IDIOTS: Part 5 - DORKS
Title: Idiots (V - Dorks)
Pairing: Jonghyun/Onew
Rating: PG-15
A few more weeks after their first kiss.
It was the weekends and they were at Jonghyun childhood home. Jonghyun invited Jinki to come with him because his mother wanted to see ‘how tall little jinx had grown’.
It was in the afternoon when they arrived, Jinki had just ended a phone call with his worried mother, whom he had to make sure knew that he was fine and that he didn’t forget anything and that they weren’t drunk as they drove, ‘it was daytime for heaven’s sake’ he told his mom in which he received a yell for speaking to his mother that way as a reply.
~
In Jonghyun’s home was his mother, his sister, and his dog Roo, who Jinki also liked to call, ‘shorty’ just like his owner he claimed.
Jonghyun’s mother was ecstatic to see Jinki, hugging him tight and telling him how handsome he had become. Jonghyun’s sister stared at him however, and apologized for not recognizing him that day when he visited Jonghyun’s dorm. Jinki apologized in return, saying it was his fault. For overreacting, he didn’t add
That afternoon he ate a ton, Mrs. Kim was a great cook and he couldn’t believe how unlucky Jonghyun was for not being able to eat her delicious meals every day. Jinki thought he was the luckiest however, when they decided to stay the night, it meant more of Mrs. Kim’s meals
Before dinner, Jonghyun went to see how his mother was doing in the kitchen, Jinki followed behind him. As he spoke to his mother, Jinki placed his chin on Jonghyun’s shoulder. Just as he did, Jonghyun stiffened and pushed him away before his mother could turn to them and see what had happened. Ignoring Jinki’s hurt expression he left the kitchen and went to his sister to talk.
Afraid that he might have made Jonghyun mad, he talked to him when they were alone.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked after he dragged Jonghyun out the back door
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just… my mom will know” Jonghyun said, looking anywhere but Jinki
“You don’t want them to know?” Jinki asked
“Just… just give me time” the other answered
They stayed silent for a while, Jinki was frowning at Jonghyun. He wanted nothing but for Jonghyun to look him in the eye and tell him he was not ashamed of Jinki, because at the moment, that was what Jinki felt.
Jonghyun however, was busy boring holes on the floor, looking for an excuse to drop the subject and just talk about something else, something that didn’t include their relationship. It wasn’t that he was ashamed to let his family know that he was dating Jinki, it was just, he wasn’t ready to tell his family about his gender preferences at the moment, he knew they loved him, but this was all new to him and he was just nervous to even open the topic up in front of his family.
When Jonghyun found no excuse, he left, just like that, leaving Jinki dumbfounded and speechless. He knew he had hurt Jinki and that he will need to make up for it, how, he still didn’t know, but he was going to, when he thinks of something.
Sometimes, Jonghyun thinks he’s the stupid one of the two, just so dumb, an idiot, so so stupid for hurting the one he loved like that and not knowing what he had to do to make everything right, although he wouldn’t admit that in front of Jinki.
~
Right after everyone was done cleaning up, Mrs. Kim decided to chat a little in the living room, get along and catch up with each other.
There were juices on the coffee table and Jonghyun was laughing at his mother’s stories of his sister, it is funny that her sister called the cops because she thought someone was inside their home one night, turns out it was their uncle she didn’t recognize. Seriously, what is it with Jonghyun’s sister and recognizing people?
While Jonghyun was laughing out loud slapping his knees and pointing at his sister as he did, Jinki was in a trance. He couldn’t laugh no matter how he tried, no matter how funny he thought the stories were. He couldn’t help but remember what Jonghyun told him, in his head were questions. What was he doing here? Why did Jonghyun bring him here? If Jonghyun was so embarrassed of him being his boyfriend, if he was so scared of people knowing about his sexual orientation, then why did he bring Jinki to spend time with him, with his family? When he came with Jonghyun he was expecting, he was happy and excited to be introduced as his friend’s lover now.
In the corner of Jinki’s eyes, he noticed Junghee staring at him, when they lock eyes, he looked away, embarrassed of being caught not listening. Junghee noticed this. However, instead of asking Jinki what was wrong like what he expected “how about you jinki oppa, how have you been?” she asked him instead.
“Say, are you seeing anyone?” his eyes widened at the question
Jinki ignored the expectant expression on Junghee’s face, like she knew the answer to her own question. He looked at Mrs. Kim whose expression was nothing but excitement and curiosity, then he looked at jonghyun who was looking anywhere but Jinki. Jinki smiled, then turned to Junghee, “No, actually,” he saw Jonghyun stiffen from the of his eyes just as the words come out
Junghee frowned, like it’s not the answer she was expecting “really?” she stole a glance at her brother, “then... Do you have someone you like?” she asked, it was like she wanted to hear something from Jinki.
