stuff here
Title: History (17/20)
Rating: R... hard R
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Pairings: 2U, yunjae, past!horella
Warnings: sex
Summary: Yoochun is dating Yunho but he can't help but be suspicious about his boyfriend's relationship with their fellow bandmate, Jaejoong.
prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
Chapter 17 - Soulmates
It had been a long day for them all. Between traveling and getting settling in Japan, and being briefed on their activities everyone was exhausted. There was a tense air among the group as they went so conversation was sparse. Changmin was still upset with Jaejoong, though the older couldn’t fathom why, and Yoochun wasn’t speaking to him either.
Now that everything was out in the open though Jaejoong knew he and Yoochun were in for a long overdue talk. His insides numbed at the thought, however. What exactly would he say? That he loved him, and considered him like a brother, but despite it all still continued to see Yunho behind his back.
Jaejoong felt justified in his feelings for Yunho. It’s not like one could monopolize the way another person felt. There was no way for him to change just because Yunho decided to see someone else.
There were so many could have and should haves lingering in the air. Should he have told Yoochun about his feelings from day one instead of hoping behind his back that the pair would break? Could he have done it?
But it was far too late for any of it now. It was a past that should have been buried long ago but never had a chance to rest.
The bedroom door opened and Jaejoong entered, shutting it behind him. He walked straight over Yoochun who was pretending to be engrossed in reading.
“We need to talk.”
Silence.
“Please, Micky.”
Yoochun looks up from his book, his eyes tired, and Jaejoong could tell that Yoochun has shed his fair share of tears over the situation. Jaejoong tried to steal his heart against it though. Jaejong wasn’t wrong, and neither was he right. Same with Yoochun. They both had their share in the situation they found themselves in at that moment. That’s what Jaejoong reasoned on order to build the courage to approach Yoochun at all.
He took a seat at the foot of Yoochun’s bed and the younger sat up, setting his book aside. It was hard to start the conversation. There were just so many things to say. There were so many frayed up edges since the years that Jaejoong knew Yunho and then adding them to the ones Yoochun added.
“How long did you know?” Jaejoong asked, and immediately he regretted it.
Yoochun sighed, crossing his legs and leaning his head back against the white wall.
“I don’t think there was ever a moment when I felt truly comfortable with you two. I think maybe deep down I knew and I just let myself be stupid.”
“I’m sor-“
“No you’re not,” Yoochun said. “You’re not. Please don’t say you are after you’ve been doing this for so long.”
“I’m sorry for not being able to let him go,” Jaejoong corrected.
Yoochun shook his head and scoffed, “Why?”
“I love him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before I had to go make a fool of myself and think that he could love me?”
“But he does love you,” Jaejoong said. “He loves you so much…”
“Jaejoong…” Yoochun sounded exasperated. His voice pleaded with Jaejoong to stop.
“No, Micky, listen. I’m so sorry. Everything happened so fast. Between finding out about him and Heechul and then you I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior because up until now I felt like there was a chance. I conspired against you I did. I admit that I did of my own free will. I thought that he’d leave you eventually but he never did.”
“Did you not once think of me?” Yoochun asked. “Hyung? Not once?”
“And what about you? Don’t tell me you didn’t know there was something between Yunho and I before you two got together. We both knew that everyone in our group knew there was something but that didn’t stop you, did it? I didn’t hold it against you personally, but I swear that didn’t mean I was just going to let you have him. After what? After fighting so hard for so many years. Micky I never knew how you felt about Yunho. I never knew it was more than some infatuation.”
“So you think you had the right?” Yoochun asked.
“Yes I did! I did! I had every right to try my hardest for what I think I deserve. Don’t you think we all do? But now I’m just tired and what I used to want, what I used to think I need… I’m not sure of anymore. My mind was just one track. ‘I have to get Yunho back I have to get Yunho back.’ I forced myself to think he wanted me back. It’s just… It’s so-“
Jaejoong stopped when he felt Yoochun’s hand on his arm.
