Humbled in less than hour - the unexpcted ending to a post
- I miss my friends terribly. I'm having that Stacie Orrico moment. I'm up for a second promotion and I'm feeling blah.
- There was an earthquake earlier and I slept through it.
- I got what I wanted in the past which is to have a busy December. Now that I have it I don't even have time to prepare or celebrate my own birthday. I hate it. Why couldn't I have just wanted a damn iMac or a harem of cute men? Damn it.
- I am being reminded of the value of gratitude and patience. Around the same time two years ago I was flat broke and jobless. I wanted more from life. I was unsatisfied. Exactly a year ago I was five months into a job that I thought was ok at best. With an ok salary and an ok job title I wanted more. It wasn't money or responsibilities. Just more. You know what I mean.
Right now I have an upgraded salary and job title with anothe upgrade coming very soon. If I had the guts to write anything on my Starbucks 2007 planner it would be full of appointments, parties to attend, events to participate in, and people to meet. None of them are glamarous or will be covered by any publication or media outlet. But the mere fact I have somewhere to go to, somebody new to meet, and some moolah to blow is already an achievement in my book. And as I type these words a sense of gratitude glows within me like the way a charcoal ember would when I would blow on it.
I called in sick today because I was feeling ugh. The current class I have isn't meeting my standards, my Outlook inbox is perpetually asking me to read its contents, co-workers are filling my inbox and I have to delete items on an hourly basis, I told myself that I was like a stranger in my house because I would find annoying little details I wanted to throw, change, or paint.
Now, I feel foolish. 24 months ago I didn't have credit to text any one. I would walk kilometers just to get to where I wanted to go because I didn't have money for fare. The house that I complain not seeing enough of I used to call my prison. Foolish, foolish, foolish.
God, if you read blogs, you know I'm sorry.
I will not edit what I wrote above. It will be a reminder how arrogant I can be and how amazingly wonderful transformation can be if it occurs without outside influence...when change happens through one's innate exploration.
I'm in a cubicle in one of many public internet cafes (that don't serve coffee at all) and the place is well lit and the wooden partitions are green and I am not allowed to smoke. And the other browser failed to load imeem.com. All I'm listening to is the chatter from the other cubicles and my own typing.
There goes my theory that I need to be in a dimly-lit room sulking and puffing away my misery and gulping coffee down with my tears to achieve that Eureka moment. Anybody, ok, at least, I can possess moments of enlightenment without tears and all the cinematics. All I need is a DSL connection, LJ, and a broken browser. Go try it for your self.
- There was an earthquake earlier and I slept through it.
- I got what I wanted in the past which is to have a busy December. Now that I have it I don't even have time to prepare or celebrate my own birthday. I hate it. Why couldn't I have just wanted a damn iMac or a harem of cute men? Damn it.
- I am being reminded of the value of gratitude and patience. Around the same time two years ago I was flat broke and jobless. I wanted more from life. I was unsatisfied. Exactly a year ago I was five months into a job that I thought was ok at best. With an ok salary and an ok job title I wanted more. It wasn't money or responsibilities. Just more. You know what I mean.
Right now I have an upgraded salary and job title with anothe upgrade coming very soon. If I had the guts to write anything on my Starbucks 2007 planner it would be full of appointments, parties to attend, events to participate in, and people to meet. None of them are glamarous or will be covered by any publication or media outlet. But the mere fact I have somewhere to go to, somebody new to meet, and some moolah to blow is already an achievement in my book. And as I type these words a sense of gratitude glows within me like the way a charcoal ember would when I would blow on it.
I called in sick today because I was feeling ugh. The current class I have isn't meeting my standards, my Outlook inbox is perpetually asking me to read its contents, co-workers are filling my inbox and I have to delete items on an hourly basis, I told myself that I was like a stranger in my house because I would find annoying little details I wanted to throw, change, or paint.
Now, I feel foolish. 24 months ago I didn't have credit to text any one. I would walk kilometers just to get to where I wanted to go because I didn't have money for fare. The house that I complain not seeing enough of I used to call my prison. Foolish, foolish, foolish.
God, if you read blogs, you know I'm sorry.
I will not edit what I wrote above. It will be a reminder how arrogant I can be and how amazingly wonderful transformation can be if it occurs without outside influence...when change happens through one's innate exploration.
I'm in a cubicle in one of many public internet cafes (that don't serve coffee at all) and the place is well lit and the wooden partitions are green and I am not allowed to smoke. And the other browser failed to load imeem.com. All I'm listening to is the chatter from the other cubicles and my own typing.
There goes my theory that I need to be in a dimly-lit room sulking and puffing away my misery and gulping coffee down with my tears to achieve that Eureka moment. Anybody, ok, at least, I can possess moments of enlightenment without tears and all the cinematics. All I need is a DSL connection, LJ, and a broken browser. Go try it for your self.