Jinki sniffled, sensing that Junghee must be suspicious about her brother and Jinki. He figured he must say something to make things less suspicious “well, yeah...” he paused, stealing a glance at Jonghyun beside him who was breathing heavily “I mean, I do like someone... But the feeling’s one sided” he noticed Jonghyun stiffen.
There was a moment of silence until Mrs. Kim breaks the silence “aww sweetie, it’s okay,” she said, in a means of comforting Jinki.
~
There were few more topics after that, where Jonghyun was also not laughing anymore because he felt nothing but the awkwardness between him and Jinki in the air. He didn’t want to look at his boyfriend, but he knew Jinki was feeling the same as well.
Jonghyun excused himself after a few more stories, he told the others he was tired.
After showering a few minutes later and he was getting ready to get to bed, his mother peeked in the door, “have a good night sweetie” she said, and Jonghyun stared at her curiously, then he looked for Jinki somewhere behind her “you guys done talking?” he asked “yeah, have some rest, I know you’re tired “his mom said “wait mom” he called out right before his mother could leave “where’s Jinki?” he asked
“Oh… He’s in the guest room dear”
“The guest room?”
“Yes, he said you didn’t like sharing a bed so he didn’t want to be a bother. Why? Did you want him to sleep here? I’ll go get him for you”
“No... No, it’s alright”
“Okay... Good night sweetie”
“Night mom”
~
The next morning on their way home both were very quiet, neither of them is talking. Once they were inside their apartment Jonghyun stopped and watched Jinki. The other acted all normal, like nothing had happened the night before or at least pretending like everything is normal and alright.
“We should get something to eat” Jinki said as he acted busy looking for something and not looking at Jonghyun. Jonghyun knew that Jinki knew he was watching.
“Jinki…” Jonghyun started
“I’m hungry” he chuckled in his best efforts to ignore the seriousness in Jonghyun’s tone, but Jonghyun hears how pretentious it is “who’s hungry?” he joked and looked at Jonghyun finally
“If you have something you want to say... Say it” Jonghyun said after a few minutes of silence and a very intense staring contest.
Jinki chuckled “what do you mean?”
“I’m being serious Jinki”
The smile on jinki’s face faltered and he looked away
“Jinki…” Jonghyun pressed yet again
“Fine” Jinki snapped “you want me to say what I want? Fine Jonghyun.” he hissed “I don’t want to be Jonghyun, but I am”
“You’re what?” Jonghyun asked even when he knew he would regret Jinki’s answer
“I’m tired” Jinki sighed “I love you, dammit! I want to be with you, I want to believe in you Jonghyun but it’s so damn hard, it hurts Jjong.” Jinki slumped on the couch behind him “I want to believe in you Jjong, I want to believe that you love me, that you want to be with me. But why do I always feel like I’m the only one who wants this to work? Why Jjong am I the only who’s hurting from holding on? God! I want to let go, I want to let go so fucking bad, but I can’t, because I love you, I love you Jonghyun, I love you…” Jinki was rambling, he could hear himself ramble but he couldn’t stop. All the frustration he had built up inside him finally flowing out “Why is it that you do this? Why do you always... Always make me feel like I SHOULD let go... I’m sorry Jjong, but I don’t even know if you really love me. Am I the only one who wants this relationship? Am I the only one-- why are you just staring at me like that? Say something!”
“I told my mom we’re dating”
“w-what?”
“This morning in the car, while you were buying something at the supermarket”
“Jonghyun what?”
“She was furious, she kept telling me why I haven’t said anything and that you must have been really hurt” Jonghyun said and Jinki bites the inside of his cheek to control his anger. Had the other not been listening? He was having a fucking moment.
Jinki deflated even more. He buried his eyes on his palms, he didn’t know what to feel, he wanted to feel relieved, happy, but he also wanted to feel mad, he wanted to leave. he was tired of Jonghyun playing with his emotions
“Why do you play me like this Jjong? Do you really like watching me suffer?” he snickers “why do I stay? Fuck. Why am I still with you?” was all he could say, however the tiredness in his voice was relevant.
Jinki was startled by the warm hand pulling his head away from his hands “because you love me” Jonghyun told him and Jinki wanted to punch him for playing around in a serious matter when suddenly “and I love you” he stopped, he looked at both Jonghyun’s eyes searching for any signs of lies but all he saw was sincerity and guilt.
