Seven: A return
Scene: Tonks returns after being away for six months.
Note: A/U Seven fic. What would have happened if they hadn't worked things out over the whole Montague/Zabini issue.
Rating: PG-13. ANGST.
Tonks stood outside the door, shifting nervously. She hadn't been back in months, and it hurt to just stand here. Everything seemed so familiar, even the smells. She'd left months ago, and for good reasons, but it hurt too much to be away.
Panic wove through her. What if he wasn't here any longer? His family had stopped speaking to her for the most part when she'd left, and she had no idea if he was actually still here or not. What if he wouldn't talk to her? What if he hated her?
"Stop it," she muttered to herself. This was important. It was time to be brave. Reaching out a hand, she knocked lightly on the door.
Bill had a beer bottle clutched in his hand, staring at a smouldering fire. It was seven, and he was well past that in beers alone. After all, what else was there to do? He had driven her away.
Her.
Yeah, it was usually around the sixth or seventh that he couldn't push all thought of her from his head any more. "It's unlocked," he slurred, assuming it was one of his brothers. Why bother locking anything anymore? He wanted to die, really. Just too big of a coward to do it himself.
Her emotions swung from panic to worry, hearing the slurred voice. It was still early, and it wasn't like him to...
Tonks opened the door and slipped in, closing it behind her quietly. It was dark in the flat. Why was it so dark? There were so many lamps. Flicking her wand, she brought up a few, enough to find her way and moved on, not even bothering to remove her cloak.
She found him in front of the fireplace, just sitting there. Things were a mess, and so was he, apparently. Her heart nearly broke at the sight of him.
"Bill?" It came out softly, barely intelligible really.
Bill raised bleary eyes to her, long matted hair around his shoulders. Smiling weakly, he raised his bottle to her.
"You're early. Haven't even finished my case yet."
Tonks stared at him, just stared, for a full minute. Foolishly she'd assumed that, hearing nothing from him, or his family, he'd moved on, or away, or something like that. This was not at all what she had expected. Sinking to her knees next to his chair and nudging the bottles on the floor out of the way, Tonks reached out to touch him gently on the cheek.
"Oh love. What have you done to yourself?" There were tears in her eyes at the sight of him.
"You always ask that," Bill murmured, looking down at her with sad eyes. She seemed more real tonight. "And I say I couldn't handle losing you. And you tell me I have to move past you. And I never can..." His tone was drifting, his eyes unfocused. He wasn't so far as he'd pass out yet, but he was drunk.
"Do I?" she murmured sadly, a tear escaping down one cheek. "How horrible of me to do that."
Reaching out, she ran a finger down his cheek, noting how long it had been since he'd properly shaved. Tonks could only hope he hadn't been this drunk and working as well. If she'd known... if someone had told her...
She'd assumed that his silence had meant he was glad she was gone. Not interfering with him anymore, not helping him mind his temper. This had been nowhere in her imagination.
Bill broke down slightly, reaching out to brush her tear away. "No no, you're not supposed to cry, Nymph. If you do, then I can't keep going. Because if you're sad, then it's not for the best and... and..."
His shoulders shook slightly. "Go away. I want to sleep now."
"How can I not be sad love, seeing you like this?" Tonks caught his hand as it pulled back slowly. Even his hand felt exhausted, worn out. She couldn't help the small sniffle that escaped. Getting him to sleep seemed like a good idea. Then she could tackle the mess and wait for him to wake up. "You should sleep, but in a bed. Let me help you to it? Then you can rest."
Bill broke down into rummy tears, shaking his head. "Stop it! Stop being kind, this makes it so much harder... STOP."
"Don't you yell at me, Bill Weasley. Get your arse up and get into that bed before I hex you unconscious myself." Tonks glared at him fiercely, her temper flaring. "I'll take you there myself, if that will help."
Bill stood up, swaying more than a little. "You left because I yelled! You left because I didn't like to see you having to deal with scum like Montague and Zabini and you LEFT. You don't have a right to hex me or anything else! You LEFT!"
The anger faded, as it wasn't even anger to begin with.
It was hurt.
Sinking to his knees, he knelt before her, arms around her waist. "And I wanted to say I'm sorry, but it's too late. Nelson... you have Nelson now..." He'd heard a rumor, taking it to heart and taking himself to drink.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about? Nelson who?" Tonks looked down at him, wondering if he even noticed her waistline. Which was becoming fairly prominent at this point.
"I left, Bill, because you were destroying yourself and I refused to watch. You wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear me. At no point did I ever stop loving you. I sat around and waited, hoping to hear from you, locked up in Mum's house. Nothing. Not an owl, a note, a message, nothing. I figured you'd gone off and found yourself someone you wanted more."
It had hurt, a lot, to think that.