“I guess we’re both in similar situation then, huh?”
“What?”
“Well, obviously Yunho doesn’t cherish his relationship with me any more than he did you and Heechul. Maybe it’s just best we both, we all, all three of us just let him go.”
“Yoochun… you don’t… you don’t mean that do you?”
“I do,” Yoochun said. “You’re right. Yunho has proved time and time again that he can’t be honest. You know what he said to me when I asked him why it didn’t work out with you? He said he wasn’t the person you thought he was.”
“Yu,yunho…”
Yoochun could hear it in the choked way his hyung said their leader’s words that it struck a chord with him. Yoochun had to admt now looking back on it he could say he felt the same way. He fell for a Yunho who was kind a generous and looked out for others more than he did himself. Yunho was infallible, or so he thought. Maybe that’s the mistake he made in the first place; putting someone on a pedestal so high made it impossible for a fall not to shatter the image.
“I was stupid to even think he’d want me,” Yoochun sighed.
“Are you really giving up?” Jaejoong asked.
“I have to.”
“Yoochun… look at me,” Jaejoong commanded. “Look at me.”
Yoochun looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes.
“We’re soulmates right? I know as much as you do you don’t really want to give up. You have to fight for what you want until the very end. That’s what I did,” Jaejoong laughed a hallow laugh at the end of his sentence. “It’s over for me and him. I see that now. I didn’t want to see it and I fought it even risking my friendships. I was lying. I was vindictive, I’ve hurt enough. I’ve suffered enough and you… you’ve hurt enough. Even… even if by some chance you never want to see Yunho’s face again and he came falling at my feet now… I used to think that was enough but I realize winning Yunho this way isn’t really winning at all.”
“Hyung…”
“Whether I win Yunho or not, my fate is to suffer.”
“Hyung don’t say that! You’re being too hard on yourself.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “Shouldn’t you be the one cursing me right now. Why are you trying to comfort me? Anyway believe me when I say Yunho really does love you. I see that now.”
Yoochun frowned, “Well you may say so but I don’t see it.”
“And what if I said I could prove it to you if you just let me?”
-----
Changmin was sitting in the living room of their dorm, playing his games on his laptop. His brow was furrowed as he concentrated on his current objective and a curse slipped from between his lips as he failed.
“Changmin ah!” Junsu flopped down on the couch beside the maknae. “I’m hungry. You want to go get something to eat?”
Changmin didn’t break his eyes away from his computer screen.
“Ask Yoochun. He could probably use the company.”
“Too late,” Junsu said. “He’s with Jaejoong,” Junsu said.
Changmin visibly tensed at the mention of the eldest member’s name.
“What are they doing together?”
“Talking,” Junsu said. “Likely a way overdue talk, too.”
“I don’t get it…” Changmin said after a pause. “Why? I don’t really know what it is to love. I thought I knew at least… a little bit. But seeing them, I just really don’t. Why do people think it’s worth it?”
“I think it’s different for everybody. You shouldn’t let their experience cloud your judgment. And if you… If you really like him you should want to help him not push him away and judge him.”
Changmin’s eyes widened before he glared, “What are you talking about?”
“Well…”
“Let’s just go eat,” Changmin said, shutting his computer and effectively changing the subject.
Junsu didn’t object. He was as tired as the rest of them were. It would be good to get out for a while.