“I know I don’t deserve you Jinki. I know that. You accept me for who I am, no matter how much of a jerk I am to you, and believe me, I don’t intend to push you away jinx... I-I guess I’m just so stupid for never telling you how much I love you, because I know that you will never leave, no matter what I do, that I’ve taken you for granted, and I’m an ass I know. I want to change for you, but I don’t fucking know why it takes so much time. I thought you could wait, but I’ve pushed you to your limits haven’t I?”
“I’m sorry Jinki, and if you really want to leave me...” he said, unable to continue, to swallow the truth that Jinki is about to leave him.
Jinki snickered at himself “how could I?” he stared at the other’s eyes “I mean… how could I even do that to you? You’d die of loneliness. No one’s going to be able to stand you like I can jjong” he paused to nuzzle his face in his hand “love you like I do”
~
Jinki was holding two cups of hot chocolate when he entered Jonghyun’s room later that night.
His boyfriend was looking at his phone, busy texting his mom, informing her that everything was fine with Jinki. His mother told him right after to bring Jinki over again sometime to welcome him properly as her son’s lover.
After Jinki had forgiven him that day, they decided to stay on the couch, to talk and to fix everything between them, and that’s when Jonghyun remembered his mother. She had been so angry after she found out about their relationship, she was so angry at Jonghyun for hiding it. She could have treated Jinki even more properly and spent much more time with him.
Jinki placed Jonghyun’s mug on the bedside table. Jonghyun examined the contents of the mug and raised an eyebrow at him
“Hot chocolate? Really?” he said, amused
“I know that we’re tired and all and that we should rest, but hey, remember when you said you can’t get enough of my chocolate drink” Jinki asked, smiling smugly and proudly
“I never said that” Jonghyun straight out said
Jinki sighed, “Fine, you didn’t. But you still said it was good”
“I said it was okay” Jonghyun insisted before reaching for his mug
“Meanie” Jinki frowned as he sat beside Jonghyun, he sipped his chocolate to forget the disappointment he’s feeling, they’d just made up after all
“But you’re right” Jonghyun muttered and Jinki cocked his head to him “I can’t get enough of them” Jonghyun said as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.
Jinki was taken aback, Jonghyun was being nice to him, it was a rare thing to happen, he figured he still needed time getting used to it, but it was not like he’s complaining, he likes it.
They sat there for a few more minutes, drinking their hot chocolate and talking.
~
After they had finished their drinks, Jinki decided that both of them needed their rest, it had been a long ride home, and they woke up early to finish packing and to drive back to their apartment
“I guess we should both get some rest, I know you’re tired” Jinki said before taking Jonghyun’s mug
Jinki was about to make his way out when Jonghyun called him
“Hey Jinx” Jinki turned to look at him, waiting for Jonghyun to speak. When Jonghyun did not speak Jinki got a little worried “Jjong, what’s wrong?”
“Uhm, I don’t know… can you… like… you know?” Jonghyun stuttered “stay h-here?”
Jinki lost his breathing for a second there, he did not even notice that he had held his breath. He dropped the mugs on the floor, careful not to break it and jump into the bed with Jonghyun. Jonghyun was not able to utter a word because Jinki was flying to him as soon as he said the words ‘stay here’ he was not able to move even, because Jinki was now hugging him tight as they lay on his bed, the other was suffocating him with his tight embrace
“Yah! I asked you to stay here, I didn’t say you could jump into bed with me and molest me” Jonghyun complained, struggling to get Jinki off
“I know that’s what you really meant” Jinki cheered, the smile on his face as he hugged Jonghyun to death was about to tear his face in half, this version of Jonghyun is very shocking to him but he loved it.
“You wanna... di-die?” the other threatened, but Jinki’s tight embrace was making him sound like he was being strangled
Jinki was so happy he could die, he could feel his eyes about to tear up “I don’t care, I can die now” he said sounding as if he was about to cry
“What are you on about?” Jonghyun grunted, not noticing that he wasn’t struggling to get Jinki off anymore
“It’s just that I never really feel your love for me, but now I can feel it oozing from every pore of your skin” Jinki cried “I’m so happy, I could die”
Jonghyun stopped all together, letting jinki hug him to death “what do you mean you don’t feel my love for you” he asked, suddenly feeling guilty and defensive “I…I live with you… and… I let you kiss me” he defended
Jinki backed away a little bit to look at Jonghyun, “it’s not that” he chuckled “you don’t really say you love me” Jinki pouted and Jonghyun felt even guiltier because it was true “I hardly feel any love from you at all” he joked
Jonghyun wanted to get angry, how could this idiot be so demanding, isn’t it enough that he gets to kiss Jonghyun? But Jonghyun knew it wasn’t enough, he knew Jinki was right, he showed nothing but coldness to Jinki in their relationship and Jonghyun knew he had to make things right
When Jinki pouted at him even more he covered his lips with his own, Jinki was taken aback at first but kissed Jonghyun back.