"Why are you saying these things?" Bill murmured, his lips against her skin. It did feel like more. A lot more.
That was new.
"You know I love you. You knew, and you left and... and everything ended. Why are you saying these things? It's not what you always say?"
"Did you miss the part where you invited me in, love?" Tonks reached down and gently rubbed the top of his head, ignoring the deplorable state of his hair. She was going to have to get him clean as well. First things first, however.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to come back."
Bill looked up at her with tears in his eyes.
"... you're real."
I am." Her other hand traced down his cheek while her own tears welled up again. She'd missed him so much while she'd been gone. "Love, what have you done to yourself?"
Bill didn't answer, burying his face against her swollen belly.
"You're back. Oh... oh my God..." And she was pregnant. Oh god.
Tonks, more than a bit tired of standing at this point, sank down into his vacated chair. Working around his arms, she tugged her cloak off and tossed it on the nearby sofa before pulling him close again.
"I couldn't wait any longer. Couldn't stay away. I had to see. See if you were happier with me gone. Figured you were." Her voice was sad.
"I'm broken, Nymph," Bill all but whispered, tears falling onto the swell of her belly. "I'm nothing without you here with me."
"Oh Bill," Tonks sniffled a bit, wiping his cheeks. "Why didn't you say anything? I waited and waited, and no one would talk to me, tell me how you were. I practically stopped being to everyone when I left. I thought that meant you were happier without me."
She'd spent the lonely months holed up in Andromeda's cottage, hidden away. Not invited to Order meetings, or involved in any way. All she'd wanted to do was save him from himself, from his anger.
He'd stopped going to Order meetings. He'd lost his job. His brothers took turns trying to cheer him up, feeding him, paying for his rent.
They were all lost. He'd been the strongest, and he'd fallen so far.
Tonks couldn't take the look on his face anymore. It was full of pain. A quick wave of her wand and a bag started to pack for him.
"I'm taking you with me, love. You can't stay here, like this. I'm going to take you to the cottage, and clean you up and we're going to talk and you're going to sleep, and eat, and heal."
Bill's voice was shaking. "No. I'm half-drunk. I don't want your mum to see me like this." He hated HER seeing him like this.
"Pet, I doubt you need to worry about that. She's been gone for a bit now." Almost three months, actually. "I'm taking you home with me, where you belong. I'm not leaving you alone again. It hurts too much to be away from you."
Summoning the suitcase and her cloak, she pulled out the Portkey. "Please let me do this."
Bill nodded lamely, feeling an exhaustion that he wasn't aware he'd been living with. He wasn't sleepy. He was just tired of fighting himself.
"Good." Tonks triggered the Portkey and took them to the cottage. Setting the bag and cloak aside, she led him to the master bath. "You're a mess love. Let's get you cleaned up, and in bed."
She began tugging his clothes off gently, frowning at how little he'd been taking care of himself. Honestly she couldn't be sure he wouldn't just pass out and drown. "It’s a massive tub. I'll go in with you, all right?"
Bill nodded, his ribs showing. His former bulked physique was almost wasted away.
"Can I hold you?"
"Of course you can. It's not a proper bath without you holding me." Dropping her own clothes with his in the hamper, Tonks started the bath and watched it fill while rummaging for a few potions. "Here love, take these? Get some vitamins in you? You're half-gone. We can't have that, can we?"
She handed them to him and sat on the side of the tub, rubbing her belly. "You have to be strong enough to help me out, when we're done."
Bill took the potions, staring at her stomach with more than a look of pain.
"... how long?" He couldn't believe it. He’d had absolutely no idea he was going to be a father.
"Another few months. Early March, they tell me." It had been hard, not telling him. But their last words to each other had been so harsh, so final. Tonks hadn't been sure of how he would have reacted. At that point she'd thought he might accuse her of... things.
The tub was full, and she stopped the water. His colour was a bit better now, and she paused to charm his hair as clean as she could before leading him to it. "In with you first. You can help me settle into the tub."
Nowdays, she had to have the house-elves help her with things like that. It would be nice to not have to ask them.
Bill sank down, almost smiling. He felt semi-human again. "Come here, pet." March. Dear fucking lord. That wasn't enough time.
Tonks let him help her in carefully, leaning against him. It felt so good to have him touch her again, and it was all she could do, not to cry. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
Bill shook his head, shaggy unkempt hair on his shoulders. "... I don't know how I would have handled this. I still don't know... I'm going to be shit for a father. I'm shit for a husband."
"There's time. If you want to, I mean." Leaning back against him in the hot water, she sighed. Everything was ready in the cottage for the baby. "But I never thought you were a bad husband. Never. I was worried."
