For those somehow not yet aware, I'm dating Mel (aka PurpleKecleon), and have been for some two and a half years. She is also married, and has been for about the same amount of time
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I always get asked followups like "do you have sex", too. What the hell else would I mean by "girlfriend"? I wanted to give a ridiculously exaggerated example alternative here, but I can't, because I really don't know any other interpretation.
I actually dated someone for a little over a year without sex. Of course, my being asexual was stated from the offset, so... :P Merely providing a counter-example.
I figured it out myself after reading some comments between the three of you, but it is nice to actually see it plain and simple like this, too. Keeps people from guessing.
I think it's the marriage thing that does it, really. I'm polyamorous myself, but I wouldn't expect somebody who's married to be in an open relationship. So I don't think this conclusion-jumping is as absurd as you make it seem.
I mean, yeah, it's not a nice thing for your friends to imply you are doing, but they're probably more confused than accusatory. And, to be honest, I think you do kinda set yourself up for it with the way you phrase it... ^^;
But why should marriage make a difference? From my brief glimpse at polyamory outside the fandom, marriage is usually involved somewhere. Why do furries, of all people, treat marriage as sacred?
(I believe I've had at least one furry accuse me outright of "violating the sanctity of marriage" or somesuch. What? Isn't that the business of the people involved in the marriage?)
I always thought of myself as pretty open on the "poly" and "bisexual" issues, but ever since I got married most people that I meet automatically assume I'm straight and monogamous--even in social circles where I wouldn't expect this default. I think a lot of people associate "marriage" with, well, family and their own family's expectations for marriage. There's all the association with "settling down," and really, a lot of people do get married as part of creating a more stable environment particularly for raising children. Polyamory isn't contrary to that goal, and having kids isn't everyone's point to marriage, but plenty of people seem to associate "open relationships" with something that people do before they settle down and doesn't fit that into a marriage. Which is just something that they will have to get over, in time. Good luck with your re-education of the populace.
Polyamory <33 I couldn't live any other way. I get the same "distaste" as you, too.
Things like "You are not normal." "Loving means reserving your whole heart to one person!" "You are sick." It is quite saddening to see that monoamory is that much of a social "standard".
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I actually dated someone for a little over a year without sex. Of course, my being asexual was stated from the offset, so... :P Merely providing a counter-example.
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I mean, yeah, it's not a nice thing for your friends to imply you are doing, but they're probably more confused than accusatory. And, to be honest, I think you do kinda set yourself up for it with the way you phrase it... ^^;
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(I believe I've had at least one furry accuse me outright of "violating the sanctity of marriage" or somesuch. What? Isn't that the business of the people involved in the marriage?)
How do I phrase it? I just say I'm dating Mel.
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Things like "You are not normal." "Loving means reserving your whole heart to one person!" "You are sick." It is quite saddening to see that monoamory is that much of a social "standard".
Ah well. Keep it up! <3
~Chispy
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