“Jjong?” Jinki said when Jonghyun backed away to look at him “I love you” Jonghyun confessed, stunning Jinki, it wasn’t what he was expecting to hear from the other. To prove what he had said he kissed Jinki again, this time licking his bottom lip for permission. Even as he was shocked, Jinki granted entrance to Jonghyun and they kissed like never did before.
Sure they made out a couple of times already, but this was different, Jinki could tell. This kiss was full of passion, of love and Jinki was almost out of breath, but he didn’t want to stop. Fortunately, Jonghyun was out of breath too, and he was the one to pull away first, panting heavily as he stared at Jinki’s eyes, watching it open slowly, Jinki hadn’t even realized his eyes were closed.
They looked at each other for a while. Jinki was thinking of what was to happen next, he wanted to talk, but the words would not come out of his mouth, this was happening so quickly, this was Jonghyun, the same Jonghyun who had been cold to him until this morning. He knew he had been sweet to him this morning, but this time was a bit different, Jonghyun was on top of him, holding him so lovingly and it was everything new to Jinki. However, when Jonghyun dipped down to kiss his jaw line, he knew that no matter how new all this felt, he didn’t want to stop.
The feeling of Jonghyun’s kisses as he traced Jinki’s jaw line with his lips caused Jinki’s eyes to flutter close again. Jonghyun's kisses lowered to his collarbones and went back to his lips, Jinki opened his lips as soon as he felt Jonghyun’s lips press into his. They kissed passionately, Jinki’s hands circled around Jonghyun’s neck bring him closer, his chest pressing into Jinki’s. He felt Jonghyun’s hands caress his sides, dipping lower until they reached underneath his shirt to touch his bare skin. Jonghyun’s fingers felt Jinki’s hot skin and when those fingers reached his nipples, he only flicked one of them once and Jinki had already let out a small gasp.
Something inside Jonghyun had awakened, he wanted to hear more of those noises, he wanted to hear more of Jinki. He played with the other nipple some more and a low moan had escaped Jinki’s mouth, louder this time. What Jonghyun wasn’t expecting though was Jinki rolling his crotch into his. Jonghyun let out a groan, he pulled away and hid his face in Jinki’s neck.
“Stop” Jonghyun panted
Jinki stopped, disappointed that the other had stopped his ministrations
“We have to stop” Jonghyun whispered into Jinki’s neck “or I won’t be able to stop myself” he said, he's sudden want to hear more of the noises Jinki made was driving him crazy, it was scary
Jinki felt him move, Jonghyun’s hips stiffened, trying to stop it from rolling back to Jinki’s. Jinki blushed crimson red. He rolled his hips back to Jonghyun and the other gasped “Jinki stop” Jonghyun warned, pulling back to glare at Jinki
“I don’t want to stop” Jinki told him, looking directly at Jonghyun’s eyes, “I want you, I want to feel you Jjong” the usual smile on Jinki’s face that Jonghyun always sees was not visible anymore, there was seriousness in his eyes, as well as love, nervousness, lust and most of all trust “I want you Jjong, I trust you” Jinki leaned in to kiss him, Jonghyun kissed him back. He tried an experimental roll of his hips again and they both moaned into each other’s mouth “I trust you” Jinki said as he pulled away.
Jonghyun captured his lips again and that day Jonghyun showed Jinki that he did love him, and that he was sorry and that he wanted no one but Jinki. That day he made love to Jinki.
~
They slept in until the noon. Jonghyun woke up to a smiling face that was Jinki.
“Good morning” Jinki greeted, smiling.
Jonghyun grunted, wanting more sleep. He was not able to rest the day before because, well, because he was busy doing Jinki and he wanted to make up for the rest he needed.
That was when Jinki started spooning him “hey, say it again.” The other said “say you love me” Jonghyun could feel the other smile on his nape. “Shut up, I’m trying to fucking sleep” he mumbled into his pillow.
Jinki pouted behind him “you’re such mean-head” he muttered and was about to get up because the mugs he left on the floor yesterday are probably crawling with ants, but a hand pulled him back down again “don’t move, I’m trying to fucking sleep” Jonghyun mumbled into his neck as he pulled him into an embrace and went back to sleep. Jinki smiled and let Jonghyun cuddle him until he heard him snore.