"Time?" Bill didn't understand what she meant. She didn't mean... that was his CHILD. She wouldn't end it? No, it had to be something else he wasn't able to understand. Which didn't surprise him. "... Tonks, I am. I... I should have found you."
"I shouldn't have left." Picking up the washcloth, she started cleaning him, focusing on one bit of skin at a time. "When I found out about the baby, I should have come back, but I was so stubborn, and angry, and hurt. I should have told you."
Sighing sadly, she continued. "I've got a nursery in the next room. I can show you, if you want to see."
Bill found himself fighting tears back again. "Nymph..." His face was a mask of pain.
Tonks turned as best she could and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I'm so sorry love."
Wrapping his arms around her tighter, Bill sobbed against her shoulder. "Nymph, I should have found you. I should have... I..."
"I shouldn't have been so stubborn." Tonks knew that now. Should have thought it all through better, stayed in contact, told him right away. Then she would have known about this. "I never should have left you alone."
Bill swallowed, looking up at her with a streaked face. "... I'm nothing without you."
"I hurt you," her voice was full of tears at the thought. "I thought... I guess I thought you didn't need me. You wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear me. I took that to mean you didn't want me."
"I thought you were going to yell at me more," Bill admitted, leaning in against her neck, shaking slightly.
"You were very angry." Tonks thought back and shivered a bit. "And not quite you. Your temper was out of control, love."
"I know," Bill all but whimpered. "I'm sorry. I got so angry at him, always being there..."
"Shhh..." Giving in to instinct, she began pressing soft kisses to his face, anywhere she could reach. "It's done with, love, and over."
Bill looked up at him with almost hollow eyes. "No. He'll still try me and try me and I'll get angry." He knew himself. "And you'll leave again."
"I don't see how he could, love." Tonks smiled sadly. "I killed him about a month ago."
Bill looked up, suddenly. "... you what?"
"Killed him. About a month ago. He showed up here, and I'd had enough. They were picking up pieces for hours." Tonks frowned at the thought. "Apparently the hormones do wicked things to hexes."
Bill stared ahead. "... I suppose this is the thing that makes me the 'good guy'. I do feel bad that he's dead. Such a waste of a life."
"I don't, amazingly." Tonks shrugged a bit. "I thought I would, but I don't. It's like a weight lifted from my life."
Bill closed his eyes for a moment, then looked up at her with a clear gaze. Stroking her cheek, he shook his head. "I love you."
Leaning close, Tonks couldn't help but kiss him, for the first time in months. Tears running down her face, she sighed softly against his lips. "I love you."
"I'm not letting you go again," Bill whispered back, his arms almost too tightly wrapped around her shoulders. "I can't... I'd die."
"You're not going anywhere," she agreed. "I need you, and you need me. This should never have happened."
"It..." Bill shook his head, leaning in to kiss her. "You're stuck with me. Deal with it."
"That's all I ever wanted, love." Tonks couldn't help the tears running down her face. "I just couldn't watch you like that, wondering who you'd be mad at next, if it would be me."
Bill stroked her cheeks, trying to get the tears to stop. "I never got mad at you. Never. I... I'm so sorry."
That just increased the tears, and she clung to him, sobbing softly. It had hurt to be so alone, away from him. She'd given up everything, hoping it would help him in some way, and she'd only made things worse.
Bill held her so tightly he was afraid of hurting her. Sobbing more than a little, he shook his head. "... Nymph... Please stop crying."
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to stop. "It's just... I made everything worse."
"No! Nymph, you probably stopped me from being hurt... or hurting you on accident," Bill moaned, feeling her tears stabbing his heart.
Tonks pressed closer, trying to calm down. "When I came in and found you, I thought I was going to faint, love. I did that to you."
Stroking her back, he shook his head violently. "Stop. Stop please, it's all right... I'm home, it's all right. I'm here with you."
She calmed, finally, and relaxed against him. "The hormones make everything worse," she admitted, finding his hand and tangling her fingers with his. "I'm very emotional these days."
"I understand," Bill said quietly, raising her fingers to his lips to kiss the knuckles gently. "Just... please be patient. Please don't leave me again."
"I didn't want to leave at all," Tonks was firm about that. "I just didn't think there was any other choice. I was so tired of fighting, and yelling, and everything. Then I came here and I was sick all the time." It had been rough. "I wrote you letters. Lots of them. I just couldn't send them."
"... I want to read them," Bill murmured against her neck, wrapping his arms tighter to nuzzle. "I want to know everything. Please, I don't want miss any more time."
"Good." Tonks would fully admit she'd gone to the flat perfectly willing to hex him back to common sense if needed. "You have to stay so I can take care of you. And never leave."
For the first time, Bill could see how thin he had gotten; how very exhausted he was now. "... why would you still want me?"
