Accusations of Being A Nomad

[eiremauve]

Title: Accusations of Being A Nomad
Author: eiremauve
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Word Count: 66
Prompt: 
A/N: If I had spent more time on this, maybe it would be better! And more complex. >_< Next time, I swear I won't wait until the last minute.

Comments

[leticiae]

I'm intrigued by the possible backstory of this poem. It fits the prompt well because a nomad's future is uncertain, while the past is all there is. You capture that idea well.

This could be part of a series, it has such possibilities.

Good luck!

[eiremauve]

Thank you very much! :) Glad you think it could be part of series!

dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[bardiphouka]

Yes this is the place.

Actually I love the title. It sums up one of the big issues of First Nation groups perfectly without being strident. As Keppie mentions, there are a few punctuation errors,but that is an easy issue.

But yet you forced us to leave,

Something about that line bothers me and I am not sure how it could be fixed. Why does it bother me? I think 'you' needs more emphasis. and instead of us perhaps working in the actual First Nation Lenape that you are writing about.

A real picky thing. Lenapehoking. There are a number of different names for the area. This is actually the most modern that I know of.

The last two lines are arguably among the most powerful that I have seen you write so far. It is sad that this group is actually fighting other nations these days more than the Europeans.

Love to see it edited at some point. And good luck with the competition.

Re: dodos rolling out the edit wagon,he pauses

[eiremauve]

Thank you very much! :) I shall think about that line.

[eiremauve]

Thank you very much! Oh, 'bob up and down', nice metaphor! :)

[silverflight8]

I like the last two lines the best; they give the poem a remarkable close. Good luck this week!

[eiremauve]

Thank you very much! :)