END
Pairing: Jonghyun/Onew
Rating: PG-15
A few more weeks after their first kiss.
It was the weekends and they were at Jonghyun childhood home. Jonghyun invited Jinki to come with him because his mother wanted to see ‘how tall little jinx had grown’.
It was in the afternoon when they arrived, Jinki had just ended a phone call with his worried mother, whom he had to make sure knew that he was fine and that he didn’t forget anything and that they weren’t drunk as they drove, ‘it was daytime for heaven’s sake’ he told his mom in which he received a yell for speaking to his mother that way as a reply.
~
In Jonghyun’s home was his mother, his sister, and his dog Roo, who Jinki also liked to call, ‘shorty’ just like his owner he claimed.
Jonghyun’s mother was ecstatic to see Jinki, hugging him tight and telling him how handsome he had become. Jonghyun’s sister stared at him however, and apologized for not recognizing him that day when he visited Jonghyun’s dorm. Jinki apologized in return, saying it was his fault. For overreacting, he didn’t add
That afternoon he ate a ton, Mrs. Kim was a great cook and he couldn’t believe how unlucky Jonghyun was for not being able to eat her delicious meals every day. Jinki thought he was the luckiest however, when they decided to stay the night, it meant more of Mrs. Kim’s meals
Before dinner, Jonghyun went to see how his mother was doing in the kitchen, Jinki followed behind him. As he spoke to his mother, Jinki placed his chin on Jonghyun’s shoulder. Just as he did, Jonghyun stiffened and pushed him away before his mother could turn to them and see what had happened. Ignoring Jinki’s hurt expression he left the kitchen and went to his sister to talk.
Afraid that he might have made Jonghyun mad, he talked to him when they were alone.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asked after he dragged Jonghyun out the back door
“Nothing’s wrong. It’s just… my mom will know” Jonghyun said, looking anywhere but Jinki
“You don’t want them to know?” Jinki asked
“Just… just give me time” the other answered
They stayed silent for a while, Jinki was frowning at Jonghyun. He wanted nothing but for Jonghyun to look him in the eye and tell him he was not ashamed of Jinki, because at the moment, that was what Jinki felt.
Jonghyun however, was busy boring holes on the floor, looking for an excuse to drop the subject and just talk about something else, something that didn’t include their relationship. It wasn’t that he was ashamed to let his family know that he was dating Jinki, it was just, he wasn’t ready to tell his family about his gender preferences at the moment, he knew they loved him, but this was all new to him and he was just nervous to even open the topic up in front of his family.
When Jonghyun found no excuse, he left, just like that, leaving Jinki dumbfounded and speechless. He knew he had hurt Jinki and that he will need to make up for it, how, he still didn’t know, but he was going to, when he thinks of something.
Sometimes, Jonghyun thinks he’s the stupid one of the two, just so dumb, an idiot, so so stupid for hurting the one he loved like that and not knowing what he had to do to make everything right, although he wouldn’t admit that in front of Jinki.
~
Right after everyone was done cleaning up, Mrs. Kim decided to chat a little in the living room, get along and catch up with each other.
There were juices on the coffee table and Jonghyun was laughing at his mother’s stories of his sister, it is funny that her sister called the cops because she thought someone was inside their home one night, turns out it was their uncle she didn’t recognize. Seriously, what is it with Jonghyun’s sister and recognizing people?
While Jonghyun was laughing out loud slapping his knees and pointing at his sister as he did, Jinki was in a trance. He couldn’t laugh no matter how he tried, no matter how funny he thought the stories were. He couldn’t help but remember what Jonghyun told him, in his head were questions. What was he doing here? Why did Jonghyun bring him here? If Jonghyun was so embarrassed of him being his boyfriend, if he was so scared of people knowing about his sexual orientation, then why did he bring Jinki to spend time with him, with his family? When he came with Jonghyun he was expecting, he was happy and excited to be introduced as his friend’s lover now.
In the corner of Jinki’s eyes, he noticed Junghee staring at him, when they lock eyes, he looked away, embarrassed of being caught not listening. Junghee noticed this. However, instead of asking Jinki what was wrong like what he expected “how about you jinki oppa, how have you been?” she asked him instead.
“Say, are you seeing anyone?” his eyes widened at the question
Jinki ignored the expectant expression on Junghee’s face, like she knew the answer to her own question. He looked at Mrs. Kim whose expression was nothing but excitement and curiosity, then he looked at jonghyun who was looking anywhere but Jinki. Jinki smiled, then turned to Junghee, “No, actually,” he saw Jonghyun stiffen from the of his eyes just as the words come out
Junghee frowned, like it’s not the answer she was expecting “really?” she stole a glance at her brother, “then... Do you have someone you like?” she asked, it was like she wanted to hear something from Jinki.