"Because you're Bill," she said, taking up her washcloth again and finishing her task. "I love you. More than anything. I want you here, with us, forever."
Bill swallowed, looking up with revived, if still a touch hollow eyes. "... swear it?
"I promise." Tonks had no problem with that. She wasn't letting go of him again.
Nodding, Bill reached out for a washcloth. It was his turn to clean her, wash away her tears. "... boy or girl? Do we know?"
"A girl," Tonks grinned. "She's perfect. I have the films from the last exam. She likes peas, which I find a bit repulsive, but have to eat anyway."
"Well, it won't be too much longer," Bill murmured, running the towel along her shoulders. "Then we can be feeding her peas, which she'll throw up on us repeatedly."
"Mmm..." that felt so lovely. "She did horrible things to my innards for months before she settled in. I thought I was going to lose an organ. Albus told me it was normal."
"Albus is out of his tree," Bill said with a little weak grin. "Sometimes, he'd visit. Along with the rest of them." In truth, he didn't remember a lot.
"No one would tell me anything. Only Albus and Harry would actually speak with me." Tonks got that sad look on her face again. "I haven't been out in two months now. I just stayed here and kept the doors locked."
"I'll scream at them all for it. They... it was just a lot. At once. I sort of fell apart," Bill muttered, closing his eyes.
"So I see." Reaching a hand out to cup his face, she kissed him softly again. "I'll have to make sure it doesn't happen in the future. Now can you help me out of here before I prune?" The last was said with a smile.
Bill grinned, managing to pick her up still in spite of his strength. "... let's curl up and sleep then? I wouldn't want a pruney wife."
"It's nice to be a wife again," she whispered against his skin. "I missed that, so much."
I missed being a husband," Bill murmured, curling her against him. "I missed you so much."
Tonks pointed him to the bed, which was large but obviously fairly unused. It was easy to see where she'd slept, because of the extra pillows to support her back.
"You'll stay, right? Here? With me?"
"Tomorrow, we'll move back to the flat." Bill was firm about this. It needed life back in it.
"But the nursery..." Tonks stared at him.
"We'll move it. Nymph... I want to fix my memories there, ok? Please?"
"As long as we come back here eventually." Tonks was quite serious. "This was my home growing up, you know. I want us to have a nice, safe home."
Bill looked at her, very surprised. "... I had no idea this house meant so much to you." Charlie wanted the Burrow for his own, he'd never considered it. But...
"Wasn't safe then." Tonks tugged him closer, relaxing slightly. "Other.. people... knew where to find it. I've taken care of that now. But I understand about the flat. We should fix things there, if you want to."
"... we'll clean it up. But... I just want you to be happy." He smiled slightly, stroking her cheek as they lay out on the bed. "That's all."
"I just want to be with you." It was such a relief to have him here. Tonks felt so much safer now, and could finally fully relax. "I had to go find you."
"You're here with me. We'll... we made it through this. We can make it through anything now," he mumbled, kissing her forehead.
"I never felt right without you. If it weren't for the baby, I'd probably be a huge mess." She was sleepy now, and yawned widely. "But I had to take care of your little girl."
Bill stroked her side, shaking his head. "If only I'd have known..."
"You want her?" That had been one of her biggest fears, that he'd reject not just her, but the baby.
"More than anything." His hand rested on her stomach. "Except you."
Tonks grinned as her abdomen fluttered against his hand. It was about that time of night. Evening gymnastics, she'd taken to calling them.
With a surprised intake of air, Bill shifted so his head could rest on her stomach. "... hello, baby girl." He swallowed, almost painfully. "I'm your dad."
"I've told her all about you," Tonks told him, smiling slightly. "I even rigged the penseive to play your voice for her."
"She'll get to hear the real thing now," Bill murmured, kissing the swell. "... I love you both, Nymph."
"I love you too, and I'm quite sure she does as well." An answering kick seemed to confirm it. "Albus says she's going to be very talented. He's got her down on the lists already."
"That's good to know." Bill smiled, crawling back up to hold her in his arms. "... but we three need sleep. It's been a long day."
"You're right. I'm just afraid I'll wake up and it will all be a dream." Tonks didn't mention how long she'd been thinking about doing what she did today.
"It won't be." bill was very serious about that point. If he did wake up and it was a dream, he'd die.
"Good. Because I don't want to be without you anymore. It hurt too much," she murmured against his chest, getting drowsy. "I love you too much to be away."
"You don't have to be anymore," Bill murmured. He'd wait up and watch her- them - just a few minutes more.
"Love you," she told him, drowsing off to sleep against him, arms wrapped tightly around him as best she could.
"Love you too," he murmured quietly, curling up around her to let her drift off to sleep in his arms.
