and we'll have fun, fun, fun...
Choosing Civility: The Twenty-five Rules of Considerate Conduct
by P. M. Forni
I picked this one up because I had snarfed the car magnet from the public library, and wanted to make sure the author's idea of 'civility' matched with my own. For the most part they do. I especially appreciate the fact that the 'rules' are fairly loose and abstract, and can be kept in mind as circumstances change. I also appreciate the fact that, although the author bemoans the way the old courtesies are no longer in force, he points out that many changes in mores are very much improvements in civility...
He gives a very slight nod to cultural differences, and very much does pick the 'mainstream American' as the norm, which I found annoying (but it's a very small part of the book). I was also bothered that the rule about 'agreeableness' came before the rule 'assert yourself'. I found his examples of agreeableness all somewhat ambiguous as well. In the case where one person 'unreasonably' didn't want to go to the restaurant everyone else had chosen I couldn't help but wonder how long she had been looking forward to outdoor seating, and whether she had let her preference be known before. The tour group in Paris - wasn't the wife being unreasonable in her desire to be with her husband through the entire trip? If she really wanted to see the sights rather than visit a tailor, then one afternoon without him wouldn't damage the vacation? As far as the third one, the man was being asked for a LARGE favor, and both the chapter on 'asserting yourself' discuss the right of one to refuse such even when asked politely, and the fact that one is not required to justify a polite 'no'.
In other words, the question of balance isn't answered well, but at least it's addressed.
Don't think I'll be looking for more books by Forni, though.
Last weekend was something. Went bowling with the family on Father's Day, for the first time in many, many years (usually I sit and knit and watch). I am an IMPRESSIVELY bad bowler... the ball never went down the next lane, but it did go just about everywhere else - including back to the benches, bouncing off my hip.. you get the idea. Extremely silly. That evening scooterbird and I joined starfyrone and simonator at Roller Derby, which rocks on toast (and is mentioned in other journals than mine...). If you're local, you really should check it out.
Went to the beach with the kids yesterday. crazieabby and I both got sunburn, but it was otherwise most satisfactory. Got back in time to get to the library and pick up my CSA subscription. Mmmmmm.... strawberries and cherries BOTH! Made cherry preserves last week, so these are for eating (although I might work up a batch of strawberry rhubarb this time...)
Both kids are "deservin' my nerves", and summer has barely begun. I need to find some programmed activities for DD#2 (crazieabby has already gotten herself overscheduled), and I should probably be spending more time supervising her when she's with her friends... each kid is different, and she just seems to need more adult involvement than her sister. I suspect she will disagree with me on this. I've also got to put limits on how much I'm willing to chauffeur her sister.