Jinki sniffled, sensing that Junghee must be suspicious about her brother and Jinki. He figured he must say something to make things less suspicious “well, yeah...” he paused, stealing a glance at Jonghyun beside him who was breathing heavily “I mean, I do like someone... But the feeling’s one sided” he noticed Jonghyun stiffen.
There was a moment of silence until Mrs. Kim breaks the silence “aww sweetie, it’s okay,” she said, in a means of comforting Jinki.
~
There were few more topics after that, where Jonghyun was also not laughing anymore because he felt nothing but the awkwardness between him and Jinki in the air. He didn’t want to look at his boyfriend, but he knew Jinki was feeling the same as well.
Jonghyun excused himself after a few more stories, he told the others he was tired.
After showering a few minutes later and he was getting ready to get to bed, his mother peeked in the door, “have a good night sweetie” she said, and Jonghyun stared at her curiously, then he looked for Jinki somewhere behind her “you guys done talking?” he asked “yeah, have some rest, I know you’re tired “his mom said “wait mom” he called out right before his mother could leave “where’s Jinki?” he asked
“Oh… He’s in the guest room dear”
“The guest room?”
“Yes, he said you didn’t like sharing a bed so he didn’t want to be a bother. Why? Did you want him to sleep here? I’ll go get him for you”
“No... No, it’s alright”
“Okay... Good night sweetie”
“Night mom”
~
The next morning on their way home both were very quiet, neither of them is talking. Once they were inside their apartment Jonghyun stopped and watched Jinki. The other acted all normal, like nothing had happened the night before or at least pretending like everything is normal and alright.
“We should get something to eat” Jinki said as he acted busy looking for something and not looking at Jonghyun. Jonghyun knew that Jinki knew he was watching.
“Jinki…” Jonghyun started
“I’m hungry” he chuckled in his best efforts to ignore the seriousness in Jonghyun’s tone, but Jonghyun hears how pretentious it is “who’s hungry?” he joked and looked at Jonghyun finally
“If you have something you want to say... Say it” Jonghyun said after a few minutes of silence and a very intense staring contest.
Jinki chuckled “what do you mean?”
“I’m being serious Jinki”
The smile on jinki’s face faltered and he looked away
“Jinki…” Jonghyun pressed yet again
“Fine” Jinki snapped “you want me to say what I want? Fine Jonghyun.” he hissed “I don’t want to be Jonghyun, but I am”
“You’re what?” Jonghyun asked even when he knew he would regret Jinki’s answer
“I’m tired” Jinki sighed “I love you, dammit! I want to be with you, I want to believe in you Jonghyun but it’s so damn hard, it hurts Jjong.” Jinki slumped on the couch behind him “I want to believe in you Jjong, I want to believe that you love me, that you want to be with me. But why do I always feel like I’m the only one who wants this to work? Why Jjong am I the only who’s hurting from holding on? God! I want to let go, I want to let go so fucking bad, but I can’t, because I love you, I love you Jonghyun, I love you…” Jinki was rambling, he could hear himself ramble but he couldn’t stop. All the frustration he had built up inside him finally flowing out “Why is it that you do this? Why do you always... Always make me feel like I SHOULD let go... I’m sorry Jjong, but I don’t even know if you really love me. Am I the only one who wants this relationship? Am I the only one-- why are you just staring at me like that? Say something!”
“I told my mom we’re dating”
“w-what?”
“This morning in the car, while you were buying something at the supermarket”
“Jonghyun what?”
“She was furious, she kept telling me why I haven’t said anything and that you must have been really hurt” Jonghyun said and Jinki bites the inside of his cheek to control his anger. Had the other not been listening? He was having a fucking moment.
Jinki deflated even more. He buried his eyes on his palms, he didn’t know what to feel, he wanted to feel relieved, happy, but he also wanted to feel mad, he wanted to leave. he was tired of Jonghyun playing with his emotions
“Why do you play me like this Jjong? Do you really like watching me suffer?” he snickers “why do I stay? Fuck. Why am I still with you?” was all he could say, however the tiredness in his voice was relevant.
Jinki was startled by the warm hand pulling his head away from his hands “because you love me” Jonghyun told him and Jinki wanted to punch him for playing around in a serious matter when suddenly “and I love you” he stopped, he looked at both Jonghyun’s eyes searching for any signs of lies but all he saw was sincerity and guilt.
