Out Of It
My userpic captures it all....
This is a long post
1. I chickened out from a professional and creative engagement.
2. I let a very supportive friend down.
3. I just realized that I do spend too much time and energy on work, and the meager amount left I divide among the other equally important aspects of my life like my home life, creative desires, and long term personal goals.
4. I now have to find a way to make it up to a friend whose trust I might have permanently lost. Ugh.
Nakakasira nga ng pagkakaibigan ang trabaho. echos
A good friend of mine, Maysh, invited me to do her makeup for a magazine photoshoot. I said yes not because I have an uncontrollable urge to please others, but rather because I genuinely missed doing make up and I wanted to doll up one of the funniest, prettiest, and talented faghags I've ever met. I didn't write those very generouse adjectives just because I am very aware I did her wrong. I really mean all of 'em which only makes the burden of guilt all the heavier.
The shoot was scheduled this afternoon. I took the requisite leave from work to accomodate it and then I realized I woke up only 5 hours before the actual shoot. To me, that is a totally bad thing. When everything in me is in sync I can run on 2 hours of sleep and I'd prepare as early as half a day before an actual activity.
When I oversleep there is something wrong with my universe. After four hours of channel-surfing I got the guts to text Maysh and admit to her I was wigging out of the shoot. Then I called Patricia to admit to her what I did. If Nancy still shared the same continent and country code with me, she would have been the one I called when the surge of cold panic went through me.
I'm so honest that when I eff up I tell my friends before another aspect of my personality gets the chance to mull over what I did and give it a rational justifiable spin. I'm so smart I need to outsmart my other personalities before they let me off the hook.
And I so don't want to be off this particular hook.
For someone who takes pride in being able to convince others to face their fears and look at their insecurities straight in the eyes, I really flop at taking my own advice.
Time to rant....in really small fonts
Hey world, ok fine...Hey you my very tiny blogsphere for influence! Hear me! I am an insecure little creature that got paralyzed because of my inner fear to actually do something right. Yes! I've successfully sabotaged a potential successful gig. I don't know what to do. The resolution to this existentially inconsequential dilemma is within me, I'm just too worked up to recognize it for what it really is.
Question of the Week: Why do humans spend so much time daydreaming, doodling, and talking about things they want to do but when the opportunity to turn it into reality....many of them turn chicken shit?
This is a long post
1. I chickened out from a professional and creative engagement.
2. I let a very supportive friend down.
3. I just realized that I do spend too much time and energy on work, and the meager amount left I divide among the other equally important aspects of my life like my home life, creative desires, and long term personal goals.
4. I now have to find a way to make it up to a friend whose trust I might have permanently lost. Ugh.
Nakakasira nga ng pagkakaibigan ang trabaho. echos
A good friend of mine, Maysh, invited me to do her makeup for a magazine photoshoot. I said yes not because I have an uncontrollable urge to please others, but rather because I genuinely missed doing make up and I wanted to doll up one of the funniest, prettiest, and talented faghags I've ever met. I didn't write those very generouse adjectives just because I am very aware I did her wrong. I really mean all of 'em which only makes the burden of guilt all the heavier.
The shoot was scheduled this afternoon. I took the requisite leave from work to accomodate it and then I realized I woke up only 5 hours before the actual shoot. To me, that is a totally bad thing. When everything in me is in sync I can run on 2 hours of sleep and I'd prepare as early as half a day before an actual activity.
When I oversleep there is something wrong with my universe. After four hours of channel-surfing I got the guts to text Maysh and admit to her I was wigging out of the shoot. Then I called Patricia to admit to her what I did. If Nancy still shared the same continent and country code with me, she would have been the one I called when the surge of cold panic went through me.
I'm so honest that when I eff up I tell my friends before another aspect of my personality gets the chance to mull over what I did and give it a rational justifiable spin. I'm so smart I need to outsmart my other personalities before they let me off the hook.
And I so don't want to be off this particular hook.
For someone who takes pride in being able to convince others to face their fears and look at their insecurities straight in the eyes, I really flop at taking my own advice.
Time to rant....in really small fonts
Hey world, ok fine...Hey you my very tiny blogsphere for influence! Hear me! I am an insecure little creature that got paralyzed because of my inner fear to actually do something right. Yes! I've successfully sabotaged a potential successful gig. I don't know what to do. The resolution to this existentially inconsequential dilemma is within me, I'm just too worked up to recognize it for what it really is.
Question of the Week: Why do humans spend so much time daydreaming, doodling, and talking about things they want to do but when the opportunity to turn it into reality....many of them turn chicken shit?