-to be continued-
AN - wow long time no see. i won't give excuses about where i've been but if you follow me on tumblr maybe u kinda know. anyway i doubt u do BLAH BLAH
this fic is almost over!
btw i have an extra ticket to see Tohoshinki at Nagoya dome on May 14th and want sell it for 9,000yen. The person that was supposed to come with me the plan fell through. Let me know. I can even give it in person if you live around Nagoya. Spread the word please
Rating: R... hard R
Genre: Drama, Romance, Angst
Pairings: 2U, yunjae, past!horella
Warnings: sex
Summary: Yoochun is dating Yunho but he can't help but be suspicious about his boyfriend's relationship with their fellow bandmate, Jaejoong.
prologue chapter 1 chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16
Chapter 17 - Soulmates
It had been a long day for them all. Between traveling and getting settling in Japan, and being briefed on their activities everyone was exhausted. There was a tense air among the group as they went so conversation was sparse. Changmin was still upset with Jaejoong, though the older couldn’t fathom why, and Yoochun wasn’t speaking to him either.
Now that everything was out in the open though Jaejoong knew he and Yoochun were in for a long overdue talk. His insides numbed at the thought, however. What exactly would he say? That he loved him, and considered him like a brother, but despite it all still continued to see Yunho behind his back.
Jaejoong felt justified in his feelings for Yunho. It’s not like one could monopolize the way another person felt. There was no way for him to change just because Yunho decided to see someone else.
There were so many could have and should haves lingering in the air. Should he have told Yoochun about his feelings from day one instead of hoping behind his back that the pair would break? Could he have done it?
But it was far too late for any of it now. It was a past that should have been buried long ago but never had a chance to rest.
The bedroom door opened and Jaejoong entered, shutting it behind him. He walked straight over Yoochun who was pretending to be engrossed in reading.
“We need to talk.”
Silence.
“Please, Micky.”
Yoochun looks up from his book, his eyes tired, and Jaejoong could tell that Yoochun has shed his fair share of tears over the situation. Jaejoong tried to steal his heart against it though. Jaejong wasn’t wrong, and neither was he right. Same with Yoochun. They both had their share in the situation they found themselves in at that moment. That’s what Jaejoong reasoned on order to build the courage to approach Yoochun at all.
He took a seat at the foot of Yoochun’s bed and the younger sat up, setting his book aside. It was hard to start the conversation. There were just so many things to say. There were so many frayed up edges since the years that Jaejoong knew Yunho and then adding them to the ones Yoochun added.
“How long did you know?” Jaejoong asked, and immediately he regretted it.
Yoochun sighed, crossing his legs and leaning his head back against the white wall.
“I don’t think there was ever a moment when I felt truly comfortable with you two. I think maybe deep down I knew and I just let myself be stupid.”
“I’m sor-“
“No you’re not,” Yoochun said. “You’re not. Please don’t say you are after you’ve been doing this for so long.”
“I’m sorry for not being able to let him go,” Jaejoong corrected.
Yoochun shook his head and scoffed, “Why?”
“I love him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before I had to go make a fool of myself and think that he could love me?”
“But he does love you,” Jaejoong said. “He loves you so much…”
“Jaejoong…” Yoochun sounded exasperated. His voice pleaded with Jaejoong to stop.
“No, Micky, listen. I’m so sorry. Everything happened so fast. Between finding out about him and Heechul and then you I don’t want to make excuses for my behavior because up until now I felt like there was a chance. I conspired against you I did. I admit that I did of my own free will. I thought that he’d leave you eventually but he never did.”
“Did you not once think of me?” Yoochun asked. “Hyung? Not once?”
“And what about you? Don’t tell me you didn’t know there was something between Yunho and I before you two got together. We both knew that everyone in our group knew there was something but that didn’t stop you, did it? I didn’t hold it against you personally, but I swear that didn’t mean I was just going to let you have him. After what? After fighting so hard for so many years. Micky I never knew how you felt about Yunho. I never knew it was more than some infatuation.”
“So you think you had the right?” Yoochun asked.
“Yes I did! I did! I had every right to try my hardest for what I think I deserve. Don’t you think we all do? But now I’m just tired and what I used to want, what I used to think I need… I’m not sure of anymore. My mind was just one track. ‘I have to get Yunho back I have to get Yunho back.’ I forced myself to think he wanted me back. It’s just… It’s so-“
Jaejoong stopped when he felt Yoochun’s hand on his arm.