“I know I don’t deserve you Jinki. I know that. You accept me for who I am, no matter how much of a jerk I am to you, and believe me, I don’t intend to push you away jinx... I-I guess I’m just so stupid for never telling you how much I love you, because I know that you will never leave, no matter what I do, that I’ve taken you for granted, and I’m an ass I know. I want to change for you, but I don’t fucking know why it takes so much time. I thought you could wait, but I’ve pushed you to your limits haven’t I?”
“I’m sorry Jinki, and if you really want to leave me...” he said, unable to continue, to swallow the truth that Jinki is about to leave him.
Jinki snickered at himself “how could I?” he stared at the other’s eyes “I mean… how could I even do that to you? You’d die of loneliness. No one’s going to be able to stand you like I can jjong” he paused to nuzzle his face in his hand “love you like I do”
~
Jinki was holding two cups of hot chocolate when he entered Jonghyun’s room later that night.
His boyfriend was looking at his phone, busy texting his mom, informing her that everything was fine with Jinki. His mother told him right after to bring Jinki over again sometime to welcome him properly as her son’s lover.
After Jinki had forgiven him that day, they decided to stay on the couch, to talk and to fix everything between them, and that’s when Jonghyun remembered his mother. She had been so angry after she found out about their relationship, she was so angry at Jonghyun for hiding it. She could have treated Jinki even more properly and spent much more time with him.
Jinki placed Jonghyun’s mug on the bedside table. Jonghyun examined the contents of the mug and raised an eyebrow at him
“Hot chocolate? Really?” he said, amused
“I know that we’re tired and all and that we should rest, but hey, remember when you said you can’t get enough of my chocolate drink” Jinki asked, smiling smugly and proudly
“I never said that” Jonghyun straight out said
Jinki sighed, “Fine, you didn’t. But you still said it was good”
“I said it was okay” Jonghyun insisted before reaching for his mug
“Meanie” Jinki frowned as he sat beside Jonghyun, he sipped his chocolate to forget the disappointment he’s feeling, they’d just made up after all
“But you’re right” Jonghyun muttered and Jinki cocked his head to him “I can’t get enough of them” Jonghyun said as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.
Jinki was taken aback, Jonghyun was being nice to him, it was a rare thing to happen, he figured he still needed time getting used to it, but it was not like he’s complaining, he likes it.
They sat there for a few more minutes, drinking their hot chocolate and talking.
~
After they had finished their drinks, Jinki decided that both of them needed their rest, it had been a long ride home, and they woke up early to finish packing and to drive back to their apartment
“I guess we should both get some rest, I know you’re tired” Jinki said before taking Jonghyun’s mug
Jinki was about to make his way out when Jonghyun called him
“Hey Jinx” Jinki turned to look at him, waiting for Jonghyun to speak. When Jonghyun did not speak Jinki got a little worried “Jjong, what’s wrong?”
“Uhm, I don’t know… can you… like… you know?” Jonghyun stuttered “stay h-here?”
Jinki lost his breathing for a second there, he did not even notice that he had held his breath. He dropped the mugs on the floor, careful not to break it and jump into the bed with Jonghyun. Jonghyun was not able to utter a word because Jinki was flying to him as soon as he said the words ‘stay here’ he was not able to move even, because Jinki was now hugging him tight as they lay on his bed, the other was suffocating him with his tight embrace
“Yah! I asked you to stay here, I didn’t say you could jump into bed with me and molest me” Jonghyun complained, struggling to get Jinki off
“I know that’s what you really meant” Jinki cheered, the smile on his face as he hugged Jonghyun to death was about to tear his face in half, this version of Jonghyun is very shocking to him but he loved it.
“You wanna... di-die?” the other threatened, but Jinki’s tight embrace was making him sound like he was being strangled
Jinki was so happy he could die, he could feel his eyes about to tear up “I don’t care, I can die now” he said sounding as if he was about to cry
“What are you on about?” Jonghyun grunted, not noticing that he wasn’t struggling to get Jinki off anymore
“It’s just that I never really feel your love for me, but now I can feel it oozing from every pore of your skin” Jinki cried “I’m so happy, I could die”
Jonghyun stopped all together, letting jinki hug him to death “what do you mean you don’t feel my love for you” he asked, suddenly feeling guilty and defensive “I…I live with you… and… I let you kiss me” he defended
Jinki backed away a little bit to look at Jonghyun, “it’s not that” he chuckled “you don’t really say you love me” Jinki pouted and Jonghyun felt even guiltier because it was true “I hardly feel any love from you at all” he joked
Jonghyun wanted to get angry, how could this idiot be so demanding, isn’t it enough that he gets to kiss Jonghyun? But Jonghyun knew it wasn’t enough, he knew Jinki was right, he showed nothing but coldness to Jinki in their relationship and Jonghyun knew he had to make things right
When Jinki pouted at him even more he covered his lips with his own, Jinki was taken aback at first but kissed Jonghyun back.
