred by the threat, whipped out his flash while Morgan Ciunel (one of Candy's cousins) and Matt Chan (Morgan's boyfriend) kindly assisted Andy with holding an auxiliary flash as we lost the last of the day's sunlight prematurely.
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The Dinner
We ended the photo shoot just in time, because once we were safely inside the Tamarack's dining hall, the whole sky let loose in a torrential downpour of a sort I haven't seen all year through the drought that this area's suffered in these summer months. Thunder rumbled and lightning flashed around us. The lights dimmed a few times during the dinner, but I knew after twenty-eight years of living in the area that any power outage we might have suffered would only be temporary. I wasn't all that worried. In fact, I do believe our groomsman Joe Dilmore did take advantage of one of the flickers by starting trouble with the clinking of silverware on glasses. ;)
And this is the way we had dinner. :) We were only really able to afford two choices for this dinner (having opted for a sit-down dinner rather than a buffet), but that was enough. A chicken dinner stuffed with sun-dried tomato, and a pork loin entree smothered in gravy and served with green beans and red potatoes were both big hits with the crowd I learned later as I made my rounds around the dining room.
Halfway through the dinner, a long-awaited and long-fretted-over event occurred: my Best Man stood up to make his toast, which went a little something like this:
"Brian has been in my life for seventeen years...a long time to be sure. We quite literally grew up together. Their is nothing that we don’t know about each other. Even though Candy has been in my life for a shorter span of time, I have got to know her very well. I can safely say beyond a shadow of a doubt these two are meant to be together. They complete each other, and that’s something that only those truly in love can experience. So I ask now that we raise our glasses to them, wish them the best of luck for the future, and that fate and good fortune will always smile upon them."
Like any good writer used to public speaking, Tim delivered it clear, and with conviction. And even though I had to reaffirm this to him several times after he sat down, I forgive him. But hey, why believe what I have to say about it when Tim has his own LJ entry regarding it?
Joe had to step out at this point to close the windows in their car, but knew I had one more speech to make for those assembled- one more speech I owed them, and I waited as long as I could for everyone to come back. When I was satisfied I had the whole room I began, unrehearsed and unwritten:
"Old friends, new friends, good friends-- and people who are just having a darn good time!"
[I turned with a smile to Vicky and Joe's year-old son Dorian, who was transfixed by the head table and screaming with glee at the time] "...I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you who have stood by us in making this possible. I also want to thank you all for being here, and especially to those of you who came a long way just to be here with us today- it means a lot to us."
And so I sat down to applause (something I'm as unused to as I am a stranger to speaking in public). Candy and I then made our rounds as best we could, chatting with friends and family, before Ian Burrell, our DJ, came in to run over our plans for moving out to the dance hall portion of the Lodge. A little confusion and chaos occurred as it was figured out who would be escorting the grandmothers Anna and Mary (neither of whom could walk well enough without help) but this was ironed out quick enough.
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Booty Call
And so we were announced in, each in turn, starting with the grandmothers and ending with Candy and myself. Then we took the dance floor alone...
(Now I want to interject a little something here about me and dancing, and in particular, me dancing in front of people.
Frankly, I don't.
I don't because frankly I get very nervous whenever I have to do something in front of large numbers of people that I haven't the faintest idea how to do, and while Candy and I had practiced a bit, and talked about practicing more, we really didn't as much as we should have, and the best I could really do was fake it by the time game time popped up.
I don't dance in clubs, and I definitely don't do formal dancing. But here I was nonetheless, and I was about to dance with the love of my life for the first time as husband and wife...)
...Candy and I took the floor to a slow tune called Happy by Mazzy Star (a favorite of Candy's, and a beautiful song for this occasion) We danced, spun slow, and to my knowledge and in my state of mind, floated across the floor effortlessly.
Candy spoke to me later after the whole night was through about how she had suddenly calmed before the ceremony as if another, more level-headed Candy had taken the reigns for her. Terrified as I have always been by dancing in public, I think I can identify with that, because somehow at that moment, a bolder, more daring Brian had stepped in for me, and all my fear melted away in an instant. I had naught but a couple glasses of champagne in me when I did, and I was pretty much stone sober. In fact, throughout the night I would only have two more drinks, a rum and coke and a shot of tequila which I took with Tim and my good neighbor and longtime friend Bob Sund.
