The Not So Live Blog...Third Time's The Charm. Maybe.
12:00: Guys, can you believe it? Part Three already! Now I’ll have to figure out something productive to do! Not. Cool.
12:01: Aw, dead Xora. Sad. I wonder what happened to the rest of the mobats when the Witch melted. ‘Cause I’m thinking the ASPCA wouldn’t really be able to place them if they survived.
12:02: “You gotta get out of that cave.” Wow, Cain. That is so deep, I may need water wings. Oh, also? POT, KETTLE’S ON LINE ONE! Dude, you carry so much guilt around, it’s freaking monogrammed with your initials.
12:03: Dude, is that a pissy!DG look? I think we saw one in Milltown, but this one is almost contemplative in nature. Round of applause for layering the emotions here, people. It’s not easy to brood, you know.
12:04: I love the “WTF?” looks from Raw and Glitch as DG remembers her conversation with Mr. Holland.
12:05: I am extremely jealous that I’ve never been able to skip stones. Also, it is fitting that DG’s are the ones that are the heavy weights and sink uncontrollably?
12:06: The heart stone is cool, but EW on the kissing it for good luck thing. Somebody get that girl some Purel!
12:07: Is it me or is helpful Mom’s message not helpful? She assumes DG knows about the Witch, and says she can only entrust the power of the Emerald to Princess Converse. But…what does the Emerald do exactly? How is it supposed to stop Az? Why do I even ponder these pondersomes anymore?
12:08: “Ahamo is your father.” [insert machine-based breathing here.] Also, DG looks shocked that she has a dad. Did you sleep through biology that day, dear?
12:10: The blue bowl in the middle of the gazebo is identical to one my mother has. True facts.
12:12: “You were sweatin’ then, too.” It’s not because he’s a spy, Cain; it’s those damn muttonchops!
12:13: Chin wibble!
12:14: Okay, I am quickly falling in love with Raoul Trujillo/Raw. After Tutor shifts back into Toto, while Cain is saying his line, Raw’s shaking a very chastising finger at the dog. It’s hilarious.
12:16: Ahamo’s Shack of Wonders! Also, I love the yellow shoes on DG’s figure. I feel like there should be a staff and some geese wandering around outside…
12:18: Glitch totally faceplants while they’re chasing Toto through the fields leading to the Realm of the Unwanted. Planned? Also, Toto’s barking just woke up the cats, and they are not amused. Actually, I think Mars is more mad that I didn’t share my PB & J with him.
12:22: There’s a Subway in the Realm of the Unwanted! Wawa’s hoagies are better, though. By far.
12:23: There is a wanted poster RIGHT NEXT TO AIROFDAY. Even better? There’s a JOIN THE RESISTANCE poster on the other side. Worst kept secret EVER.
12:27: Az’s horse is purty.
12:29: Dude, the Phantom clears out of the bar before Airofday double crosses the Damn Heroes! Either that, or it’s Jason. Either way, there’s a dude in a white mask.
12:30: Cain picks up a rope or something to fight off the bad guys, but it totally looks like Indiana Jones’ whip! I think my head might explode from the fangirly goodness.
12:36: Um, apparently the Longcoats got upgraded to platinum status, because all their chains and armor and shit are now silver instead of gold. Which reminds me of the song from Frosty the Snowman. Don’t worry, I won’t sing. Loudly.
12:37: The whole scene in Ahamo’s Hole concerns me. DG wakes up there--so the two logical choices are a) she fell asleep after being kidnapped or b) Ahamo drugged her. Both of which are exceptionally disturbing thoughts.
12:39: “Can you trust me, DG?” “No, dude, I can’t. I don’t trust easily. I mean, look at how long I’ve known my other friends. It’s hard for me to just open up like that.”
12:40: That ladder they climb out of the Hole looks rickety as shit, and poor Ted Whitall is totally like, “Dude, Willing, if this breaks beneath me, so help me God…”
12:46: I say “Father,” you say, “Son!”
“Father!” “Son!” “Father!” “Son!”
I say “awkward,” you say, “duh!”
“Awkward!” “Duh!” “Awkward!” “Duh!”
12:47: Which is the sweeter ride, the motorcycle or the hot air balloon?
12:48: And here is the time, as always, that I look for Abbie Cornish/Ainsley Lowry.
12:48:15: Oh, my God, you bastards! You killed Bambi’s mom! You assholes scarred me as a child.
12:49: Best way to start a long overdue conversation is totally, “You know, I thought you were dead.”
12:50: Cranky Jeb is cranky and in need of a good Doc ass whuppin’.
12:52: The closed captioning helpfully identifies the heart-shaped compass as “gadget.” Go, go, gadget DINGY!
12:59: THE SPOONS! Hee.
1:01: “Ambrose?” “Jeb?” “John Boy?” “Ma?” “Pa?”