“Jjong?” Jinki said when Jonghyun backed away to look at him “I love you” Jonghyun confessed, stunning Jinki, it wasn’t what he was expecting to hear from the other. To prove what he had said he kissed Jinki again, this time licking his bottom lip for permission. Even as he was shocked, Jinki granted entrance to Jonghyun and they kissed like never did before.
Sure they made out a couple of times already, but this was different, Jinki could tell. This kiss was full of passion, of love and Jinki was almost out of breath, but he didn’t want to stop. Fortunately, Jonghyun was out of breath too, and he was the one to pull away first, panting heavily as he stared at Jinki’s eyes, watching it open slowly, Jinki hadn’t even realized his eyes were closed.
They looked at each other for a while. Jinki was thinking of what was to happen next, he wanted to talk, but the words would not come out of his mouth, this was happening so quickly, this was Jonghyun, the same Jonghyun who had been cold to him until this morning. He knew he had been sweet to him this morning, but this time was a bit different, Jonghyun was on top of him, holding him so lovingly and it was everything new to Jinki. However, when Jonghyun dipped down to kiss his jaw line, he knew that no matter how new all this felt, he didn’t want to stop.
The feeling of Jonghyun’s kisses as he traced Jinki’s jaw line with his lips caused Jinki’s eyes to flutter close again. Jonghyun's kisses lowered to his collarbones and went back to his lips, Jinki opened his lips as soon as he felt Jonghyun’s lips press into his. They kissed passionately, Jinki’s hands circled around Jonghyun’s neck bring him closer, his chest pressing into Jinki’s. He felt Jonghyun’s hands caress his sides, dipping lower until they reached underneath his shirt to touch his bare skin. Jonghyun’s fingers felt Jinki’s hot skin and when those fingers reached his nipples, he only flicked one of them once and Jinki had already let out a small gasp.
Something inside Jonghyun had awakened, he wanted to hear more of those noises, he wanted to hear more of Jinki. He played with the other nipple some more and a low moan had escaped Jinki’s mouth, louder this time. What Jonghyun wasn’t expecting though was Jinki rolling his crotch into his. Jonghyun let out a groan, he pulled away and hid his face in Jinki’s neck.
“Stop” Jonghyun panted
Jinki stopped, disappointed that the other had stopped his ministrations
“We have to stop” Jonghyun whispered into Jinki’s neck “or I won’t be able to stop myself” he said, he's sudden want to hear more of the noises Jinki made was driving him crazy, it was scary
Jinki felt him move, Jonghyun’s hips stiffened, trying to stop it from rolling back to Jinki’s. Jinki blushed crimson red. He rolled his hips back to Jonghyun and the other gasped “Jinki stop” Jonghyun warned, pulling back to glare at Jinki
“I don’t want to stop” Jinki told him, looking directly at Jonghyun’s eyes, “I want you, I want to feel you Jjong” the usual smile on Jinki’s face that Jonghyun always sees was not visible anymore, there was seriousness in his eyes, as well as love, nervousness, lust and most of all trust “I want you Jjong, I trust you” Jinki leaned in to kiss him, Jonghyun kissed him back. He tried an experimental roll of his hips again and they both moaned into each other’s mouth “I trust you” Jinki said as he pulled away.
Jonghyun captured his lips again and that day Jonghyun showed Jinki that he did love him, and that he was sorry and that he wanted no one but Jinki. That day he made love to Jinki.
~
They slept in until the noon. Jonghyun woke up to a smiling face that was Jinki.
“Good morning” Jinki greeted, smiling.
Jonghyun grunted, wanting more sleep. He was not able to rest the day before because, well, because he was busy doing Jinki and he wanted to make up for the rest he needed.
That was when Jinki started spooning him “hey, say it again.” The other said “say you love me” Jonghyun could feel the other smile on his nape. “Shut up, I’m trying to fucking sleep” he mumbled into his pillow.
Jinki pouted behind him “you’re such mean-head” he muttered and was about to get up because the mugs he left on the floor yesterday are probably crawling with ants, but a hand pulled him back down again “don’t move, I’m trying to fucking sleep” Jonghyun mumbled into his neck as he pulled him into an embrace and went back to sleep. Jinki smiled and let Jonghyun cuddle him until he heard him snore.
END