The second song of the evening- Flowers in December, also a song by Mazzy Star played as Candy had dedicated it to the wedding party. Vicky, Joe, Tim and Claire took the floor with us, and the dance was joined...
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Let the Games Begin!
After our respective parental dances- Candy with her stepfather, and I with my mother- Ian opened the dance floor to everyone for several songs. I think I'd gotten addicted, because I just kept getting up there. I knew I was leading the pack, and that some of the people attending were tough to "defrost" as it were. As I danced I did my best to motion, challenge and cajole them to join us. Mostly I think I was successful. :)
Then came the Dollar Dance. For those of you unfamiliar with what a Dollar Dance is, it's where the guests may line up and pay one dollar for a dance with either the Bride or Groom. I think Candy was pretty flattered by the sight of a bunch of guys lining up to dance with her- and paying for the privilege. :D
As for me, I danced with many of the ladies of the party, being complemented several times for my dancing skill, which I had to confess I didn't have up till the moment I took the floor with Candy. The change in me was commented on as well... ;)
Ian played three songs for the Dollar Dance, and along came my mother for another round (I wasn't keeping track of denominations but I would discover later that my mother had slipped my best man a fifty). If you'd like to know where I get my pathological fear of dancing and public places in general, you need look no farther than my mother and father.
Save for his turn with Candy in the Dollar Dance, my father was never seen but on the outskirts of the dance floor, surgically grafted to a video camera the whole time- so he had his excuse. My mother, while I give her credit for stepping up the first, and especially the second time, seemed like a trapped animal much of the time, commenting, "Isn't someone going to cut in?"
And I knew this wasn't just my mother being overly polite, it was my mother looking for an excuse to step down. No matter, I just responded, "You're my mother, who would dare?" and smirked at her.
Hell, even my Uncle Dennis danced with me, stuffing the requisite payment in my Best Man's vest. ;)
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Get Down On It/It Wasn't Me!
Candy and I mingled in the intermeaning time with friends and family, said goodbye to those who had to leave early and such. And then the time came for the Bouquet and Garter tosses. Now Candy had told me that her cousin Vicky had wanted to catch the bouquet, but she'd also told me that her Aunt Regina (also Vicky's mother) was notorious for getting her way in the bouquet toss- talk about your Elektra Complex! ;) In the end it was Regina who caught the bouquet, much to Vicky's chagrin.
During the garter toss, it was a longtime friend of mine Mike Slattery who "won"... however I don't think he was entirely familiar with what comes after that, in the tradition of weddings. Mike's little victory parade was cut short when Ian announced "Oh no, you don't get away that easy, you need to put that garter there on Regina..."
Mike took it like a trooper though, to his credit. :)
There were many more dances throughout the evening, including a round of the Village People's YMCA in which "the gang"- I and my good friends Aaron Pratt, Mike Slattery, Tim Blackstone and Luke Wisenewski- danced like idiots... but then again, all was well since Candy, Claire and the ladies soon joined us. :)
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Maya-HIII! Maya-HOO! Maya-HAAA! Maya-HA! HA!
Then came Candy's long-awaited dance to Dragostea Din Tei, a song by a Romanian pop band called O Zone, made popular by the internet and only really known by persons who are generally internet-savvy as "The Numa Numa Dance" which was performed in a popular Flash video by a portly chap named Gary Brolsma. While the song is entirely in Romanian, it happens to be a love song, and therefore works out just fine anyhow. And yes, if you must know, I danced like Gary Brolsma. ;) I even ran over to the table where Ryan and his wife Kia and Kurt and his wife Aura were seated to drag them into the insanity.
(Footnote: as a trump to Candy's request, I really should have requested Ian play Les Rhymes Digitales' Jacques Your Body- a tune which appears in a British car ad for the Citroen C4 in which the car transforms into a robot- as those who know me well will also know I am an incorrigible Transformer's geek from the 80's :D ).
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Dance Floor Metaphor
Many more songs played throughout the night including a more acoustic version of Blue Oyster Cult's In Thee which I'd selected myself for the occasion, and many that I took the floor for with the others. Finally, as the evening wound down, I felt I needed to give the flower girl- Joe and Vicky's six year old daughter Dakota- some attention. To the Cruxshadows' Dance Floor Metaphor, I danced best as I could with all three-and-a-half feet of her, and what a little ham she is. I think I made her night. ;)
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Many Fond Farewells
Then it came time for Candy and I to retire to our cabin, accommodations courtesy of Tamarack which other members of Candy's family (specifically Candy's cousin Vicky, her fiancée Joe, their kids and Candy's Aunt Regina as well as her Cousin Morgan and Morgan's boyfriend Matt) that had traveled a long way to make it to the event took advantage of as well.