1:02: Regarding the sword: “Put it away! You’ll poke your eye out!”
1:04: Wax on, wax off, DG. That’s how you get in the crypt. Good girl for remembering how to open a door.
1:05: How is a mausoleum “beautiful,” Ahamo? Also, is it me, or are there, like, a ton of bodies in there?
1:06: The cat in the Gray Gale looks like my old neighbor’s cat, Grizibella. (Bonus points to anybody who knows where my neighbors got the name from.)
1:07: This Emerald can be yours with only ten proofs of purchase! See back of box for further details.
1:08: Still lookin’ for Doc. Because I am made of awesome like that.
1:08:30: I like to think Adora kicked Zero in the balls before he killed her.
1:09: Sword!Porn! YES! Pardon me while I have a moment.
1:11: Az smushed Ahamo! That’s wicked awesome and wicked…wicked at the same time.
1:13: Wouldn’t it be at this point that one would RUN AWAY from the crazy Witch, DG?
1:16: “If you don’t have heart, you have nothing.” Did you get that in your fortune cookie last night with your moo shoo pork, Cain?
1:17: I love this scene with Glitch and Raw: “Oh, who am I kidding? This is all my fault. If I’d never thought of my machine in the first place, she never would have been able to twist it.”
“Yeah.”
Made of WIN.
1:19: Zooey’s ugly cry is ugly. Seriously.
1:20: I will not look for Doc. I will not look for Doc.
Oh, who the fuck am I kidding?
1:20:25: Did Jeb get laid last night or something? What’s with the sudden attitude change?
1:22: You know you’ve watched too many fan-made videos when you watch the scene with Az and Ma Kettle and insert Stewie and Lois from “Family Guy.” Also, the “don’t you look pretty” comment is kind of ridiculous, seeing as she’s been in the same thing for the past fifteen years and probably smells ripe.
1:23: That Ma/Pa Kettle kiss gives me the heebie jeebies.
1:24: Kudos to Anna Galvin for the shocked as shit reaction she gives when Az reveals the Emerald. As much as I don’t like me some Ma Kettle, she does a nice job there.
1:26: “Let’s Hear It For the Boy” just started playing in my head while watching the BDHs ride to DG’s rescue.
1:29: Mars the cat is sitting in front of the TV, wondering what this furry little creature barking at him is.
1:31: Jeb is so looking in the tower windows trying to see naked!Az.
1:33: Maybe you smahty pants can explain to me why the Tattoo de Gale disappears from DG’s hand. I think she says it has to do with the fact that she lost the Emerald, but she had it before she ever found the Emerald. So if she’s only supposed to have the Tattoo when she’s in possession of the Emerald, why’d she have it for five out of the six hours of this thing?
1:36: What’s with the “Mister” Cain? I guess you have to be all polite when facing impending doom and getting shot. Again.
1:40: I love Glitch dusting off the hat. Even with half a brain, he knows to respect the hat.
1:42: Glitch’s theme song is “Machinehead” by Bush, Y/Y?
1:44: And here we have the largest continuity error in the series, IMO. Raw connects Glitch to the Ambrain. That’s how he gets the sequencing numbers. And then in five minutes, Glitch will have to come up with the final number all on his own. But I suppose at this point, we’re all supposed to be passed out on the couch from the necessary drinkage.
1:46: Raynz reminds me a little bit of Tim Gunn, if Tim Gunn were evil and bald.
1:47: Az needs some serious conditioner for those split ends. And that beam color is just not doing anything for her.
1:48: How the hell is DG going to pull herself up off that ledge when she couldn’t even hack down the front door of the Ice Palace?
1:51: This is the part where I thought, “Dude, are they going to kill Toto?”
1:52: Hey, they used the same set for the Brain Room and Az’s Office. I remember that background of the recycled tires.
1:54: Every time I see the “permanent darkness,” I think of Hercules when Hades calls up the Titans and it gets all dark and stuff, and I keep expecting the Decepticons to come stomping across the O.Z. And yes, I just mixed cartoon fandoms. Whatever.
1:55: When they replace Robertson and Deschanel with the little girls…I admit it, it gets me every time. Especially the look on Alexia Fast’s face. And the chin wibble. And the tearage.
1:56: Hey, I think I inadvertently made Doc’s birthday the same as the Queen’s. Hm.
1:57: And now we all gather around and sing “Kumbayah.”
1:58: Hugs for everybody! And cookies and juice boxes before story time!
1:59: Yay! Toto’s okay! Yes, that’s what I got out of this very moving moment. (“I wish they’d move it to Pittsburgh!” --Statler.)
2:00: And the fic writer in me says, “Welcome to the fallout. Let’s go kill us a Resistance fighter!”
And that, my friends, is the end of the running commentary. I sincerely hope you enjoyed it. I know I did.