“I guess we’re both in similar situation then, huh?”
“What?”
“Well, obviously Yunho doesn’t cherish his relationship with me any more than he did you and Heechul. Maybe it’s just best we both, we all, all three of us just let him go.”
“Yoochun… you don’t… you don’t mean that do you?”
“I do,” Yoochun said. “You’re right. Yunho has proved time and time again that he can’t be honest. You know what he said to me when I asked him why it didn’t work out with you? He said he wasn’t the person you thought he was.”
“Yu,yunho…”
Yoochun could hear it in the choked way his hyung said their leader’s words that it struck a chord with him. Yoochun had to admt now looking back on it he could say he felt the same way. He fell for a Yunho who was kind a generous and looked out for others more than he did himself. Yunho was infallible, or so he thought. Maybe that’s the mistake he made in the first place; putting someone on a pedestal so high made it impossible for a fall not to shatter the image.
“I was stupid to even think he’d want me,” Yoochun sighed.
“Are you really giving up?” Jaejoong asked.
“I have to.”
“Yoochun… look at me,” Jaejoong commanded. “Look at me.”
Yoochun looked up and met Jaejoong’s eyes.
“We’re soulmates right? I know as much as you do you don’t really want to give up. You have to fight for what you want until the very end. That’s what I did,” Jaejoong laughed a hallow laugh at the end of his sentence. “It’s over for me and him. I see that now. I didn’t want to see it and I fought it even risking my friendships. I was lying. I was vindictive, I’ve hurt enough. I’ve suffered enough and you… you’ve hurt enough. Even… even if by some chance you never want to see Yunho’s face again and he came falling at my feet now… I used to think that was enough but I realize winning Yunho this way isn’t really winning at all.”
“Hyung…”
“Whether I win Yunho or not, my fate is to suffer.”
“Hyung don’t say that! You’re being too hard on yourself.”
Jaejoong shook his head, “Shouldn’t you be the one cursing me right now. Why are you trying to comfort me? Anyway believe me when I say Yunho really does love you. I see that now.”
Yoochun frowned, “Well you may say so but I don’t see it.”
“And what if I said I could prove it to you if you just let me?”
-----
Changmin was sitting in the living room of their dorm, playing his games on his laptop. His brow was furrowed as he concentrated on his current objective and a curse slipped from between his lips as he failed.
“Changmin ah!” Junsu flopped down on the couch beside the maknae. “I’m hungry. You want to go get something to eat?”
Changmin didn’t break his eyes away from his computer screen.
“Ask Yoochun. He could probably use the company.”
“Too late,” Junsu said. “He’s with Jaejoong,” Junsu said.
Changmin visibly tensed at the mention of the eldest member’s name.
“What are they doing together?”
“Talking,” Junsu said. “Likely a way overdue talk, too.”
“I don’t get it…” Changmin said after a pause. “Why? I don’t really know what it is to love. I thought I knew at least… a little bit. But seeing them, I just really don’t. Why do people think it’s worth it?”
“I think it’s different for everybody. You shouldn’t let their experience cloud your judgment. And if you… If you really like him you should want to help him not push him away and judge him.”
Changmin’s eyes widened before he glared, “What are you talking about?”
“Well…”
“Let’s just go eat,” Changmin said, shutting his computer and effectively changing the subject.
Junsu didn’t object. He was as tired as the rest of them were. It would be good to get out for a while.
-to be continued-
AN - wow long time no see. i won't give excuses about where i've been but if you follow me on tumblr maybe u kinda know. anyway i doubt u do BLAH BLAH
this fic is almost over!
btw i have an extra ticket to see Tohoshinki at Nagoya dome on May 14th and want sell it for 9,000yen. The person that was supposed to come with me the plan fell through. Let me know. I can even give it in person if you live around Nagoya. Spread the word please