Ok, "crisis" may be an overstatement. But I've got a question for you.
Gender. What the hell is it?
Seriously, I'm 24 years old, and I have no idea. When I was 18, there was this moment,
this car ride, where I realized that I was an adult. And it wasn't because of my age, it was because of something about me, some intrinsic shift in who I was. Yet, even then, I wrote, "I am an adult," not, "I am a woman," because I didn't really know what the latter meant; I just didn't feel it. I sort of thought that I might get it eventually, but six years later, I'm none the wiser.
Here's what I've figured out so far:
There are a lot of things associated with being a woman. For example:
Physical
- Female body; breasts, curves (if they're in the right places), relatively small compared to males, etc.
- Menstruation and hormonal shifts
- Child-bearing
Personality
- Chatter box, especially with other "girls"
- Nurturing (child-rearing)
- Attention to style
- Like pretty things; pink and sparkly is best
- Gentle; weak
(Yes, yes, there are many more, and many are contradictory, and I'm not sitting here all night writing a list. I'm sure someone else already has one.)
However, we can rather quickly eliminate these traits as necessary for being a "woman." Some females grow facial hair; some can't have children; they come in all shapes and sizes. So being a woman can't have anything to do with these physical traits--which should already be evident by the existence of transgender people, whose bodies don't reflect their minds and spirits.
I've also never known a woman who had all of the personality traits ascribed to women. Maybe it's not that women have to have all of these traits, but that we have to have a certain number to meet the threshold for "womanhood." Like, if you can check 15 of the 25 boxes on this page, congratulations! You're a woman. But that doesn't seem right, either; I mean, would a person get kicked out of the club if she revealed she didn't like pink? Would she then be a he, or would she have to pass another test to join that club? What if she still feels like a woman?
Maybe I'm getting this wrong. Maybe it's not about traits that a person has, but about experiences that a person lives through. After all, females are the only ones to go through menstruation, child-bearing, and menopause. And that's not even considering sex. If this is a conversation about gender, I'm pretty sure sex has to be part of it, too. Is my problem that I've never let a man (or woman) inside of me? Is the line between "girlhood" and "womanhood" as thin as my hymen?
Except, my great-aunt died at 101 as a nun. I suppose I never asked, but I'm pretty sure she held to her vows. Still, she was considered a woman of God. And, as much as the media and general assumptions may suggest otherwise, even adults who haven't taken vows can be virgins; I don't think this makes someone less of a "man" or "woman." So it can't be the sex. And not all female bodies are able to bear children or go through other processes associated with being female (again, not to mention transgender women). Again, I don't agree that being unable or choosing not to experience these events makes a person less of a "woman."
So what does it mean to be a woman?? I don't claim that those other things don't define womanhood because I have a firm idea of what it is. Rather, it's more that I believe a person can choose to be a woman, can identify as a woman, regardless of these traits or experiences. In which case, I still don't have a definition for myself, I'm just willing to accept that other people create their own definitions.
Here's my question to you, then: If you're reading this, would you tell me what gender you identify with, and why? What do you think makes you that gender? What do you think you share in common with other people of that gender, or what distinguishes you from people who aren't that gender?
Also, if you know of some good books or blogs or movies on the subject, I would be interested in learning more. I really do feel rather frustrated that, although I'm an adult female, I feel uncomfortable calling myself a "woman" but don't know what else I'd rather say. I just feel like I should know this about myself.