Joe showed up at our door to give us back the Tux he'd rented with the rest of us so we could return it later, and he brought Dakota with him- whom I complimented with a little overly histrionic "You dance divinely..." Then it was time to say goodnight...
Of course we had a cabin to ourselves. It was rustic, simple... While they were hardly five-star accommodations, the cabin was more than adequate, and, most importantly, not-home. Jessica had seen to it that our flowers were decorating the quaint little room and even that we had a bottle of champagne on ice with our toasting flutes set out for us on the bedside table. I'd love to say at this point I'll leave the rest to your imagination out of the sake of courtesy, but really Candy and I danced like freaks that night and were pretty well bushed by the time we got to our cabin. We collapsed and slept almost immediately, but that was ok because we'd had one hell of a time that night. The parts I'll keep courteously to myself happened later that morning. ;)
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A Round of Thanks
We can't take all the credit for making this happen, of course. Candy and I have many people to thank for making this gig come off as smoothly as it did. Really, we had so much luck in planning and pulling this off that I'd be remiss of my manners if I didn't offer my thanks to all of those people whose kindness and knowledgeability made this event so much more than something that was accomplished against all odds. And while I do fondly thank all of those who attended (since it's people who make an event, no matter the occasion) here's just a few of those people who were vital in making this dream become a reality for Candy and I.
First and foremost, I need to express my utmost gratitude to Candy's parents- Peter and Hannelore Donofrio. they rented the hall and paid for the catering. Over half of the money was pretty much taken care of right there. And while I understand this is tradition that the bride's parents take care of the cost of the wedding, we're hardly living in the Victorian era here. Really, if they hadn't stepped up as they did, I don't think any of this would have been possible. They love her very much, and they've been very open to accepting me into their family as well. Those who know me well will know that I am often a stranger in a strange land as far as people go (and even among my own family these days)... it's good to know you belong somewhere.
After Candy's parents I need to take a moment to recognize a beautiful granddame who has certainly assured her legacy by helping her granddaughter look positively stunning on her wedding day. That very special lady would be Anna Ciunel otherwise known as Candy's very own Oma (which is German for "grandma"). It was she who put up the money for Candy's wedding dress. And dare I say she was certainly the most beautiful bride I shall ever see. :)
The next person I'd have to thank is my DJ, Ian Burrell- a chap I met while doing a month-long stint working for the Mohegan Sun casino (something I swore I'd never do). If I'd never worked there, I'd have never found him. And while most DJ's will run anything from $500-$1000 these days, Ian did this gig for a mere $300. Ian is, himself, a member of the Mohegan tribe. Here in Connecticut, just being in the Tribe gets you a sizable slice of casino profits on a yearly basis just for being who you are.
Ian works at the Sun as well, largely I think because he's the sort of person who needs to stay busy. He's certainly well-off enough on his own without doing so, after all. And in addition to all that, the DJ gig is something he does just for fun- and something he takes very seriously as a matter of personal pride. Ian did one hell of a great job as I have to say the crowd he had to work with was no less than pretty... difficult to loosen up (and quite unexpectedly, Ian turned out to be an expert dancer as well). And in an event like this- where about half the people attending have a decidedly stiff upper lip- it's real important to break the ice. Really, if you ever are in need of a DJ and happen to be here in CT I highly recommend you contact Ian.
Next on my list of people I must thank is my banquet coordinator, Jessica Casey. When by unforeseen circumstances, we ended up switching over to The Tamarack Lodge as our venue for holding our ceremony and reception, Jessica turned out to be an invaluable resource. Candy and I (like most couples who never had any experience planning a wedding) were completely clueless as to how the whole process worked. Not only did Jessica fill in all those details for us, but she helped us find the last few individuals we needed to complete the occasion (most importantly a photographer who would meet our unique needs when we weren't having great luck finding one ourselves). And during our special day, Jessica went no less above and beyond the call of duty in keeping the whole thing in order and running smoothly- taking the burden off us so we could cut loose. :)
I also need to take a moment to offer my thanks to Tammy Smith who is the mother of my best man, a good friend, and one hell of a great person for putting up with us using her home as sort of a "home base" for the male half of the Wedding Party just before this event kicked off. My own place, being half under construction, is neither clean enough, nor uncluttered enough to have worked out terribly well. Also, on a fairly warm and humid day, dressing in full formal attire- a black tuxedo, in this case, was hardly cool, though Tammy's house was. ;) The morning after, Tammy offered us her own SUV to help port the gifts and other accoutrements from the Tamarack as well- no small contribution to make at all.
