ya..
I am lost lost lost. This is frustratingggg.
As of..in about two months, i will be 21.
Fuck.
I think compared to a lot of people, I have about the wisdom and life experience of maybe a young teenager. A very naive, young teenager.
Now I have this sense of panic.
I suppose I am--for lack of a better word, attemping to do some "soul searching" (I cringe at the cheesiness of that phrase), yea..
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I wonder what would've happened had I decided to go to some arts school for something like fine arts or design? Would I be happily traveling and creating things, would I be struggling ot pay my rent and make ends meet and trying to get noticed because god knows with this sort of career choice it's difficult to "succeed" through traditional means, would I be a completely different person? What if i had choosen science? History?
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Right now I know I don't want to live in a place remotely like Kanata, or any place so suburban it's sickening.
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It really sucks when you realize, that you have so many interests branching out everywhere, but none that you are actually really devoted to or skilled at.
That is like me.
I say, I like drawing, but I am not the best nor have I attempted to do any real drawing for a long while.
I say, I'm good at painting, but seeing as I have abandoned that hobby for so long, it's probably a bit rusty and if I pick up a brush, it would feel awkward and I won't know what to do with it.
I say, I like the piano, and can play, but I can hardly call it a "talent or hobby", for I can only play a few songs, very badly.
I say, I like books and literature, but I'm not nearly as well-read as I would like to be, seeing as my to-read list only gets longer. I know of some authors and their major works, the themes they wrote about it, but have not necessarily carefully read all of them or attempted to fullyy grasp what I've read.
I say, I like cooking and making food, but haven't attempted to do any serious cooking, i am still only average when it comes to preparing food and have to follow a recipe. One can hardly say I am "good in the kitchen". I don't know what makes a dish "pop" or what makes a baked good..extra good.
So, basically, interested in many things, good at none.
):
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EDIT: And i am now going back to studying for something I definitely have the least interest in. ):
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