Happy Best Friends' Day.
It hasn’t been an easy week for Key, as much as he was free from schedules and taking a short break from SM Entertainment.
The break let his mind run wild, wild into the forbidden areas of his memory and whatnot. He hoped at first that the workload would last all the way through this date, and so he didn’t have to think about it. But it turns out that SM Entertainment had a little more compassion that they thought and they earned themselves a 1 week break that included Valentines’ Day; probably Jonghyun’s request to go on dates with his five-month girlfriend.
Their fifth monthsary would be on the 13th, and since Valentines’ was the next day, Jinki had joked that they didn’t have to see Jonghyun till the next morning. The members laughed it off with a crimson-faced Jonghyun and put it off their minds. Well, all except for one.
He didn’t know if Jonghyun still remembered about this particular day that was coming up as well, since he had stopped reminding him ever since he got a girlfriend, and he wondered if their routine was still going to carry on. Or maybe, this was the year that defined their relationship clearly, and how he was going to lose Jonghyun as his best friend, for real this time round.
He blamed himself for the impulsive actions he had done, including confessing and breaking down in front of him on Christmas. From then on, Jonghyun stopped calling him Keybum; it became Key, like the rest would call him. He laughed bitterly when he realized what was happening two days after it did, and cried himself to sleep that night.
He didn’t blame Sekyung for appearing in Jonghyun’s life, and the both of them dating like this now, because he knew that Jonghyun couldn’t be any happier than this. No one is wrong in this whole situation; it’s just that his feelings got the better of himself.
“Jjong, what happened to us?”
“It seems like the same to me, it’s just that we have gotten busy, maybe.”
“But it seems like everything has changed,” Key held his head in pain; it was the alcohol that made him this way.
“I don’t think so. No one has changed, Kibum-ah. You can still ask me out if you need to,” Jonghyun didn’t know how to console the boy in front of him. Kibum had always been frail and weak behind his strong front, and that armor dissolves every time he gets drunk.
“Is it because I like you? Did it make a difference, Jonghyun?” Kibum looked up at him with tears in his eyes. Jonghyun couldn’t react in time to what Kibum said and blinked a couple of times.
“Maybe, Kibum-ah. I know the feeling of liking someone and your feelings not reciprocated. I should just say that I appreciate your feelings.”
The night of the confession replayed in his head like a broken videotape, reminding him of what he had done to himself and their friendship. It was an indirect rejection, as how Jonghyun usually does it, hoping that it doesn’t hurt the other party that much. He bawled like a baby, on the other prompt of the possible disbanding of SHINee 10 years later (it was just an ‘if’ by Jinki, who was scared speechless by Key bursting into tears suddenly), but it was just an excuse to Key, really.
He had not just once told Jonghyun about the amazing quote that he read from Maxim Gorky, trying his best to translate because the lead vocalist didn’t understand English. But he never seemed interested, and sometimes it made Key wonder if they thought of each other the same way. Key regarded Jonghyun as his best friend at the very least outside of romantic emotions, and he thought Jonghyun did too. But it obviously changed when Jonghyun started to abandon their routine and usuals after the confession.
He’s scared; Key laughs as he thought about Jonghyun’s reaction to his confession. He’s just like every homophobic South Korean out there, and he thought that he meant a little more to the older boy. He thinks too highly of himself; a side effect from being the awesome almighty diva he always has been.
The clock strikes twelve and he sighs at the arrival of more nostalgic and painful thoughts. The door opened promptly as if on cue, and the lead singer walked in, whistling a cheery tune. He was totally oblivious to Key’s presence.
“Hey,” Key decided to speak first. Jonghyun turned back while pouring out a glass of water for himself and saw Key. “Oh hey, Key,” his expression mixed in a little more awkward and guilt before he started to speak.
“Not out shopping? Or visiting your grandmother?”
“Nope, don’t have the mood for shopping and my grandmother died last year, Jjong.”
Kibum felt stupid using his nickname for Jonghyun still, when the lead singer may just not care about it at all. He developed a crimson blush of embarrassment at Key’s point and apologized profusely.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to do this,” his heart ached at the politeness that was between them. He thought they were friends.
“Okay, but I really didn’t mean it,” Jonghyun’s blush still did not go away. “Why are you up so late still then, we rarely get breaks so you should rest well.”
Key smiled lightly and took Jonghyun’s empty cup from his hand to wash it in the kitchen. The lead singer looked at him, bewildered.
“I was waiting for you; Happy Best Friends’ Day, Jjong. Good night.” He walked past him when he finished washing the cup. He closed the door to his room and he heard the other members coming back, probably distracting Jonghyun from coming to talk to him. He must have wanted to.
The last time I’ll allow myself to be like this, Key thought as a tear slid down his cheek.
A/N: Sorry, I just had to. I wrote my life into a JongKey. But sorry it's a broken one.