何で今までいきるのか。。。

[eien_no_kagami]

Can you become even greater cynic than you were before just in one day? Few hours? Will it last? Or maybe it's just for today... I feel fucking bad today. I could trash and destroy anything and anyone. Just let me do it... I could be politician... Really. They would hate me. Would obey me. Fulfill my every command. I would be an ultimate ruler...

Comments

[eien_no_kagami]

Yeah, it started some time ago for me too... Like a week... The same... Something like you say, with a feeling that I should do something. Not just plain something but really big, important thing.

Mind stream? That how it was called in literature... Thoughts running through my head without stop, so fast it almost hurts... If I just could stop it.

Somewhat^^; Having my friend with me brings a smile back, but something dark is still with me. Almost scary... Frightening.

[eien_no_kagami]

You know what... I know... I feel so the same...
And I'm not that lucky. I shouldn't be left alone... Cause the minute I'm with myself it all starts again...
I actually yearn for friends, but I'm not at all good at finding ones. I can't just go out and find someone. I had too many bad experiences with people. The disappointed me so many times. I'm never the one who reaches out... Like a hurt animal... And besides, it's so unusual to find someone I can be, talk with. It happens really rarely. I have like, 2, 3 close friends... And some people I know who I maybe wished to be my friends, but... we'll it's hard to trust them fully. And the rest are just... um... Bekante? That's how it's written in german I think.
It's a looooong story and a lot to talk about. I could spend probably years trying to explain, to others and to myself...