Note: A/U Seven fic. What would have happened if they hadn't worked things out over the whole Montague/Zabini issue.
Rating: PG-13. ANGST.
Tonks stood outside the door, shifting nervously. She hadn't been back in months, and it hurt to just stand here. Everything seemed so familiar, even the smells. She'd left months ago, and for good reasons, but it hurt too much to be away.
Panic wove through her. What if he wasn't here any longer? His family had stopped speaking to her for the most part when she'd left, and she had no idea if he was actually still here or not. What if he wouldn't talk to her? What if he hated her?
"Stop it," she muttered to herself. This was important. It was time to be brave. Reaching out a hand, she knocked lightly on the door.
Bill had a beer bottle clutched in his hand, staring at a smouldering fire. It was seven, and he was well past that in beers alone. After all, what else was there to do? He had driven her away.
Her.
Yeah, it was usually around the sixth or seventh that he couldn't push all thought of her from his head any more. "It's unlocked," he slurred, assuming it was one of his brothers. Why bother locking anything anymore? He wanted to die, really. Just too big of a coward to do it himself.
Her emotions swung from panic to worry, hearing the slurred voice. It was still early, and it wasn't like him to...
Tonks opened the door and slipped in, closing it behind her quietly. It was dark in the flat. Why was it so dark? There were so many lamps. Flicking her wand, she brought up a few, enough to find her way and moved on, not even bothering to remove her cloak.
She found him in front of the fireplace, just sitting there. Things were a mess, and so was he, apparently. Her heart nearly broke at the sight of him.
"Bill?" It came out softly, barely intelligible really.
Bill raised bleary eyes to her, long matted hair around his shoulders. Smiling weakly, he raised his bottle to her.
"You're early. Haven't even finished my case yet."
Tonks stared at him, just stared, for a full minute. Foolishly she'd assumed that, hearing nothing from him, or his family, he'd moved on, or away, or something like that. This was not at all what she had expected. Sinking to her knees next to his chair and nudging the bottles on the floor out of the way, Tonks reached out to touch him gently on the cheek.
"Oh love. What have you done to yourself?" There were tears in her eyes at the sight of him.
"You always ask that," Bill murmured, looking down at her with sad eyes. She seemed more real tonight. "And I say I couldn't handle losing you. And you tell me I have to move past you. And I never can..." His tone was drifting, his eyes unfocused. He wasn't so far as he'd pass out yet, but he was drunk.
"Do I?" she murmured sadly, a tear escaping down one cheek. "How horrible of me to do that."
Reaching out, she ran a finger down his cheek, noting how long it had been since he'd properly shaved. Tonks could only hope he hadn't been this drunk and working as well. If she'd known... if someone had told her...
She'd assumed that his silence had meant he was glad she was gone. Not interfering with him anymore, not helping him mind his temper. This had been nowhere in her imagination.
Bill broke down slightly, reaching out to brush her tear away. "No no, you're not supposed to cry, Nymph. If you do, then I can't keep going. Because if you're sad, then it's not for the best and... and..."
His shoulders shook slightly. "Go away. I want to sleep now."
"How can I not be sad love, seeing you like this?" Tonks caught his hand as it pulled back slowly. Even his hand felt exhausted, worn out. She couldn't help the small sniffle that escaped. Getting him to sleep seemed like a good idea. Then she could tackle the mess and wait for him to wake up. "You should sleep, but in a bed. Let me help you to it? Then you can rest."
Bill broke down into rummy tears, shaking his head. "Stop it! Stop being kind, this makes it so much harder... STOP."
"Don't you yell at me, Bill Weasley. Get your arse up and get into that bed before I hex you unconscious myself." Tonks glared at him fiercely, her temper flaring. "I'll take you there myself, if that will help."
Bill stood up, swaying more than a little. "You left because I yelled! You left because I didn't like to see you having to deal with scum like Montague and Zabini and you LEFT. You don't have a right to hex me or anything else! You LEFT!"
The anger faded, as it wasn't even anger to begin with.
It was hurt.
Sinking to his knees, he knelt before her, arms around her waist. "And I wanted to say I'm sorry, but it's too late. Nelson... you have Nelson now..." He'd heard a rumor, taking it to heart and taking himself to drink.
"What the bloody hell are you talking about? Nelson who?" Tonks looked down at him, wondering if he even noticed her waistline. Which was becoming fairly prominent at this point.
"I left, Bill, because you were destroying yourself and I refused to watch. You wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear me. At no point did I ever stop loving you. I sat around and waited, hoping to hear from you, locked up in Mum's house. Nothing. Not an owl, a note, a message, nothing. I figured you'd gone off and found yourself someone you wanted more."
It had hurt, a lot, to think that.
