Topdogs, Underdogs, and Improving My Ankles.

[effrenata]

My ankles are slowly getting better, to the point that I'll probably be able to go to the store soon. I've realised that one of the things that's holding me back is the embarassment I'll face having to walk very slowly. Right now, I can still only take tiny baby steps

Comments

[yndy]

Here via zoethe's link... I think you're might be onto something with the one-way empathy theory

[yndy]

edit:

a) 'over-privileged' person (why is that the one word I always misspell?)

b) in quoting the Golden Rule, to clarify, I'm not a Christian per se... but that 'rule' has existed since the time of Zoarasterianism in many different forms.

c) my apologies for such a lengthy comment as a first greeting! Hope you will forgive the sudden rush!

[rose7]

True, some "TopDogs" are less than graceful in their dealings with the "UnderDogs".
A nurse once told me, though, that it was mostly those who "hadn't a coin to scratch" who were the most demanding and impolite in the hospital she worked in. She also added, that most of the poor people were perfectly nice, as well. Perhaps it is just that I don't meet many "TopDogs" that I have not personally experienced their impoliteness.

[effrenata]

But I think you are just rewording the Golden Rule a bit. In the end, if we all "do unto others as we wish they'd do unto us," it would be a much nicer world to live in.

This rule can be misleading, though, because not everybody wants or values the same things. I've been burned a few times by trying to follow this rule. I consider Ayn Rand's statement of reciprocity, "trading value for value", more appropriate. Trading value does not necessarily mean trading the same value.

There's also modeling, which is exhibiting the behavior you want displayed as an example to others. This is closer to the traditional Golden Rule, only a bit more strategic.

Double standards are not limited to those in the UnderDog category... I've met many an 'over priveleged' person who feels that it is their perogative to treat those they perceive as UnderDog with disdain and rudeness, all the while, expecting overwhelming graciousness from those they treat that way.Yep, quite true. It goes both ways; I was focusing on one aspect in my post. It's interesting

[rose7]

One of the reasons I don't care much for the "disabled rights" movement (at least for what I've heard of it) is the entitlement mentality which says that disabled people have the right to demand that business owners lose money and able-bodied people suffer inconvenience on their behalf. Why should everybody else have to slow down to match my speed?
...
One does so by appealing to their better instincts, by their natural desire to be seen as noble and admirable by others.
...
By holding the Underdog to a lower standard -- "I can be annoyed at you, but don't you dare have any negative feelings about me -- the inequality is perpetuated.I very much enjoyed reading this insightful little essay. Your entry explained perfectly for me, why I feel so annoyed by the demands of some "Underdogs", while I would be willing to be simply polite and graceful because I don't want to see myself as being rude and unhelpful - exactly like you stated

[effrenata]

I think one of the reasons why "Underdogs" are demanding and have a lot of negative feelings toward the "Topdogs" is that it is very hard to be always on the receiving end of kindness. So, to preserve one's self-respect you have to feel entitled and it also helps to dehumanize and perhaps even demonize those you feel should help you.

Yes, true. It's an attempt to regain lost status through exerting social pressure ("Underdog manipulation") as Perls puts it. The fact that we unconsciously adopt these roles is a part of our genetic programming, and I think the way out of it is to evolve to a higher level, to become centered in oneself rather than needing social confirmation from others. If one has a strong sense of worth from within, external circumstances do not matter.

But our genes resist by saying, "You must throw poo at the other monkey!", and social conditioning also reinforces this. So it's a matter of becoming aware of these patterns and deconditioning oneself, consciously shaping what nature and nuture have given us.

Bravo!

[hugh_mannity]

Here via zoethe

I've been "disabled" by arthritis for some years now. I'm about to have my second total knee replacement (in 3 weeks!). I hate being disabled. I try not to let it get in the way of my life. I'm always grateful for assistance, though I really hate having to ask for help.

[wolflady26]

This was a lovely point, and one that I've felt, but haven't been able to express so well, for a long time. Thank you for sharing it.

[wolflady26]

P.S., would you mind if I reposted this in readers_list? It would include a link to your journal and full credit to you, and comments would be turned off so that anyone who wanted to comment would do it in your journal. I think a lot of people would enjoy reading this.

[effrenata]

Thanks for your comment, and please do.

[ladytabitha]

Ah, thanks for thinking of it.  :)

[wolflady26]

It's a little slow, but I'm way behind on LJ these days!