My warmest thanks also go out to Gary Gagne, my stylist, and owner of The Family Headquarters at the Slater Mill Mall here in nearby Griswold. While most businessmen tend to be mostly business, Gary takes his trade rather personally, and treats his customers well. So well that, when my Fiancée was in a snit about trying to find someone to style her hair for her wedding day, not only did Gary spend the time checking around among those he knows to be sure he was recommending someone who could do the job well (A lady by the name of Naomi, from Hair Smiles in Norwich, CT), his recommendation was right on the mark, and made Candy very happy. :)
Thanks also go out to Andy Walker, our photographer. Andy was recommended by Jessica at the Lodge at a time when finding a photographer that would meet our needs seemed impossible. Andy not only met those needs, but exceeded them. It helped that Andy was already well familiar with the venue and it's staff, but it was also very helpful that Andy himself had no shortage of useful advice to help us fill in the gaps on all matters of wedding photography (which I've learned is a unique branch of the profession) and beyond. Andy takes his place among all these other professionals who helped make this happen- people who regard their job as more than a duty, and treat their customers as more than mere responsibilities.
And what sort of cad would I be if I omitted thanking certain key members of our wedding party? To that end, I want to thank one Timothy Blackstone, my best friend for some seventeen years, and my Best Man. It was his job to "have my back" through all this, and let me tell you, he was one hell of a go-to-guy (even though there were moments when I think he was more of a nervous wreck than I)... Did I mention he made one hell of a toast at the dinner? ;) You can find dear Mr. Blackstone at his own LiveJournal: n0isecode.
On the wedding party motif, I should also like to thank Claire Anctil. I believe the expression goes, "always a Bridesmaid, never a Bride." And while I think perhaps Claire might be a few years shy of that time in her life, I can say already and with full confidence that she will make one hell of a Bride, 'cause she's one hell of a woman. :) While Candy's Maid of Honor was chosen very deliberately as her cousin, Vicky Berghauer because Candy and Vicky have been very much like sisters from the start, Claire really had to take charge as Candy's go-to-gal since it was Claire who was closest by. Aside from accompanying Candy to fittings, driving her around and helping her plan, Claire has just been an all around great person to Candy and I, and I can't thank her enough just for being the wonderful person she is, let alone being a real trooper when we needed the dedication. :) Claire, as well, has her own LiveJournal, which may be found at mydnightlonging.
Candace Hannelore Hinckley-Weseman. Yep, my wife, whose very own LiveJournal may be found at azrieltook (go tell her what a great job she did! :) ) While I put up the money for pretty much anything that didn't involve the hall or Candy's wedding gown, it was Candy herself who did most of the planning and footwork to make this event possible. To you my darling wife, my dearest love, I say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. You did a wonderful job, and most of all, you put up with the basketcase that was me through all the months preceding our happiest moment yet together- now as husband and wife. May I kiss the bride... again? ;)
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Afterglow
As I sit here and write the last section of this entry, it's nearly 4:00 PM (EST) and I'd have just about been an hour before leaving work by this time... if I hadn't have played hooky, that is. ;) What can I say? The Sunday following our Wedding had some wonderful moments, but was, nonetheless, hectic. I'm not ready to return to work, and I probably won't be until at least... Thursday, I think. :D
Candy is napping away in our bedroom right now with our dog MacGuire and a certain cat named Nimmy who I once gave to her as a gift. And now she's just stumbled into the studio, all sleepy-eyed. ;) Meh, Candy has "bedroom eyes" even when she's not sleepy... just one of the many things I love about her. :D
I wish I had the time or the money for a honeymoon, but presently I really don't. The wedding broke my bank basically. I'll survive, but it will be a while before I have much money to do anything more than just pay rent and bills. No matter, it'll happen in time. In any case, it was well worth it. I couldn't have asked for a better evening, or better friends to spend it with.
That's all for now, wedded bliss awaits. :)
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