"Why are you saying these things?" Bill murmured, his lips against her skin. It did feel like more. A lot more.
That was new.
"You know I love you. You knew, and you left and... and everything ended. Why are you saying these things? It's not what you always say?"
"Did you miss the part where you invited me in, love?" Tonks reached down and gently rubbed the top of his head, ignoring the deplorable state of his hair. She was going to have to get him clean as well. First things first, however.
"I'm sorry it took me so long to come back."
Bill looked up at her with tears in his eyes.
"... you're real."
I am." Her other hand traced down his cheek while her own tears welled up again. She'd missed him so much while she'd been gone. "Love, what have you done to yourself?"
Bill didn't answer, burying his face against her swollen belly.
"You're back. Oh... oh my God..." And she was pregnant. Oh god.
Tonks, more than a bit tired of standing at this point, sank down into his vacated chair. Working around his arms, she tugged her cloak off and tossed it on the nearby sofa before pulling him close again.
"I couldn't wait any longer. Couldn't stay away. I had to see. See if you were happier with me gone. Figured you were." Her voice was sad.
"I'm broken, Nymph," Bill all but whispered, tears falling onto the swell of her belly. "I'm nothing without you here with me."
"Oh Bill," Tonks sniffled a bit, wiping his cheeks. "Why didn't you say anything? I waited and waited, and no one would talk to me, tell me how you were. I practically stopped being to everyone when I left. I thought that meant you were happier without me."
She'd spent the lonely months holed up in Andromeda's cottage, hidden away. Not invited to Order meetings, or involved in any way. All she'd wanted to do was save him from himself, from his anger.
He'd stopped going to Order meetings. He'd lost his job. His brothers took turns trying to cheer him up, feeding him, paying for his rent.
They were all lost. He'd been the strongest, and he'd fallen so far.
Tonks couldn't take the look on his face anymore. It was full of pain. A quick wave of her wand and a bag started to pack for him.
"I'm taking you with me, love. You can't stay here, like this. I'm going to take you to the cottage, and clean you up and we're going to talk and you're going to sleep, and eat, and heal."
Bill's voice was shaking. "No. I'm half-drunk. I don't want your mum to see me like this." He hated HER seeing him like this.
"Pet, I doubt you need to worry about that. She's been gone for a bit now." Almost three months, actually. "I'm taking you home with me, where you belong. I'm not leaving you alone again. It hurts too much to be away from you."
Summoning the suitcase and her cloak, she pulled out the Portkey. "Please let me do this."
Bill nodded lamely, feeling an exhaustion that he wasn't aware he'd been living with. He wasn't sleepy. He was just tired of fighting himself.
"Good." Tonks triggered the Portkey and took them to the cottage. Setting the bag and cloak aside, she led him to the master bath. "You're a mess love. Let's get you cleaned up, and in bed."
She began tugging his clothes off gently, frowning at how little he'd been taking care of himself. Honestly she couldn't be sure he wouldn't just pass out and drown. "It’s a massive tub. I'll go in with you, all right?"
Bill nodded, his ribs showing. His former bulked physique was almost wasted away.
"Can I hold you?"
"Of course you can. It's not a proper bath without you holding me." Dropping her own clothes with his in the hamper, Tonks started the bath and watched it fill while rummaging for a few potions. "Here love, take these? Get some vitamins in you? You're half-gone. We can't have that, can we?"
She handed them to him and sat on the side of the tub, rubbing her belly. "You have to be strong enough to help me out, when we're done."
Bill took the potions, staring at her stomach with more than a look of pain.
"... how long?" He couldn't believe it. He’d had absolutely no idea he was going to be a father.
"Another few months. Early March, they tell me." It had been hard, not telling him. But their last words to each other had been so harsh, so final. Tonks hadn't been sure of how he would have reacted. At that point she'd thought he might accuse her of... things.
The tub was full, and she stopped the water. His colour was a bit better now, and she paused to charm his hair as clean as she could before leading him to it. "In with you first. You can help me settle into the tub."
Nowdays, she had to have the house-elves help her with things like that. It would be nice to not have to ask them.
Bill sank down, almost smiling. He felt semi-human again. "Come here, pet." March. Dear fucking lord. That wasn't enough time.
Tonks let him help her in carefully, leaning against him. It felt so good to have him touch her again, and it was all she could do, not to cry. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."
Bill shook his head, shaggy unkempt hair on his shoulders. "... I don't know how I would have handled this. I still don't know... I'm going to be shit for a father. I'm shit for a husband."
"There's time. If you want to, I mean." Leaning back against him in the hot water, she sighed. Everything was ready in the cottage for the baby. "But I never thought you were a bad husband. Never. I was worried."
"Time?" Bill didn't understand what she meant. She didn't mean... that was his CHILD. She wouldn't end it? No, it had to be something else he wasn't able to understand. Which didn't surprise him. "... Tonks, I am. I... I should have found you."
"I shouldn't have left." Picking up the washcloth, she started cleaning him, focusing on one bit of skin at a time. "When I found out about the baby, I should have come back, but I was so stubborn, and angry, and hurt. I should have told you."
Sighing sadly, she continued. "I've got a nursery in the next room. I can show you, if you want to see."
Bill found himself fighting tears back again. "Nymph..." His face was a mask of pain.
Tonks turned as best she could and wrapped her arms around him tightly. "I'm so sorry love."
Wrapping his arms around her tighter, Bill sobbed against her shoulder. "Nymph, I should have found you. I should have... I..."
"I shouldn't have been so stubborn." Tonks knew that now. Should have thought it all through better, stayed in contact, told him right away. Then she would have known about this. "I never should have left you alone."
Bill swallowed, looking up at her with a streaked face. "... I'm nothing without you."
"I hurt you," her voice was full of tears at the thought. "I thought... I guess I thought you didn't need me. You wouldn't listen, wouldn't hear me. I took that to mean you didn't want me."
"I thought you were going to yell at me more," Bill admitted, leaning in against her neck, shaking slightly.
"You were very angry." Tonks thought back and shivered a bit. "And not quite you. Your temper was out of control, love."
"I know," Bill all but whimpered. "I'm sorry. I got so angry at him, always being there..."
"Shhh..." Giving in to instinct, she began pressing soft kisses to his face, anywhere she could reach. "It's done with, love, and over."
Bill looked up at him with almost hollow eyes. "No. He'll still try me and try me and I'll get angry." He knew himself. "And you'll leave again."
"I don't see how he could, love." Tonks smiled sadly. "I killed him about a month ago."
Bill looked up, suddenly. "... you what?"
"Killed him. About a month ago. He showed up here, and I'd had enough. They were picking up pieces for hours." Tonks frowned at the thought. "Apparently the hormones do wicked things to hexes."
Bill stared ahead. "... I suppose this is the thing that makes me the 'good guy'. I do feel bad that he's dead. Such a waste of a life."
"I don't, amazingly." Tonks shrugged a bit. "I thought I would, but I don't. It's like a weight lifted from my life."
Bill closed his eyes for a moment, then looked up at her with a clear gaze. Stroking her cheek, he shook his head. "I love you."
Leaning close, Tonks couldn't help but kiss him, for the first time in months. Tears running down her face, she sighed softly against his lips. "I love you."
"I'm not letting you go again," Bill whispered back, his arms almost too tightly wrapped around her shoulders. "I can't... I'd die."
"You're not going anywhere," she agreed. "I need you, and you need me. This should never have happened."
"It..." Bill shook his head, leaning in to kiss her. "You're stuck with me. Deal with it."
"That's all I ever wanted, love." Tonks couldn't help the tears running down her face. "I just couldn't watch you like that, wondering who you'd be mad at next, if it would be me."
Bill stroked her cheeks, trying to get the tears to stop. "I never got mad at you. Never. I... I'm so sorry."
That just increased the tears, and she clung to him, sobbing softly. It had hurt to be so alone, away from him. She'd given up everything, hoping it would help him in some way, and she'd only made things worse.
Bill held her so tightly he was afraid of hurting her. Sobbing more than a little, he shook his head. "... Nymph... Please stop crying."
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to stop. "It's just... I made everything worse."
"No! Nymph, you probably stopped me from being hurt... or hurting you on accident," Bill moaned, feeling her tears stabbing his heart.
Tonks pressed closer, trying to calm down. "When I came in and found you, I thought I was going to faint, love. I did that to you."
Stroking her back, he shook his head violently. "Stop. Stop please, it's all right... I'm home, it's all right. I'm here with you."
She calmed, finally, and relaxed against him. "The hormones make everything worse," she admitted, finding his hand and tangling her fingers with his. "I'm very emotional these days."
"I understand," Bill said quietly, raising her fingers to his lips to kiss the knuckles gently. "Just... please be patient. Please don't leave me again."
"I didn't want to leave at all," Tonks was firm about that. "I just didn't think there was any other choice. I was so tired of fighting, and yelling, and everything. Then I came here and I was sick all the time." It had been rough. "I wrote you letters. Lots of them. I just couldn't send them."
"... I want to read them," Bill murmured against her neck, wrapping his arms tighter to nuzzle. "I want to know everything. Please, I don't want miss any more time."
"Good." Tonks would fully admit she'd gone to the flat perfectly willing to hex him back to common sense if needed. "You have to stay so I can take care of you. And never leave."
For the first time, Bill could see how thin he had gotten; how very exhausted he was now. "... why would you still want me?"
"Because you're Bill," she said, taking up her washcloth again and finishing her task. "I love you. More than anything. I want you here, with us, forever."
Bill swallowed, looking up with revived, if still a touch hollow eyes. "... swear it?
"I promise." Tonks had no problem with that. She wasn't letting go of him again.
Nodding, Bill reached out for a washcloth. It was his turn to clean her, wash away her tears. "... boy or girl? Do we know?"
"A girl," Tonks grinned. "She's perfect. I have the films from the last exam. She likes peas, which I find a bit repulsive, but have to eat anyway."
"Well, it won't be too much longer," Bill murmured, running the towel along her shoulders. "Then we can be feeding her peas, which she'll throw up on us repeatedly."
"Mmm..." that felt so lovely. "She did horrible things to my innards for months before she settled in. I thought I was going to lose an organ. Albus told me it was normal."
"Albus is out of his tree," Bill said with a little weak grin. "Sometimes, he'd visit. Along with the rest of them." In truth, he didn't remember a lot.
"No one would tell me anything. Only Albus and Harry would actually speak with me." Tonks got that sad look on her face again. "I haven't been out in two months now. I just stayed here and kept the doors locked."
"I'll scream at them all for it. They... it was just a lot. At once. I sort of fell apart," Bill muttered, closing his eyes.
"So I see." Reaching a hand out to cup his face, she kissed him softly again. "I'll have to make sure it doesn't happen in the future. Now can you help me out of here before I prune?" The last was said with a smile.
Bill grinned, managing to pick her up still in spite of his strength. "... let's curl up and sleep then? I wouldn't want a pruney wife."
"It's nice to be a wife again," she whispered against his skin. "I missed that, so much."
I missed being a husband," Bill murmured, curling her against him. "I missed you so much."
Tonks pointed him to the bed, which was large but obviously fairly unused. It was easy to see where she'd slept, because of the extra pillows to support her back.
"You'll stay, right? Here? With me?"
"Tomorrow, we'll move back to the flat." Bill was firm about this. It needed life back in it.
"But the nursery..." Tonks stared at him.
"We'll move it. Nymph... I want to fix my memories there, ok? Please?"
"As long as we come back here eventually." Tonks was quite serious. "This was my home growing up, you know. I want us to have a nice, safe home."
Bill looked at her, very surprised. "... I had no idea this house meant so much to you." Charlie wanted the Burrow for his own, he'd never considered it. But...
"Wasn't safe then." Tonks tugged him closer, relaxing slightly. "Other.. people... knew where to find it. I've taken care of that now. But I understand about the flat. We should fix things there, if you want to."
"... we'll clean it up. But... I just want you to be happy." He smiled slightly, stroking her cheek as they lay out on the bed. "That's all."
"I just want to be with you." It was such a relief to have him here. Tonks felt so much safer now, and could finally fully relax. "I had to go find you."
"You're here with me. We'll... we made it through this. We can make it through anything now," he mumbled, kissing her forehead.
"I never felt right without you. If it weren't for the baby, I'd probably be a huge mess." She was sleepy now, and yawned widely. "But I had to take care of your little girl."
Bill stroked her side, shaking his head. "If only I'd have known..."
"You want her?" That had been one of her biggest fears, that he'd reject not just her, but the baby.
"More than anything." His hand rested on her stomach. "Except you."
Tonks grinned as her abdomen fluttered against his hand. It was about that time of night. Evening gymnastics, she'd taken to calling them.
With a surprised intake of air, Bill shifted so his head could rest on her stomach. "... hello, baby girl." He swallowed, almost painfully. "I'm your dad."
"I've told her all about you," Tonks told him, smiling slightly. "I even rigged the penseive to play your voice for her."
"She'll get to hear the real thing now," Bill murmured, kissing the swell. "... I love you both, Nymph."
"I love you too, and I'm quite sure she does as well." An answering kick seemed to confirm it. "Albus says she's going to be very talented. He's got her down on the lists already."
"That's good to know." Bill smiled, crawling back up to hold her in his arms. "... but we three need sleep. It's been a long day."
"You're right. I'm just afraid I'll wake up and it will all be a dream." Tonks didn't mention how long she'd been thinking about doing what she did today.
"It won't be." bill was very serious about that point. If he did wake up and it was a dream, he'd die.
"Good. Because I don't want to be without you anymore. It hurt too much," she murmured against his chest, getting drowsy. "I love you too much to be away."
"You don't have to be anymore," Bill murmured. He'd wait up and watch her- them - just a few minutes more.
"Love you," she told him, drowsing off to sleep against him, arms wrapped tightly around him as best she could.
"Love you too," he murmured quietly, curling up around her to let her drift off to sleep in his arms.